What do I want?

I don’t know if I want to write this or not but evidently I did. I am still wondering about discipline. It’s the aspect of this new lifestyle that I am most confused about. It is still something I crave. It is not really in Nick’s nature. I pretty much took care of the discipline of the kids when they were little. I am a bit of a push over too so I’m glad that they were both basically good kids because being super strict is not something that comes naturally to either of us.

Nick has always treated me with total love and respect and assumes I have the good sense to know what I should do in any given situation. About most things he is absolute right. I have made good life choices. I married him, I returned to college and have a career that I love, and together we have raised two well adjusted kids. In the past 5 years decisions have attacked me pretty hard. Having to decide that my wonderful, funny, and in the past, extremely competent father should no longer drive and having to tell him. To decide when my sweet, sweet mother was so ill whether to hospitalize her or to let her die in peace at home. I had to decide that my father could no longer live in the home they had built together over 50 years before. And finally, when his doctor dropped the ball, how to get my father under hospice care and all the ensuing issues at the end of his life. I was the daughter that lived here; it was left up to me. Being the grown up and making the decisions sucks!!!!

So maybe now I’m sick of decisions. I seem to be able to do what is best for everyone but me. I don’t take care of the family like I should. For the most part I don’t clean, I don’t cook, I don’t get the laundry put away. I know with three of us here it is not all my responsibility but I also know that I really don’t do my share. I don’t eat right; I am not going to the gym like I did for awhile and I just can’t go back to Weight Watchers. The meetings were driving me crazy!! I can’t seem to consistently make myself take care of myself. But do I want Nick to tell me what I should do like having to go to the gym so many days a week?

Yes.

No.

Do I really want anyone to tell me what to do? I’m damn near 50 years old. Do I want to be told what to do in certain aspect of my life or not? And if I say yes now what happens in a month or so if I’m in a pissy mood and don’t feel like playing. Will I bite Nick’s head off and if so how will he react. Will he back off or bust my ass? Will he remember what I’m saying now or listen to what I might be saying then. Am I trying to push him into something that he is not comfortable with? Do I want Nick to take charge only as long as he never tries to tell me what to do?

No.

Yes.

All the self help books say “To lose weight you must want to do in for yourself. You can’t do it because someone else wants you to.” It makes sense, but maybe that is not how my hard wiring works. I have know for 20 years that I should lose weight and change some habits for my own well being and I haven’t done it. If I won’t do it just out of common sense, would I do it if I thought Nick would give me a serious spanking if I didn’t? I don’t know.

With things going so good (and they are GOOD) why do I want more? Exactly what is it I want? Protection from myself? Someone who will push me to do my best? How could we even do discipline if we wanted to, since we never know when we will have privacy? Do I just want to know that he cares enough to try to figure this out when I have no idea what I actually want from him?

I am writing this before out trip. Am I actually going to publish it?

No

Yes.

Maybe.

Looking back

HHNT! I have never participated in this before and I think we probably all know why. I have no wish to make the rest of you feel inferior or damage you self image by comparison! I am trying to be a true friend. ROFL!!

Strangely enough the weekend before our trip I found Nick sitting on the couch looking at an old book of slides. He took out a couple of pages and handed them to me. I held them to the light and couldn’t take my eyes off them. Memories from such a long time ago, such a very looooong time ago. We were dating and Nick was an amateur photographer. I kept staring, who was that beautiful, sexy, young girl?

There was such a conflict of emotions. The visual evidence of the passage of time startled me. Should I be sad at the less than flattering changes that have occurred over the past 25 years or be delighted to see we have evidence that I was a hot babe at one time? A couple of them I liked so much that if I were retired I think I would actually post them. But the risk isn’t worth it just to feed my vanity.

I asked Nick were he found the book, I probably hadn’t seen the pictures in 20 years. His answer made me gasp in horror – Mollie’s room, up on her shelf! Of courses she would have been much more likely to look at something she found in our room. If she had looked in it at all she probably got bored after the first few pages of scenery. But they are no longer being kept in her room. I promise won’t try to warp my children while they are still young, but when they are no longer living here I am having an 8 x10 of my favorite made to keep in our bedroom. I’ll let the future grandkids think grandma was hot stuff!

Road Trip

The joy of crawling into a car with your husband, no kids, and knowing you have him to yourself all weekend! Could anything be better?? As I told you Monday we talked and talked about blogging friends, fantasies, and one important thing I have been asking him for, because I hate to get my friend to get too far ahead of me – a crop! I mean Eva makes it sound so good – I want one!! I haven’t exactly been suffering in silence so I think Nick picked up on this idea. So off we go in search of a sign like Eva saw.

I want all of you to know that the Shenandoah Valley is a beautiful area to drive through, absolute lovely, but not one sign for X-Mart. I took us nearly 10 hours to reach our destination and not one Crops-R-Us store did we pass. I didn’t give up hope; we had all day Saturday to shop.

Even though we talked a lot my natural inclination in a car is to sleep. Nick doesn’t seem to mind too much, except when I was driving. We experimented on way to keep me awake while giving him a break. One thing he tried worked like a charm; however, I had a hard time staying on the road. Mostly I let Nick drive.

We met up with a bunch of relatives at the restaurant owned by the parents of the bride. I enjoyed visiting and I told Nick to go on back to the hotel, which was within walking distance to rest up from our long ride, while I did the family thing for a bit longer. The boy was well rested when I got there! I managed to lose at strip poker as quickly as I knew how. We had several toy with us, the flogger, the leather paddle and a favorite little wooden paddle that stings like hell. We played with them all! Of course that part could have lasted much longer but the sex afterward was fantastic!!

Saturday – shopping day! Nick started in the yellow pages and found two shops that sold horse “equipment” not sure exactly what that might mean we jotted down the address and off we went, cross country in the rain in search of my little heart’s desire. But, alas, no store could ever be found. And we really did search; we found the address, just no store. I would have been sad, but how can you be sad when your husband is trying so hard to find just the right thing to spank your ass with? Sometimes it is the thought that counts!

Crop or not we still had plenty of toys and privacy to keep us happy. I didn’t get to have the flaming rear I would have enjoyed on the ride back but we had a ball. Except for having to move the dresser to find a favorite plug that fell from the suitcase and rolled (didn’t really want that found and mailed back to us!!) everything was nearly perfect. We even had enough weekend feeling to do a little dancing in the sheets this morning early. Although we can’t seem to remember who started it. I’ll be glad to claim credit!

I know my wild new beginning summer is coming to a close. And with the exception of crop failure on this particular trip, I think it’s been a damn good one!

Been thinking, Mmmmm....

It’s Tuesday again!! A wonderful day of the week when we can have a good excuse to express out graditude! Here are my M thought…


Mail- I love it, love it, love it!! E or snail, it doesn’t matter! Every time one of you sends me an email I have to smile! Mail is wonderful!!

Main Street- The main street in my little town has 2 banks, a library, a drugstore, a café, an antique shop and three churches. The rail road track runs through the middle of town and we have two whole stoplights. I love it.

Metric system- Could we quit being stupid and just change over already!!

Music- Music is the thing that can bring me to tears quicker than anything. Mostly it will catch me off guard. I love my ipod, it just my music.

Mama- I had the best mother in the world. She petted and spoiled me as a child. Let me get away with murder and a teen and became one of my best friends when I became an adult. She and my children adored each other. I know I will miss her forever.

Marriage- It may be old fashion, but marriage – it does matter. I would love to renew our marriage vows (I know Nick would hate it) but now the promises mean even more to me.

Math - It's what I teach. The only thing you can learn in school that will not change on you no matter what. Science is always changing, how we view history changes, how to write a paper changes, even word spellings may change, but math - get it once and it's always the same.

Maple tree- Glorious, beautiful explosions of color! What would Fall be without them?

Manipulation- Okay, it’s supposed to be a bad thing, but who hasn’t used it when necessary?

Masks- I don’t care for real ones but I couldn’t have gotten through life with out the ones I’ve used mentally.

Mouth- To talk, to eat, to give and receive pleasure. A beautiful smile, soft lips, oh there are so many wonderful thing about our mouths.

Mountains- Mountains have been the backdrop of my life. They are not only beautiful and peaceful but they offer towering strength and security to me.

I just want to let everyone know we are home. The trip was wonderful! I enjoyed it all but the talking was super! We spent a lot of time talking about our blogging friends. He reads most of the blogs I read but hasn’t been doing it as long. I spent the time filling him in on some of the stuff I had picked up that he had missed. It was just nice to talk about our favorite activities and share ideas.

The wedding was outside by a lake and beautiful! The bride and groom were so young to me, 20 and 21. But they both seemed so happy. It really made me feel good. The bride’s mother and I are cousins. I was in her wedding 25 years ago. It seemed so strange. I have no idea where the time went.

They had someone coming around with horrible video camera asking everyone to give the bride and groom you best advice for a lasting marriage. I managed to avoid the whole thing. I now know the secret to a long happy marriage. Unfortunately, ‘normal’ society would be horrified if I had tried to tell them!! Like the rest of us, if it is their thing they will come to it in their own way and time.

I have more to tell about the trip, but I’m tired and it will have to wait. It feels good to be home too!

Shoulda seen the signs!

Nick isn’t a life long spanko. He is an enthusiastic, happy, surprised former vanilla. At least that is what he would have me believe. But there have been incidents in the past that make me wonder. I can’t remember all the details, but one happened over 25 years ago, we went with another couple to an isolated little town in the mountains where occasional outdoor concert were held. The place was like a real old west town. Very real! All the men were wearing guns and they weren’t toys! The people were very rough looking in a cowboy/Hells Angels’ sorta way.

The guys had their rather expensive cameras with them and I do remember our friend (and future best man) saying to Nick, “If they try to go after the cameras, throw them the women and run like hell!” Maybe they weren’t feeling so protective at the moment! We went into a horse tack shop that had some beautiful items. We walked past a beautiful leather saddle with silver trim. I remember Nick looking at me with all appearance of seriousness and asked “If I bought that for you, would you wear it?” We hadn’t been dating long and I remember thinking that this guy was a little different. I don’t remember if I answered.

Jump ahead about 20 years to the first time I mentioned spanking to him. We had just done some remodeling the basement carving out a bit of space to put in a computer room with a sofa and a TV. Mostly it was for the kids. I had no idea what I was really wanting back then, but I knew I wanted to try spanking. The kids were 14 and 9 so we had NO privacy. I casually mentioned that I wish we had a lock on the new basement room. When I got home the next afternoon Nick slipped the new key in my hand, he had put a lock on that very day! Oh, the wasted time!! He was always willing.

Finally in May of this year I told him everything and asked him to read all your blogs. I don’t think I had started commenting yet but I was chomping at the bit. I had him start with Bonnie spanking stories and then he branched out from there. I remember the first thing he said to me was, “I can’t believe these were written by women, they seem to be what men would fantasize about.” So there you have it, maybe he just hadn’t come out to himself!

Take a break

Nick and I are headed to Pennsylvania this weekend. I have been looking forward to this for a long time. You know that when you have little kids you promise yourself that you will take trip together and leave the kids at home. Well in 23 years we have gone off alone exactly once, two years ago. Pitiful! But we are going to do better!

Unfortunately last night I was becoming more and more uncomfortable and I was having to run pee every 2 minutes. Houston, we have a problem! Not now!!! I called the doctor first this morning and went in this afternoon. I hadn’t been in for several months but this new doctor and I bonded pretty well in the short time I’ve know her. She asked about the kids and how Nick and I were doing. When someone asked about Nick and me, I usually can’t help but grin these days. She laughed and told me she thought we must be doing well because my problem was commonly referred to as ‘honeymoon cystitis’. Alright you guy, straighten up; there are worse problems to have!!

She gave me a prescription and told me to take cranberry pills, because I think the juice is nasty. She also told me that while on the trip we should be sure not to drive more than a couple hours without stopping for a bathroom break. Well I had heard what she had said and I thought I was explaining it pretty well to Nick, but evidently his mind was on other things when I told him I had honeymoon cystitis and that the doctor said we shouldn’t go more that 2 to 3 hours without taking a break. He cracked up!! Come to think of it, whichever way you take it, its pretty good advice!

Lovely Letter L

Another wonderful Tuesday when we get to know our friends better! I love seeing what we each come up with. I love seeing the same words on several lists, yet each of us has our own take on it.

My kids – Both my kids are L’s. Nothing in the world makes me more grateful than these two gifts from God.

Lists – I love to make to do lists. I love to mark thing through that I have completed. I often put ‘get up’ and ‘take shower’ on my lists just to be able to mark them off.

Love – to know the importance of love, think back to a time when you felt none.

Laugher – the wonder of laughter!! Could anything be better? I put it close to love because they have to go together! To quote Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!”

Life – I am so grateful for my life. To love, to learn, to teach, to touch.

Lap -- What a wonderful thing! I love mine; I cuddled my children and my cats there. It is the perfect place to give and receive love. I love my husband’s lap, facing up or facing down it is a wonderfully safe and loving place to be.

Lord’s Prayer – it is a touch stone. I loved standing beside my parents at church so proud that I could say it along with them. I get emotional when I stand in church and hear my children reciting it with me.

Left-handed – I love left handed people. My friend, mentor and teaching partner for a decade was a red-headed, left-handed, loving, loud lady! My baby girl is also a lefty! Helping her learn to hold a pencil and tie her shoes was a challenge but we did it!!

License – I know that this represent freedom. Cassie made me grateful for something I have long taken for granted.

Locks – Are wonderful! If you have children in the house they can be a lifesaver.

Lovemaking – for someone who has been a wife for a long time, I feel like a teenager just discovering the excitement, release, joy, closeness and contentment that comes from making love to the man who means everything to you.

Letting go – I am just learning to do this. My thoughts and emotions have been locked within me for so long letting them go is so difficult. Some days it is scary, some days amazingly wonderful! I am still working on this, but it is too good to let it get away.

Remembering

On September 11, 2001, I was teaching. We were giving a state mandate test where we could not be disturbed. On the way to the office to turn everything in an aide said “There has been a terrorist attack, turn on your TV.” Both towers had been hit and I was standing there in a room full of 11 years olds asking what’s going on.

I was stunned. I certainly did not know what to tell them. I was trying to form some explanation when another news flash came on – the Pentagon had been hit. I started crying as I realized that the attach was still going on. I know my crying upset some of the children but I couldn’t stop. I thought back to my first grade experience when my teacher had burst into tears upon hearing that President Kennedy had been killed. The bell rang sending my student off to other teacher while I had planning. I had never seen 800 students move so quietly.

I stood in the office with my principal and some other teacher in total silence and watched the towers fall. I wanted my children, my own. I thought of calling Mollie at her school but she was too little. I would have cried when I heard her voice which would have been the worse thing. My son was at my school though, in the 8th grade. I walked to his room not knowing if he would want his mother in his to intrude. Every classroom had it TV on. Went my son’s teacher saw me peeking in the door he motioned me in. My son reached out and took my hand, his was ice cold. I felt better for having seen him but the rest of the day was mostly a blur.

I do remember a few of my students asked if they could go out in the hall to pray once they came back to me. I went out with them but let them say what they felt in their prayers. I remember all those kids, I always will. We shared history. Although I remember I am not yet ready to see movies about the events. I don’t mind them being made, I just can’t watch. Maybe someday.

Beginnng the Weekend

It’s been a wonderful weekend. Nothing much we had to do but enjoy ourselves. Friday nights are so nice. Nick is usually in bed first it feels so good to crawl in the bed, nude and see if I can wake him. I’m batting a thousand so far! I so wanted a spanking but as usual noise was a potential problem with Mollie still awake in her room. I feel so loved when I see Nick nude digging through the closets and drawers for something reasonably quiet that he could beat my tail with! And can you see how very strange that statement would be to someone on the outside!!!

What he found was tiny but, damn, it stung! I couldn’t tell what the hell it was but it left thin little lines of pure fire where ever it went. It was soon that I was done with that ready of love. And Nick seemed happy to oblige. I was hot and wet and wonderful, the perfect beginning to the weekend. When we finished I was searching through the bed to see what he had used. It was tiny!

What he had found were leather shoe laces from a pair of discarded boot. He had braided the laces together – it was like a tiny whip! Nick said all it needed was a handle. Well maybe, but I wouldn’t want to see it come out of the toy box very often!

As I said the weekend was just beginning and Saturday brought more surprises! More tomorrow.

Hey, wait for me!

I accidentally found a way to get one more thing I wanted from Nick last night. For most of our marriage Nick did one thing that bugged me. When we would go out just the two of us for groceries, Wal-mart, wherever – he wouldn’t walk with me. He tends to walk faster than me so he just went on and I just brought up the rear alone. It alternatively hurt my feelings and pissed me off. True to form my former self never said a word assuming any good husband would read my mind and know what I was feeling.

Since the transformation I haven’t really needed to say much because it has improved greatly. It still happens but not as much and he always looks back to at least see if I’m coming, which he didn’t always do before. But when we went to a few places last night he walked with me whenever we went to the same store. The best part of this was that his butt was close enough for me to pinch discreetly. When I did he reached back and grabbed my hand and kept it so we walked along for a bit just holding hands! I loved it!! We are not teenagers. I don’t have to walk through the mall holding hands endlessly to feel loved. But when he takes my hand in public, or pats my behind, or any other form of touching, I do feel loved and I feel like he doesn’t care who know it – I’m his wife and he loves me!

The sweetest old couple in our church seemed to always touch. They held hands, or he would have his arm around her. He is gone now and in my mind I will always believe that they enjoyed the same lifestyle I’m living now! May not be true but I still grin every time I see her or think of them.

For Tom

Dear Tom,

I am another of Cassie’s friends. She and I met here on our blogs. I read the loving stories she wrote about your lives together. I was so envious of your relationship. She made you sound like the most perfect man in the world. She was living the fantasy that those of us without the courage to come out to our own husbands only dreamed of. But because Cassie had the courage to share her story I at least knew it was possible. I came out to my husband and because of Cassie and the other women I have met here. The joy that I now have in my life it unbelievable.

She has worried that you would be mad if you found the blog. She knows you best so I have to assume she is right. And if you are reading this, you do know about all and I assume she has a warm butt. But please let it stop there. She is such a wonderful person, she has helped so many of us with her blog and she is our friend. Please don’t take her away from us and do not take us away from her. I hope that everything she has told us about you is true – that you really are the perfect man, that you will always love her, protect her, correct her, contain her and indulge her. I once wrote that I wanted to be Cassie when I grew up. I still feel that way deep down. I also told her I had a crush on you, that’s still true to. We are harmless; we just want to brag about the men we love. Cassie always bragged the most.

We all hope to be hearing from your lovely and loved wife,
Elis

Strange Day

If you are a lurker feel free to stay but this won’t be sexy or funny or anything so please come back later. I’ll be rambling and mostly talking to myself to see what the hell happened to me today. I have spent my life putting on an excellent face of being calm, happy and content and basically I am. If something does bother me I know I can push it down and out of my way. Ignoring my feelings has become a way of life that works quite well. I have my wall nicely built thank you. Coming out to Nick and all the wonderful thing and changes that has happened since then really helped me take several of these walls down but this morning something caused me to smack head first into a wall so old I had forgotten it was there.

I am sitting here in tears and I don’t know why!! I just hope if I keep writing it will come to me. I started this morning with a very sweet email from CeeCi. She had some good suggestions that I would like to try. But within a few minuets I felt panicky and teary and I have stayed that way all day. When I started all this I decided that bad feelings were better than no feelings at all so I have tried to explore instead of suppress. I have always been afraid to ask too many questions about how to do some of the neat things you guys do on your blogs because I didn’t want to look stupid if I couldn’t do it. You get an image of the people you talk with and you guys have quickly become my heroes. And you want your heroes to think you are intelligent.

But that’s not really it either. I do know I can do it. And if I couldn’t who would care!! I know all this. But it stirred up so many old feelings and I really didn’t know they were there.

These are the notes I jotted down at school during planning (no kids)

They are going to find out.

What?

That I’m not as smart as the rest.

Hide, act smart, don’t try anything you might not be able to do.

They will find out.

What?

I’ll be out of the club, on the fringes again.

I’m not the smart one.

I was so scared when I found out Nick had been number one in his graduating class. I found out on our honeymoon. If I had known when we first met I wouldn’t have gone out with him. Because he will find out.

What?

That I’m not good enough.

Alright if you have the rubber room ready I will move in now. I’m sitting there at school going where the hell did all this come from? But I started realizing how many things I have avoided trying because I didn’t want anyone to know I might not be able to do it.

This is not a plea for compliments. I do know that I am intelligent, I teach and I do it well. This isn’t something that I thought was a problem for me and I was shocked at what I have been feeling all day. But I have learned over the years, mostly by journaling, that when you are bother by something you need to capture it on paper – or blog- because once you can see it you can start to realize that its not all that bad. Nothing is as bad as it just rolling around in your head.

I feel some better. Actually I feel exhausted. I do thank CeeCi for unintentionally stirring all this up. Evidently it needed stirring. A special thanks to Eva, she was there when I knew I was losing it and pestered me all day to be sure I posted about it tonight. If she hadn’t I would have shoved it all back down by the time I got home. And one more thank you to Nick who was so sweet to me tonight before I ever posted this. I’m just glad I found Nick and the people in blogland.

Weight Watchers again

Tonight was Weight Watchers night. There was a different leader than the first week. I have never been in a room with a perkier person in my life. I have a cold, I’ve taught all day (the year is not off to a great start), I’m over weight, I’m hungry and if Polly Perky had waved her pom-pom at me one more time she was going to eat them!! Does Weight Watchers have a branch that only has sarcastic leaders? I could handle that. I’m been to WW before; both times I lost 13 pounds and got pregnant! Yes, I was trying at the time but the memory is still enough to give me nightmares now. I do think WW is a good program but I just don’t feel like I’m into it this time.

Nick and I have already agreed that if I just start blowing off the whole idea of exercise and trying to get to a healthier weight he is going to whip my butt. Somehow the idea of getting a sticker from the cheerleader at the meeting is not going to give me more motivation than that!! I did lose 2 ½ pounds this week so I’ll give it a while longer. But the cheerleader has got to go!

Gratutide Tuesday -- K

I am so glad that I got to jump into this group gratitude day. CeeCi is brillant for having started it! I love taking the time to realize what I am grateful for and I like the feeling of belonging that I get when I do it! Here goes --

Kittens – I am beginning to think spanko are basically cat people. I think most of us have talked about our kittys! I love all my kittys, current and from the past. Grace did you guys ever pick a name?

Knowledge – I love knowing things. I love having the knowledge to answer questions. And even if no one ever asks me what I know I still have it inside. What you learn, your knowledge stays with you.

Key – I have lots of keys. They give me access to places I want to be; my home, my car, my job, a few friends homes. They make me feel secure.

Kids – My own are fantastic! I love them more than my life. I also love other people’s kids (thank goodness) my job would be horrible if I didn’t!

Kisses – I like all kinds. I have magic kisses, they could cure the pain of my children. Little butterfly kisses from my kids (few and far between now) could make me cry. I love the chocolate ones too. I love kisses from Nick, anywhere he wants to kiss. I love deep passionate kisses but I also love the little kisses I get as he leaves or comes home. We haven’t done that in years and they are very special to me.

Knees – I love my knees! I am so grateful when they work. They don’t always, so when they feel good, I feel good.

Karma -- I think this is the way God intends for things to work and I think He know what He is doing.

Kick – What a good way to reduce stress. Take a smallish cardboard box. Tape it closed. Then take it outside and give it a good kick. It’s perfect! I does not hurt you foot. It makes a lovely noise and you get the satisfaction of seeing it fly through the air. It is great!

Kink/kinky – I love my kink. Of course it no longer seem like a kink to us, only to the outside world. Because we are embracing my spanko kink our life is wonderful!

Kangaroos – they just make me hoppy!

The Meeting

As promised, my guest post --


My name is Emma, call me Em. Since coming out as a spanko I have found great satisfaction in blogging and emailing my new friends. I find comfort in knowing that there are many others with the same feelings that I had hidden for so long. They make me feel so normal!

I was excited to hear that on one of my closest confidants (from blog world) and her husband would be vacationing in our area. I had hoped that one day we would have the opportunity to meet. It looked like the opportunity had arisen. Jan and her husband Bob had reservations at a secluded two bedroom cabin with another couple who had subsequently canceled. Ned and I were now invited to join them for the weekend!

Ned was not overly enthused. For one thing he is more comfortable spending time with old friends or just hanging around the house. Meeting new people is just not his thing. He also has some misgivings about what he sometimes sees as my addiction or compulsions. He worried that we might be getting stuck in an awkward situation without a graceful exit. I told him flatly that I was going with him or without him! That caused some raised eyebrows – but he wasn’t about to let me head off alone to meet those he though of as strangers but I thought of as close friends.

We followed the directions and with a little difficulty found the cabin. It was small, not too fancy but it was in a lovely secluded area and very peaceful. Jan and Bob stepped out onto the porch to greet us. They seemed to be warm and friendly although not exactly as I had pictured them. Jan seemed about as excited to meet me as I was to meet her!

After a little general chit-chat about family members we had heard so much about on each other’s blogs we sat down to steaks that Bob had prepared. At first we stayed far away from any discussion about spanking, but after months of sharing so many intimate details it was inevitable. When I thought back about some of the things I had revealed I realized I would never have shared so much with Jan if I had ever thought I would ever see her, and even worse her husband, face to face.

But finally after a couple of glasses of wine we began comparing notes about things such as favorite toys and toy shopping. From there the discussion between Jan and I got even more personal. We discussed our sex lives and how they had taken such a dramatic turn since we had dropped our inhibitions and come out as spankos. Ned was fairly quiet through most of this but he was taking in every word.

At some point, probably after my third glass of wine, I turned to Bob and said “Jan tells me you really know how to swing a mean paddle!” At this point Ned shot me a warning look but with the excitement of the evening and the effects of the wine, I foolishly chose to ignore the warning. I even turned to him and said “What’s the problem, I didn’t say anything about you, but you know, Ned, you have always been a little overly cautious. You always seem afraid of actually hurting me.” Jan spoke up and said “Be careful honey, you may be pushing your luck.”

At that point Bob spoke up and said “You girls insist on comparing notes and Em seems to feel that she may be missing the thorough spankings that she thinks you have been getting. Whether that is true or not it’s hard to say. However in the interest of education I think I’ll just give Jan a good demonstration spanking so you can see first hand.”

At this a look of surprise came over Jan’s face and I’m sure my mouth was hanging open. Was Bob serious? My pulse quickened! Bob removed all doubt when he instructed Jan to get the toys. Jan just stared at him and said “You’ve got to be kidding!” Bob stared right into her eyes and said “No back talk or it will be worse.” With a look of stunned resignation, Jan went off to retrieve the toy bag. When she returned to the porch where we had been enjoying the great evening weather, Bob instructed her to lean over the porch railing which was at about waist height. At least the porch was totally secluded.

At this point I was thinking “it’s actually going to happen; I’m going to see someone else get a spanking!” The second thought that crossed my mind was “at least Ned would never consider putting me through this.” As these thoughts crossed my mind I turned to look at Ned knowing that he would probably be very uncomfortable with all this. But he seemed surprisingly relaxed and seemed to by perfectly content to take it all in. It was then that the frightening thought began to creep into my mind. “Ned would never do this … or would he?” At that point it felt like a swarm of butterflies were loose in my stomach.

Was it the excitement of watching Jan get a spanking? Was it the fear that Ned might consider doing the same? Or was it the jealousy of knowing Jan would soon be experiencing something I never would. Possibly yes to all questions!!

At this point Jan was leaning over the rail and Bob was lowering her jeans. Again my pulse quickened. Bob began spanking Jan by hand on her modest but stylish black panties. Bob pointed out that a warm up period was frequently used. The blows started slowly but became faster and harder.

After a thorough hand spanking Bob picked up the leather slapper and instructed Jan to lower her panties. What? Could he possibly be serious?? Jan turned with a questioning look but apparently saw nothing in Bob’s expression to provide any doubt. Jan lowered her panties to just above her knees. My pulse was absolutely racing! Ned seemed entranced.

Bob started in on Jan’s backside with the slapper covering both cheeks from the top to upper thigh. Jan’s butt began to glow pink then red. You could see her flinch - rising to her toes at times, and occasionally gasping at the impact. Bob paused for a moment and I thought that it had been a thorough spanking. Bob gently rubbed her butt for a minute. Then he picked up a hair brush and started in again. After several hard swats he sat down the brush and to Jan he said “You can stand up now.”

Jan turned to him and buried her face in his shoulder not even taking time to pull up her panties and jeans. She whispered something in his ear that I couldn’t hear. Bob replied “Later, Dear”. Jan looked drained holding onto Bob’s neck. Bob turned to us and said “Well, that’s about it. What do you think?” Well I for one had no answer to that!! Ned did. He replied slowly “Very educational indeed, I may have underestimated what these girls can handle. Jan reached down and pulled up her panties and jeans and asked Bob “Now – can we?”

I was shocked to hear Ned say “Wait a second it’s Em’s turn”. I sputtered “Are you out of your mind!? Forget it! No way!!” Ned said sternly “Em you’ve been asking for this one for a long time and Bob and Jan have given us a great demonstration. Now you are about to find out if I’ve learned anything”. Another swarm of butterflies took wing. Was this actually about to happen? Was this what I feared or was this the way I had hoped Ned would respond? Again maybe – somehow – both.

Ned stepped over to the railing and motioned for me to join him and he didn’t appear to be joking. I hardly remember getting up but I found myself standing next to him at the railing. Ned told me to lower my jeans and I unsnapped them and let them drop. After positioning me over the rail Ned began a thorough hand spanking similar to what Jan had gotten. Whap – Whap – Whap. Ned doesn’t usually hand spank that hard but this time it seemed pretty firm. Ned gave me a brief break and then started in with the flogger producing a major sting even through my panties. I was just relieved that he was giving me some slack and sparing me the humiliation of taking it on the bear in front of Bob and Jan.

Ned again paused, rubbing my butt briefly before picking up the slapper. Before I knew what was happening Ned’s thumbs were inside the waist band of my wine colored panties. All I could do was gasp and shut my eyes tighter as I felt my panties lowered to just above the knees. I clinched my knees tightly together trying for what modesty I could retain. Ned started on my ass with that damn stinging slapper and the strength and cadence increased. My ass was on fire! I was biting my lip. I didn’t want to cry and I was not about to use a safe word after seeing Jan endure. After a while I couldn’t help but release short gasps as each new blow landed on burning skin. I don’t know if this spanking was actually that much different or if the nerves were more than ever on edge due to the extraordinary circumstances and the added element of humiliation.

Ned finally asked Bob and Jan if that looked about right for a good spanking. Jan agreed that it had seemed pretty thorough and Bob said that Ned had certainly gotten a great red tint on my butt. I was reaching to grab my panties when Ned commanded me to stay put. “What about the challenging attitude you exhibited, Em?” Ned asked. Jan agreed that she could probably count on a little extra disciplinary action for such an outburst and Bob simply nodded.

I heard Ned’s belt slide through the belt loops of his pants. Ned said “Hold still honey – 10 with the belt. Crack – crack – crack! These ten were delivered with gusto on flesh that was already on fire. “OW – OW” I couldn’t help but gasp. When these were over Ned helped me get redressed and gave me a big hug. My knees were weak and I just hung on.

Bob asked “You guys about ready to call it a day?” Ned said “Yes I think I’m about ready to turn in. What about you Em?”

“Absolutely!”

Pictures anyone?

I'm just trying to learn how to post a picture. If it works just think of it as me. Hell no it's not me! It's not close to me. But if Tigger and CeeCi can look that good I can at least dream. This will teach Nick not to go off and leave me on my own!

Nick's Surprise

I told you a few days ago the Nick shared something with that really blew my mind. Let me give you a bit of background on Nick. He is a very quiet guy. Not with me or the family but with most everyone else. All our friends know that I am the verbal (or should I say mouthy) one in the family. He is just a very reserved person.

He was pure vanilla until I tentively brought up spanking 4 years ago. He was willing but he didn’t understand exactly what I wanted because I didn’t really understand exactly what I wanted, I hadn’t found any blogs. So when life got rough we let it die out and when life got smoother we didn’t resume.

So jump ahead 4 years. I look on the web again and I found them – blogs by people who felt just like I did. If you have been reading here you know that Nick has jumped in to this with gusto. There is nothing I have asked of him that he has been unwilling to try. I thought at first I might have some issues with topping from the bottom but damn if Nick isn’t just staying about a step ahead. I love it!!!

At first I made reading suggestions when I found something I wanted him to see. Now if he can get time he usually scans my blogroll on his own. We discuss many of the blogs and talk about all you guy like we are neighbors. He doesn’t leave comment on the blogs, I hope he might start. But he tells me his guess for Fantasy Fridays and we discuss the possibilities.

In spite of all these changes he still managed to shock me the other night when he handed me a note book where he had actually written out a story on his own! To my knowledge he had not written anything since his valedictorian speech about 35 years ago. (I just threw that in to show you a really smart guy picked me!) He said the story needed to be told from the female point of view so I could read it and make any changes I thought were necessary. I just dove in, I loved it! How can a man I’ve been married to for 23 years still have so many surprises in him? I made very few changes, maybe a sentence or two , but this is Nicks version of what we girls might be fantasying about! I’ll be posting his work Monday to see what you guys think.

Going without Prozac

I just loved Bonnie post on the benefits of spanking verses Prozac. I thought Bonnie was brilliant as usual but what really cracked me up today was when a friend at work asked me when I started taking Prozac. I laughed and told her I wasn’t taking anything. She said “Well what is going on with you then? We have worked together for over 10 years and you have never been this happy. You sit in these meeting where they keep giving us more and more crap to do and you just keep grinning like nothing can bother you. You have to be on some happy pill!”

It shows!!!! It’s not my imagination, it’s not going away, and I love it!! As the conversation continued I told her I was kinda down because this was Nick golf weekend and he was going to be gone. She jumped in again “And what’s with that! You used to say that was your favorite weekend of the year because you got rid of the kids and got to spend it all by yourself. You guy learn some new position over the summer or what?” What fun! If she only knew!!

Work for it

The school year is getting off to a rocky start. On Tuesday, the third day with the kids, on of my students threatens to kill me, actually my first death threat in 18 years. And we are talking a kid, 11 years old! I’m one of the nice teachers! I like my kids! Last year when a kid threatened to kill another teacher they removed him from her room… and put him in mine! I am beginning to think they don’t mind if I get bumped off!! Or maybe they know I like the little turkeys in spite of themselves. I gave him a hug when he was crying in the principal’s office and told him we would have a fresh start after his suspension.

Nick is good to let me talk about my work problems. He always seems interested but he doesn’t try to tell me how to fix things. He just listens and lets me rant. Some things are so funny (a sense of humor is mandatory) but you can’t always share with just anyone.

Nick went above and beyond in making me forget my troubles last night. His work is a bit different these days. He had been with a large company since before I knew him as a manager. But eventually his facility was shut down. He now has a job as a manager with a tiny company in the same field. But with a small work force everyone pitches in so while his job is as stressful as always he is also doing more physical work. Because of this I hesitate to wake him when I come to bed for fun and games. Often these days I just can’t help it, but I never know how exhausted he might be so I am happy with a bit of a cuddle as I wait for the weekend.

But last night he was in a wickedly teasing mood. He rubbed my butt when I got in bed and that was nice. Then he started playing with my boobs, which lately just drives me wild! He kept on rubbing all the good places until I was about to explode. Then he said “well, good night.” And rolled over! Fat chance!! So he told me to see if I could change his mind. I did!!! Oh it was wonderful!! He gave me a good tongue lashing – and I mean GOOD! Finally I wanted him in me so bad but he was still in a tormenting mood. He was on top but he made me work for what I wanted. He just kept teasing and I had to thrust up to win my prize! Can I list this under exercise for Weight Watchers??

I know he was probably feeling sorry for me since he is going to abandon me this weekend. That’s okay if that’s the case he can feel sorry for me any time he likes! I want him to have a great time but I will really be glad to see him when he gets home!

Note to CeeCi – I told you I would have one of those little 3 legged vibrators before the week was out, well I got it tonight! Don’t know when we will have time to play. But I have it!! Nick probably wants everyone to stop talking about toys, every time I hear about one I want to run out and buy it! Well, I don’t think he’s terribly bothered!!

Want to Join?

Well I joined Weight Watchers last night. I do want to lose some weight but life style changes are hard at this age. Did I just say that? I should say changing my dietary preferences will be hard at this age. Changes like asking my husband to spank me, falling madly in love with him again, and becoming a raving sex manic were all fairly easy. I know WW can work but I am not really much of a joiner. As I sat through the first meeting my mind began wandering.

I wondered how the meeting would have been different if we had all been there. I picture Cassie standing to the side (giving time for the tattoos to heal) asking, “Will I lose faster if I become a switch?” Teresa and I just wanted to know “How many calories will the average spanking burn?” Bonnie is writing descriptive blogs on how to eat carrots and bananas for maximum enjoyment, while CeeCi has Grace demonstrating the techniques so she can document them with her new lens. Meanwhile Eva and Tigger are bouncing in their seats waving their hands in the air and finally shout out the same question “How many calories in a blow job?”

I have got to be more careful where I mind blog. Sitting in a group of strange women trying to hide am enormous grin and not burst out laughing is going to get me carted off one of these days! Oh well, I wish you guy really were there with me. It would be a hoot!

Gratitude Tuesday

Another Gratitude Tuesday has rolled around. This week I have been grateful for so many things. It’s nice to be able to concentrate on just one letter!

Josette – Josette was the beautiful, young, black and white cat I got the day I started college when I was 18. She was one of the best friends I ever had. During the 7 years I lived alone I sometimes felt like she was my only friend. This beautiful animal lived for 15 years. We grew up together and still think of her and miss her. Even both of my children refer to her as my first born!

Junk food – I can’t help it! Comfort food is such a … well a comfort!

Journey – I am so grateful for journeys. To travel, to see new places is wonderful. But the real journey, the one of discovery – now that is a trip! The journey that Nick and I began such a short time ago had already been a mind blowing experience! I can’t wait to see what is around the bend.

Jokes – I am so grateful for a good joke! Clean, dirty I don’t care. I love it when friends share. The latest I heard – A man comes home from work to find his wife in a sexy night gown. “Tie me up” she purrs “and you can do anything you want” So he ties her up and goes golfing. Actually that’s not too funny!

Justice – I am grateful when it happens. No, justice is not always wide spread. But it is a wonderful thing and sometimes it does win out.

Job – I am very grateful for my job. First, I love it! Being with the kids and teaching is fun. I also love the time I have off to be with my own children. One more thing that is special about my job, is that where we live, it is about the only job that has real job security.

Jewels – only Nick’s family jewels. The other kind doesn’t interest me much!

Julie – a close friend to really helps me keep my head on straight!

Joints – I am grateful for my joints. They are working at the moment. Sometimes they don’t and I truly miss them when they don’t!

Juicy – I love every possible definition of this word!!

Juke box – The old juke box at the dance hall near the cabin my folks rented in the summer sparked many a summer romance. I loved that old thing.

Jack-o-lantern – I love fall, Halloween, and everything to do with it.

Joy - I am most grateful for the absolute joy I feel these days! I have had a good life. It has always been calm and content, but the joy, the joy is new! I am grateful to Nick and all of you for bring this into my life.

Go Cassie!

Boy, Cassie got us all this time! I didn’t have a clue. I finally guessed Sky. But never thought it was Cassie. I bet Tom would blow his stack!! Even Nick thought it could have been my story. He told me that six months ago he would have been sure it was not me, if anyone had ever asked. But he said that with all the surprises I had come up with lately NOTHING would surprise him anymore! I see that as a true complement!!My boy was home this weekend for a minute. I saw him twice on Saturday. Once for a clean shirt and once when he came by to get his car to go somewhere else. He did have enough time Sunday for me to take him shopping before we drove him back. I think I just got a quick peek at my life for the next four years! But I have never seen anyone so happy so I can’t complain.

I also enjoyed the four hour round trip to the school and back. When I ride in a car I blog mentally and go over different scenarios. Several times Nick would look over when I was just grinning and want to know what I was thinking. Once I was thinking of a wedding we are going to next month, several states away. Surely we will be passing another store like the one Eva found! Now I want a crop. It seems everyone has one!! Another passing thought was that I want to go to Los Vegas sometime. I was just picturing the bags going through the scanner with the paddles, crop, flogger and who knows what else showing on the x-ray. Nick said not to worry in Vegas there is probably a little plaque in the room saying – forgotten anything? Tooth brush, shampoo, flogger, crop? Please see us at the front desk! Sounds like the place for us!

Fun at Home

I haven’t been toy shopping or on vacation but I’m still having a great time. Our spanking time is limited by a child still at home, something I know many of you also experience, so early morning is usually it for us. First day of work Nick decided that I had been bitching a bit much about having to go back. I want to mention here that I had been thinking (I repeat, thinking) about taking CeeCi and Tigger’s suggestions about having Nick assign homework. I often forget that he reads the comments too! So in addition to getting my tail warmed, I had an assignment too. Thanks girls!

Anyway because of the wonderful morning attention I was in a wonderful mood and very light hearted all day. Mollie (the daughter, not the toy) had a good first day and brought a friend home with her. The girls really love to be here instead of the friend house because the friend is one of 4 kids in a house smaller than ours. But then the magic call came! The friend’s family was headed out for pizza and movies and wanted Mollie to spend the night!! Talk about the mommy dance!!!

As soon as the call came and while Mollie was getting her things together I slipped and put on my new bright red panties that scream ‘spank me’! As soon the baby left I quickly finished up on the computer, but before we could head to the bedroom. Nick shared something with me that completely blew me away – I am still in shock and may someday share but not yet. But it makes me feel we are secure in the lifestyle and it’s not going anywhere!

It was a super evening! No rushing, no trying to be quiet, just fun. We may have used all the toys in the box, it felt like it. Nick has become a wonderful spanker! I’m greedy though, I have never reached the point where I was ready for him to stop. Well just once, I loved that one, actually I was able to love it for several days. But it’s the only time I could truly say ‘Thanks, that’s plenty for now’! Oh, the love making is so good these days!! I feel like my every need is catered too and I try to do the same for him. When he has really gotten into the spanking and my butt is burning I can go so deep into sub mode that I can’t think of anything I would refuse him. I hope he remembers that and feel free to act on his wildest fantasies too!

Nick is going out of town next weekend. He only goes twice a year to golf with the guys. I have always loved the time alone and when the kids were little I always had them spend the weekend with my parents so I could be totally by myself. But this time I am not looking forward to it. It is really a wonderful feeling. I’ll be fine alone but it feels so good to realize just how much I am going to miss him! My outlook on life on life is getting better and better!

Ode to the Laptop

I have to give a tribute to the laptop computer! Four years ago was the first time I ever mentioned spanking to Nick we had a regular desk top computer down in the basement. I had done some web surfing on spanking but I had to go to the basement and of course the kids wanted to come with me. I worried about the same things Grace talked about some awful image popping up on the screen or even sound effects and always little people (or teenagers) looking over my shoulder. I never found any blogs at that time and some stuff was so awful that I stayed off the computer and everything just died out.

When that computer eventually died, and we decided to replace it, we went with a laptop. Hallelujah!! I am in the room with the family, and I am in my recliner. No one can sneak up behind me and read over my shoulder. I am thrilled my kids love me and want to spend time with me but if we had gotten a regular desk top I would probably never even typed in ‘spanking’ on the search line. Another problem with our old computer was that is I ever forgot to delete the history it was right there for everyone to see. Of course with the new computers even if one of the kids gets on they can’t get to my sittings, my favorites or anything I have written. I can say for me the laptop changed my life. If the opportunity ever presents its self to get a laptop and you have kids at home – go for it!!

It's Grace's Fault

It here, it’s happening. I had hoped that if I just ignored it it might go away and leave me alone. But no, here it is right on top of me and no amount of denial is going to change things. Grace was no help at all! Rubbing in it day after day after day! Well, I guess I can see her point. Nearly spank deprived all summer she can’t wait until both her kid are under the watchful eye of their teachers. Okay, I understand, only I’m the teacher! And I have to bring to an end the most fantastic summer of my life!

This has been my first free summer in 20 years. I was in college and then, when I started teaching, I had a 6 month old. Once the kids got big enough to not need all of my attention my parents needed more and more help. Both of my parents are gone now; my kids are pretty well self-sufficient. So this summer with nothing to do I began reading blogs and WOW! The rest is history!! My summer schedule was pretty rigorous this year. Sleep late, get up and read the paper, blog, spend an hour at the gym, come home and daydream, nap, run errands, check blogs, hope Nick will want to go out to supper, write, check blogs again before bed, then slip into bed nude and finding a way to wake Nick! This summer stuff is tough but somebody had to do it.

I do love my job! In fact whenever you hear teachers complaining if you listen closely you will here very few of us griping about teaching. Most teachers love the kids and teaching, it the extra duties, government interference, paper work, colleague clashes and standardized testing that drain us. Truly if I could just teach my kids I wouldn’t even mind going back.

I know my biggest fear is that this whole summer and all we have gained will have just been a wonderful summer fling that we won’t maintain when real life rears its ugly head. I am surprised to find myself in tears as I write this. I just can’t let that happen. I don’t want to ever go back to who I was and lose all I have gained. Surely we can keep it together as much as we both want it. I just hope he will push things if I start to get overwhelmed by ‘stuff’. I want him to spank me when I am crabby, tired, overworked and stressed as well as when we are relaxed and have time to play. Spanking is the best foreplay in the world. But it is so much more than that! A spanking helps me remember who I have become. I know we can’t always be spontaneous while we still have one at home but he is welcomed to take care of thing early in the mornings. A spanking first thing in the morning keeps thing in perspective. It can turn an ordinary work day into a day when you go to work feeling loved, cherished and like you matter to the man in your life.

So Grace I blame you, you brought it up, it’s all your fault! I think you deserve a good spanking!! Wait, that’s not right…

This and That

Sorry, nothing wild and sexy today, just some stuff I want to tell everyone.

How’s you credit—

I may be the only person that did not know this but in case I’m not I had to share the following with my friends. I found out that every time you apply for credit you credit rate goes down. If you chose to get a new or different card, your credit rating goes down. Sign up for the stores credit card to get that 10% off, your credit rating goes down. WHAT!! I don’t care if I ask for credit 100 times; if I pay everything on time why should that bring the score down. But even if you pay every penny right on time your score goes down. So if you were like me and always said “Sure, sign me up, I’ll take the 10% off” Stop!!!


Reason to exercise—

I want to tell you the real reason I have been going to the gym so much. Paul goes there to walk! Okay, it may not be our Paul, but he fits my mental image of Paul so much I was startled the first time I saw him. He is probably in his late 60’s, just under 6ft., and slender. He has white hair and he is very handsome. He doesn’t wear sweats, just casual street clothes. He just looks like a college professor, so dignified. I have to grin every time I see him. So tell me Paul how close am I to being right??

Time to brag—

My son is off to a great start at college. He is a theater major. His goal is Broadway. They had tryouts for the first play the second day of college. Although freshmen rarely get parts he was determined to audition. The next day he called so excited – he had a call back! Then the next call - he had a part! One hundred eighty people auditioned for 30 speaking parts and he was cast along with 2 other freshman, two girls he had become friends with last year at our state’s Governor’s School. I don’t sound like a proud mom or anything do I?

Eva comes back tomorrow! I am dying to find out about her toys and how their vacation went. Meet you all over at Nothing Random tomorrow!

Gratitude Tuesday

CeeCi, I know that I am jumping in late, but this is such a wonderful idea that I wanted to be a part of it. I had to jump in on the letter I, it was a bit tough to get started! But here goes and again, thanks for the inspiration.


Inspiration – The ability to change the lives of others with your thoughts, your writing, your creativity and your love and to be able to be inspired by these gifts from others.

Imagination – I could not have survived this far in life if I hadn’t had my imagination. My favorite toy as a child, my friend as an adult.

Ideas – Where would we be with out them? Ours, other peoples, good ones, bad ones ideas tell who we are. I love the look on Nick face now when I say, ‘I’ve got an idea!’

Image – A picture, a visual. The images that you all post on your sites tell so much about you. Whether you created the image or chose it, it speaks volumes.

Implement – There are lots and lots of implements I am grateful for. I hope for even more of them to be grateful for in the future.

Identity – Who we are. I have several identities. I have my identity as a daughter. I have an identity as a wife, as a lover. I have an identity as a mother. And I have yet another identity at work ,another with my friends here and still another as a blogger. I like the fact that I am the only one that knows my true identity.

Income – So very helpful. We often complain about the size. But when it goes away we realize just how good it actually was.

Infants – Both of mine and all the other I see. They give hope for the future; they soften the heart of anyone who sees them. They make me want to protect and care for them. Usually they bring out the best in people.

Intensity—A new feeling for me and I do love it!

Internet – Of course, a vital a source of inspiration, encouragement, acceptance, and information. It has provided me with friendship. It provided the catalyst to transform us from a middle-age couple in the doldrums to wild, crazy, sexy, amazingly passionate lovers. That’s a pretty awesome tool!

Good Golly is Right!

Incredible, absolutely incredible! Saturday morning was something! Nick indulged me and shaved the kitty!! We went with the buzz cut for starters. We used the beard trimmer. That experience in itself was so strange. You feel so exposed. I love the feeling of being able to lay back and give up any control. I took a quick shower, then back in bed Nick fed me strawberries and played with the strawberry juice. My, his beard does tickle!

I was so ready to try ‘Miss Mollie’! She is wonderful!! It feels a lot like the belt but less intense at the time. She sure can create a sting in a big hurry! I would like to try it with me lying facing Nick I think that would concentrate more of the sting on the sit spot. I keep finding new favorite toys! Oh well, variety is the spice of life.

I was more amazed at what happened next. We have experimented more with anal toys since I came out to Nick. I was a bit hesitant at first but I found I liked it. I still wasn’t willing to try anal sex. I was just too scared. But isn’t everything a matter of trust? This morning I was in such sub mode that I wanted to try, I wanted to please him. I had total trust in him. I did it to please him but I pleased myself too. I didn’t really expect that. But then again I’ve been in a state of shock for 3 months now. What will the future hold?!

We cuddled for a while. I fell back asleep, when I finally got up I checked to see if Mollie had left any marks but she hadn’t, at least not visible ones. When I sat down to read the paper I found out the affects were still around! That’s one thing about a well given spanking – it’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Weigh In

I had an interesting day. I actually woke up around 4 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep worrying about the weigh in. Nick gets up sometime before 5:30 to get ready for work. I was drifting in and out waiting for him to tell me to get up. Around 6:30 he just patted my foot and said he was leaving. I didn’t know if he had forgotten or wasn’t interested or what. But when I got up a bit later I saw that he had laid out the chart where I record gains and losses. I did lose and that is great, I am going in the right direction! But I didn’t lose as much as we had agreed on. So I didn’t know exactly what to expect.

Nick called later in the morning to see how I did. He seemed very happy that I was continuing to lose and he had drawn a line on the chart with showing a gradual slope to the point we had wanted to reach after the first 8 weeks. He said that since I was under where I needed to be for this date all was going very well. I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt. I hadn’t made goal. It wasn’t exactly the scenario I had envisioned.

Wait a minute.

Exactly what I had envisioned?

Isn’t the whole goal to have Nick in charge?

Didn’t he handle thing exactly the way he thought they should be handled??

By George, I think he’s got it! I think he got it quicker than I did. Once I realized this I felt great. We continue to make progress daily and we are both very happy! I can’t ask for anything else! The weekend is here! Let the games begin!!

Other aspects

Before we get the chance to play with our new toy I will have another official weigh in. I worry that I won’t have made goal. The goal is completely reasonable. I have been to the gym 4 times this week and I have really worked hard. But one of my big downfalls is soft drinks and junk food. I love them both!! And I haven’t made the decision to cut them out yet. I want to continue the weight loss for me but this is also the only place that Nick as agreed to use spanking for discipline. I don’t want him to think I am not trying. Or that I am trying to ‘test’ him. I promise that this is not the case.

I know that he is more comfortable with erotic and good girl spankings. But he needs to know that discipline is okay when he feels that it is necessary. I myself am conflicted. I truly do not want a punishment spanking for two reasons; one it means I have let both of us down and two because they hurt!! At the same time I worry that he will let it go and that might just hurt worse. Even as inexperienced as I am with the discipline spankings I know that its not so much how hard he hits or with what its just more the seriousness of the occasion and the realization that he is not playing.

I hope he knows that if I make goal or not, discipline spanking or not, it will not affect my willingness to play at any time. Sore or not, that’s my problem not his. There may be no reason to worry; I am on my way to the gym in just a few minutes and I may have lost after all. I know all this sounds like topping from the bottom (Which he doesn’t completely mind at this time in our relationship because as he says this has been in my mind for decades, not his. I think knowing my thoughts helps him as he becomes more comfortable in the lifestyle.) But if I can T from B about one more thing – I would like to save ‘Mollie the Red’ for playtime!

Little Red Flogger named Mollie

We got it! I just couldn’t wait, despite the fact that thinking of CeeCi comment made my heart pound and my hands sweat for sure! I was scanning the faces this time, looking for Mollie’s friends, my son’s friends and tons of other acquaintances that could have been in the mall. There are many interesting items in the store; it’s a good place to look around. Nick seemed to enjoy checking out the various items. I saw some but I really did spend lots of time scanning. But we got it (and by we, I mean Nick) and it’s beautiful and I can’t wait to use it. Except we have to wait at least for a while, maybe this weekend. He has also promised to shave the kitty. I may not be on vacation like Eva but this weekend may be my reward for having to go to work. I’ll let you know when we break it in!!

More Shopping

The shopping trip today was supposed to be different. Taking a 13 year old girl shopping for school clothes is always a bit different but today was strange in different ways. First strange thing – we didn’t fight! I liked her choices even if they were bit tighter than I would have liked. She has a beautiful figure it’s hard to believe she’s mine. I was skinny until I got married. Then when I got pregnant the tittie fairy came and I had prefect boobs for about a day. From then on I either roll them up and stuff them in my bra or tuck them in my waist band. What a bitch!!

Anyway, second strange thing I felt like shopping for clothes. That never happens. I have heavy so long that I haven’t even looked for pretty clothes. I don’t need to dress very fancy for work and I think all my clothes look frumpy. Suddenly along with feeling better I want to look better. I tried on things that ‘weren’t me’ but then this whole summer has been about stepping outside my comfort zone. My daughter just raised an eyebrow and asked ‘Mom ?’ I got a few things but I am waiting on my full fall wardrobe until Sky posts the pictures of her outfits!!

The last unusual part of the shopping trip happened at the mall. My kid wanted to go into Spencer’s Gifts if you don’t know the store it has all kinds of extremely vulgar and tasteless gifts. It also had a large display of black light lamps and posters, etc. which was what she wanted to look at. While she was in the back in her section, I found my section! They had the most beautiful red leather flogger I have ever seen, as well as several other items that I was dying to look at. Of course I could barely look at anything while I was on the lookout for (lets call her Mollie) Mollie to come back. I have to get back there! That flogger has my name on it!! More chance of being see at out mall, but this is worth the risk!! I’ll keep you posted! Today was by far the best back to school shopping trip I’ve ever been on!

Oh What a Night !

Oh, oh, oh…what a night! Let me begin with a suggestion. When you go toy shopping, go when you will have to wait a few days before you can us your new items. The build up of anticipation and having to wait until the last minute to see if we were going to have the house to ourselves was a wicked turn on!

My daughter was to go to an outdoor play Saturday night. Rain most of the day had me on pens and needles but the rain stopped and off she went. Nick went back to get all the toys opened and batteries inserted! We had the whole evening ahead of us, no reason to hurry at all. We started with our card game again; it’s great for a slow warm-up.

I have to tell you the new paddle is one fine toy! The fuzzy side is great for a laugh but the leather side – Wow! Zing! Perfect!! It’s like eating spicy food. It’s hot while you are eating, tastes great. But then in a minute, gasp!... the burn really hits! I think that this is going to be one of my favorites.

Soon we got down to some serious stuff. The blindfold came out and I could really begin getting into a good head space. That paddle is wicked but I still wanted the belt too and Nick seemed happy to oblige. The other toys were big hits too. When you are in full sub mode and want to feel owed there is nothing like anal play. To me that goes to ownership and when we go there I feel like I am totally his. I love it!

The sex was as good as it gets. We came together in every way possible and a few that I wasn’t sure were possible! The orgasms were so intense that my muscles are actually sore from them, not the spanking. We enjoyed our evening so much we woke up early to continue. I believe four times in twelve hours is our personal best! The best part of all of this is that it wasn’t the new toys that made it such a great evening, it was us!!!!

The

I should have seen it coming, I should have had my answer ready and I wouldn’t have had a panic attack. Just before my son went to college, he and my daughter were in the room with me while I was typing away on the laptop. Suddenly my daughter asked ‘Mom what in the world are you doing on the computer? You used to check your email once a day for 5 minutes and you are always on.’ My son chimed in ‘Yeah, every time you sit down you grab that thing up like it was your security blanket!’

Don’t panic, make something up! What? They know most of my friends and family rarely use email. Okay I could tell them I’m talking to strangers I just met on line about how much I love a good spanking just before their dad and I have wild, passionate, monkey sex! No, they will never believe that. I could tell them I am exchanging receipts over the internet. No, that is even less believable than the spanking story! I decided on some version of the truth.

I told them that had started talking to some folks one the internet, mostly parents, some who had little kids and some who were experiencing the empty nest. I told them we talked about everything from cooking, to sex, to potty training. To my great relief they immediately lost interest. Now, so I won’t be a liar, here goes. Cooking: I don’t do it any more. Potty training: I’m for it. I think I’ve already mentioned the sex part, haven’t I?

Toy Shopping

We went toy shopping last night! Now that was an experience. I was a little embarrassed to go in even with Nick. There were probably 4 to 6 people in the store when we went in. For all I know it was the preacher and all our neighbors because I never let my eyes get above shoulder level!

I had just never spent much time in a store like this. It was fascinating. There were things there used to grab, pinch, plug, rub, vibrate, enlarge, sooth, enhance, prolong, spank and tickle. At first I was afraid to touch anything, actually I was afraid to even be seen looking at things. But eventually we wandered over into ‘our’ section and saw some flogger, and a crop much like the one in the picture Sky posted. I liked them both but how do you know what to buy. You would think they could at least provide some area where we could try them out a bit!!

I really want a flogger, but this one was plastic and I want a leather one. I was just about to decide on the crop when we saw a beautiful leather paddle, fake fur on one side. It was perfect. We got that as well as a few other more fun items to try. Can you imagine being a clerk in that store? Was she looking at our purchases and thinking ‘she’s going to get her ass busted tonight’ or was she wondering ‘who are these old folks buying for?’ But she was very pleasant and sent us off with ‘Have a pleasant evening!’

I am dying to take her advice. But we put everything away until we get the house to ourselves. When we use our new toys I just want time and privacy, we have everything else we need!

The Importance of Touch

I wrote this last weekend when all the family was in but several things came up so I waited. Now I know ever more about it than I did then – thanks Eva, now I know what to call it! On to my post…

I hope Nick knows how much I love the little changes I see. He touches me! It is unbelievably wonderful. I don’t care if he is giving me a hug, patting my bottom or rubbing my leg - at home or out on the town. In bed he turns over and just reaches out and touches me. I love it!!

There have been other changes. In the past when we had sex I never wanted my breast touched. I didn’t like it; it hurt and bothered me to have them touched. Now I love it, what has changed? We woke up for a little early fun before all the family showed up for Sunday lunch. If the kids are home the only time for a bit of spanking is very early morning when a cannon wouldn’t wake them. It doesn’t have the wild abandonment that comes from being alone but it’s pretty darn good. Well of course any kind of spanking can get my juices flowing but when he pinched my nipples and sucked on them I just flowed (female ejaculation? Who knew?) It was fantastic!!! The same is true for anal play; I used to want to avoid this. But now I am willing to explore. Not anal sex, but playing and touching is suddenly something I desire, not avoid.

But I am serious about the question. What exactly created the change? Can this much change come about just from reading blogs, from coming out to my husband, from accepting who I really am? Is it my husband’s willingness to spank and explore the lifestyle? Is it the encouragement and acceptance of other bloggers that creates a safe environment that I want to be a part of? I guess its combinations of all the above. But if that is the case why aren’t we being studied by sex therapist world wide? Let’s find a way to bottle this stuff folks, we’ll make a fortune!

My Best Friend

I made it through yesterday. My son lives several hours away. The sun still came up this morning. You had all assured me it would but it was a relief to see it for myself. I think I did great. I cried a bit but not in front of my son. He knew tears were close but I think he was relieved not to have to confront them when he was a bit emotional himself.

There were several reasons I was worried about yesterday. Of course I worried about the move, but I was also worried about me and Nick and how serious we are about this new lifestyle. My biggest fear is that the bliss I have felt this summer is going to ebb away as work and real life takes over. I worry that Nick won’t believe it is truly a lifestyle that I want us both to continue to explore and live and I was worried about me. How serious was I, would it all begin to seem like a game to me when confronted with the ‘real life’ concerns of our son’s leaving. Much of my fears were laid to rest yesterday.

It really began the night before, I was in the kitchen when one of the waves hit and I found myself in tears. Now over the years I know that Nick never really knew how to react to my tears. They don’t come often. I hate to cry. He never knew whether to ignore them, give me a hug or what. He didn’t know what I wanted him to do because I didn’t know what I wanted him to do. I usually just tried to get away from everyone when the tears started. But Tuesday night it felt different. When I started crying he just held me and I didn’t feel like I had to hide, I just leaned against him and it felt wonderful.

I woke up around 4:00 AM Wednesday morning thinking that what would really help me get through the day was a spanking. But I knew it wasn’t likely. I didn’t think that Nick would try that when he knew my mind was so consumed with other thoughts and feelings. I was wrong!! I heard the click of the door that usually precedes interesting activities in out bedroom. Nick started rubbing my bottom with the bamboo backscratcher. I can’t tell you exactly what he said but I know what I heard. He said that he knew it was going to be a hard day and he knew I would be sad and that was okay, but I needed to remember it was our son’s day and not to be so upset as to make it harder for him. He also said he wanted me to focus on us and our lives and not just the change in our son’s life. He then started with the backscratcher in a way that really helped me focus!! OUCH! He didn’t go particularly hard; we had a long ride ahead of us. Although not being able to sit comfortably would have been wonderful treat. That will really keep you focused!!

I wish I could make you understand how different these past few days would have been if they had taken place 3 months ago. I would have cried alone, hiding from my husband. I would have been consumed with loneliness at the thought of my son’s leaving. I would have felt that my best friend was moving away. But now when I cried, my husband held me and I know that I didn’t leave my best friend at college. I came home with my best friend.

He's Gone

I am writing this a few days early because I knew I couldn’t do it on the actual day, but today I took my first born to college for the first time. I have two wonderful children. I love them both more than life itself but my boy is leaving and today I just want to talk about him.

I wanted a baby every since I knew what one was. I began babysitting at 12 and prayed and dreamed of the time I would have a child of my own. I was very picky in picking a husband. I didn’t marry until I was 26 and Nick is the only man I have ever been with. A few medical problems made the possibility of having children of my own a less than a 100%. But after a bit of surgery and some more treatments the miracle occurred. I did get pregnant and gave birth to the most wonderful, perfect baby I could ever imagine.

Having a child was the only thing in my life that completely lived up to my expectations. When he was hungry, scared, cold, lonely, whatever, he wanted me. Mommy was everything to him. He loved his dad but I was the one that was always around. When he was little I could solve all his problems as he got older I couldn’t solve them all but he would still discuss them with me.

We have the same weird since of humor, he introduced me to MAD TV and we would watch it together on Saturday night. His well thought out and intellectual arguments change my political views. He is a lover of the arts and traveling. His current plans are to finish college and move to the big city.

His utter joy at this anticipated leaving breaks my heart while at the same time I rejoice that I have actually done my job exactly right. He is ready to go out into the world. I say my job because I feel I have done most of the child rearing in the family. Nick loves them but his work often kept him from being there. I got everyone up, to and from school, to doctor appointment, fieldtrips, and birthday parties. I got to be there for everything. So while I will take any blame for how the kids turned, I am also taking some of the credit.

I am amazed when I see my beautiful baby boy as a man. I’m stunned that it happened so quickly. I know that our relationship is undergoing a big transaction. He will come home of course, but my little boy is leaving and he won’t be back. He has his own love now and mom is never going to be number one again. That’s the way it is supposed to be, it’s a good thing, and it hurts like hell. The relationship that I wanted and dreamed of since I was a child has come to an end. I know the new one we will form will be just as good or better, but it is still an unknown.

I know it’s better to give than to receive. I received the greatest gift in the world when this child came into my life, but it was only a loan. Now it’s time to give him back. So this wonderful young man is now my gift to the world. I pray that the world treats him with the love and respect I have for him. Son, I love you.

Bonnie, you need to know...

Bonnie is used to hearing praise and she deserves it. But I still need for her to understand how I found her and what she has done. My marriage for over 20 years was fine. Nothing awful, nothing to complain about, just not the marriage of story books. We neither one spent a lot of time talking about out feelings; we didn’t talk much at all. Our sex life was dull. I avoided sex whenever possible. I was not a great wife. But I really love Nick and I wanted to be a good wife. I prayed that something would change. I mean I really prayed. I had looked on the internet before and most of what I had seen was nothing that I would consider the answer to a prayer.

But I tried one more time. When I typed in spanking it said I had 13,500,000 sites to choose from. From all those, I clicked on My Bottom Smarts. I was stunned at what I found. A normal person writing wonderful funny stories, tutorials, suggestions I just couldn’t believe my find. I read everything Bonnie had written. I read all the comments. I checked out the sites of the folks that had left comments. I found my world, a place that I felt that I belonged.

This all happened the last week in May. Since that time, because of the courage and acceptance that I knew was out there for my particular kink, everything has change. I came out to Nick and found total acceptance if not total understanding. My desire to make love with my husband has gone from putting up with it once or twice a month to wanting him once or twice a day. The change has been completely amazing. Instead of spending this month only in dread of my oldest leaving home, I have fallen back in love with my husband and realized the potential of what our lives can really become as we explore this new lifestyle. I feel like my life is just beginning and I am so excited!!

So Bonnie, if ever you wonder if the time and effort you put into your blog is worth it, please know that you and your work has been the catalyst for all the wonderful changes in my life. I really love all the friends that I have found here. I love having these friends to talk to and learn from. But mostly I love having Nick for a friend. Thank-you for what you do.
____________________________________

Bonnie, I wrote this several days ago before I read tonight about your upcoming vacations. The vacations are a wonderful idea. No one wants you to burn out and give up on blogging due to exhaustion. Relax, have fun, and enjoy Randy. Forget about us for awhile – but not forever!

Tagged

CeeCi and Grace have tagged me so...here it goes.

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about yourself and say who tagged you. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people you tag and list their names. No tag backs.


1.I have a very large extended family brother, sisters, aunts, uncle, cousins, cousin’s kids, etc. and we all really like each other! I feel the same way about Nick’s family.

2.Besides the US, I have been to 4 other countries on 3 continents.

3.I have always been a member of the same church. I was baptized, confirmed, married, baptized my kids and buried both my parents at the same little church.

4.I still cut the crust off the bread when I make a sandwich.

5.Nick is the only man I have ever had sex with. In the 25 years we have know each other I have never asked him when he lost his virginity, with whom or how many women he had been with. I never cared. I’m the one he married!

6.We have 2 dogs, 2 cats, and one ferret. I don’t know how I got talked into the ferret.

7.I am a licensed Veterinary Technician. But I haven't worked in that field in over 10 years.

8.If I am awake the TV is on. The sound may be off and I might be listening to music, but the TV is on.

Many of the people I know have been tagged so I'll only do two.
I tag Cassie and Sky.

Fab Friday

My moods yesterday switched so much I almost gave myself whiplash. I had my first spanking that I didn’t really want in the morning. I was unsure if I should continue to say anything I wanted in my blog, should I tell Nick to not to read it? Should I just stuff everything back down inside again? I was very confused and slightly depressed. As the day went on and I read your comments and emails and I began to get my courage back.

Then Nick came home and I became a bit uneasy again. I had emailed him to ask him to be sure to check out Nothing Random and New Beginnings also. It was a while until he got to the computer and I felt my stomach tighten. I could hear him typing a reply which was much longer than usual for him. It was a great reply. He seems confused and a bit bothered by the fact that I hadn’t really wanted him to do the very thing I had made him promise to do. No wonder the poor guy is bewildered!

He went on to say that he read the blog because I certainly had made no attempt to hide it and that’s true. He has never tried to censure it in any way and wasn’t planning to and he also reads it for information – what I am thinking, feeling and how we are doing in general. I had a reply, but the idea of trying to type it all was daunting. So I tried something really radical. I talked to him!

Both kids were gone and wouldn’t be home for hours. I took his hand and led him to the bedroom to cuddle and where I could talk with out looking directly at him. I explained that the very reason that I had made him promise to follow through with the punishment spanking for not meeting goal was because I knew there would come a time when I didn’t want it. I need his promise and his follow through to feel safe in the fact that we are in this together and he really cares. We all know it, a spanking makes you feel loved, protected and cherished. If they didn’t care why would they bother? He told me that he felt that this was the way a marriage should be. The caring and talking that we have done these last few weeks makes us feel like husband and wife instead of mom and dad.

Well after our talk the fun really began. We played a bit of our version of strip poker, complete with penalties for having the losing hand. He even let me show him what some of our toys felt like but only for basic information, as he reminded me – I’m the spanko in the family! It was wonderful. By the time we finished with each other we were in a tangle of sheets, toys, cards and discarded clothing! What a fantastic afternoon after a bewildering morning. How quickly a day can turn around.

I’m so glad we got this delightful afternoon in before the 30 relatives descend on us for Saturday and Sunday. I’ll check in when I can. I just wanted everyone to know that things are going great!

Like it or not

When I realized last night that Nick was reading my blog I was unreasonably upset. I found I was really annoyed with out knowing why. I hadn’t asked him not to, although I had never even really acknowledged that I even had one. I am beginning to realize that it is because I have kept my feeling such a secret from Nick for our whole marriage that it scares me to think of allowing him to know them now. So I decided to ask him not to read it. I had to have a place to be totally honest. I want to be able to tell exactly what I feel even if he comes out looking bad or I do. If I want to give intimate, delicious, minute by minute description of our love life I want to be free to do it with out him coming to me and saying I shouldn’t. I want him to not worry about me revealing too much and being outed which seem to be his concern last night. I’ll be careful, more careful that I have been. But I am not going to expose us!

Well, I had decided to ask him not to read my blog at all but a good friend asked me to reconsider. And I have. After all he is my husband after 20 years. It’s time that if he wants to know what I am feeling it’s his right. But he is going to have to accept them for what they are my feeling – good, bad or indifferent. If he doesn’t want to know, he can read elsewhere.

Having said all that, here goes, my feelings. I had an interesting morning. I was still really annoyed all night then Nick woke me up to remind me it was weigh in day. I wasn't in the mood to play, I was pissed. But I got up. Last week, the first week I lost 3 pounds but this morning I had gained back 2.

Dilemma: I just woke up, I had gained weight, I was mad at Nick and I was in no mood for a spanking, much less the one I expected for not meeting goal. I hadn't felt less sub-like since I started this. Nick chose to take care of things on the spot. I have made a commitment to this so I said nothing. It hurt, really hurt, partial because I was really fighting it mentally. It was as close as I have ever come to crying, but I didn't. I was another step and it was a good step, a healthy one. I do not want this to be a game I want it to be real.

I feel much better now. For a long time I fought so hard against feeling any emotion that it feels wonderful to just ‘feel’ at all. Anger, conflict, negative emotions are so much better than nothing. If I can open up to feeling – good or bad – it has to be better in the long run than to stay inside these safe walls I have built for my comfort. I would be a better wife, a better mother and a better friend. So here it is. Another leap, I hope I have a safe landing.

Pool Time

We got to do more talking last night. We have a pool and although it is not completely secluded it’s private enough for quiet skinny dipping after dark. Being in the dark also makes talking easier. I had been out with the kids earlier and he had done a lot of reading on the different sites. I believe the boy has the idea for fun, erotic spankings down pat. All we need in that area is practice, practice and more practice! But we are doing great there and I have no complaints except not always being able to be spontaneous with kids around. He is even open to the idea of doing some toy shopping at a shop about 20 miles away. I really want to do this but this lifestyle would be extremely embarrassing if my employer found out. I work with a large number of people many of whom would recognize me before I would recognize them. But what the heck, I’m over 21 and its all legal. Who would have thought I might have it better than Cassie in one department!

Nick does seem to have some confusion over the idea of discipline and who can blame him. He said he can’t imagine a scenario where he would use this. Hearing that was disappointing for me but I completely understood it. We never fight. Never. None. We haven’t ever and I can’t believe we ever will. What do people fight about!? Some people fight over kids. I usually make the decisions about the raising of the children. I like that, and they are turning out well so Nick is content to leave this to me. Some people fight over money, we are not rich but we agree on money. We both like to save, we buy what we want but we are not extravagant. Some people argue about sex. Well I am sure that Nick has been disappointed with that in the past but neither of us has a complaint now! I took the role of peacemaker as a child and never got over it. So being bitchy is not in my nature. If I just went out – way out of my way to make him mad about something, as he put it he would probable be so mad that he would want to play.

I think the best I can hope for in this area is for Nick to help me play my mind game. So very much of this is in our heads anyway. I told him that I want to be able to stand in front of the candy machine at work and say to myself; if I don’t make goal this week Nick is going to bust my ass! I know that one thing that bugs him is when I leave laundry unfinished, left in the dryer or often in the basket not put away and eventually mingled with the dirty. If he occasionally spanked me for this (heaven help me not every time!) I would do better. Not because I feared a spanking if I didn’t do it – because of course we all love a good spanking – but because I would want to please him for doing this for me. Then maybe I could earn a good girl spanking! I know the poor man’s head is spinning but I think he is as happy as I am and I am living out my lifelong dream.

Perfect Day

I clearly have not given Nick enough credit! I emailed him yesterday with most of the information I put in my blog. We talked a bit last night about my worries. But this morning I woke as he sat on the bed (he leaves the house at 6:00AM and I get up whenever.) He said there was no need to sit around the house and brood all day and I obviously need something else to think about. I have taken to sleeping in the nude lately and he pulled back the covers and started on my still sleeping behind with the bamboo backscratcher. I was worried there for a minute that it was already time for Tigger’s ‘I told you so’, but it was great!

He had to leave for work and I was left happy but not completely satisfied. He was right on the money I did not feel like ‘sitting’ all day. I was in a very lighthearted mood. He emailed twice from work – an unheard of event! – with questions about how I felt about the early morning wake up call and asking for reading suggestions.

We went out to eat and then Nick suggested going over to my parent’s house to pack up yard sale stuff. I wasn’t really in the packing up mode but I was willing. We are in the process of getting the house ready to sell but not long after we got there I began to doubt my wisdom of selling all the bed and couches! Nick told me that it was time to finish what he started this morning. There are various bit and pieces left so he threw some blanket and towels over the end of a table and instructed me to strip and bend over. He had to be inventive so he rounded up a plastic fly swatter and a hard plastic ruler. He began scolding me (that’s new) he said there was no use worrying about things that I couldn’t do anything about and to stop worrying about things I shouldn’t do anything about. By the time he finished with the fly swatter, the ruler and his hand the only thing I was worrying about was my butt. Spankings do have a way of centering your attention!

Speaking of kinks I suddenly found myself on all fours with my husband making delicious love to me in my parent’s living room! When my mom was alive we were not even allowed in the room except at Christmas. Well come to think of it felt a little like Christmas morning! Nick is coming along by leaps and bounds. Things are definitely looking up!