I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I think we're on the right track!

In this first part I'm just rambling in my head again. If you are wanting to get to a little action you can go down and find this **

I guess that DD can be viewed two ways – as the real thing or as a game that can be played with varying degrees of seriousness. I know I started out thinking I wanted the real thing. Actually I didn’t realize that there was another way to do it until I came out and started exploring here. We’ve gone back and forth with it over the years, with each of us taking it more seriously at one time or another. But never, it seemed, at the same time. I was the one wanting reality in our situation but never really felt it. I mean I was the one who introduced it, explained the rules and always in the back of my mind knew I could call a halt to the whole thing. But then again I feel that’s true for any woman in a DD relationship with a reasonable man who loves her. After all DD is a decision reached by a couple and consent is an essential element. This doesn’t take away from the whole concept but it’s something to think about.

Several of us have experienced in the past, or are experiencing now a situation where the men chose to step away. That has to be one of the most painful things a spanko can experience. I’m not talking about Nick now. I may go through times of feeling there is not nearly the attention to spanking that I want but he has never said ‘No, I’m not going to do this’ since the first time I brought it up. There have been times I felt he didn’t care about any of this. But each time I confronted him about my feelings he has stepped up and tried to give me what I needed. But I do want to say to the men who have stepped away in case you are reading here – please reconsider. It was so hard for us to ask in the first place, so many of us waited years, decades even, to find the courage to ask. Believe me we had to step out of our comfort zone to ask for this; please reconsidered stepping out of yours and giving the woman you love what she so desperately needs. (Okay preaching over, but I had to say it one more time.)

Many times that I felt I wanted Nick to take a stand on thing – there was just nothing there that he cared enough about to make rules and to be consistent with these rules. He doesn’t like me to leave shoes and socks in the living room or leave my laundry unfolded (after he’s washed it) or a million other little things. But none of these matter that much to him. Sometimes he will spank me for neglecting them but not with consistency. They annoy him but not enough to really bother him. I sometimes try to do better but I often forget because these little things don’t bother me that much either.

But I think we have found one thing Nick does care about and has consistently since we started this. The one thing that Nick does care about is a healthy wife. He doesn’t much care that I’m not a great house keeper or that I can’t cook or that I waste too much time on the computer. But he does care that my weight is creeping back up to where my knees always hurt, that I don’t have the energy that I did, that I have high blood pressure and that could begin flirting with type two diabetes or a wealth of other problems that come with being overweight.

** (might not be real exciting for you but it was good for me)

We only have two rules now. One, I have to write down my weight every Friday morning and two, I have to do a little more around the house – one specific and one fairly vague. I have written my weight down but that’s about all I’ve done about the weight. As for the house, let’s say sporadic at best. I told Nick that the week I tried away from mindblogging and writing just put me into such a down mood I didn’t feel like working on either one. I explained this in a total vanilla way. I assumed he would take it that way. Instead he very calmly explained to me that my being out of the mood to do DD that week didn’t mean he was. And suddenly, after a fairly respectable warm up, he came after me with the damn bath brush. NOT what I was expecting at all. After all I wasn’t completely in the mood for a spanking and he didn’t seem to care one bit. It was everything that I needed. That was last week.

Then this week the news from the scale wasn’t any better. At least I can it down – much better than telling him face to face. Later in the day I received the following email from Nick:

Not much exercise this week. Numbers are not good. You must really love the bath brush and cane! You might wish to consider some form of exercise today and tomorrow.

I considered it. I went to the gym after school on Friday and I went walking Saturday morning. Nick was wrong – I hate the bath brush and the cane! He must have worried Saturday about me staying in position because when he called me back to the bedroom he had the cuffs out. Mostly it was a pretty good spanking – until he began asking me what I planned to do differently this week as far as the healthy weight program went. Geeze! The cane was more than enough to get the idea across that I needed to work this week. The bath brush on top of it, let’s just say I think I got the point! Nothing can get me kicking like that awful brush.

I feel like we are making significant progress on the spanking front. We have to keep experimenting and doing what work for us. We won’t have the DD marriage that works so well for some out here. We won’t have one just like I used to day dream about. We will have one that is costumed made for the two of us. Some of my ideas, some of Nick’s, maybe some we read about and want to try. I think now I’m finally realizing we won’t ever reach a point and say ‘Here we are, we finally got it right’ but I think we’ll keep working on it and enjoying the journey.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Figuring out what works

The last time I wrote on topic here I wasn’t feeling so hot. Nick realized how down I was after reading the posts I had put up on that Sunday and Tuesday. On Wednesday he sent me an email but I didn’t have the energy to muster up an answer that afternoon. I took a nap instead. When I woke up he wanted to talk. I didn’t! I talk well with my fingers and a key board but doing it face to face, about something that is important to me, with someone I love, is very hard for me.

But we talked. It kinda felt like being drug over gravel, naked. I think if you read here you probably know most of my opinions and thought about TTWD. I finally introduced it into our lives after holding it as a shameful secret for my entire life. Nick wanted to talk but I had nothing else to add – I had talked, posted, and emailed everything I knew to say.

I remember saying somewhere during the conversation that I knew spanking was ‘my thing’ not his, meaning he wasn’t born to it. But he quickly corrected me “It’s our thing now.” he said. “But I can’t see inside your head. I can’t compete with fantasy or worse yet, fiction.” I’m sure there was a lot more said but the whole trauma of talking kinda wiped it out. Only the key things stick in my mind and I felt like this was key.

I had to admit he was right. Maybe I had already come to that conclusion and that was the reason I had decided to take a break from blogging. I felt I needed to rethink everything and find a more… hmmm… what’s the word? ‘Mature’ isn’t exactly the way I was thinking of it. Maybe ‘realistic’ is more accurate. I needed to find a more realistic way to incorporate TTWD into our lives. I had to accept that the fantasies of my youth, the ones I had played and replayed for decades, weren’t real life. I think I had had this fantasy mold in my head forever and when Nick agreed to try this kind of relationship I tried to stuff him into this mold not taking in the fact that real life doesn’t work that way.

So far so good, we had talked. There was even some spanking that afternoon. And I felt better. I was going to spend more time in reality and less in my head. We decided to take at more time to just talk about things that were important to us – talking without the TV or a compute on. It made sense. I stopped fantasizing, I didn’t write any post, I didn’t read many blogs, I didn’t work on any fiction, I wouldn’t even listen to Cassie.

I can tell you one thing for sure – I was miserable. Usually after Nick and I clear the air about this I bounce back and feel happy and upbeat again. That didn't happen, I simply felt blank. It was like I was giving myself the silent treatment. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad – I was nothing. I wasn’t interested in sex, in spanking, it talking, in visiting. Blank was the perfect way to describe it. I really thought I was doing the right thing but it was making me feel much, much worse.

It didn’t take that long for me to realize that stepping away from daydreaming and writing wasn’t right for me. Once this realization hit I felt better almost at once. Mindblogging is good for me, it calms and relaxes me when I need it to, yet at other times it feeds my libido. And if anyone is wondering, I really do know the difference between fantasy and reality. I know there are some fiction stories in my head that have NOTHING to do with what I want in real life. But I still find them exciting and sexy and hot! Not writing cut me off from being creative and happy. Nope, stepping away wasn’t right for me. I just have to be sure I’m using these fantasies to enhance living my life, not instead of it. When Nick and I talked about it he pointed out that he had never asked me to stop writing. He know it’s good for me too.

Our bond is as strong as any couple I know. Our marriage is like a delicious meal – basically we like the same foods. We have both introduced different items onto the menu and we have been willing to try a little of everything. But if I want more of one spice that Nick does its okay to add it to my plate only – I don’t have to insist he flavor his plate to suit me. I can use my fantasies, my writing in general, as a way to kick my libido up a notch. I think women in general need more fantasies to get them to where they need to be than men do.

For right now I think we’re doing well. I’ll keep doing what works for me. That may be one part of me firmly planted in reality and the other part just as much at home in fantasy/fiction land. I’m really pretty comfortable in both.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Fantasy Friday - A Good Night's Sleep, II

I'll be back to writing soon. I sure wish some of you would write for Fantasy Friday. I'm glad that these repost are new for many of you. I hope you enjoy...

A Good Night’s Sleep

She was too tired to appreciate how handsome Kyle looked as he pushed open the door from their garage and walked into the kitchen that evening. She was pouting as he kicked off his shoes, offloaded his briefcase and suit coat to the hall tree. "Missed you, Emily" he said as his strong arms pulled her close. Even in her sleepy state, she was not completely immune to the wonderful masculine smell of him. She pushed out of his hug a little too quickly and started leafing through a catalog which had come in the mail that day. Casually, she said, "thought you were going to be home a few hours ago."

Kyle responded kindly, "You seem tired, kitten. Didn’t you sleep well last night?" This wasn’t where she wanted the conversation to go, but she was prepared to turn it back on him. "You know I never sleep well when you’re gone overnight." To avoid the possibility of running into traffic and not being on time for his early morning meeting, Kyle had driven two hours into the city and spent the night in a hotel. "I’m sorry, babe. You know I hate being away from you for even one night, but it couldn’t be helped." She shrugged off another attempt he made to hug her.

"Hey, what’s for dinner, honey? I’m starved," he asked. After throwing a frozen pizza into the oven, Emily went to lie down on their bed. She flopped down on top of the bedspread. Feeling relieved that Kyle was finally home to handle the children, she fell into a blissful sleep and was only distantly aware that Kyle had gotten "dinner" on the table.

The house was quiet and it was completely dark outside when he climbed onto their bed and hovered over Emily. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. He appreciated how much work it took to care for their three little ones...especially alone. He bent over and planted kisses into the warm crook of her neck. He was delighted when she rolled over and looked up at him with her dark, happy eyes. "Oh, hi there, love," she said and stretch her arms out for a hug. "Oh, thank you, Kyle. I really need that nap" Emily sighed. "Anything for my Princess" he said while he began unbuttoning his shirt for bed.

A quick look at the clock and she realized how long he had let her sleep. The kids were obviously already in bed. "And what do you need, babe?" she asked with a suggestive smile on her face. He looked so big and handsome hovering over her that her heart skipped and she reached to pull him down on top of her. After reacquainting themselves with deep kisses and frantic groping, Kyle scooped her up off the bed so he could pull back the covers.

Unfortunately, as the bedspread was stripped back, both of them caught sight of a note, handwritten on a piece of yellow legal notepaper. Kyle set Emily down on her feet and she pulled the note up off the bed, wondering aloud, "What’s this?"

He waited while Emily read the short love note he’d left in bed for her before he’d left on his overnight trip. "Dear Emily, I’m going to miss you, kitten. Thank you for maintaining my castle while I’m away. I’ll think of you constantly because I need you like a vampire needs a vein. Keep our bed warm until I get back and remind you what it’s for. All my love, Kyle"

Emily moved forward to hug him and thank him for the note, but he sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her down onto his hard lap. She could tell by the firm way he was gripping her arm that he was not joking. "Look at me!" he demanded. He tipped her chin up so that she couldn’t help but see the anger in his eyes as he asked, "Why didn’t you go to bed last night, Emily?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, trying to sound innocent. "Emily, do not play games with me. What was the last thing I told you to do on the phone last night before we said goodnight?" He waited for her to respond.

She sat quietly for several seconds before erupting with a defiant tone, "You said not to stay up late!" She went on to yell, "I can stay up as late as I want. I can stay up all night if I want. Why do you even care? It’s none of your business!" Despite the fact that she was trying to pull herself off his lap and storm away, she was held in place by his unyielding arms. She felt like a silly brat, but she was afraid to back down.

"So did you...did you stay up all night, Emily?" Several more silent seconds were all the answer she gave. His mouth moved closer to her ear and with an edge of controlled anger he said quietly, "Stand up, Emily." She stood up and he tucked her tightly between his thighs. He began unsnapping her jeans and then yanked them down to her knees. She wouldn’t look at his face and made sure that her own face showed only anger and not the fear that was about to make her collapse.

Kyle flipped her face down over his lap and she began to complain. "Too late for talking, babe," he growled. "I’ll do the talking now. I’ll start by telling you what I think of my wife being disobedient. You just close your mouth and listen." He laid into her upturned bottom with his hand. Over and over his hand reigned down quick, hard hits. Her hand reflexively swung back to protect her bottom from the painful spanks. Without much effort, he pinned her arm to her back and continued spanking.

Emily began to kick her feet and angrily yelled at Kyle to stop, but he simply hooked one leg over the back of her calves and used the slight pause to pull her panties down below her bottom. The panties hadn’t offered much protection, but now there was nothing between her pink flesh and his hard hand. She realized that Kyle was more angry than she thought and began to loudly repeat "I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry..."

"You aren’t nearly as sorry as you’re going to be. Now stop being mouthy or this lesson is going to be taught very slowly." The intensity of the spanks increased as he punctuated each syllable of "ve-ry-slow-ly" with a spank to her upper thighs. She stopped talking but began to quietly whimper. "Part two of tonight’s lesson" he paused to say, " is what your husband will do if you ever stay up all night again without my permission."

"Pleeeeaase" she whined. "I won’t do it again. I’m sorry I was up last night. I just got playing on the internet and I didn’t realize how late it was."

"Sweetheart," he said without mercy, "one thing you aren’t is stupid. You may be disobedient and stubborn, and you may not know when it’s best to keep your mouth shut, but you do know how to read the clock display right onscreen and you must have noticed the hours passing. You weren’t even supposed to be ON the internet. When I hung up with you at eleven, you were supposedly in your bed and going to sleep. Now, I am not going to argue with you, kitten." He hauled her up off his lap and then pushed her face down onto their bed.

Standing behind her, he began unbuckling his belt as he continued, "Honey, I don’t like to punish you, but what I really don’t like is when I come home from work to a tired and cranky wife." He folded his belt over and gave her ten precise licks across both cheeks. Emily was close to tears when he stopped to speak again. "If you’re tired and cranky because the kids are sick, or you’ve had a fight with your mother, then that’s one thing. But to come home and have you frowning at me, pushing me away and throwing cold pizza at me because you just couldn’t log off, well...." He gave her another twenty hard whips with the belt before she jumped forward on bed and yelled, "Dammit, Kyle! I hate you!"

"Now, I know you don’t mean that, Emily. You are feeling guilty because you disobeyed me and because you haven’t had enough sleep. Let’s just finish up this lesson and get you tucked back into bed. You should be tired enough when I’m done here that you can sleep the rest of the night." He grabbed her foot and pulled her back into position. Putting his hand on her lower back, he said, "So help me, Emily, if you move out position again, I will have to start again at the beginning."

He gave her twenty more lashes with his belt. She had broken down and was sobbing after the first ten, but she didn’t start to beg until number fifteen. She buried her face in a pillow and only came out to gasp for air and plead. He tossed his belt onto the floor and reached under the bed for his wooden paddle. Seeing the paddle in his hand brought on a fresh round of hysterical weeping. She hated that paddle and felt she couldn’t take any more. "Now I have a few questions for you, baby. I’ll expect you to answer respectfully. You know how to do that, right?"

"Yes, sir" she cried into the pillow.

"Do you know why I am punishing you tonight?" She realized that she needed to respond promptly when her pause brought on a round of five spanks with the paddle.

"Yes! I know why you’re spanking me!" she yelled at him angrily.

"Not very respectful..." he said calmly as he held his hand firmly on her lower back and delivered ten more swats with the paddle.

"No, please, sir. I’m sorry, sir" she gasped. "I shouldn’t have stayed up all night. I was cranky and tired when you came home. Please, no more, sir," she bawled.

"That’s good, sweetie. Now, do you understand that I expect this *spank* pretty *spank* little *spank* ass *spank* in bed by a reasonable hour every *spank* single *spank* night? *spank, spank*

"Yes, sir. I do, sir. Please, sir. No more."

"And do you know what I will do if you defy me again, angel?" He rubbed the smooth, cool paddle in circles over her fiery bottom. "Yes, sir. Please, sir. No more" she continued sobbing. He gave her ten more hard licks to her sit spot.

He dropped the paddle onto the floor and scooped her up in his arms. She buried her wet face in his neck and cried with relief that the spanking was over. He carried her into the bathroom and pulled a few tissues from the box before he sat down on the edge of the tub and began drying her eyes. She kicked her feet out of her jeans and panties and they dropped onto the floor. She could not quit crying and she held onto him like her heart would break. She was so sad that she had treated him so rudely and been disobedient too.

"Shhhh. Shhhhhh, good girl" he crooned to her with a soothing voice as he pushed her hair back out of her eyes. "It’s okay, kitten. It’s over. Shhhhh. I love you so much, baby."

"Are yo-you-you still ma-mad at me?" she choked.

"Of course not sweetie. It’s over. It’s done. You’re such a good girl. I couldn’t live without you. I need you, baby, just like you need me. Shhhhhh. Just be still, kitten. I’ve got you. I’ll hold you as long as you want."

"I’ll be good, Kyle. I’ll obey you, I promise. Why do you love me so much, anyway? I’m so stupid sometimes," she sniffled.

"Oh, baby. I’ll always love you...even when you need me to correct you. I will always take care of you...even when you don’t take care of yourself. And you’re not stupid, Emily. You are the smartest lady I know. You are a brilliant mommy, and you take such good care of me and our home. I couldn’t do anything without you. You are my best friend. I love that you trust me and that you need me to take care of you." Kyle crooned.

She felt so safe and content in his arms. Her tears had turned to tears of peace and love for the man who now held her in his arms. She lifted her face up to look into his eyes and he kissed her red nose. She leaned in and kissed his lips. He kissed her back and when she wiggled her arm free so she could explore his chest and belly with her hands, she felt him become hard against her throbbing bottom.

With small hiccups leftover from the waning tears, she began unbuttoning his shirt. He pressed the tissues against her cheeks again as he stared into her face. She undid his pants and slid onto her knees on the bath rug. He groaned with aching desire as she reached into his pants and released his erect blade. She held her arms up and waited until he pulled her shirt over her head. She cradled his manhood between her breasts and placed gentle kisses on the wet tip of his shaft. She began to lick and suck with great pleasure as he shuttered with the sensation of her warm mouth.

"Baby, you’re killing me" he groaned.

"It’s only fair," she said. "If I can take a licking, so can you."

"You know where that smart mouth will get you, right?" he said with a wicked grin. He picked up Emily and carried her back to their bed. Kyle pushed her onto her belly and began massaging her bottom. She loved and hated the massage. She writhed and moaned in painful pleasure. He moved his hand between her thighs and thrust his finger up into her and she rocked up onto all fours and moaned with delight.

"You’ve got this coming," he whispered as he mounted her from behind and drove his cock deep inside her. She pushed her bottom against him as he drove into her again and again. Kyle grabbed her hair and pulled her head gently back and began biting her neck as he listened to her pant and whimper with need. When she felt the passion building to the point where she was no longer in control, she began to plead "Please, Kyle, no, no, nooooo! Oh, oh, yes, please, yes, please, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle" she screamed. For the second time that night her tears watered their bedspread. She abandoned herself to the love he so thoroughly gave her...and she wept at being complete.

They lay together, spent from the lesson and spent from the loving. It was all the same thing: the pain, the pleasure, the needy and being needed. Complete and content, Kyle tucked her into bed. She lay quietly as he smoothed the blankets across her body and bent to whisper "I love you, kitten. Now get some sleep."


The author of ‘A Good Night’s Sleep’ was Marie. Marie used to comment back when she wrote this. This was the first spanking story she had ever written. She is obviously very talented and I hope she will write more for us – or for herself if she should ever decide to begin a blog.

Marie describes herself as ‘kind of shy, but coming out of my shell more and more since dd and making a few internet friends’. I haven't heard from her lately but maybe she's still reading and she'll begin commenting again.

Now one of the things I really liked about this story is that I opened and read it the first time about 2 AM one weekend Nick was out of town. I don’t like get off the computer and go to bed either. Is this another fantasy where I should have posted a warning for all the HOH to skip today’s story? I mean we don’t need them getting any more ideas!

If you are willing to share a story you've written you can sent it to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Monday, September 20, 2010

Just another day in the South

I just wanted to pop in for a moment. Nick and I are better, we’ve talked and we will be talking some more. But that’s not want I’m posting about today. I want to tell you about Mollie’s weekend because it was interesting to say the least.

Mollie has to do a senior project. She chose photography as her subject. In addition to an 8 to 10 page paper she must have a ‘product’ to present. One of her teachers had an acquaintance whose son was getting married but they had no money for a photographer. The teacher asked if Laura would be willing to shoot the wedding, touch up the pictures on her computer and with the bride and groom’s permission, make a second album to use as her ‘product’.

Everyone seemed happy with the suggestion. Nick went along to help – he took wedding pictures years ago. They went to the rehearsal Friday night to meet everyone and see the best placed to set up some shots. When they arrived Mollie said she was a bit uncomfortable to realize everyone else was wearing jeans while she had put on a dress. You know how teens are; they hate to be different in a crowd. But then finally someone else showed up in a dress – only thing was, the other person in a dress was the father of the bride. Yep, nice black dress, green platform shoes and a long auburn wig. Hmmmm…

It makes me of Julia Sugarbaker’s quote from Designing Women –

“I'm saying this is the South. And we're proud of our crazy people. We don't hide them up in the attic. We bring 'em right down to the living room and show 'em off. See, Phyllis, no one in the South ever asks if you have crazy people in your family. They just ask what side they're on.”

Friday, September 17, 2010

Fantasy Friday - From the Journal of Dr. Spankenstein, II

From the Journal of Dr. Spankenstein

She’s waggling again. This behavior would have likely gone unnoticed by the casual observer. But being a trained scientist, I notice these things: the subtle sway of her hips, the sparkle in her eyes, her out-thrust chin. Just as honeybee workers perform their waggle dance to relay information to their sisters in the hive, my mate performs hers to relay her need to me. It is such a primal part of her that I doubt if she even knows she’s doing it. If I’ve read her correctly, she is need of a recreational spanking.

Penelope and I had been married almost 6 years before we discovered her need for spanking. Coming from a very proper background, it had taken her a while to loosen up enough to experiment in the bedroom. We tried light bondage a bit, but we really struck a chord when I lightly spanked her bottom. She really took to it and asked that it become a permanent feature in our play. She even took a subscription to Sassy Lady, a magazine that featured fantasy spanking stories. We even purchased a few tools of the trade. She began to crave more severe treatments. She had truly found her niche.

This changed 4 years later with the birth of our first child. We no longer had the time, energy, or privacy. After nearly a decade of Penelope either being pregnant or lactating, we finally got our bedroom back to ourselves. She began to crave it again. Her favorite magazine had gone under during our hiatus. She struck out on the internet and discovered a bold new world. Like a bee sampling flowers, she sampled blogs and sites until she found the perfect fit for her. It seems she really likes a mix of domestic discipline and erotic spankings. She bravely explained her needs to me and I have worked diligently to fulfill them.

Being a trained observer, I’ve learned to look for the verbal and nonverbal cues that she displays to work out the actions that best address her needs. I’ve concluded that she needs two different treatments depending upon the situation. The first is what I call a therapeutic or punitive spanking when she is under a lot of strain or has wronged a friend or family member. Most of my cues are verbal. She could be snapping more frequently at the children, using the flat “I’m fine” voice, or The Voice (think Hillary Clinton after being asked an unflattering question). These are the more severe spankings that contain harder strokes, last longer, and usually involve multiple implements. The act is almost an act of contrition or emotional release for her and she is usually greatly relieved and calmed afterwords.

The other type, I’ve labeled a recreational spanking. In this case the horny little minx simply wants her bottom reddened for the sensation of it. My cue for this one is usually nonverbal, she waggles. This is the type that I’m faced with tonight. After we’ve gotten our brood to sleep, I instruct her to lock our bedroom door, disrobe, and get on all fours on the bed. I start out slow by rubbing and kneading her shapely bottom to increase blood flow in the target area. I then give her a rapid succession of bare-handed swats. This is followed by more kneading and rubbing. Since she has been particularly good this week, I next use her favorite paddle, a medium-sized hardwood paddle with lots of thud. After about a dozen whacks with this beauty, her skin becomes flushed, her knees begin to weaken and her reddened little behind begins to perform a very different waggle dance, one whose meaning is both unmistakable and irresistible………oh yeah………I think we’ve created a monster.

This story was from another male reader. Papa Shrek, Caragal's husband. They haven't been commenting as much lately but you can still keep up with Carye on Todd and Suzy's site. She is part of their diet group. Papa Shrek I think you wrote a great story and if you're not still writing it I hope you're still living it.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

See ya later

I got the comment below on my last post. When I read it my first thought was ‘Can’t do it.’ But I think maybe there was some excellent advice here. I don’t know if I can give up writing all together because it’s my major stress relief and a real joy to me. But I think I’ll take a break here. Never have before, after 4 years I guess it’s time. We always tease about wishing our guys could read our minds. I can honestly say this time it wouldn't help. I have no more idea what I want that Nick does.

I probably won’t be gone long. If anyone needs me I’ll be checking my email.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading about this for many years now; wives who want to be spanked or dominated in some way and husbands who do it enthusiastically at first, then eventually slow down and sometimes stop altogether. I asked my husband about why this happens and he said that for a lot of husbands, the whole thing can start to feel like a chore.

"Spank the wife, take out the garbage.." You know.

It starts to sound like nagging. Which is the last thing any of us wants to do, I know.

Which is why I disagree with the advice to "communicate nonstop" about this topic. A lot of men feel they are already getting too MUCH communication about it. They're sick of it. Even though we women do not think we are overdoing it, ofttimes *they* do.

So, one thing you can do is give it a rest for a while. Doesn't mean forever, just a while. Instead, maybe focus on *his* fantasies? Cater to his desires for a while instead of yours? When was the last time you guys focused solely on his stuff? :)

And maybe back off reading the blogs about spanking and writing about spanking and getting your head into "all things spanking". Take a break from it.

I know from my own experience that when I read lots of blogs on certain topics, I become consumed by that topic. I obsess on it, that's all I want to think about.

But if I resist and stop going to such websites, the urge to constantly think about that topic recedes.

You may find that after you take the pressure off Nick and let your obsession slack off for a while, things might pick up again naturally.

Just some ideas, based on my own experience as well as observing others for so long, now. :) Good luck! :)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Maybe it's just time to let it go

Aaarrrrrggg!! I’m driving myself nuts! It’s my fault – I know it’s me but I just don’t know what the hell to do about it. I am basically a happy person, an optimist. But two things can get me down pretty quickly. One is everything about my job except the actual teaching part and the other is Nick ignoring TTWD. When they come together it often lead to me being really down. Work – well there is nothing I can do about that. Nick ignoring TTWD – not much I seem to be able to do about that either.

My first friends here were in the same boat I was in. We had dear sweet men in our lives that had no idea why their nutty women wanted to be spanked, but they spanked us. They tried to understand that we wanted them to be the boss (as long as they didn’t really try to boss us around), and they tried to make a few ‘rules’ to make us happy and fulfill our needs but always wondering, I’m sure, when we would say ‘hey that’s enough, back off.’

I think I was the one in the group who had the desire for a little more realism than the others seemed to need. Now I find myself as little envious when I read blogs where the husbands seem to enjoy the dominate side of all of this more than Nick does. Some of the husbands out here seem to actively look for reasons to spank – both just for fun or in some type of discipline. Trust me I don’t want any of these men (even though I’m sure that they’re great guys) I only want Nick. I just wish Nick was more into TTWD.

So here’s where I am. I write emails to Nick, I write posts trying to let him know what I really need to be my best self – the happy, sexy wife that I know he wants. He reads it, I think he’s willing but there isn’t much follow through. He’s hasn’t learned my spanko language of love – threats. Telling me “If you don’t do _______ I’m going to spank your butt.” Texting me ‘If I find dishes in the living room when I get home I’m getting out the hairbrush’. An email saying ‘Surprise mid week weigh in, if you aren’t lower than you were Friday you’re getting spanked’. These bits of communication wouldn’t take much effort on his part but it would mean the world to me to know he was thinking along these lines. I don’t really care if he’s being serious or just playing because he knows how much I need it. When weeks go by and there is no spanking and not even any talking about TTWD, I just get down. Now I'm not being completely fair here - there has been a little spanking since I went back to work but not nearly enough to engage my mind and, of course, that's where I need stimulation.

I stay quiet when I start to get down. Remember Nick hasn’t done anything wrong – I have no reason to be mad at him and I’m not, but I start to get down. He usually has no idea and I’m sure he is often blindsided by my moods. So when we find we have some time alone and he extends an invitation to play I’m often in one of these ‘dark moods’. I don’t want to turn him down or fuss about the long time we’ve gone without TTWD being mentioned. I want to be happy about the time we have but since I am sad/ down/ hurt I have two choices. I can spoil everything and hurt Nick’s feelings by saying I don’t feel like playing. Or suppressing my feeling and just go along. It’s not that I don’t enjoy myself when I go along when I’m not really in the mood, but when I suppress these feelings I feel like my old self, I don’ t like that. When that happens I’m not being honest with Nick and I’m not being honest with myself.

I guess I’m not alone. Bonnie’s brunch question is on this very subject. So what do I do? Do I continue to try to get Nick as into TTWD as I am or do I accept that it’s just never going to be as important to him as it is to me? It worries me that so much of my sexual self is tied up in this. When we are spanking regularly, when we are discussing the dynamics of TTWD, when we are teasing about it, when we exchange email and text about it I am on top of the world. I'm happy at work, I’m cheerful at home, I don't mind exercising or trying to eat right and I’m anxious to have sex whenever we get the chance. I just feel 'right'.

But when we go weeks will little action or even discussion on the topic I can do one of two things. First, I can withdraw and pretend it doesn't matter. When that happens I’m not PK, I’m not a sexual creature; I’m just my old self that I was at the beginning of our marriage. That's not a bad person but I like me better now. Or two, I start to get really hurt and depressed. Neither feeling is very good. So there needs to be a third choice.

Every time I write a post like this I swear to myself it’s the last one like it I’ll never write. I know this sounds like one long complaint but I honest and truly don’t mean this as a post where I'm fussing about Nick. Nick is the best husband in the world and I feel like I am treated better than 95% of the wives on the planet! I guess he’s doing the best he can when it comes to TTWD. He can’t make himself into a spanko any more than I can stop being one. So maybe I just need to get off his back. Maybe it's time to let TTWD go for a while. Maybe I should spend more time trying to find out what he wants and needs instead of continually asking, demanding, whining about my needs.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Fantasy Friday - OTK, II

Isn't it great to have a good story to look forward to on Friday mornings? I think it is a wonderful start to a great weekend. I surely wish there were some new stories coming in once and a while but Old Fantasy Friday may have run it's course. I'll repost stories if you still enjoy them. I do have another good one for you today folks, this one was written by one of my favorite people out here! Relax and enjoy another great Fantasy Friday!!


They had been High School sweethearts and now Donna was minutes away from getting married to the man of her dreams. Jim was already dressed in his tuxedo thinking of what his bride would look like standing at the alter next to him. He had visions of what his wedding night would be like with this beautiful woman. Jim did not know it but Donna had the same thoughts running thru her head.

Donna had told Jim years ago what those playful swats he gave her on her butt did to her. They were not really into spanking but he had promised her on there wedding night he would do whatever she wanted to please his new bride. The thoughts of what she wanted him to do was making her moist between her legs. Jim had been on the computer reading up on spankings and had actually found a chat room on the subject. For the last several months and had learned a great deal he thought on how he could please the woman he would spend the rest of his life with.

The ceremony was about to start and he watched his bride to be being escorted to him by her father. It was beautiful an outdoor wedding and the weather could not have been better. As the minister finished the ceremony and he told Jim he may kiss his new bride. He smiled at Donna, told her he loved her and they kissed passionately. He then whispered in her ear "You will receive you first spanking tonight". Donna then gave Jim another kiss and they turned to walk away as man and wife.

The wedding reception was just as wonderful as the ceremony itself. The happy couples were dancing and Donna whispered to Jim I have a surprise for you but not until this evening. She asked Jim what kind of spanking she was going to receive and Jim just kissed her and told her one that she would remember always.

The drive to the hotel had taken a couple of hours and when they reached the door of there suite they kissed each other with hunger for each other. Jim opened the door and picked her up and carried her to the bed. The bed was covered in rose petals. There were vases of dozens of roses thru out the room and a table with champagne being chilled and a box.

Jim was sitting on the edge of the bed as Donna came out of the bathroom. He stood up and could not believe how beautiful she was. She was wearing nothing but a orange G-string panty. They only took two steps to each other and there mouths met. Jim's hands were slowly massaging Donna's back and then down to her butt as they continued to kiss Donna let out a little moan. Jim's mouth then found her nipple and then the other. He slipped down to his knees as his mouth continued to explore her body and his hands massaging her butt. Donna thru her head back and her breathing was labored as the feelings raced thru her body and ended between each leg.

Jim grabbed each side of her panties and pulled it down as Donna stepped out of it. Jim's eyes met hers as she told him, I told you I had a surprise for you. She had shaved clean her pubic area and as his mouth kissed her there her knees buckled. Jim got up and led he to the bed reached down and picked up the box and gave it to her. Inside was a leather paddle and etched into it "forever my love". Jim reached for Donna and put her over his knee and started to rub her butt all over and then his hand came down on her with the first swat and the another. He continued for several minutes with his hand and then picked up the leather paddle.

Donna was in another world. She had no idea what she had wanted for so long was making her feel like this. As the paddle came down again on her red marks were beginning to show on her butt and Jim stopped to massage her and ask her if she was ok. Her response to him was not to stop "please don't stop". Jim continued and with each swat the leather made her moan. Jim took his other hand and found out how wet she was, him not knowing she had already had the first of many orgasms to come that evening.

Jim could wait no longer and laid her on the bed and entered her. As they made love together as man and wife they both exploded together and then they held each other and told each other how much they loved each other.

That was ten years ago today. The paddle is well worn and is kept in the night stand next to the bed. Donna is waiting for the love of her life to return from work and all she has thought about today is how Jim makes her feel when he takes her over his knee. As the door opens she gets up to greet Jim with her panties soaked with the thoughts in her mind of the evening that was to come.


This fine Fantasy Friday story was a bit different than most - it was written by a man. Very few men have ever written a FF story for me. Right now I can only think of four. This one was written by David, Mthc's husband. Bless their hearts Mthc and David used to be very active out here and Mthc and I still talk several times every day. Unfortunately David is really not well now and Mthc is shouldering enormous responsibility. It doesn't leave a lot of time for reading and writing out here. But they are still two of my best friends and I thank David for the story.

If any of you are willing to contribute a story you can read more about Fantasy Friday here and you can send you story to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Wedding weekend

I love weddings but this whole trip was a real blast. I always love spending time with Eva and Adam. And this was special because I got to meet daughter #1! She was so lovely and so very nice to me. Remember she didn’t know me at all but she made me feel like I was a member of the family right from the start. I was included in the Rehearsal Dinner – a fantastic pig picking! Daughter # 2 was comfortable letting me watch over the two beautiful granddaughters and daughter # 3 ditched her parents couch in their suite and joined me in my room. It was all just fun and I feel like I got closer to the whole family.

There was one participant in the wedding that I was a bit worried about. The person in charge of flowers at a wedding, in my opinion, has a very stressful job. I mean it’s a critical part of the wedding and you don’t get a re-do if something goes wrong. I think after that job the father of the bride job is equally stressful. Think of the emotional pressure of having to take your baby down the aisle and give her to another man. I guess the only member of the wedding party that has more pressure on him is the minister himself. Now how would you feel if you had to do all three?? Yep, Adam did the flowers, walked his daughter down the aisle and then performed the ceremony. I personally thought he would crack – he didn’t. Okay his voice did a little at times but he held it together beautifully and speaking of beautiful I’ve never seen flowers anything finer that what Adam did.

He was one happy man when everything was over – even the father daughter dance was incredible as they danced to numerous different styles. That man can bust some moves! Now what was Eva doing all this time. Beaming from ear to ear and doing whatever she could to assist. I did my best in my role as best-friend-of-the-mother-of-the-bride. This job consisted of staying close and seeing what needed to be done. It was all so much fun. The reception was great – the food, the pies (yes pie, Eva can tell you all about this) Smores as well as Polynesian food, Mexican food and Italian food. Yep it was some reception.

Even Adam's encounter with the police later only served to make the whole day one to remember! I’ll let Eva explain more about this if she chooses to. Mean while I’ll leave you with a picture of Eva. For those who know her best out here will have a hard time believing it’s her but it is…

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

A delightful traveling companion

I’m back from my wedding weekend. Way too tired for a long post but I’ll tell you about the highlights soon. Traveling Friday night after school was a tiring drive. I sat in a traffic jam for 30 minutes – with a desperate need to pee. But the 'half-way' hotel was nice and I slept well. I got up about seven, getting ready to step into the shower when the fire alarm goes off in earnest. I’m nude and the buildings on fire? Perfect. I threw on my clothes, grabbed my computer (didn’t think I was leaving without it did you?) I was really able to stuff everything in my computer case – that’s all I had brought in for the one night. I headed for the stairs and evacuated with everyone else. Everyone was outside and here came the fire trucks. I never did find out exactly what happened. Probably just something burnt and smoking in the kitchen area but I was up and dresses so I just headed out.

Now on to my traveling companion – I was a little worried about traveling alone. I like to sleep when I’m in a car – whether I’m driving or not. I do better when I have someone to talk to. But neither Nick nor Mollie could go so I was hoping I could make it. But guess who showed up?

She visited with me and told me stories all the way there and back. Some were from the old days and I swear I had no idea that they were in there. Such an interesting experience! Can’t fuss at me when there are no new stories from Cassie. I’ve found she can’t be pushed. She tells me when she gets good and ready. So now she’s ready - why couldn’t she have been ready this summer when I had plenty of time to type for her. Sigh… I’ll do the best I can.

The wedding deserves its own post and I’ll get that up soon.

Friday, September 03, 2010

Fantasy Friday - Birthday Wishes, II

I'm off to the wedding but you can be sure my ever faithful computer is with me on my trip. This story was written by one of the nicest people I've ever met out here and she has written about one of my favorite spanking themes in this weeks Fantasy Friday. I mean who doesn’t crave a good birthday spanking? And I think this is an especially good one. Enjoy the read and let the author know if you like it!

Birthday Wishes

"Here" she said, passing him two boxes wrapped neatly in silver paper.

"But it's your birthday" he replied looking at her confused.

"I know" she smiled sarcastically. "When was the last time you bought me a birthday gift?"

"Now that's not fair," he laughed. "I've brought you home flowers before and given you a card,” but the twinkle in his eyes showed that he knew it had been a long time.

"Well, these gifts aren't flowers but I promise I will enjoy them...and hopefully you will too...if you choose to open them." She smiled seductively and gazed into his deep blue eyes. "Open the smaller box first."

"What exactly are in these boxes?" he asked intrigued.

"Only one way to find out" she giggled nervously as she left the room. "Have a good day at work."

"I love you”, he called as he heard her run up the stairs.

"I love you too," she yelled back.

"Happy Birthday!"

Sarah and Chris had dabbled in erotic, playful spankings for a while as a way to spice up their marriage. They had been together a long time and they were happy - or they thought they were. They had a relationship based on love and friendship. They had the family they always dreamed of. They had a place to call home, careers they enjoyed, and amidst the every day challenges they had established a good life for themselves and their family.

However, in the process, they had lost themselves. They were so busy being parents and other roles they had to play day to day that they had forgotten who they were as a couple. Since they started spanking this all had changed. Sarah had always known she had a desire to be spanked, only she never knew how to express it. She felt embarrassed, confused, and ashamed. Why would she want to feel so submissive and vulnerable?

So she kept her fantasy a secret. Chris always loved giving Sarah love taps whenever she turned away or bent over in an inviting position. One day, she decided to share her secret. A whole new world opened to them. They started to fall in love with each other all over again. Now every year since she could remember she longed for the man she loved to give her a birthday spanking and every year she would tease and say "So I'm ready for my birthday spankings" and Chris would oblige with a smile and a single smack. Sarah wanted more. Much more. This year she had a plan. This year would be different...she hoped.

In the first box, Sarah placed a bottle of massage oil and a sexy red negligee with a note.

The note read:
My Birthday Wishes
1). I wish you would massage every part of my body, leaving nothing left unexplored.

2). I wish you would take a shower with me. I love when you wash my hair. And I promise to take care of you, too.

3). I wish for you to order me to put on the negligee. Do not ask me. Tell me with passion in your eyes and I will obey your request more than willingly.

4). I wish for you to give me a gift I have been dreaming about. If you dare, open the second box. If not then continue to #5.

5). I wish for you to make passionate love to me.

In the second box was another note.

I wish you to give me a real birthday spanking. 36 - no less, plus one for good luck, first with your hands, your strong magic hands I adore. Then with this.

Wrapped in tissue paper was a leather paddle, the same leather paddle she had seen before and fantasized about, the one with roses embroidered on it. She just knew when she saw it she wanted it and she dreamed some day Chris would surprise her and take her over his knees and spank her. She had never felt anything but his wonderful hands and oh, how she loved feeling his hand slowly caress her bottom and make it blush with each delightful smack. But she knew he was afraid to go any further and she was always left wanting more.

She knew her plan was silly, corny even, but somehow it was easier than going and telling him directly what she desired, what she craved, what she needed. And she knew he would not do it on his own. So now she waited with anticipation for what seemed like an eternity. She waited at the top of the stairs and watched the car pull away as Chris left for work. Then proceeded like any other day. Drive kids to school, go to the store, put groceries away, do laundry, pick up kids from school, play, check email...only her mind kept wandering...

By the time Chris came home from work, Sarah was already wet with desire from the possibilities that lay before her. No words were spoken as he kissed his wife hello. He hugged his children. They sat down to enjoy dinner together as a family. It was just like any other evening. Sarah wished she could read his mind and know what he was thinking. Fortunately she was able to distract her thoughts for a moment. The children helped sing happy birthday and blow out the candles on her birthday cake. They gave her a card they made especially for her that she knew she would save forever. Then Sarah and Chris read stories and sang songs and tucked the children into bed.

Now, it was just the two of them. Now the thoughts all returned. The burning desire. There were butterflies in her stomach. Sarah took a deep breath. Chris took her hand and led her to the bedroom. He smiled and looked at her lovingly. His hand brushed through her long hair as he pulled her close and they kissed. It amazed Sarah that after all these years she still felt the same spark she felt as the first day they met. He then unbuttoned her blouse and slipped it off her shoulders. He kissed her neck sending shivers down her spine. "Go take a shower" he said. Just hearing his voice so strong giving her a gentle order made her feel light on her feet and as she turned to go he gave her a sharp smack making her gasp.

He joined her in the shower and their bodies became entangled as the steamy water awakened their senses. After they finished their shower together, Chris led Sarah into a candlelit bedroom where he gave her a luxurious massage. Sarah was already feeling amazing and any faintness of stress disappeared with his every touch. He left no part untouched just as she wished and he quickly brought her to ecstasy. She then returned the favor and thanked him in his favorite way. They meshed as one and made love and then collapsed on the bed together in complete satisfaction. It had been wonderful.

Everything had been wonderful. How could she expect anything more? She felt selfish wanting more...but she did want more. She tried to hide her disappointment, but like a mirror Chris could see exactly what she was feeling and whispered in her ear, "Your birthday isn't over yet." She blushed. "Over my lap" he said “Someone has been awaiting some birthday spankings, yes?" She could hardly breathe. Birthday wishes do come true she thought. It had now been the perfect birthday.

Sarah and Chris both fell asleep snuggled up close and content in each other's arms. It had been a perfect birthday. In the morning, Chris left for work early kissing Sarah good-bye. She smiled at him lovingly. She decided to get up and start the day before the children awoke. She stopped to take a glance at her birthday present in the long oval mirror in their bedroom. The blush on her bottom was almost faded now, but the memory was still there. As she came into the kitchen, she noticed a gift on the table. On top of it was a note,

My dearest love,

You did not give me the chance to give this to you yesterday on your birthday.

With all the love in my heart,
Yours Forever and Always

P.S. - For someone who wishes to be submissive, you were certainly in control of everything that happened last night. Since it was your birthday, I was happy to humor you and let you be in charge, but tonight it is my turn. I arranged for the children to be picked up from school by Grammy and I will be arriving home early. I expect that you will be ready. Wear that red little thing you bought with your black garters and stockings and wait for me on our bed with my birthday gift to you opened and at my reach.

Sarah read the note quickly as she tore the wrapping paper. Her heart was racing. Inside was a wooden paddle. It looked as though it had been hand made. Tears streamed from her face. On the back, Chris had carved their initials with the words "forever and always in love." At that moment she knew how much he loved her. And oh, how she loved him. Then her thoughts drifted to what was in store for her later that day. That wood paddle would certainly leave the blush on her bottom the next morning. Hmmm, perhaps she was going to get even more than she wished for.

And, she could not have been happier!


First I want to let you know that the lovely leather paddle shown in the story comes from Leather Thorn Paddles . When I first posted this one back when we were voting everyone thought I wrote it. It does sound like me but this one was written by my friend Terpsichore. She doesn't comment as much as she used to but we still keep in touch and she is a lot like me in her feelings about love and spanking. Thank you Terpsichore! You did a great job!! Please write more!

Fantasy Friday is opened to anyone and everyone who is willing to share a story with us. You can learn more about it here. Please send your stories to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Big weekend!

I have big weekend plans. I’m heading to a wedding. I’m going alone because the rest of my family has plans of their own. The wedding’s about 8 hours away so there is a lot of traveling involved. Long way to go for a wedding you say? Must be family? Well yes and no. You see I’ve never met the bride or the groom. My family connection? I’m family by internet. The lovely bride to be is Eva’s oldest daughter. And although I have met the daughters 2 and 3, this will be my first chance to meet daughter #1.

Life’s funny. I met a complete stranger on line 4 years ago. It took us a while before we even exchanged real first names. I knew about her desire to be spanked and how her sex life was going before I knew where she lived or what she did for a living. Slowly, slowly we began trusting this strange way to make friends and shared more and more information. Within months we were on the phone and a year from when we first made friends on line we were meeting in person. Our friendship has taken us through a dozen meeting in a handful of states. We really started out cautiously and I’m glad we did. I think it made us trust each other more than the average friendship.

So now I’m headed to the wedding of a niece I’ve never met and looking forward to spending more time with my twin! Don’t forget Fantasy Friday and I’ll be back next week.