My moods yesterday switched so much I almost gave myself whiplash. I had my first spanking that I didn’t really want in the morning. I was unsure if I should continue to say anything I wanted in my blog, should I tell Nick to not to read it? Should I just stuff everything back down inside again? I was very confused and slightly depressed. As the day went on and I read your comments and emails and I began to get my courage back.
Then Nick came home and I became a bit uneasy again. I had emailed him to ask him to be sure to check out Nothing Random and New Beginnings also. It was a while until he got to the computer and I felt my stomach tighten. I could hear him typing a reply which was much longer than usual for him. It was a great reply. He seems confused and a bit bothered by the fact that I hadn’t really wanted him to do the very thing I had made him promise to do. No wonder the poor guy is bewildered!
He went on to say that he read the blog because I certainly had made no attempt to hide it and that’s true. He has never tried to censure it in any way and wasn’t planning to and he also reads it for information – what I am thinking, feeling and how we are doing in general. I had a reply, but the idea of trying to type it all was daunting. So I tried something really radical. I talked to him!
Both kids were gone and wouldn’t be home for hours. I took his hand and led him to the bedroom to cuddle and where I could talk with out looking directly at him. I explained that the very reason that I had made him promise to follow through with the punishment spanking for not meeting goal was because I knew there would come a time when I didn’t want it. I need his promise and his follow through to feel safe in the fact that we are in this together and he really cares. We all know it, a spanking makes you feel loved, protected and cherished. If they didn’t care why would they bother? He told me that he felt that this was the way a marriage should be. The caring and talking that we have done these last few weeks makes us feel like husband and wife instead of mom and dad.
Well after our talk the fun really began. We played a bit of our version of strip poker, complete with penalties for having the losing hand. He even let me show him what some of our toys felt like but only for basic information, as he reminded me – I’m the spanko in the family! It was wonderful. By the time we finished with each other we were in a tangle of sheets, toys, cards and discarded clothing! What a fantastic afternoon after a bewildering morning. How quickly a day can turn around.
I’m so glad we got this delightful afternoon in before the 30 relatives descend on us for Saturday and Sunday. I’ll check in when I can. I just wanted everyone to know that things are going great!