Yesterday I read Baker’s post over at Our Sweeter approachto Life. She asked an excellent question and my answer popped into my mind firmly and of its own accord. No hesitation at all I knew this answer. If you haven’t read her post I wish you would go over there now and read it and give her your answer, or at least get your answer in your mind.
Go on, click here, I’ll wait… but don’t forget to come back!
Glad you’re back. Being a lifelong spanko my answer was a no brainer. But I want to ask a different question. Ladies, what would your answer have been if your man came to you (much like we each came to our husbands) and told you he wanted to submit and put himself under your dominance?
Now before you say ‘Ick no, I don’t want to think about it.’ – think about it. This is the person you love and care for asking you for something you feel is off the wall and something that is totally out of your comfort zone. Isn’t that what we did to our men when we came out and asked after twenty or thirty years of marriage? (For some of your men, it wasn't that far out of their comfort zone, but go with me here.)
What if he told you that this was something he desperately wanted, needed in his life? What if he told you that this was what it took to make him feel totally loved? Totally safe? How would you have reacted?
I think the first reaction of many would be, “No, it makes him seem weak.” Does it? I certainly don’t think of any of us as ‘weak’. We are all strong, independent, intelligent women who after careful deliberation chose to submit (well, sorta) to one man – not to laying down our rights and be a doormat for the world. We are no less of a person because we made this choice.
Some may think, “But traditional rolls have the man as the HOH, the leader, the one with the final say.” Okay, sometime. Nick has always made the biggest money decisions – buying cars, building onto the house, investing. We always discuss, but I have no problem letting him make the final decision. On the other hand, decisions involving the children were my strong suit and I was usually the one making the final decision. Nick was better understanding finances; I was more in tune with the child rearing. None of that changed with TTWD.
If your man had asked – would he have seemed like less of a man to you?
(Did he see you as less of a woman?)
Would you have listened to what he was asking, sincerely, and stepped up to at least try to give him want he said he needed?
(Did he do that for you?)
Could you have made guide lines and spanked your man for not following them?
(Again, he did it for you.)
This is an age of swirling rolls between men and women. Fewer relationships are black and white. I know there are those out here where the woman is the dominant partner and they seem very happy. But for the majority of the people I know here the man is dominant, he does the spankings and we do the ouchy ‘just got spanked’ dance and that’s exactly the way we want it.
But what if… what if our loves had come to us with the same needs, desires, longing and fear of what might we have said? Would we have stepped up to give it a try in the way our loving men have done for us?