I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

What's a mother to do?

I guess it’s not a secret out here that I’m a proud mama. I love my children so much. But I truly dread the next few months with Mollie. She called tonight and I’m all in knots. It’s nothing bad – all completely normal, but it’s coming onto a monumental worrying time for her and she drains off her stress and worry by giving it to me.

My baby girl is graduating Mother’s day. I find that amazing and wonderful. But the worries of real life are hitting her. Teaching is funny when you are starting out. She doesn’t know where she wants to teach. She doesn’t really want to live alone in a strange town and although she likes this area and our extended family is important to her, she doesn’t want to live in our town. And while it would be nice to have her close by, I feel she needs to spread her wings.

So how does she start? Often teachers don’t get hired until the week before school begins. That doesn’t leave much time to get an apartment and can she afford to live alone and she won’t know anyone there and will she be able to get a job at all and while we’re worrying, she still isn’t dating any one and will she ever marry and have kids and…

And these are HER questions – not mine! But she dumps them on me – as she should, I’m her mom and a good sounding board. I’ve learned to listen and keep my mouth shut for the most part. It’s pretty easy not giving advice since I have no answers to these questions and wouldn’t know which direction to push her if I wanted to.

But how do I keep the worry and stress off my mind – I’ve been down and tense since she called. I don’t want to feel like this until next August! Anyone have a job, an apartment and a man for my daughter? It sure would help.

You needn’t suggest our usual form of stress relief. I don’t think it’s on the table right now. And after graduation, when Mollie is around for the summer it’s going to be ever less likely. I think I’ll just sit here and pull my hair out.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Company Coming

Guess who’s coming by to see me today? If you’ve been around a while you might remember Eva and Adam. Eva was my first friend out here and we soon became friend in real life.  We’ve gotten together several time – at our home and in some nice vacation spots.

It’s been a couple of years since we’ve been together in person, but she and Adam are coming by as they head off on vacation.  I’m looking forward to catching up. I don't think I can talk her into blogging again - but maybe I can talk her into a Fantasy Friday story!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Next week for sure.

I haven't forgotten nor given up on Fantasy Friday - but I've been gone several night this week, including last night and I didn't have time to dig one out. I'll have one next week, I promise. Hopefully one of you wonderful people will send me something you're writing, but if not I'll find one in the archives. Send stories to elisspeaks@yahoo.com 

Answers and one last question for you all.

There is still a name that blog and name that blogger contest going on. Go back here for all the details - you may want to read all the comments to get a better feel for this blogger.

Jay from, Relativity – Everything in life is relative, had some interesting questions on her blog and I thought I'd answer them here today.

1.What made you happy when you were younger?

I liked playing and being outside when I was little. We always ‘played pretend’, cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers, army, covered wagons, anything that came into our heads. And when I wasn’t with my friends I love to daydream and make up stories.

2.What makes you happy now?

I guess it seems silly, but the same things make me happy spending time with my friends either in real life or on line and when I can I like to daydream and make up stories – I’m very blessed that now I can actually publish my stories as books.

3.What do you think will make you happy in the future?

Watching my children handle adulthood. Seeing them succeed and hopefully give me grandchildren some day.  Being with Nick makes me happy too. And I have to stay with my other two answers too – retiring and writing full time will make me very happy. I guess I never got over the love of daydreaming.

4.Do any of these answers change if you get married? If you have children?

Of course I am married so it’s hard to imagine life any other way. I always knew I wanted to be married and have kids. So I guess I fulfilled my fantasies of youth and they did live up to my expectations.

I don't feel like I've participate in the March questions as much as I would have liked to. School seem to be all consuming suddenly - but I do have a questions for anyone willing to answer it - here or on your site. 

What makes you cry?

It can involve TTWD or just in your real life. But I'd like to know and I'll tell you what makes me cry soon.

Monday, March 23, 2015

What I really want

Go back here to join in a name that new blog and blogger contest.

Last week wasn’t my best. I wasn’t happy about work and I wasn’t happy with myself. I realized Friday was coming and I didn’t feel like a spanking. I didn’t say I didn’t need one but I didn’t want one. I sent Nick the following email.

I've been watching my weight this week - watching it climb and climb. I don't even pretend to know what's happening. You can't fix this. I don't know if I'm going to fix it. But I know I'm the only one who can. I'm not mad or sad or annoyed at anything, certainly not you, but right now I don't really care about our Friday agreement.  I just feel kinda blank about it. We can take a break. Will spring and warmer weather help? Probably not, nothing seems to help. I'm not exactly giving up I'm just discouraged. Maybe a couple of weeks of not thinking about it will help, I just don't know.

I wrote that Thursday night and quickly hit send. I didn’t what to think or talk about it. It was after school on Friday that Nick looked at the book where I record my weigh each week. He started to say something and I said, “Have you checked your email?” and that was all I had to say. He checked his email and said no more, we had a pleasant evening, we were both in a good mood and TTWD was not mentioned.  But by the time I went to bed I was feeling a little … off. I was trying to dig into my mind – what did I really want? And then I knew.

What I really wanted was…

for Nick to have done exactly what he did. Accept my feeling and not push the issue. I wanted him to not be mad about what I’d said, about the way my feelings and emotions and needs seem to jump around. I didn’t want him to say anymore about the weight gain. Although in truth he has never fussed about that only that I have to do something about my health before something serious happens.  So I got what I wanted, but…

What I really wanted was…

for Nick to say, “Nope, sorry, it doesn’t work that way. You started this but I’m invested now and unless you completely withdraw consent I’m the one who decided when you get spanked. I don’t give a crap if you gained or not, but you have to do something to assure you’re going to stay healthy.  And I don’t like you pulling away and trying to avoid a spanking. So you are getting a spanking and you may not like it.” But he didn’t say that and I then I realized that …

What I really wanted was…

for Nick to say something, not just to accept my email but to make me deal with it. Email would be fine. I guess I just don’t want him to accept it and say, ‘okay, fine’. I need to be pushed some. Maybe he could make a couple of ‘rules’ to help me. When he’s done this before it’s made things easier for me. Suggestions and ‘you ought to’s’ don’t help. But a couple of rules, about snacking, exercise or bedtime make it easier to stick to. The unused submissive side of me can really use this. But he has to pick rule that he cares enough about to follow through on.  I’ll usually follow them for a while then I get tired of them and slack off. I need him to ‘convince’ me to stick with them.

It’s hard for a girl to get everything she wants when she wants different things. I did get the following email from Nick Saturday morning.

Seems like a peculiar time to not feel like a session is needed.  Remember all the times you said not to let you off the hook?  I'm still considering.  Maybe a general stress/motivation evening.

I haven’t heard any more – but ultimately it might not come down to what I want. 

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Your help is needed - and it should be fun!

I have a friend who is thinking of starting a blog. Now that’s not too unusual, lots of my friends write blogs – I even browbeat a few into it, but I’m really looking forward to this one. This lovely lady is in between relationships at the moment, but she is no stranger to spanking. She’s had a paddle across her bottom more than once and she has also been know to lay a stripe or two across a male’s behind when it was warranted.

Her interests mirror many of ours, but she has a bit more courage than I do – she should, she’s much younger. Her exploration have taken her to some ‘dungeon’ club’s where she as been a very interested bystander. But I have the feeling she won’t be a bystander forever. Whether she bends over or grabs the paddle remains to be seen. She may well do a little of both.

Now the purpose of my post – she wants our help as she begins blogging. She needs a name, and the blog need’s a name and she’s willing to have a contest if we’ll help her come up with these. Willing to give it a shot?

In comment, or an email to me, leave a suggestion for a name for her and one for her blog. She’ll be doing the picking and for fun I’ll offer a free Cassie book of your choice – including the one I just sent to the publisher, as a prize if your suggestion is chosen. Two books actually, one for her name and one for the blog. Come on and join the fun – this is for bloggers, readers and lurkers alike.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Fantasy Friday - Letter to my Husband

My less than stellar week is nearly over and I can't tell you how happy I am to see it come to an end. I'm also happy to bring you a great Fantasy Friday today. This was first posted in 2009 so I'm sure it will be new to many. It's a good one and it just makes me tingle. I hope you enjoy…

Letter to my Husband

Dearest Husband,

I want you to spank me - send a note telling me how I should be at the office, in the meeting room, and in position by 4.00pm bent over the conference table ready, I mustn’t move. You won’t arrive at that time. Tell me what I must wear, that you've left clothes on the bed, the black luxury silk underwear and stockings you recently bought, the 3 inch high heels that you love me to parade in front of you, the earrings that you say are like my eyes, deep blue, the smart cashmere business suit with the tight fitting skirt that accentuates my bottom. Tell me I'm to bring the strap, the black leather one you made for me, and the red silk scarf, and place them on the table.

3.30 I'll pull my silk pants over my freshly showered bottom, I'll shiver with anticipation and excitement, stockings, heels, the suit, the earrings, perfume nothing too strong, nearly ready for you, god I'll feel sexy. The strap, I'll take it from your drawer and put it in my handbag along with the scarf.

3.45 I'll get in the car, only a short drive to the office.

4.00 I'll place the strap and the scarf on the table as instructed and be in position bent over the conference table ready waiting just waiting. I'll be still.

4.15 You won't have arrived. My body perspiring lightly, my heart beating so loud I will hear it. My black silk panties damp from the moisture between my legs, I’ll want so much to slip my hand down into my panties and feel my desire, stoke it, thinking of you, but still I will not move.

4.20 You won’t have arrived. I’d hear people in the street outside talking, laughing, doors shutting, dogs barking, a shiver runs through my body every time I hear footsteps approach, my palms sweaty from holding the table, my legs tired. I'll think you aren’t coming, my heart will be sad, upset, I will feel foolish, angry even.

Then you’ll come, I won't see you but I'll know it's you, your key in the door, your footsteps, I'll feel your presence behind me, you wont speak to me yet.

You'll touch my face, my hair, run your fingers down my back over the swell of my bottom, linger lightly there, I'll be shivering and trembling from your touch, my legs weak, I’ll hold the table tighter, I'll be moaning, Oh how I'll want your hand between my legs to take the ache away. But you won't take the ache away.

I’ll hear you pick something up and I know it’s the strap; you’ll put it in your pocket. You’ll take my hands and bind them lightly with the scarf, stretched out above my head; I know not to move them. You'll put your knee between my legs, move them a little further apart until they're just so. I'll let a low moan escape me, I can't help it, I want.

Your hand circles my bottom, I’ll want to turn around but I won’t. Your hands then shimmy my skirt up to my hips, pull my panties aside and I feel your fingers teasing, probing, exploring, my wetness. I’ll want to feel you inside me so so very much. I'll move my bottom to meet your hand to get every inch of contact with you. You swat me; I know I'm to keep keep still.
You still won't speak.

Your hands raise my skirt fully up to my waist, which you hold firmly with your left hand, I know what that means. I feel your right hand caressing the fleshy mounds of my bottom through the flimsy silk of my pants, trailing lightly between the cheeks briefly touching the flesh where cheek meets thigh, and then your hand is raised and there's a whoosh of air as it crashes down hard against my right cheek, followed swiftly by the left, you repeat, build a steady cadence, it stings, makes me gasp. I clench involuntarily as the blows land but quickly relax again to plump out my flesh, make it attractive to you, to do with as you will. You'll notice these things.

When my little mms and ahhs start to become longer lower moans you'll stop. My bottom flesh is alive. All my senses are alert, I'm receptive to the slightest touch, a wisp of air as you move position, your thumbs as they smoothly hook the waistband of my panties, draw them slowly over my hips, my reddened cheeks, to rest at the tops of my stockings. I want to touch myself, I can't my wrists are tied, I wiggle my heated bottom, I'm trying to feel the table against my pussy, I can't, I moan and wiggle harder, I think it must look very lewd my red bottom framed by my stocking tops and suspender, writhing with such obvious intent. You must have noticed, you have to notice, you know me you know what I need.

You’ll say nothing, I hear movement. I’ll feel cool leather brush lightly against my greedy flesh, I’ll let out a whimper and push my bottom towards it, I'm unashamedly pleading, please touch me there right where my wetness glistens for you, please. You can see my arousal, you let the leather slide between my cheeks, touch me so briefly, I feel a trickle of moisture and try to clench the strap between my legs but it's withdrawn and my cheeks are left clenching air. You tell me I'm being lascivious, rude, greedy, impatient, that girls like me need firm discipline to keep their emotions in check. You make me answer in agreement, my voice is distorted with lust and I raise my buttocks as far as I can to please you.

I feel your left hand steady me, I let out another whimper, feel you raise your arm and then the strap comes thrashing down against my bottom with an ear splitting thwack, it connects with both cheeks, the leather is thick and supple, it curls a little but you'll adjust for that. I cry out, it's genuine, it hurts. You know it and bring the leather down again without giving me time to absorb the sting, aiming a little higher and shortening your stroke to cut the curl. You take it quickly to a dozen strokes I'm wriggling like an eel on the end of a line, I can't dissipate the pain, I can't imagine what my bottom looks like all I'm saying is please.... pleading.

Don't stop. Don't let me off the hook. I've been a naughty girl I need to be punished thoroughly until all those wanton feelings are subdued. Pause just a second, firm up your hold on me, tell me it's too late for pleading, raise the strap again bring it down harder than before, my bottom's hotter now it can take more, don't feel for me, a dozen more, two dozen if necessary until my wiggling has stopped and you can hear my sobbing.

Stop. Untie my wrists, help me up I'll be bit unsteady, and take me in your arms and tell me how much you love me. Don't fuss with me too much don't regret what you've done.

Tell me to go straighten up in the washroom now and then go home. You'll be a couple of hours yet, you'll see me later.

I’ll go, I’ll probably have a spring in my step as I walk to the car, and no doubt I’ll smile to anyone I pass in the street, they'll probably think I’m mad, I'll prepare something nice for dinner, your favorite and open a bottle of wine.



Think about it, now who do you think wrote it?  I'm guessing some of you recognized it as begin writing by our own Ronnie of Heart and Soul. She is so darn good - her writing draws me in just like I'm there. Thanks Ronnie! Now if you do get any more time to write… and if anyone else gets some time to write send your stories to elisspeaks@yahoo.com