We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.
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Friday, April 27, 2007
I was feeling very good about my first assignment and response so I asked Eva if she would like to see what I had written. I mean, it’s not like we keep a lot of secrets from each other. She said of course she wanted to read it if I didn’t think Nick would mind. I told her no I didn’t think he would mind but he wouldn’t really know anyway. Okay here is where you need to pay attention, I wish I had been. I was going to bring up the email where I had been working on my assignment but instead I had the one up including Nick reply, which I had never intended to send her. But I didn’t realize that was up and off it went. We are usually back and forth every little bit all day and when she hadn’t responded in about 20 minutes I asked her “You just not like what I wrote or are you actually working?” She came back and said she had replied some time ago and for me to check my other address. I did, and told her no, nothing.
The next time I checked I had an email with the subject ‘Red Alert, Red Alert’ as Eva realized the she had sent her reply not to me but to Nick by mistake. Bless her heart she was extremely worried and upset wondering if either Nick or I was going to be mad. I wasn’t particularly worried. I mean it’s not like Nick is going to go into shock that I had shared some of my writing with Eva. I told her not to worry. She asked me if I was going to tell Nick exactly want happened and I told her I would if he asked me.
Okay jump ahead to when I got home. I was feeling much better so I decided to go to the gym after all. When I got home I was taking off my socks but had them in my hand and I said “Look, I am taking these to the dirty clothes”. He said “Yes that’s where they go. And could you please tell me why Eva is emailing me about this?” Oops! Why did a picture of Lucy and Ethel pop in my mind as I realized I had some ‘splaining to do’! I explained everything and he said “You sticking with that story?” I wanted to say ‘No, give me a minute and I’ll come up with something better!’ But I knew he wasn’t mad.
He followed me to the bedroom where clean laundry waiting to be folded. Somehow I knew when I mentioned DD there would be laundry in my future. While I was folding Nick came up behind me and pulled my pants down and started smacking me with the crop (Eva’s favorite of course, this was half her fault!). I started to say something but he said “keep folding!” So I am trying to fold clothes and put them away with Nick after me with the crop!
When the bed was finally cleared off Nick had me lay down and began taken off the rest of my clothes. I was still hot from the gym so he sent me for a quick cool shower. It felt great and you guys are right, those pops sting more when your butt is wet. Nick didn’t keep me completely nude, he handed me the blindfold! He kept me hot with the crop not only my butt, but on those tinder inner thighs and lightly between my legs which is such a turn on. Although I couldn’t see I reached our and found what I wanted and took him in my mouth and he gave up on the crop to return the favor.
This was turning into a wonderful afternoon when he turned me back over and got out one of the butt plugs, the one that vibrates. Wonderful sensations were flooding through me. In a bit he changed and used the anal beads we have and then when I knew I couldn’t wait any longer he took me from behind and it was incredible! That was an afternoon to remember! As we lay there with the cool breeze playing through the window we were coming back to ourselves. I was feeling completely satisfied as I looked over and smiled at Nick. He looked back at me and said “Well I certainly hope you learned your lesson!”
Thursday, April 26, 2007
I hate to get off topic but I want to talk about spanking. Just kidding folks but lets face it, not many of us are getting upended and paddled to our hearts content these days. Maybe summer will heat things up! Here’s hoping.
Anyway even if there is not a lot of spanking going on, or maybe because of it, I am still doing a lot of thinking. DD is never far from my mind. I have done my assignment this week and written about my feeling and thoughts to Nick.
About the only thing we do that is at all like DD is on the issue of weight loss. And those spankings have not always been of a deterrent nature. Mostly they are a mixture of discipline and erotic. I have ask Nick to think of other small ways we might incorporate DD into the relationship that we would both be comfortable with. But I know he has not, and is not, completely comfortable with discipline spankings.
So I have been having long talks with Nick about this and the way I picture it happening. Alright, okay, its true Nick wasn’t actually here when we had these conversations. But now I am letting him in now on what we both said.
Me: “Nick in order to keep me focused on this weight loss program. And to make sure I stick with the other things you/we have decided I need to work on, you have to be willing to spank me when I don’t live up to our agreement or if I really bug you.”
Nick: “Let me get this straight. If you gain weight, don’t do as I ask you to, or do something really designed to annoy me I am supposed to spank you. So by that theory if I really bug you what do I get - a blow job?”
Have I mentioned that Nick is a really smartass when he talks in my head?? Okay, okay I agree gaining weight or breaking rules and being disciplined with a good spanking followed by hot monkey sex may not be the behavior modification one would normally use. So the spanking does have to be a bit different. And maybe the sexual reward does not always follow immediately after. But good reconection sex sometime soon would always be welcomed. If we find an implement that I don’t really like… (that noise you just heard was Nick snorting, yes honey there are some that I really don’t like!)
Anyway this is the bottom line. What I want (I am communicating here) is for you to hold me accountable to what ever we decide on. Not too many things to start with but please, please if we decided to try a few please be consistent! When you hold me to what we agree to I feel loved. I feel protected. I feel like you truly care. So a short hard spanking is all that is needed to make my heart and mind soar. I hope we will talk more about this. If we want to implement it, how we want to, well whatever I just want to talk. Fancy that!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
This is what I mean – think of some of your friends in real life. The ones you see socially, at work or at church, the ones you are close to. I bet some of these folks you have know for years, yet do you really know then. Tell me which ones can squirt when they orgasm? Which of them are anal erotic? Do any of them have 50 butt plugs in a box in the closet (remember those were not mine, Theresa brought her over!) Which of your friends enjoy the occasional golden enema??
Come on now you know these people! Which of your real life friends would rather not give a BJ and which ones can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose? Which of these friends always shave the kitty and did any of the couples you know shave each other on their honeymoon? Come on now, do you know which of them wears grannies and which wear thongs?
Do your close friends in real life like to get their ass spanked?? If they do what are there reasons? Would some get there butt warmed for calling it their ass? Maybe for not cleaning the bathroom or taking out the trash. Possibly for keeping too much stuff in their new closet. Could it be for gaining weight or maybe not keeping the kitty shaved? Maybe it’s for coming without permission. Or maybe they get their butt’s blistered because they love it and it makes them hot or maybe just for the hell of it!!!
If they are into spanking where all have they been spanked?? In the middle of the road in front of their house, under a tree? Maybe over a rock wall or a washing machine, in a car, in the shower, in a casino, in the woods, holding on to a step ladder, on a beach, in the mountains?
What are their favorite implements? Maybe a hairbrush, a crop, a flogger, a backscratcher, a cane, bungee or a tawse? Or maybe they are new to all this and are just trying to get their SO to understand. Well come on, you know these people!! You see them all the time. So do you know the answer?? No? Gee, I could give you most the answers for my friends here!!
Backwards! Think about what we know about each other here and yet do we ask these question on blog – do you have children? How many? What are their names? What is your husband’s name? What does he do for a living? Where do you work? Where do you live?
Please, now you’re getting a little personal!!
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday night was an extreme experience for me. I have not been doing well lately. I have been sad, depressed, worried, pretty much completely unsettled. Okay let’s address the hormone issue first before all is dismissed because of menopause. The feelings I have been having are the same doubts and fears that have plagued me on and off thought out our marriage and through this past year. But now instead of being able to suppress and hide all my feeling as is normal for me, they sometimes overwhelmed me. Maybe that is that because of the hormones or because I have been so happy this last year I can see the potential for long term happiness and I fear it’s loss. Doesn’t really matter.
Nick and I have been alone several afternoon this past week but very little connection. Friday night Mollie had an over night party at a friends so we were on our own. I was looking forward to the evening but as we were out eating Nick triggered an additionally flood of these negative feeling – what did he do? He did not read my mind and I ended up with my feelings hurt. Did he know I was upset? Of course not, that would have involved me talking to him. So I just got quiet and nursed my hurt feeling and worries and doubts.
Back home I emailed Eva who has listened to me whine on and off about things for a long time. I must say that for an extremely intelligent woman, her advice seemed to be in a rut! It’s always the same “Talk to Nick!” Geeze! Can’t she come up with something new!? I told her about my evening and how it was making me feel and the following was what she sent me, my thought are in red …
Honestly it's okay to talk to him....Maybe but I don't know how to begin After all these years of you hiding feelings from him, put yourself in his shoes... Everything has always been fine in his eyes because you've lied to him over and over and over by telling him so... by letting on that you're fine.... why don't you try backing up and tell him that there have been times Times!! I have never done anything else ...when you've hidden your feelings from him but you've reached a point where you really need his strength and you just want him to listen..... it's worth a shot, yes? I can't breathe when I think of doing this face to face.
How had he hurt your feelings? Too stupid to go into. I'll tell you sometime. Only a spanko would understand. And Nick isn't one. did you tell him you wanted to talk? Of course not Did he tell you he didn't want to hear it? He told me a long, long time ago that he didn't If he didn't want to hear it would he bother reading blogs? maybe I don't know... Practice breathing and thinking simultaneously... it would be a good first step. That I can do it’s the talking part added in that is so difficult!
I had no real plan to take her advice but by the time I went to bed I really had no choice. I was so upset Nick couldn’t help but noticing. I took a deep breath and tried talking. I thought it would be easier once I got started. Let me tell you it was like dragging an anchor over gravel! When I started I still didn’t really think Nick would want to hear any of it. I have never given the man enough credit.
I really don’t know what I said and I mean that – I don’t know. But I did talk between crying. I told him I was upset because I didn’t feel I could talk to him. I didn’t always feel like he wanted me to. He assured me he did and that he was no good at reading my mind.
He is still uncertain was about really truly what I want. I told him I still dreamed of a dd relationship in some form but that I knew he would never be comfortable with it. He says that it is not out of the question at some point but that we will have to work up to it. He says if he takes the step to really tell me want to do he run the risk of total rejection of my saying “Bug off, I am not in the mood to play” This was a concern of his, not being able to see in my head. If we start off slowly and talk about what we each feel comfortable with I can assure him that will never happen!!
He says it is difficult to live one way for 20 years and then for everything to change at once. He loves the changes as much as I do but for a long time neither of us felt it would last. We had been the other way so very long. I started to apologize because I was the one who shut him out for so many years and that was the only time he seemed to not want to hear what I wanted to say. He stopped me and said "That’s in the past." He said “You were mostly wrapped up in being a mother and you did a great job. But now is what we are going to concentrate on!”
I feel like all I think about is spanking and blogging I know I seem to always have it on my mind while often I don’t think Nick is interested any more. I wish I thought he was more into it. I told him I still worried that it didn’t do anything for him but that he only did it to indulge me. I told Nick that I was really worrying that one day I would say something and he would just say “Enough already! You have a one track mind! I am tired of hearing it!” Nick kind of laughed. He asked “Have I ever given you any reason to think that?? I love the changes and I know blogging help keep all this going for us”.
We did talk a lot and I have no doubt that many parts of the conversation will come back to me in little sound bites but two things he said came through loud and clear. He said he was happy just being in the same vicinity as me these days and the sentence I remember above everything else
“I don’t want you to retreat”.
To me it said that he didn’t want me to withdraw as I had earlier in our marriage. Sometimes I have felt that as long as our sex life was much improved he didn’t really care too much about all the feelings and emotions. Okay I’m sorry I told you I didn’t give him enough credit.
Then the second thing he told me was really out of the blue. He gave me an assignment. Until he tells me differently I am to write a report on how I am feeling each Thursday, what I am thinking, worries – desires, whatever. Really?? He said we could talk anytime but each Thursday is a must. He really wants to know this stuff?? This could lead to … communication!
I know many of you have probably gone on to some light reading by now and that a shame because the good part was just coming up. I was feeling so much better we were actually having a conversation all curled up in bed together. He said I didn’t seem to be in the same mood as I had been a half hour earlier and that he thought I could definitely use some spanking after all that talking. He had me roll over and he got his belt which is one of my favorites. When he finished he lay back down on the bed with me and it was obvious that spanking me does indeed ‘do something’ for him. I felt he disserved the best BJ in the world and I sure gave it my best effort! I felt wonderful. I have felt wonderful all day today.
I know this post was long and probably a bit disjointed but it is the best I could recreate this very important evening at this time. I wanted a record for myself and I wanted Nick to know what I heard. I look forward to talking to him and trying to share what we are both feeling. If may seem late in the marriage to be starting this but better late that never!
And Eva, about this morning – I didn’t mind you saying ‘I told you so’ one bit!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Of course I lifted this from Eva and Theresa. I like the idea. I hope to hear from of my friends to see what things might come to their minds but I am also hope to hear from some of my silent readers if you are out there. Sometimes I flip back through he blog and think to myself – did I say that? So if anything has stuck in your memory please let me know.
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.
Monday, April 16, 2007
I think we all now agree that Eva is a fantastic writer. She wants to write for us and we want to read her stuff. So why doesn’t it happen more? Let me tell you why.
Eva’s fair state has decided in its educational wisdom that all its teachers need their master’s degree. I really know Eva; she teaches as well as she writes! She doesn’t want her masters, she doesn’t need her masters. I can almost promise that nothing she will learn from this program will improve her teaching as much as leaving her alone to try, explore and experiment with different ideas on her own in her classroom. But let me share with you the crap they are forcing her to write about twice a week! Feel free to skim if you find yourself nodding off.
Application: Engaging Learning Experience
Reflect on the suggestions offered by your colleagues for designing an engaging learning experience based on the power standard you identified. With these thoughts in mind, conceptualize a learning experience that utilizes real-world applications of the knowledge and skills embedded in your power standard, engages all students, and promotes enduring learning.
Then, using the "Learning Experiences Worksheet," Figure 5-C provided below, as a graphic organizer, develop a scenario that provides a context for the targeted knowledge and skills. Include several tasks that would help students meet the standard. Finally, think of one or more complementary standards that can also be addressed in your scenario. Note: Do not submit Figure 5-C.
Describe your learning experience as follows:
Identify the power standard on which it is based.
· Indicate the knowledge and/or skills targeted in the standard.
· Describe the scenario/context.
· List at least three tasks that will help students meet the standard and specify the knowledge and/or skills targeted with each task.
Can you believe this garbage?!! I have taught, pretty darn well, for 18 years and I have no idea what the hell that just said!! But of course I am sure we all agree that writing a paper on this will make Eva a much better teacher!!
So what can we do? I am writing her instructors. They just don’t know the potential they are wasting here. So here is my letter
To Whom It May Concern:
Are you a bunch of FRIGGIN idiots?
This woman is a world renowned spanko/sex blogger!! And you want to read her response to the crap YOU sent. Please let me give you some samples of what she can do:
At the end of the two hours we were both spent like never before. I had been spanked, teased, tormented, fucked and loved. I wanted to just stay on my knees at his feet doing only what he commanded me to do. I was not able to think for myself any longer. I didn’t want to think for myself. I was his and only able to think what he thought for me.
How about this:
I know you'll do what's best for me. It doesn't matter which toys you pick. I want you to spank me until there's just no way I won't feel it over the next couple days. Go ahead. Leave my bottom marked and scorched. I will love you for it. I will thank you for it.
And when you're done spanking me, I will stay right there completely exposed for your use, pleasure, enjoyment, fulfillment. And when you are done I will drift off to sleep in your arms
And on a lighter note, how about:
Seriously though, how many people tell their friends "yes, I've been spanked over a washing machine? In the basement? During the winter? Buck naked?" WHAT IDIOT TELLS HER FRIENDS THAT?Or this:
"Excuse us Mr. and Miss Adult Store Clerks but do you have a back room where he can spank my ass?"
Or maybe this:
Picture it. Two people entering a hotel carrying a small suitcase, a clear bag full of pillows, a small toiletry bag … and…. A crop.
Here is my suggestion now that you know about her true identity. If it is critical that Eva summit a paper twice a week let her write for you and her blogging audience at the same time. You already know she is more than capable of BSing her way through your papers. Wouldn’t you really rather read a hot spanko story she has written just for you? Take your choice, you can be the beautiful naughty submissive who has just been caught being a bad girl by her strong, dom who will deal out the punishment he deems fit. Or maybe you want to be the dom who catches your bad girl in the act, taking her across your strong lap you …
Come on you know you want this!!
Your student's twin, PK
Come on folk help me out here. Maybe if we all write the instructors they will stop wasting Eva’s talents and she could go back to blogging as she should. Please send your letters to:
Sunday, April 15, 2007
I needed to write Friday night. Friday evening and Saturday morning were a bit rough. I was torn all to pieces Friday night. It is not unusual for me to mind blog as I am going to sleep. In fact it’s been the norm for over 40 years. But Friday night it was so disjointed and fragmented. Thoughts, ideas, concerns, worries, depression, chaos… all zipping around my mind like the little ball in a pinball machine. A line from an old Simon and Garfunkel song kept running through my mind
I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why…
So I was a real mess. I am not good at being a mess. It’s not normal for me and I have absolute no idea how to handle it or deal with it. I was teary, my chest hurt. But of course no one but me knew about it. Not Nick, not Mollie and strange enough these days not Eva either. Why not? Part of that is easy to answer; it was none of Mollie’s business. And Nick, you want to know why I didn’t tell Nick? There is a short answer and a long one. The short answer is ‘I don’t know’. The longer answer is a post that I have worked on occasionally for the past few months. Who know I may even post it one day.
As for Eva, bless her heart, if she has lived next door she might have gotten the whirlwind of confusion and emotional instability tossed at her, I don’t know. But I do know I couldn’t type it all.
I am mostly back to normal now. But it does hit in occasionally waves which in small amounts I can suppress quite nicely. I know I know… I am sure it is all hormonal. What else could it be when you're 50. Let’s just leave it at that.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
I do however think a few things need to be cleared up. Was this or was it not a toga party. I would like those who took pictures to post them. Especially if you have a shot of Grace or Cassie in togas!
Theresa “Oh my gravy” Eva will accuse you of being Southern! And by the way, would you know anything about the 50 butt plugs David found in the closet. They are not mine and you are the only one I know with a collection that size!! Fess up please!!
My apologies to Tig for accusing her of breaking the bed. I read more closely that it was Grace trying to get away from David and the yellow peril!! David, no wonder Mthc encourages so you to go to so many parties. She keeps hoping you will lose that thing somewhere!!
Bonnie I was glad you stopped by! Eva’s pup did a pretty good job maybe she will change his name to Hoover! I appreciate Snow and Debbie and Carye bring food. I hope you guys keep coming back party or not!! Or email sometimes! And Storynattie, you might have been here before and just didn’t recognized CeeCi’s changes. You come back too!
Now about the movie you found. It was just the one behind the TV, right? Thank goodness! The leather outfits and the leisure suits all belong to the production company. Cassie is real closed mouthed about Cassie’s Chastised Productions. But in answer to Paul’s question I know she would like to claim him for her stable!! Whatever that might mean! And Paul I am beginning to wonder, do you come to these parties to spank all the ladies that line up and beg or just for the cheesecake?
Well I hope everyone enjoyed themselves!!! Please come back when I am here. I do love the company. I have decided to leave the decorations up a bit longer. As Eva says they do start to grow on you!!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
I assumed if you thought Nick was here to guard the place you might show a little restraint but no, even though most of you thought he was here you came anyway. Oh well, how can you be annoyed with people who know how to have such a good time?
As I read more about the party detail I will address some of the more outrageous tales I am hearing tomorrow. Meanwhile we did come home to real live broken bed – anyone want to fess up? Tig I know how you love to bounce…
Monday, April 09, 2007
Hey Everyone!!! Shhhh..... It's me..... Eva.........
<--------- Don't miss PK's Party Music!!
I had to wear a disquise cuz I don't want PK to know that I've hijacked her blog....
If she finds out I was here, I'll get the PK look.....
Did you hear? She's gone for a few days and you KNOW what that means!!!
So where is everyone!! Let's get this party started!!!!
This is the world premiere of the video found behind Elis and Nick's TV!
Saturday, April 07, 2007
So I may be out of touch until Wednesday. The laptop is coming with me but I don’t know if I will be able to get on line or not. Mollie worries that I will experience withdrawal if I am with out the internet for several days. She won’t be far from wrong!
No need to think of partying over here folks. Nick is going to be home and I think he might notice. I will be calling him so don’t give me any of that “I bet he is lonely crap!”
I have decided to post a picture after all (taking a deep breath). I have never posted a picture of me here before but I am getting more comfortable and I really think I am among friends. So with out blurring out anything here is the real me…
Keep going I’m here…
Yep that is the real me in my natural habitat with my little blogger buddy who is always right there any time I am blogging.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
CeeCi wrote lovingly about her dear friend,
I saw a solid gray one that was soooooooo pretty! I really wanted it but I had promised my parent – no pets! And besides if I got it that would leave the little black and white one alone in the cage. Then another girl took the gray one and, well, I didn’t want to leave the black and white one alone. I scooped her up and headed to my apartment. I kept trying to think up good ways to tell my parents about the new addition. But I got as far as “Guys it wasn’t planned but I got a kitten and…” That was as far as I got when my dad said “We knew you would”.
Now you need to know Jo’s background. She was about 5 months old when I got her. She had been born in the school’s “cat house” and her only contacts with people were students practicing giving pills, injections, bandaging, and safely restraining. Let’s just say she was extremely skittish! In the two years at college not one of my 5 roommates could ever get close enough to touch her. Over the next 5 years very few people knew I had a cat. If someone came to the house she was hidden in the deepest closet! On rare occasions she might walk through the room if my parents were over and my dad was so proud to have touched her twice.
When we were alone she was always on my lap. Slept with me, talked with me and love me, only me, completely! But then one day something unusual happened. A new man came to take me on a date. We stood in the living room together for a few minutes and I looked over to see Jo standing in the room watching us. I was in total shock. A bigger shock was to come. We came home from the date I invited him in to talk for a while. To my utter amazement Jo jumped up on the couch, walked across me, WALKED ACROSS HIM, and sat on the arm of the sofa staring at him. Three guesses as to who this new man was. Jo knew from the moment she saw Nick that he was ours. I didn’t know for sure for a few months but she never had one doubt. The smartest cat I ever knew!
Monday, April 02, 2007
I have always thought I wanted a dd relationship. But do I, really? This has never been something Nick is comfortable with. I don’t push it much any more. And I have to ask myself would I be happy with him really taking charge of everything including me? I don’t know, maybe if he were comfortable too. I do love the fact that he holds me to our agreement on the diet. I know that that is the only reason I continue to lose. All really know for sure is that I am very happy with the way things are now!
I do know one thing about this time in Grace’s life. I believe for spankos the age of her children is by far the most difficult. We first tried spanking almost 5 years ago when our kids were the age Grace’s are now. And I know one thing, at least one is always around and they never sleep! We had to sneak to the basement, not the washer Eva; we actually had a bed down there! But the idea of spontaneity was out of the question!! Between that, not having found blogs and the support I have found here, and real life attacking aggressively it died out... for a while.
Now I am going with the flow. I know reading blog gives me idea and keeps my search alive. As I read more I find people about whom I can say ‘Yes that is just the way I feel!’ Or sometimes ‘No, I know that would not be something I would want to try.’ All I know for sure is that I like reading out here. I like sharing my ideas, my feelings and my questions.
I know what it was like before spanking and blogs gave me the courage to open up to Nick and be the wife that I wanted to be. So am I the prefect wife now? LOL! Not by a long shot. But the closeness we have developed has stunned and amazed me. Even a year ago if someone had told me of the changes coming into my life, of the absolute joy I have experienced because of these changes, I would have told them that they were out of their minds!
Will we spank forever? I think yes, it will always be around in some form. At least I hope so. I know that what it does for our sex life is unsurpassed. The combination of spanking and blogging seems to be working for us. It keeps us loving and talking and what more could any couple ask for?
Sunday, April 01, 2007
They sure got this one right! This is one of my all time favorite movies. Even as a kid the final scene drew me like nothing else I had ever seen!
My thank to Snow for posting a link to this quiz!
What is Your Secret Spanking Fantasy?