I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

'bout what you expected

I have to say I’ve chuckled a little over your comments to my last post. It wasn’t meant to be a cliff hanger. All my readers probably had a good idea of what happened. I was very obedient and did exactly as Nick asked and what you might have expected happened. Nice spanking, nice loving. Empty nests are wonderful things.

I haven’t been here much and I really miss it. I feel many are tired of hearing stories of my kids. And while you see there are still spanking around occasionally, they are not frequent enough to fill a blog. It can become a vicious cycle. I get a little down when I don’t blog, because I miss the connection with my friends and all my readers. Then as I get down, I feel less like writing, and on and on.

I’ve also taken up an old hobby that I’ve neglected for years – eleven years to be exact. It took all my free time from the late 90’s until 2006, when I began blogging. Mollie has pestered me to get back to it, so… here’s some samples.

I know coloring has become big lately but I like to draw my own. So, I take my little six-inch ruler and my pens from Wally World and I make different designs and color them. They make great book marks and I used to give them to my students. Now Mollie can give them to hers.

I’m also between books and that makes me feel disconnected too. I’m not sure what book I want to start on. I guess whichever one gels first. I’m still polishing the latest Cassie book, but I’m ready to start on another.

I’ll be here whenever I think of something to say.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Nice surprise

I got an interesting text from Nick yesterday. He’d come home from work, and then headed out to Wal-Mart for a few odds and ends. He’d been gone a while when I got the following text:

You busy?

Odd, if he was at Wally-World, why did he care if I was busy. Had something happened to the car? Did he need me to pick him up? Was he starving and wanted me to start dinner? It was only 4:30. Well, no matter I text back:

Not really, what do you need?

The answer came back quickly:

Good. I’m heading home. Be ready.
Bottoms up, pants down.

Well, well, well… my afternoon was definitely looking up.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Friday, May 19, 2017

It's pretty around here

I’m here. It’s been a busy week getting Mollie moved and somewhat settled. Nick has done the most, putting up shelves, putting in a waterline to the frig, adding a little foam insulation here and there. I spent yesterday folding and hanging up clothes – heck, I rarely do that at my house. But you know we’ll do things for our kids we won’t do for ourselves.

I am doing one thing for myself, thought I can’t say I’m loving it yet. Last week the weather was so perfect, mid-70’s with extremely low humidity, that even I craved being outside. I’m usually more of a stay inside and look through the window kinda girl. I decided to do some walking. We have some great places to walk in our town and I do a lot of writing when I walk so I really enjoyed those beautiful afternoons.

I live in the south so low humidity is nearly as rare as snow and it didn’t last. It’s hot and becoming more humid now and would you believe I’ve been getting up and walking in the early morning? Me! I don’t know if you’re stunned, but I am. I walked 3.03 miles yesterday morning – my usual idea of a walk is from my car to the door. I don’t know if I’ll keep it up. I’m not good at that kind of commitment, but I’m enjoying it for the moment.

Here are a few pictures I’ve taken on my strolls - as you look at these imagine the sweet scent of honeysuckle all around you. I think it's this lovely scent that is what is really drawing me to get out and walk. 

And then I come home to the flowers the boys sent me for Mother's Day!

Friday, May 12, 2017

I blame Terps

A one word meme - do you know what that does to a former teacher and current writer? I like to talk, write, explain, expand. I guess this was a good exercise for me. Shame on Terps for making me exercise. But here goes.

1      Where is your phone? Here
  2. Your hair? Gray
  3. Your Dad?  Gone
  4. Your other half?  Quiet
  5. Your favorite food? Chicken
  6. Your dream last night?  None
  7. Your favorite drink? Sundrop 
  8. Fear? Several
  9. Favorite shoes?  Comfortable
10. Favorite way to relax? Reading
11. Your mood? Fine
12. I love? Family
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren't?  Thin
15. Muffins? Sure 
16. Wish list item? Health
17. Where you grew up? Here 
18. Last thing you did? Wrote 
19. What are you wearing right now? Shorts
20. Something you hate?  Promoting
21. Your pets? Cats
22. Friends? Best
23. Life? Great
24. Regrets? Few
25. Missing someone? Yes 

Finally - I can use more words! I guess we're spending this weekend moving Mollie to the new house. I can't do much of the heavy moving so I guess I get to clean the apartment - what fun. But if it help her get her deposit back I guess I can do it. At least I can use all the words I want.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

My own answers

My husband loves me. He loves me. We love each other. We don’t do everything together – we don’t have too many interest in common. We like time to ourselves. We don’t argue, we’re both laid back. If a question come up or there is a decision to be made, we discuss it and if either of us has a strong opinion about it they will have the deciding vote. We’re comfortable with one another. We can talk or be silent with one another. We have everything we need and most of what we want.

Nick was even willing to try what must have seemed like a strange request I made about eleven years ago. Spanking was never on his radar. First off you don’t hit women. Second, this was modern times. Men weren’t necessarily the ‘boss’ of the home. Marriage was a 50/50 proposal. After all we’d lived this way for twenty-three years before I suddenly sprang TTWD on him.

He tried, he’s always been willing and that counts for so much, but he is not a spanko and as hard as he’s tried he’ll never be one. After all this is my fantasy, not his. At some point I realized I’d have to give up the fantasy to embrace the reality of the wonderful man I have.

Just as I found out I wasn’t the only spanko in this world when I found the blogs, I know I can’t be the only one out here whose husband is happy with the 50/50 and has no desire to take on the leadership role many of us fantasied about growing up.

Rules and consistency aren’t important to Nick. I don’t expect spanking to stop in our marriage, but it will always be a game. I have no doubt he’s serious about me getting a handle on my health issues but we’re not going to achieve that through DD.

This might be why I don’t read out here as much as I did at one time. When I began blogging I looked everywhere for new blogs on my ‘topic’ and through that searching I found good blogs to read and in many case I found friends, good friends, real friends, I believe friends I’ll have for the rest of my life.

I enjoyed reading about their spankings, the reasons – be they fun or serious always intrigued me. I enjoyed being able to discuss the ideas that go with spanking, domestic discipline, TTWD – whatever you want to call it, in depth with other women who craved this as much as I did.

But recently I read two posts that made me think, Baker’sPost first, and then Meredith’s post. I didn’t comment on either. The way I felt reminded me of how I felt when I was trying to get pregnant, with no success, and I’d hear that another friend was pregnant – I was truly and sincerely happy for them, but I just couldn’t comment. The joy I felt for them was too sharp a contrast for the loss I felt for myself. They had something I wanted and I couldn't have it. And I just couldn't come up with anything to say. 

After I read Baker and Meredith I started answering some of the questions myself, but I stopped after three.

When did my husband become a spanko?

He never did and I know it won’t happen. It’s the same as if he desperately wanted me to change my eye color. As much as I love him, and as much as I’d want to do it for him – I can’t.

When did this go from something I wanted to something we both crave?

It never did. He enjoys the game and the closeness it’s brought us, as do I. But he’ll never crave the lifestyle as I do.

When did we slip into our roles of a traditional husband and wife?

Again, we never did. We’re equal and we’re happy with one another. But I do my thing and he does his. You can’t give submission to someone who doesn’t want it.

I realize parts of this post sound like a real downer – but I’m not down. I have a wonderful marriage with the best man I know. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I love him. I’m sure we’ll still play and I know I’ll enjoy it and I’ll still blog about it. But for my sanity and happiness I have to realize that it’s play and not reality and not let myself get upset when the game falls by the wayside.