I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I really want to thank everyone who read my last post and I want you to know that those who commented really did make me feel a lot better. Vanilla’s can’t help who they are, if you’re not a spanko you simply can’t understand. I wish they would leave it at “I don’t understand this desire you have, but I know you are an intelligent person and I trust that you know what you are doing. I’m here if you ever need me.” That would be all they would ever need to say.

This is just another thank-you to everyone out here. You know all about me, I can truly be myself and I don’t have to hide anything. That’s the most wonderful feeling I know. If we can make people feel good about themselves and give them a place to open up and be honest about something they have kept secret for years then blogs are a very good thing – our time reading, writing and commenting are well spent.

Now for some exciting news – at least for me! LJ and Colin are coming home this afternoon! They will be here until Monday afternoon. I haven’t seen my boy since early June and I can’t wait. So if I’m not around here you’ll know I’m doing the doting mother thing! You’ll have to check in Friday – I’m not sure I’ll get a Fantasy Friday up but if not I’ll have you a good one the next week!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Don't let your guard down.

A long time ago I told you I was working on a ‘project’. I’m still working on it but it took a pretty big hit last week. Something happened that really hurt my feelings but at the same time taught me a valuable lesson. My project is a book. I’m trying to write a spanking fiction book. I don’t expect it to be some big hit but at the same time I think it’s pretty good. I’ve talked to someone out here that may help me get it published but I needed it edited. For anyone that writes you know that once you go over something so often you go right over those pesky little mistakes. But spanking fiction is not something you can just ask anyone to read. Thankfully, I had someone – or so I thought.

In the vanilla world I shared my spanko side with two people, my sister and my closest friend in real life. When I told them they seem a little surprised and highly amused. They each teased a little and I knew neither of them really understood what it was all about. They thought it was just a little slap and tickle foreplay. That was fine. I knew it wasn’t important that they really know the details and feeling behind TTWD.

My friend was a former English teacher and when I mentioned the book she was excited about it and offered to help. She had read a few of my stories so I didn’t foresee any real problem. She certainly knew the content before she got her hands on it. She had it a long time but did some good work on editing. She brought it to me at work so we didn’t discuss it at all but later that evening she called and just went off on me.

“If this is autobiographical I’m going to kill Nick!” was how she began. Then she went on and on about the life style. Well, I think you can all imagine what she had to say. I’m sure we’ve all heard it before. How we’re crazy, our men are bullies, we’re sick to take it, it’s nothing but abuse…

She totally ignored the fact that the book is fiction. She ignored the fact that I was the one who ask for this in our marriage. And she ignored the fact that she knew me both before and after I came out and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I know that part of what she was saying was in a half kidding manner but I really felt attacked and hurt by all she had said. It would be like one of LJ’s best friend calling him up to gay bash. It hurt.

This all happened a couple of weeks ago and I’ve calmed down. I’ve talked with her several times but the book and TTWD has not come up. And it won’t come up again. I didn’t blast her but I have written her a letter – I don’t plan to give it to her unless she pushes it. If the subject comes up again I’ll tell her in no uncertain terms that we will not be discussing it again – ever!

I guess all and all she has done me a favor. I have become so comfortable out here, I feel so accepted and supported by everyone in blogland that I had begun to let my guard down. I had begun to feel that everyone who cared for me would understand. I guess I found out that wasn’t true. We still have to be careful. Our lifestyle is still taboo and totally misunderstood by others. Sad but true. I’m not letting it stop me though. I’m still going ahead with the book idea. Not going to let the vanilla’s stop me, but I’ll be careful.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

When you gotta go...

I haven’t forgotten the basic idea behind this blog. There will be more spanking content in soon I promise. There has been a little spanking here and I have no doubt that there will be more to come. But today I want to have a mini-rant on a totally unrelated subject. Men, feel free to step away from the computer at this time.

Most women who are anywhere close to my age completely understand the danger of coughing, sneezing or laughing with a full bladder. Let’s face it bladder control is a problem most have to live with eventually. My kids used to occasionally complain that I must be a bathroom inspector; I hate to pass one up without checking it out. When these mild complaints were voiced it was my cue to launch into my speech –

“You want to know why I stop at ever bathroom I pass? You really want to know? I’ll tell you. Two humans lived inside my body for a total of 18 months! What did they do during that time? I’ll tell you what they did! They either stood or sat on my bladder. If they weren’t doing that they were kicking, stomping or mashing it. Who were those human? It was you two so I don’t want to hear a word when I have to take a restroom break!”

Usually by this time they subside to minor eye rolling so I skipped the part about the trials of potty training them and the many desperate searches for bathrooms when they had emergency needs.

This hasn’t come up in many years but there is a commercial on TV these days that really sets me off again! Have you seen it? The commercial tries make women feel guilty for having to take frequent bathroom breaks. I know it’s for a bladder control medication but it still annoys the heck out of me! One part of the commercial shows a mom having to take a rest room break as her daughter is trying on a wedding dress. When the girl looks around for her mom, only to find she has stepped out to the bathroom the daughter seems as though her ‘special day’ is ruined.

Mollie and I were watching TV one night when this commercial came on and I just went off on her in a bit of a teasing rant to Mollie “Girl let me tell you one thing! If me having to go to the bathroom during a shopping trip for your wedding gown, which I’ll be paying for by the way, is enough to ruin your day then you won’t be mature enough to get married in the first place!!”

Mollie who is so used to my rants she barely notices, gave me a quick glance, a smiled at me and a ‘got’ch mom’, before returning to her book. About a half hour later I got up to go to the bathroom. As I passed by the couch Mollie looks up, slams her book shut and says ferociously “Going to the bathroom Mom? I can’t believe it; you have just ruined my evening!!”

Geeze, such a smart ass. She must get that from her father.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Fantasy Friday, His Truck, II

I really enjoyed Love our Lurkers day! I don't know yet how many new people spoke up but I know Bonnie keeps up with those statics and I'll head over to My Bottom Smarts soon to see how everything went. I hope some folk that broke the commenting barrier yesterday will continue to leave comments.

But now I want to give all those folks another Fantasy Friday to read. This story first came from someone who was a new reader at the time. I don't know if she had done much writing before this or not but I sure think she did a great job! It's Friday, it fall, and it's going to be a beautiful weekend!

Please enjoy…


“Oh no not again” thought Amber as she got out of the truck to see what damage she had done this time. It was the fourth time in two months that she had scratched her husband’s new truck. It was just a small scratch from the trash can but she new he was not going to be pleased. The first time she scratched it John just gave her a warning but the last two times she was punished and in their house a punishment meant a spanking.

“Maybe I can cover it up, maybe I can say someone hit it with their car door in a parking lot, maybe I can act like I have no idea what happen” she thought to herself. It was just a passing thought though because she could never keep the truth from John for to long and the punishment would be twice as bad if he found out Amber lied also.

So, like the good girl Amber tried to be she text John and told him what had happened. She told him the truth. While backing out the driveway she had hit the trash can and she even told him about changing the radio station while backing out the driveway. His response was plain and simple,” You are not to leave the house the rest of the day without permission and things will be dealt with when I get home”

The “things will be dealt with ” statement made the butterflies appear in Amber’s stomach. She knew what was coming and she new she deserved it. She also knew the house was a mess and she better get it cleaned. No reason to add any fuel to the fire. Her bottom was going to be warm enough already.

“Oh my God its 4:30 already John will be home shortly,” Amber said quietly to herself. Just then her phone beeped and she knew it was John. “Upstairs and in the corner. I’ll be home in five minutes and we have some things to discuss,” his message said. Amber quickly put up her cleaning supplies and headed upstairs to their bedroom. After a quick fluff of the bed she headed to the corner and began her wait.

Once that five min. wait started to feel like hours she heard John pull into the driveway. Amber knew that he was inspecting his truck when she did not hear the front door open yet. Then all too soon the front door opened and his footsteps started coming up the stairs. The footsteps stopped at their bedroom door and once the knob started turning the hairs stood up on the back of Amber’s neck. “Oh no,” Amber thought.

The door opened and she could feel his eyes starring at her. John did not speak but she could hear him moving around the room and when she heard him open the drawer where the oak paddle was kept a lump formed in her throat. She stood perfectly still till he called her to. “Amber May over here now,” John commanded.

“Tell me why you are about to be punished,” he demanded in a soft firm tone.

“Because I scratched your truck again,” Amber answered quietly.

“And for,” John questioned.

“Changing the channel while backing down the driveway,” she answered as she lowered her head.

“You know exactly what is about to happen. Pull down your pants and panties and lay across the bed,” he instructed.

Doing as she was told Amber slowly pulled down her pants and panties and leaned across the bed grabbing a pillow to bury her face in. She held her breath till she felt the first swat land from the paddle. “That dam evil piece of wood,” she thought to herself because she did not dare say it out loud. Spank after spank landed on her fast becoming sore bottom.

“How many times have I told you to pay attention while you are driving? You know good and well every time you scratch something due to carelessness you will be punished, yet you do it anyways.” John lectured.

Tears started to fall down Amber’s checks as she began to silently cry. Soon the spanking had stopped and she sighed a sigh of relief thinking it was over. She realized she was wrong when she heard him unbuckling his belt.

“Please no more,” she cried.

“We are not done yet. This is a lesson you must learn. I am tired of repeating this punishment,” John replied not swayed one bit by her crying.

He pulled his belt through his belt loops and folded it over in his hand. John proceeded to spank his wife’s very red bottom again. ”Twenty more’” he said aloud and then precisely landed twenty stripes on just her sit spot. Amber was crying freely by the time he was finished and when John pulled her in his lap she buried her head to his chest and cried it all out. “It’s ok baby. All is forgiven, you have a clean slate now,” John said trying to soothe her. Through sniffles she promised to be more careful next time.

After Amber regained her composure they went downstairs to make dinner and enjoy the rest of the evening together. When she emerged from the bathroom after her shower she saw John sitting on the bed, bottle of lotion in hand. “Come let me soothe that sore bottom for you,” John said with a very distinct twinkle in his eye. She came to the bed and laid over it completely naked. When his hand started to caress her sore bottom she flinched at first but eventually relaxed into his soft touch. Soon his hand was exploring other areas besides her red backside. When his soft fingers came to rest between her legs she closed her eyes and thought “God, I love this man of mine.”


This wonderful story was written by Yaya! Yaya is thirty something and has been married for 10 years. She and her husband and their three little ones live on the south east coast.

Like many of us, Yaya can trace her interest in spanking back to her teen years. Often she would try to find romance novels that included some spanking. She came out to her husband several years ago by printing off articles and stories about spanking and highlighting the good parts. She admits it is still hard to talk face to face so they do a lot of their communicating about spanking by text. We know she is not alone in being somewhat embarrassed in live conversations. Health issues put spanking on hold for a while but I hope those are cleared up now. Thanks Yaya, I sure hope you will write again!

If any of you are willing to share a story for Fantasy Friday please send to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Hey ya'll, let's talk!

Today’s a special day – for me it’s special for two reasons. First, it’s Love our Lurkers Day!!! I’ve had the privilege of participating in LOL day since the very first one. I love all my readers and I look forward each year to having a time to let you know. For everyone who comments, THANK-YOU!! The acceptance and support I get from blogging and having my readers leave a comment means more to me than you know.

Now let me speak to my silent readers. Speak up folks!!! You’re reading here because you're a spanko or you wonder if you’re a spanko (BTW if you’re wondering you probably are!)

Come on, you’re reading, why not join in and be part of the group. Honest is so freeing to find a place to ask question, discuss you fantasies, and just bond with like minded people who KNOW that your desires are totally normal. Even if it’s only for today – pick at least one of your favorite sites and just say hello. You might find you like it.

Now the second reason today is so special today – after a little over four years of blogging this is my


Now in my mind that a lot of posting! And I still have thing I want to say and ideas I want to talk about. I hope those of you who have read here stick with me a while longer. I need you. Thanks, I really appreciate you coming by.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Is it time?

Many of my friends are on antidepressants. It’s hardly unusual these days but I never really considered it before. I felt normal before I came out. No big highs but I was content. I felt everything was pretty much normal. I had a low sex drive but I figured that was just the way I was. Once I came out as a spanko and shared this part of myself with Nick things changed a great deal. Our sex life took off in ways that was unbelievable to both of us. Finding blogs was a large factor in this too. I mean taking something that had been a hidden part of me all my life and suddenly finding others who were just like me! WOW!! I just couldn’t believe it. I had friends who understood and would discuss TTWD with me, a husband willing to step out of his comfort zone and try this strange activity. I couldn’t get the grin off my face.

So what’s wrong with me now? I understand about a honeymoon period and that nothing good stays at its peak forever but these days I just feel down so often. Not really depressed but I just feel like I should be happier. I feel guilty even complaining. I mean what do I have to complain about? I am married to a man I truly love and I know he loves me. We have two bright, happy, healthy kids. We aren’t rolling in dough but as long as we don’t want a new house or new cars every year or a big boat I think we're doing fine. We have steady jobs (although mine is the cause of some of my depression). Despite the occasional ache and pain we are in very good health. I’m grateful but guiltily I want more.

I could go to counseling but I have no idea what I would say, maybe “My libido is gone and my husband isn’t into spanking as much as I would like?” The counselor may think I’m nuts and need long term treatment but we all know that that would be incorrect. And speaking of spanking, I am not complaining about Nick here. I have no interest in right now. No desire. I’m not saying I’d turn it down but it just feels like a non-issue. I feel like nothing much matters any more. And I guess that scares me as much as anything.

I’m scared of antidepressants. In the past when a few of my friends when on them they seemed very different to me. They walked around with pleasant, slightly vacant smiles on their face. But I always had the feeling that if I had hit them in the face with a board that their pleasant expression wouldn’t have changed. I DON’T want that feeling. This was over 15 years ago and I know medicines have improved. Most of the time I don't think all this is serious enough to go on medication but I know I need something. I went through menopause just as I came out and was at my happiest ever. A great way to approach menopause by the way, but really that was 4 years ago. Surely that’s not my problem.

Anyway I am asking for your thoughts. If you’ve had problems like this what did you do? Are antidepressants the way to go?Does anyone have something natural to suggest? Should I shut – up and suck it up? I will probably be going for my physical in November so I suppose I should at least decide what I want to ask the doctor. I’ll take any suggestions you got.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

A legal Adult

Another special day, my baby is turning 18 today. That sure sounds strange. She was 14 when I started blogging. Just a kid but now she's grown. She is not just legally an adult, she behaves herself and conducts herself as an adult also. Who would have believed it?

When she was growing up, let’s say from the age of one until she was about eleven, there were many times I felt I would have cheerfully given her to the first passing stranger. That child would have argued with a fence post! Nothing was easy during that time. We fought constantly – from fussing at her to get up in the mornings, getting her hair brushed, putting on her socks!! Everything was a battle. The fight would continue after school, trying to get her to pick up her room, do her homework, go to bed! It made for long days. I dreaded the teen years like a tooth ache.

But then there was a change. Maybe it was her, maybe it was me. When my mom died Mollie was 10. Mollie was so mature and caring and helpful with mom I think I began seeing what a wonderful person she really was. I think as I began seeing who she was becoming I probably treated her with more respect and she responded by becoming more and more pleasant.

Now she gets herself up in the morning and is out the door to school before I am. Homework is always done, she is the most sought after babysitter in town. When she is out with friends she often calls or text to tell me where they are and when she’ll be home. One friend asked me if I was going to change any of the rules when Mollie tuned 18 and I had to laugh. Mollie has no parental rules at this time because she doesn’t need them. I know she will still need our help and guidance for a while to come I have no need to tell her what to do. If she were wild and crazy I would but she is as mature as they come.

Now as far as cleaning her room… I’m afraid that part hasn’t changed. But I really don’t care. It won’t be many months until that will be a problem for her and her college roommate to work out. My problem will be trying to find someone else to blame the mess in the rest of the house on. I don’t think Nick is going to believe its mice.

So to my grown girl, who will always be my baby - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Fantasy Friday, The Massage, II

Happy Friday everyone! This is a story! A great story and I feel sure you'll not only like it but that you will want to run right out and get a massage for yourself. I know it made me want one. If you don't have a place for a professional massage ask you honey to give you one, after you have them read this story. And one more thing - be sure to check out the writer!

I hope you all enjoy ...

The Massage

For our 10th anniversary my husband Jay took me for a vacation to a resort hotel and spa. We hadn’t been anywhere like this before and after a tough year we were both excited at the prospect of a relaxing getaway. Along with the luxurious accommodations and great food Jay had arranged for a couples massage. Jay had told me that based on what he had heard I would truly enjoy it. I tend to be a little shy and reserved and Jay is always encouraging, sometimes insisting that I need to be more open to new experiences. So here we were.

After going through the changing area we met in the massage area, Jay with a towel around his waist and me with a large towel wrapped around in a manner attempting to cover all the essentials. Jon and Anna introduced themselves and said they would be giving our massages. They were each standing next to a table, the tables lined up head to head, about four feet apart. As I paused wondering which table to approach, Jay moved to Anna’s table, crawled on and got into position. I felt a little uncomfortable at the idea of a man massaging me, but then as I thought about it, I was uncomfortable with a woman touching me too. Now that Jay had made the choice I had no option, I moved to Jon’s table. With a great deal of embarrassment I untied my towel and crawled onto the table while maintaining my modesty as best as I could. I left the towel covering my bottom and stretched out face down.

Jon started working on my arms, neck and shoulders and was doing a great job. I was relaxing and I could feel the stress melting away. I felt so peaceful! He continued working down my lower back until he was almost rubbing my butt. I was relieved when he moved around the table at this point and started slowly working on my feet. Heaven! Jay knows how much I love having my feet massaged; this was probably what Jay was talking about. He knew I would love this. I couldn’t help but sigh. After a thorough workout on my feet he moved to my calves and eventually my thighs. The prospect of having this handsome stranger’s hands on my thighs was causing me to experience some feelings of excitement and more that a little guilt. But he didn’t stop there. I was shocked as he began to make contact with my lower butt, I knew I had to tell him to stop and bring my massage to a conclusion, but darn it felt so good! I felt like putty and lacked the courage or desire to stop it.

It was about this time that I heard Jay moan with obvious pleasure. Anna whispered “how does that feel?” Jay replied, “fantastic, don’t stop.” Just what was she doing to him over there? Was this what Jay meant about the special couple massages offered here? I couldn’t believe he would have agreed to this type of ‘massage’ with out telling me. But then again if he had I am sure I would have said ‘NO!’. “Relax and let yourself enjoy, Zoie” Jay was always telling me. So, if this is what he had planned for us maybe I should be a good sport and just with the flow, even though it felt terribly naughty.

By now Jon had flipped my towel up completely exposing my butt, the thought of him seeing me this way caused my breath to quicken. He continued to work my “glutes” first one side then the other and I could feel my heart pounding. A slight pressure on the inside of my thighs let me know he wanted me to spread my legs; my first reaction was to tightly hold my legs together. I was embarrassed at how wet I had become. But when he tapped my thigh again I slid both my feet apart until they were hanging off the sides of the table, was this really me doing this?

I realized I was now fully exposed. I barely knew what I was doing but I didn’t want to stop. I just tried to clear my mind and go purely on the sensation. But I still jumped when he worked down between my cheeks rubbing gently. This was getting intimate! He started to slide his hand between my legs and underneath me. I raised my hips ever so slightly to aid his progress. He worked his fingers inside me, finding me wet and slippery. Moving his fingers with great skill he teased me nearly to the brink. With his other oil-drenched thumb he was rubbing my tender rosebud. I tried to hold back but he kept this up until I dissolved into a silent, lip-biting, trembling orgasm.

I was trying to come back to myself as Jon replaced my towel. Jon and Anna said they hoped we had enjoyed our massages and would be more relaxed. ‘Well that’s one way of putting it’ I thought! Jay assured them that their efforts were appreciated and enjoyed. We got dressed and Jay and I walked hand in hand back to our room. I was silent, lost in thought, replaying what had just happened.

Back at our room Jay asked “Well did the massage live up to your expectations?” With lowered eyes I replied, “Well, it was certainly more than I expected.”

“More, in what way?” Jay asked.

“Well, that is first time in over 12 years that I have gotten off at the hand of another man!” I looked up and Jay was staring at me curiously.

“You mean a little massage caused you to have an orgasm?”

“You call that a little massage? I didn’t know we were going to have our privates massaged. You didn’t tell me it would be that type of massage”

Again I looked up at Jay and now his mouth was open in disbelief. “What are you saying, you just lay there and let him grope you?”

“I heard you moaning, and saying how great it felt, asking Anna not to stop. Don’t tell me you weren’t getting the same treatment.”

“Absolutely not, I was just enjoying having my neck and shoulders massaged.”

Now I was aghast, I had convinced myself that this was something Jay had planned for both of us. “Jay, are you telling me that this massage was not your idea?” I could feel my cheeks flaming with embarrassment at what I had allowed to happen. I felt so guilty. “Honey, I am so sorry, please forgive me” was all I could say.

“Zoie! Are you telling me you actually let another man touch you and stroke you in an intimate way and you said nothing?”

“But… but… Jay I really thought that was your plan! I would never have let him touch me if I didn’t think it was what you wanted. I thought you wanted me to relax and let go!” I told him franticly.

“Zoie, come here” Jay commanded “We need to clear the air. Yes I want you to learn to let your hair down and enjoy sex more. But I am the only man who is ever going to be touching you in that way again. I realize this was a misunderstanding but I want to make sure you remember from now on!”

“Oh Jay, I promise – I will remember!”

“Yes I bet you will.” Jay said as he unzipped my pants and slid them to my ankles. He was pulling me across his lap as I trying to tell him, “No Jay, you don’t have to do this! I’ll remember, I’ll remember!!”

My protests and pleading didn’t do me a bit of good as he began spanking hard with his hand, while telling me I should never have let the ‘massage’ reach that level. Too soon, Jay pulled my panties down and picked up my hairbrush. As the pain increased he continued to give me a sound and thorough paddling while I expressed my sincere remorse!

When he was finished and released me, I slipped to the floor between his feet and tried to catch my breath. I looked up at Jay realizing how special our relationship was. With this thought I reached up and unzipped his pants. After 10 years of marriage at least I had learned how to pick up a few forgiveness points.


We used to vote on who we thought wrote the Fantasy Friday stories so I would put up four choices at the end of each story. Now as I go back 2 years and get these stories to repost I have often forgotten who wrote them and I have to find the post that has the reveal. This week I got a little surprise!!

So who wrote this story?? It was my Nick!!! I am always so surprised when he writes! I usually never hear a thing about it until it just pops up in my mail box. I am again struck by the fact that this fellow never did any writing before (that I knew of) and who was for sure a confirmed vanilla before I got hold of him, is writing spanking fiction! So if any more of you fellows have a spanking story in you – give writing a try. If you don’t think it is just right see if your wife/SO will give you a hand. Trust me! It’s fun!!

And I do NEED more stories!! Send them to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Thanks again honey!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Someone special

This post is for Paul. My friend, I know your birthday is tomorrow and not today but I didn’t want my birthday wishes to you to be thrown in with Fantasy Friday and perhaps over looked. You were one of my very first friends out here. Your loyalty and your friendship were there for me through blog posts and fiction, and these wonderful traits were there for me during my real life crisis. I love your wisdom, your humor, and your consistency (a necessary trait in a good dom!) . A while back, when I had put up two posts and had not had a comment from you I knew something was wrong. I was right – you were sick and I missed you while you were away from your computer. Nothing really felt right here until you got back. We’ve gone through a lot in the four years since you commented on my very first post, after all now we're family! My life is better for having had the privilege of getting to know you and I hope you have the best birthday EVER!!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I wish...

In the old days when I had nothing to blog about I would sometimes just start writing and see if anything came up. I don't have high hopes. Not much going on. Cold, no privacy, can't get my mind in the right place, work woes, etc, etc, etc...

Blogging is one of my favorite past times and when I don't feel like doing it that makes me feel more down. So here's my wish list ...

  1. Retire
  2. Regain my enthusiasm - for spanking, for sex, for blogging, for writing, even for emailing my friends. Everything seems on hold.
  3. See LJ more.
  4. Redo my kitchen. (I know I don't use it, but I wish it looked nice.)
  5. Drive something besides a mommobile.
  6. Feel better, physically and mentally.
  7. Sit quietly and visit, in person, with the friends I've made here. Writing is fine but it's a hard way to really maintain friendships and my friendships here are very important to me.
  8. Lose 60 pounds.
  9. Know that Mollie has been accepted to the college of her choice so she (and I) can stop stressing about it.
  10. Win the lottery to make all of the most of the above possible.

Friday, October 08, 2010

Fantasy Friday - Do You Understand, II

I think I'm finally over the worst of the cold. I managed to give it to Nick. Some day we hope to be well at the same time. I'll be sure to let you know. But on to the good stuff - Fantasy Friday! This is a wonderful story. I know that there are so many of us that will understand the deep feelings in this story.

Please enjoy...

Do You Understand?

Kate walked through the shopping centre, dragging her feet as she went. She hated shopping centres. All the clothes seemed designed for stick thin teenagers, not for large 26 year olds, who hated pretty much every part of their body. She’s always hated the way she looked, ever since she had hit puberty, and the puppy fat had come along for the ride. The trouble was that it had never gone away again, just sat there, increasing in volume over the years.

She’d tried all sorts of diets, but her heart was never in it. She’d loose some weight for a while, but then she would also lose her willpower, and the weight would gradually creep back on.
She sighed as she walked past yet another shop designed only for 16 year olds with
size 8 figures and washboard stomachs. Ed caught her sigh and turned round, looking at her questioningly.

She still couldn’t quite believe that this gorgeous, good looking man still seemed to be interested in her, four months after they had first started going out. Actually, she couldn’t believe when he had first come up to her, at a party her friend Louise had dragged her along to, and asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink sometime. She’d had relationships before, of course, but at the moment she was the biggest she’d ever been and her self esteem was correspondingly at rock bottom. She had thought it might be a joke, maybe his friends had bet him that he wouldn’t ask out the fat girl… but he seemed sincere, and with Louise standing there, unsubtly jabbing her in the ribs, she had little choice but to agree. They’d gone out a few nights later, and had a lovely evening, and to her surprise, he’d asked her out again. And again. A month later they were officially an item.

Nowadays, they stayed over at each others places at least a couple of time a week, and to everyone else looked like a secure and happy couple. Not to Kate though. She still questioned every day what he saw in her, and why he wasn’t repulsed by her. She wondered again why she’d agreed when he invited himself along on her shopping trip. It was enough of ordeal trying to find clothes that actually fitted her and didn’t make her look like a sack of potatoes, all the time surrounded by skinny minnies, without having to have Ed realise exactly how big she was and come to the conclusion that he would rather be with someone thinner and prettier.

She sighed again. Ed stopped and turned around. “Katie, seriously, what is the matter? You’ve been miserable all day. This shopping trip was your idea. I thought this sort of thing was supposed to be fun, but the way you’re acting like its one step up from Chinese water torture. Come on; tell me, what’s the matter?”

She looked at him. He was standing there looking so lovely in jeans and a blue T-Shirt, his dark hair catching in the sunlight. He’d never get why she felt the way she did, and what’s more, her insecurities would probably drive him away.

“Oh, it’s nothing, I’ve just got PMS…”

He glared at her, “Katie, don’t lie to me, your period finished a week ago, there is no way you have PMS. Seriously, what gives?”

She looked at him again, standing there so confident and sure of himself, and something inside her snapped.

“Oh you’d never bloody well understand! It’s alright for you; you’re so damn sure of yourself! You don’t know what it’s like to spend your whole life feeling fat and ugly!”

Ed just stood there, looking shocked. “Kate, is that how you see yourself? As fat and ugly?”

Katie glared at him “Of course I do! And so does everyone else. Women like me are always the fat cows. We’re always the butt of jokes. The world is full of skinny, bitchy teenagers, and everything is designed to fit them, and not big fat ugly people like me!!” And with that she burst into tears and sat down on a nearby bench, sobbing her heart out.

Ed sat down next to her and gently pulled her into a cuddle.

“Katie, listen to me, I do NOT think you are fat or ugly. To me you are a gorgeous, voluptuous, beautiful woman. I could never go out with some stick insect, they do nothing for me. I need my woman to have curves, and to look like a real woman.” He turned her face to him and looked her in the eyes. “Do you understand?” he asked.

Kate choked back a sob and responded. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better. You can’t possibly really find me attractive.”

Ed was the one to sigh this time. “Right, we are giving up on the shopping trip, we’re going back to my place and I’m going to make you believe I’m telling you the truth.”

“Fine!” Kate got up, “I’d rather be anywhere but here right now.”

Half an hour later they were back at Ed’s flat and Kate was sitting on his sofa, having a drink of water. Ed walked back into the room and looked at her. “Have you calmed down?” Kate nodded. “Good. Now this is what’s going to happen. I want you to stand up and undress.”

Kate looked up, startled. “In the middle of your living room? In the middle of the day??” She had always avoided getting undressed in front of him, finding ways to avoid him seeing her completely naked, except in the semi darkness. He looked right back at her. “Yup. Right here, right now.”

Something in his tone compelled her to do as he said, though she couldn’t for the life of her think why. She took off her cardigan, and then her skirt and top, slowly, but in no way trying to tantalise. She stood there in her bra and knickers, feeling very embarrassed. Ed looked at her and smiled. “And the rest…”

“Please Ed, no, I’m embarrassed. Don’t make me…”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to come over there and help?”

She most definitely didn’t, and in response she slowly took off her bra, covering her breasts with one hand. He looked down at her knickers, meaningfully. She sighed, and awkwardly, using just one hand while still trying to keep her breasts covered, pulled them down. Then she quickly put her hand over her crotch.

Ed smiled. “Good. Now I want you to put your hands by your sides. I want to be able to see you in all your glory.”

Kate’s arms shook as she them away and put them by her sides. She looked down at the floor, cheeks flaming with shame. Ed got up and walked over to her. He stood in front of her.

“Katie, I want you to look at me.”
With difficulty, she raised her gaze to meet his, still hot with embarrassment. He raised his hand, and his finger traced the contours of her face.

“Katherine Lucy Morton, I want you to understand that I love you, and I think you’re beautiful”.

She dropped her gaze again, unable to believe him. He took her chin between his hands and brought her eyes up to meet his. While he was holding her gaze, his other hand carried on tracing.

“I love your beautiful eyes, and your smile. Your shoulders, your arms…. I adore you big, bouncy breasts” he continued, trailing a finger round her nipples, making them erect.

“I love your curves, and your stomach, and that gorgeous pussy, but most of all, I love your beautiful round bum”. His hand rested on it.

Kate stood there. She didn’t know how to respond. She was turned on, but embarrassed by the compliments being directed at her. Ed continued to look her in the eyes and carried on speaking.

“Katie,” it really upsets me that you think this way about yourself. That you have such low self esteem, and talk about yourself in such derogatory terms. I want that to change. I want you to appreciate just how sexy you are, and to stop putting yourself down constantly. And I’m going to make that happen by doing something I’ve wanted to do since the first moment I met you.”
With this, he took her by the arm and walked over to the sofa, and sat down. Kate looked at him, confused.

“In a minute”, he continued, “you’re going to put yourself over my lap, and I’m going to spank you. No, listen! For two reasons. One is because you are just so damn sexy, and I’ve wanted to do this for four months, but the other reason is that I want you to start to learn that it’s not acceptable to think or talk about yourself in such a way, and hoping this will help you realise that.”

Kate looked at him in disbelief. He had to be kidding. Spanked? Like some little child?! No way! She started to move away, but he still had hold of her arm. He shook his head. “Don’t even think about it. I would like you to get over my knee of your own accord, but I will put you over it if I have to.” His tone became more serious. “Katie, I promise you that I won’t go too far, or hurt you, or give you more than you can take. I love you, and I think this will be good for you”.

She looked at him uncertainly, but something in his tone reassured her. Still not quite able to believe what she was doing, she awkwardly lowered herself across his lap, so that her torso and arms were resting on the sofa. He put one arm around her waist, and the other hand gently rubbed her bottom, she tensed.

“Just relax, OK?”

He rubbed a bit more, and, silly though she felt, lying as she was, she started to relax a little more. It was at that point that the first spank landed on her right cheek. It wasn’t hard, but the shock of it made her gasp. He rubbed the spot.

“That wasn’t too bad was it?”

“I suppose not”

In response, he delivered four crisp swats, alternating between cheeks. She gasped as each one landed, and the sting grew. But at the same time, she felt strangely aroused. She could feel her pussy getting wet as she laid her, and wondered at it. Ed was speaking again.

“Katie, I want you to understand that the kind of sentiments you were using earlier on are just not acceptable”. As he talked, he punctuated his words with more smacks, working all round her bottom, low and high. While none of was individually very hard, the sensation was building in her cheeks, and couldn’t help wiggling to try and ease it. He just gripped on to her waist harder, and started to spank harder, talking all the while.

“I love you, I think you are beautiful, and I want you to learn to love yourself, and to appreciate the beautiful body you have, in all its glory. I never want to hear you putting yourself down again. I care too much about you to want to see you hurting yourself with these thoughts.”

The sting in her bottom was quite fierce now, but in spite of that distracting her from his words; somehow what he was saying was getting through. He kept calling her beautiful. He kept saying that he loved her curves, and he obviously liked her bottom, or at least what he was doing to it, the evidence was easy to feel, pressing into her crotch. Maybe he really did mean what he was saying… Tears sprang to her eyes, caused both from the pain of the spanking, and the realization that this man did actually seem to love her for who s
he was, and what she looked like.

He stopped spanking, and started rubbing gently, all over her bottom. The tears rolled down her face as she gave in to the emotions overwhelming her, and the feeling of being cared about. He pulled her upright, onto his lap, and wiped away a tear. He turned her chin so she was looking him in the eyes again.

“Now do you understand?”


I told you that this story would touch a lot of you. Speaking for chubby girls everywhere we don’t often don’t like our bodies. The idea of someone loving us enough to make us see that we are lovable not in spite of our curves but because of them!

Eliane is the author of our story this week. When she sent this to me two years ago she was new to the blog world. Since then she has developed her own popular blog - New(ish) to Spanking. I hope you'll let her know here or there that you like her story. I really appreciate her sharing this with us.

If anyone else has a story to share, please send it to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Internet wisdom

I am about to get better but there is still nothing going on on topic for me to write about at the moment. I'm not worried, we're good just not completely healthy but I miss posting so I thought I would share a few pearl of wisdom I’ve gathered from the internet over the years. Hope you enjoy them.

• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

• Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

• Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

A different update

Since I’m still not feeling like much fun and games I thought I’d give you an update on the kids. Haven’t done that in a while. LJ and Colin have been in New York City for 4 months now. I haven’t seen either of them in all that time and it’s killing me. But at least he’s pretty good about keeping in touch. I’m content because he seems happy and he hasn’t asked for money – what more could you ask from an adult child? While in NYC he has been cast in two parts. He has done one play and was recently cast in a short film. In the play he played a priest. Not sure how that worked. I think he looks about 16 myself, not exactly the wise old priest look but evidently he pulled it off.

For this film he is really going to have to dig to get in the proper mindset. He’s playing a gay man living with his boyfriend and their two cats. Hmmm… I asked if the director was just going to set up his camera in his and Collin’s apartment! Now neither of these has been money making parts but he’s still been cast. It New York with everyone there being an out of work actor hungry for exposure I am still very proud of him. Collin has also snagged a small part in a movie being made at one of the schools in NYC. I feel that they are doing great and they seem to love every minute of their lives. They will be home the last weekend in October and I can’t wait. We wanted to go up one weekend this summer but there was too much scheduled and LJ said it was soooo hot! NYC is a walking town and he knew the heat would have killed me. Mollie is trying for perfect attendance this year and I didn’t want to mess that up for her so we are waiting and going over our school’s spring break. The boys hope to come home at Christmas but if they do get a part in anything all bets are off. That will take precedence.

Now for my Mollie. She is a bright shining spot in our family. She has turned into such a lovely young woman. She will be 18 later this month and that fact just blows me away. She is loving school for the first time since she was in kindergarten. That’s because she has basically gone back to kindergarten! As a senior she is taking the courses at her school that allow her to work in the school’s pre-school. Both of her afternoon classes are there and she comes home with the most wonderful stories about her little 4-year-olds. She has to plan lessons and activities. She is well aware of their 10 second attention span. (Just a side note, my 6th graders have increased their attention span to 12 seconds.) Her teachers have been impressed with her work, her idea and her endless patience. Patience, LOL! When she was younger this is not a trait I ever felt Mollie would master!

She was on the Homecoming Court last night representing one of the school's club. That girl was beautiful as she was escorted the best looking man at the game. Yes she asked her dad to escort her. We got her a beautiful new dress and she found her dad a tie to match. I thought they both looked wonderful! Mollie has also begun applying to colleges and next year at this time she will leave us to our empty nest. That’s not the horror I once imagined but I’m going to miss her terribly. All her college choices are fairly close – not more than a two hour drive. She still wants to be a teacher despite my trying to get her to at least look at other career. And now she has really begun to focus on the kindergarten – 1st grade age group. I know she will make a fantastic teacher and she will be wonderful for the children but I hate and dread all the torment she will have to endure in the ‘education system’ to have the privilege of working with the little ones. But it’s her choice and I’m sure she’ll make the right one.

So there’s the kid update. I realize my babies are grown now. And not to brag but I couldn’t be more delighted with the way they have turned out. Some of this is because of Nick and me and some is in spite of us. But they are wonderful people and I am the proudest mom on the block!

Now should I ever stop coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose I hope to get back to some sexy, spanking things to blog about occasionally.

Friday, October 01, 2010

Fantasy Friday - I Can't Cry, II

I have the cold to beat all colds. I hate to weigh in this morning because I know my head alone weighs at least 50 pounds. I can't talk at all - even my whisper is gone. Not the best thing when you have 78 eleven year-olds to corral and teach all day. Not something I really want to share with Nick so I'm keeping my distance. The cold won't last forever, but even with the cold I sure am glad the weekend is here. Here's another Fantasy Friday that I can relate to. Please enjoy...

I Can’t Cry

I have never been the type to cry easily. In fact, I hardly cry at all. The last time I cried was at a funeral for a co-worker who died much too young. Even my stubborn heart understands the finality of death. I don’t mean to say that I’m an unfeeling person, but my eyes just won’t cooperate when my body and soul need to cry. Some may think that I’m hiding my true feelings behind a tightly controlled facade, but his theory depends on the belief that that I am capable of crying. Am I, making a monumental effort to control the raging volcano of tears beneath the surface? I assure you this is not the case. The release of tension that comes with a good cry would be most welcome. And yet, my eyes betray my heart and remain woefully dry, under even the tensest of circumstances.

You may be wondering, why this obsession with crying? The answer is; stress. Stress should be a four letter word. It certainly seems to bring a number of four letter words to my mind when I am dealing with it. Some of the more popular relaxation methods I employ are: running away, exercise, overeating, drinking, leisure activities, wild sex and yes, crying. So, there I was, in one of the most stressful periods I have faced in years and all I could do was sit around and look sad. There were no tears for me, even when I mentally studied my life and relived great disappointments. My lip trembled and I felt a slight increase in the natural moisture in my eye. I tried to stay with it and ride the wave of emotion until the floodgates opened and…… nothing. Once again, I saw the forlorn look on my face in the mirror but nothing that suggests I had been on the verge of tears. I sighed loudly and added another memory to my list of woes, “I cannot cry.” Complaint number two hundred and fifty-six.

Enter my wonderful husband Gabriel. He knows me and the many layers I have created to protect myself. He also knows when I am on the edge of a cliff and need a little help to drag me back to solid ground. Gabe decided that a stress-relief spanking was in order. To the uninitiated, a stress-relief spanking is designed to help the receiver release tension while bonding her more closely with the person administering the spanking. Though this is undoubtedly an unconventional way to cope with stress; it works for us.

Gabe has been spanking me since the beginning of our relationship. Whenever I break an agreed-upon rule, I am punished by corporal means. If we need to reconnect emotionally, he often spanks me to break the ice. Of course, an erotic spanking during lovemaking can’t be beat. Was that horrible Pun? I do apologize. I sometimes think my most productive time is spent bent over with my panties at my knees for a fanny roasting.

“Robin!” Gabe appeared in the living room to see me sitting on the couch and staring out the window in a cloud of self-pity. “I think it’s time you stopped sulking and started doing something useful with your time, young lady,” Gabe admonished.

I looked at him insolently and deliberately turned my face away from him to stare out the window. Briefly, I considered the wisdom of my actions but then the moment passed and I continued nursing my bad mood.
Taking my hand gently but firmly, Gabe led me into our bedroom for a little talk. He began his lecture before we even got to the door, “I know you have had a lot on your plate lately, and you have been working very hard. But this miserable mood has gone on for too long.” Leading me to the bed, he sat down and pulled me between his legs facing him.

“It’s time to help you release some of the tension you have been holding in.” And with that, he loosened my trousers and let them drop to the floor. He guided me over his lap and adjusted my body until my bottom was at just the right angle. Without another word, Gabe laid a mighty swat across my cheeks. It was clear that this was not going to be an easy spanking. His hand came down hard, echoing throughout the room. I could feel a handprint shaped sting searing into my delicate backside. Before I adjusted to the pain, he began spanking in earnest. One slap after another branded my bottom. He started in the middle of each cheek and then moved side to side and up and down until my entire bottom was glowing red. I don’t know how many times his hand came down before he paused to rub.

“Shhhh,” he soothed. My breath was in rags and I was squirming to position myself safely away from his punishing hand. Gabe rubbed my back and said, “I don’t think you’re done yet. You’re still very tense.”

Who wouldn’t be tense when your butt us being blistered?, I thought. But I trusted Gabe to take care of me. He knew me well and he also knew I needed more. He reached under bed and picked something up. Apparently this little talk had been planned in advance. Gabe had put something especially for me within easy reach before he took me to our room. It didn’t take long to discover what it was.

Smack. I felt the paddle come down hard across both cheeks. Each strike with the paddle felt like a hot skillet on my rear end. The paddle came down again and again. I wiggled and howled, and despite my efforts to the contrary, my feet came off of the ground. “Put your feet on the ground or I will get my belt,” Gabe said sternly.

“Yes sir,” I said through gritted teeth. As my toes touched the ground, he raised the paddle and laid into me again. “Owww, oh, owwww,” I whined. Despite my distress, the spanking continued. I felt on the verge of tears. My entire bottom was on fire and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. “Oww, Gabe, owww,” I cried.

One last hard smack and he laid down the paddle. I went limp across his lap sniffling and gasping. “Owww,” I whined again. “My bottom is on fire,” I sniffled some more.

Gabe rubbed my back and waited for me to calm down. He helped me up and then he stood and scooped me into his arms. Setting me on the bed on my stomach he pulled the sheet over me and lay next to me. “That’s my girl, let it all out.” He stroked my hair and my face. “Any tears darling?”

I turned my head toward him, gazed into his eyes, put my hand on his face gently and said, “Nope.” I grinned “But I feel a lot better!”

Smack! Gabes’s hand cracked down on my backside as he laughed. “My pleasure, next time it won’t be so easy.”

Who needs tears anyway?


This story was written by my friend Jess. Jess hasn't been around lately but I would love to have her back. She is a fantastic writer as you can tell. I really appreciate her sharing this story with us. As always I'm hoping that some of you are out there writing the story that's been in your head for a while. Please send any you are willing to share to elisspeaks@yahoo.com