I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Can I talk about spanking again?

Have you noticed I haven’t been writing about spanking much lately? It’s not that they’ve been nonexistent here, I had a lovely birthday spanking earlier in the month which was completely Nick’s idea with no hinting from me. That was nice, but, but…

Something’s not right in my head.  I’ve gone through ‘dry patches’ before where spanking seemed to hold no interest for me, but this one worries me. I don’t even know how to explain it, so once again you are all my sounding board as I try to understand it myself.

There is no real problem with losing interest in spanking for a while, I know I’m a spanko and that will not change. My problem is that my sexuality is completely wrapped in my spanking desires. When the desire to be spanked goes, so does my sexual desire. I know Nick would be more than happy to spank me, as soon as we get some privacy back, but without that desire in my head, it’s just being slapped on the butt. It just hurts with no release achieved or desire invoked.

Part of this is giving up my youthful dreams of what a dd relationship would/should be like. I thought I wanted to be submissive. Maybe it would have worked, I don’t know. Nick never wanted this. He’s tried over the years to help me achieve what I thought I wanted, but even if we’d ‘achieved’ it, it wouldn’t have been right for us because it wouldn’t have been right for him. It would have been false. We’re neither one good at roll play. I finally quit agonizing over it and simply appreciated what we’ve gained from the trying – most importantly, a closer relationship.

However now I have the problem of no sexual desire. I relate it all back to the ideas of ‘good girls don’t…’ Because of these deeply ingrained feelings (even though I know they are wrong), the idea of dominance and submission that I fantasied about worked for me. It’s the whole “Of course I shouldn’t be doing this, but what choice do I have – he’s in total control and if I don’t do as I’m told, I’ll be punished.” It works very nicely in my head and in fiction, not so well in my bedroom.

Nick has no desire to punish, and despite my flaws, no real reason to. I’ve posted so many times over the years, ‘He doesn’t spank enough.’ ‘He only spanks when he wants sex.’ ‘He won’t give me rules and be consistent.’ But the sad, sad truth is he cannot crawl into my head and understand. Nick is such a wonderful man, he only wants to give me pleasure and to try and understand what I need. He can’t understand that it’s the darker side of my fantasies that I need to maintain my true deep sexual desires. Without a reason for a spanking, at least part of the time, it doesn’t do anything for me.

Sometime I can recapture it, if I have enough time to sink into my fantasy world, but it’s harder now. Once I decided to stop pushing Nick into a role neither of us really wants him in, I stopped going to the fantasies. They’ll push there way back in, they always do, but sometimes I’ve waited years and I don’t want to wait that long.

Somehow I need to find a balance. I haven’t discussed it with Nick because I don’t know one single thing I want him to change or do. I think this has to come from me and I don’t have a clue of how achieve that balance myself. Nick has tried to throw in a little discipline as he helps me with the weigh problems, and while I appreciate the effort and the thought behind it, it’s not doing it for me.  Nick is a kind, sweet, gentle man – I don’t want that to change and I have no desire to see him pretend. There are times I wish I could go to some big mean disciplinary about once a month for a session, nothing to do with sex – just to feed my dark side. With that taken care of, I could be totally satisfied with the sexy fun spankings and the occasional mock discipline that Nick and I enjoy together. Please, don’t send resumes, I’m only kidding. Just another fantasy running around in my head.

I still have no more answers than I did when I sat down to write this. Answers from the sounding board are welcomed.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Fantasy Friday - Peter's true story

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Having LJ, Colin and Mollie all here with Nick and me has been wonderful. The boys are staying through this weekend and then it’s back to the big city for them. I’m out of school until the 6th and I plan to savor every minute of the time off.

Today we have another brand new Fantasy Friday from a new writer. Peter had an interesting experience in real life and he’s written about it for us. I’ll tell you a little more after you read the story.

Peter's true story

It happened some years ago, I used to swim a few mornings a week in my local pool. Being on evening shift at work, I had most mornings free and I loved to spend as much time as I could at the pool. Saw the same guys there all the time, knew some of them just to say “Hi”, nothing more. Just one guy, a good swimmer like myself, who always seemed to be at the end of the pool when I reached it to make my quick turn. This involves something like a forward roll in the water, head down, bum up, while you kick off for the next length. I had the feeling he was checking me out, although he never said anything or made any move. Just a feeling.
Anyway, one morning when I had finished my lengths, I headed into the showers, took off my togs and had a good warm shower, then finished off with a cold shower, to close up the pores in the skin. It does that alright, but it also causes me to get a hard on [always did]. Anyway since everyone else was still in the pool, the changing room would be empty, or so I thought! As I walked into the room, I came face to face with my "watcher"!
He must have left the pool before me, and was nearly finished dressing when I walked in. I don’t know which of us was the more surprised, he was looking right at me, he had to see the state I was in! I could feel my face getting red, and I mean red, as I headed to the lockers to grab my towel. I kept my back to him while I was drying myself, hoping my hard on would go away, but I could feel his eyes on me and this did not help, if anything, it got worse.
Time came when I had to turn to get stuff from my locker, then he got a side on view. “You seem to be in good form this morning," glancing at my crotch. My face was burning while I tried to think of something to say, I just wanted the ground to open up at that stage.
I said "Uh, yeah, I guess so, look I’m sorry about this if it offends you, it happened in the shower, its the cold water, I can’t help it, I sorry". In a situation like that, you just want somewhere to hide, but there was nowhere. Worst still my towel slipped to the floor, I was so embarrassed that I was all fingers and thumbs . I know guys get hard ons in the showers and check each other out, but this was different. When I looked around, he was sitting on the bench seat laughing away at me.
He said "Look, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, that’s quite natural, happens to everyone, and it certainly does not offend me, although you know, some people might say that you deserve a good spanking for going around like that!" This last bit with a big grin!
Thinking to make light of it, I said, "I suppose I do, but where would I get it?”
I said this as a joke, but was surprised when he replied, “I’m sure that could be arranged, if you’re interested, are you?"
I tried to think quickly. I have always had a fantasy about being spanked, but like many others, nothing ever came of it. Was this my chance? He must have seen the wheels turning, because he said, “Get dressed, if you can, and join me for a coffee, and we will have a chat about it."
One half of my mind said "Take off now!" the other half said "See what he has to say first." So I got dressed, not too easy, seeing the state I was in, and joined him in the coffee shop outside.
"Ah, come and sit over here my friend, better stay in this alcove, since you are still tenting" Over a cup of coffee he explained that he was part of a spanking group which met every few weeks for spanking sessions. “We have male and female members, married, couples, singles, even two gays!
 There is no sex involved, we are just into spanking the same as others are into collecting stamps or beermats or whatever. They are all normal people, nothing weird about them, you pass them every day in the street. Think about it, if you would like to try it, let me know. All I’m saying is don’t knock it till you’ve tried it."
I said, “I don’t think there is much to think about, it does interest me."
He said "I know, I saw it in your eyes inside, your bum is made for spanking. Think about it for a day or two, and if you still feel the same, give me a call on this number, remember, there is no pressure on you, it’s your call, if you don’t like the idea, just walk away, I will never refer to it again."
Two days later I made the call. He was pleased to hear from me and gave me his address." Come over for lunch, and I will show you around and we’ll take it from there."  
"OK, what should I wear?"  
"Very little, you wont need it."
I showered, dressed, just bikini briefs [I hate boxers],tee shirt, track pants and runners, grabbed my bike and headed off. Little did I know that I would be walking most of the way home! Found the house, parked my bike at the side and rang the doorbell. The door opened and there he was.
"Come in, come in, so glad you decided to come, I think you’ll like it, let’s have lunch first.”  While we ate, he told me a bit more about the group, their age groups, likes and dislikes ect, some were spankers, some spankees, others, both. "If you join, I think you should start off as a spankee just to see how you like it, later on you do your own thing. Don’t worry about becoming aroused, nobody will pass any remark about it, it happens all the time, it’s bound to, just go along with it and have fun. Now if you are ready, come with me and I’ll show you around."
We went to a room on the next floor, which contained all sorts of strange stuff. One wall was fitted with sets of cuffs, high up and at floor level. There was something that looked like a vaulting horse, also fitted with cuffs, front and back. Then there was a long low device, like a coffee table with a padded top, fixed to the floor and with cuffs fixed to the floor at each end. He must have seen the look on my face, because he went on to explain that some members liked "over the knee" while others liked to be "restrained". "It all depends on what turns them on, everyone is different, nobody will force you to do anything you don’t like. If you don’t like it, just say no and try something else"
By now I could feel myself being turned on, this was the kind of stuff I used to dream about!"
Shall we begin with an "over the knee" spanking to see how you feel about it? Although you are a big boy and deserve something better, I think."
I heard myself saying, "How does this device work, pointing to the "coffee table?"
"Strip and I’ll show you, I think you might enjoy this item." I stripped, and then was told to kneel on the floor, lie along the padded top and place my hands in the cuffs at the front end. The cuffs were then closed around my wrists, a wide belt placed across my back and fixed in place, next I felt my knees being drawn wide apart and cuffed to the floor. It took me only a few seconds to realize the position I was in. I was completely exposed and helpless, I began to panic and have second thoughts about the whole idea.
Then I heard "Relax, no one is going to mess with you, these restraints are there for your own protection, if you move about too much, the strokes could fall in the wrong place, no body wants to injure you, so just relax while I explain it all to you. If you want out, just say so.
First off, we deliver spankings in batches of twenty strokes, anything less is no use. Second, you must take all twenty, you can’t opt out half way. Third, We have five different levels of spanking, each one a bit heavier than the previous one, this is because some members like to really feel pain, others don’t. You should start at the lowest level and take it from there, ok? Are you happy with that?"
By now I had relaxed somewhat so I said, "OK, let’s start." "I must decide what to use, would you prefer a strap or a cane, or a paddle? We have other stuff but not at this stage, I think!"
I though about a cane, no way! a paddle? no, that left only the strap. I decided on that thinking it would be just a light strap or belt of some kind.
He said, "Good choice to begin with, how about this one." producing a leather strap about 450mm long by 25 wide and 10 thick. It looked a fearful weapon and the swish of it through the air put the wind up me. He said, "Don’t worry, this can be as gentle or as severe as you want it, I’ll go easy with you to start."
Moving behind me, he asked if I was ready, reminding me that I had agreed to take all twenty strokes, all the time swishing it through the air. The sound of it! I nodded as best I could and right away I heard a swish and then a sharp CRACK as the leather met my arse. It may have been a light stroke, but I still jumped with the shock.
"Now you know what the cuffs are for." Next thing CRACK on the other cheek. After that it was just CRACK,CRACK one after the other. I gritted my teeth trying not to yelp, feeling salt tears in my eyes. I prayed to myself don’t start crying. At the tenth stroke, with my bum on fire and the tears ready to flow, he said to me, "Don’t be afraid to yell if you want to, no body will hear you, this room is sound proved ,also don’t be too proud to cry, sometimes it helps." With that, the next ten began CRACK, CRACK, with just a short break between each one. By number sixteen I was openly crying, and yelling and begging. No use, I had agreed to take twenty and twenty I was going to get! and I did. By now I felt as if a blowtorch had been applied to my bum, it was on fire! Every square inch of it had been covered from the top of my crack down to my thighs. I lay there, half expecting to get another few, but it was all over and I was released from my cuffs and helped up.
 "Don’t bother to get dressed just yet, let it cool down for a while, let’s have another cup of coffee, although you might like to drink this one standing up " He was right, I did. "You will be fine by tomorrow morning, can’t have you going swimming with you bum looking like that!" He tactfully made no reference to the fact that I had become aroused during the spanking, I’m not sure at what point it happened He said if I was still interested, to give him a call and he would be happy to introduce me to the other members, if not, just walk away.
Despite the pain, I was really turned on by the experience, there was no way I was going to walk away, I had waited years for this! I said, "Sign me in, full stop!" So I joined the group and it was just like he said, ordinary people doing what they liked best, no messing. I spent most of my time there as a spankee and enjoyed every minuet of it. Met some great people there and learned a lot about all sorts of things, which I would be happy to relate if any one is interested.

Sorry this took so long to tell, but is the way it happened. If I had been a few minuets late getting to the changing room, this might never have happened and would still be on my wish list!


Peter, thanks – this was great. I asked Peter if he was still a part of this group and sadly he’s not because of a move, thought he still hears from them occasionally. He also shared that he did become a switch from time to time, but he preferred to be on the receiving end.
Peter is currently in a gay relationship and he said he would be happy to talk with any of my readers who might have some honest question about his story or desires. His email address is petercoburn.640.z@gmail.com
And now if anyone else is working on a story please share with us, you can send the stories to elisspeaks@yahoo.com

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas

Wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas! 
And a big thank you to everyone who stops 
by here to read.