How do you decide?

All right all my wise and knowing DD friends, tell me this -  what happens when you and your well loved significant other,  can’t come to a mutual decision? Who ultimately should have the final say?

Nick and I are about to begin on a dark, perilous journey. We’re redecorating the living room. Redecorating is not good for our marriage. It’s the closest we ever come to fighting, mostly stony silence. I’m usually the one wanting change. As long as it functions as it’s supposed to, Nick would just as soon leave it alone.

We moved into the house Nick already owned when we married, so in my mind, deep down it his house. Now, I’m mostly over that, and we’ve made some lovely changes over the years. But my first desire for change was shot down so definitely that  it was nearly ten years into the marriage before I dared make another suggestion. 

When I first walked into his living room, when we were dating I wasn’t impressed. Worst of all were two huge mirrors over the fire place mantle – I hated them, they looked old fashion to me nearly forty years ago. They're still there!

It’s not that I’ve been complaining about them steadily all those years and Nick’s been refusing. I’ve just mentioned every few years, ‘We need to change the fire place wall.’ Or ‘I really don’t like the mirrors, their so old fashion looking.’ Nick simply let it wash over him. The mirrors weren’t bothering anything (but me), leave well enough alone, he seemed to say.

Now I finally have he go ahead to make the change – not enthusiastic agreement, mind you. More of a, ‘Sure, fine if you have to.” kind of thing. But I’ll take it. I showed him a picture of what I wanted, and he said it looked good to him. There’s more than that wall of course, isn’t there always? 

We’ll need to paint the rest of the room and hall and I want to put up crown molding and a nicer baseboard. This is where we come to our first major sticking point. One of us wants a natural wood tone for the trim and the other wants to have the crown molding and the baseboard painted to match the new bookcases that are being built. Truly it will look nice either way – I know that. But I think it will look way better my way and Nick feels the same about his way.

So who gets their way? How do we decide? Some would say that Nick as HOH should have the deciding vote. But we don’t have a DD relationship. Some would say that the wife should have the final decision on decorating the house (since I’ve had to wait thirty-eight years!) But that’s not necessarily fair either.

I wish this was a project we could enjoy doing together. But few of our decorating projects have felt that way to me. Because we have such a hard time communicating about such thing we each get an idea in our head of how it will look best and then it just seems to become adversarial. And I think whichever of us ‘win’ the other feels bullied into the decision. And to show you how long this crap sticks with me, I’m still hurt and disappointed that I didn’t get new carpet for the nursery. And I’m talking about LJ’s nursery – he’s thirty-one years old now! And I still remember that ugly, old, yellow carpet that was in his room and I’ve given myself a pain in my chest right now just writing about it.

So how would you handle this at your house? Seriously, I’d love suggestions.

Now, about that time share…

I never told you about our beach trip. As Nick predicted, it was very nice. The accommodations we were given was not in any way fancy. But it wasn’t bad. We weren’t on the beach, but there was a nice pool and the place was clean and it was free – so I had no complaints.

We ate well! I got a Napoleon to bring back to the room the first night and I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. I do love them! 

The next day we did a little looking in a few store. I got a new base-ball cap and Nick a new shirt. Then we took a long walk on the beach. Nick got up each morning to see and take pictures of the sunrise – not me, I’ve already see one. We even played putt-putt for the first time since the kids were little.

Soon enough it was time to go to the dreaded time share showing. From the group of people we saw the time-share people were definitely going after the retired crowed. They called us old farts back one couple at a time to meet our salesman. Agreeable looking fellow. They served us pizza and soda. He asked us if we enjoyed traveling. I told him the truth – no. I’m perfectly happy at our home. But Nick told him we did some traveling.

Then we were off to see the places accommodations. They were really nice. I swear the baths were as large as our smallest bedroom here at home. Master had a king size bed, second bedroom had two double beds and then there was a pull out sofa. There was a lovely kitchen, new appliances, everything you’d need.

Outside were two pool, one with a lazy river. There were three restaurants on the grounds as well as a clubhouse with an indoor pool, a small gym and a lounge were you could play games and movies were shown in the evening.

As we went into a room to talk details the salesman explained to us how we could exchange our week there – a prime location, for two week somewhere else. We mentioned a few places we like, Williamsburg, VA for one. He tapped on his phone showing us that if we chose to go there we could book a week at one of their resorts for under $250 for an entire week. In addition to all that, we would be able to get between 30% and 50% off all airline tickets, hotels and rental cars worldwide.

The price for the two bedroom unit was honestly a good price. The yearly maintenance fee was reasonable and guaranteed not to rise more than 1% a year. Thinking that Mollie would love to have a place to bring all her friends at times I ask about their pet policy and he said it was easy to find pet friendly accommodation.

Nick and I shared a glance. It all didn’t sound all that bad. Even though Nick is working, his schedule is very flexible. We really can travel when we want. To be honest, it sounded like a pretty good deal. Why not?

Well, let me tell you why not. Every word the salesman told us was a bald-face lie! It’s extremely hard to get a reservation to any spot you want to go and never when you want to go. Also there are additional fees hidden throughout. See, on the weekend the ‘owners’ aren’t using them the company can rent them out for a fortune, and they already have your money.  Any discounts on air travel, hotels and rental cars must go through them so you don’t pick flight times or which hotel or probably what kind of car. That way you have no real idea if you’re getting a discount or not. The actual contract that we looked over did not guarantee that the maintenance would go up no more than 1% a year. And there was, in the contract, a strict no pet clause.

My overall advice – if you’re offered a free trip to listen to a time share proposal, go on. We got the free trip and several free meals. But make sure you look up reviews of the company so you have lots to throw back at the sales person and just make sure you last word is, NO!

Something EVERY spanko should have in their home

There are lots of things every spanko needs. Prevertibles in every room, implements and a secure place to store them, a ‘traditional’ spanking spot, thought anywhere is fine in a pinch. I think Velcro cuffs and a blindfold are essential. I imagine each of you could add to this list. But a friend, my lovely and helpful editor Rosie Dee, shared with me something her husband had ‘created’ just for her. 

 Nope, I'm not talking about these.

It was a picture. They'd had it for a while, but now it’s matted and framed and hanging in their bedroom. The picture took only seconds to make and at almost no cost. It’s ordinary enough, if people see it they might ponder why you have this particular picture up. But I believe kids, grandkids and the occasion friend could see it without ever guessing the significance of it. 

But we’d know the significance. We’d glance at it often. There’s a good chance it would be pointed out to us occasionally.

So tell me what you think. Imagine the picture below, customized by your own loving husband, beautifully matted and framed and hanging on your bedroom, bathroom or office wall. I like the idea!

Blogging blockers

I’ve enjoyed blogging since I first discovered what blogs were. But being away from home for a while always throws me off my blogging endeavors. We had a good trip to the beach last week, but now that I’m back home, things happen to keep me away from the computer.

There was Mother’s Day, of course. That was fun. The boys sent me some lovely flowers. 

Mollie gave me a portable charger that I’d been wanting and together they gave us tickets to see my very favorite comedian Jennie Robertson. People if you haven’t seen this woman go to you-tube now and watch a few clips. You’ll be a fan for sure.

Then there was unpacking to do, which I hate.

The house is going to have to be cleaned and I see no cleaning fairies on the way.

A friend and I are going to lunch.

I’m retired so the better part of my week is visiting various doctor’s offices. There is nothing wrong with me, thank goodness, but evidently the doctors are in desperate need of my insurance co-pay. Yearly physical and mammogram await me this week. Eye doctor and dentist loom soon.

The pool needs to be opened.

Flowers need planting.

There are books to be read.

There are books to be written.

All these things may be what people sometime call, ‘real life.’ I’m not sure I approve. I’ll look into it, but I imagine I’ll be back to blogging before it can really take hold.

Living in Mayberry and other stuff

I often feel like I live in Mayberry. You know, with Andy, Opie and Aunt Bee. But I was very happy the other day to realize that Mollie’s little town is even more like it. She called me the other day as she got off school. I asked how her day had gone and she said, “Fine, the police only had to talk to me once.”

It seems that on routine patrol on Mollie’s street an officer saw her front door standing wide open, but her car was gone. The policeman stopped and checked behind the house but didn’t go inside the fence, where the two dogs were, to go up to look in the house.

He then called the school where Mollie works (we don’t know how he knew where she worked.) The conversation with the school secretary went something like this:

Officer: Hello, I need to speak with one of your teachers. I don’t know her name but she lives on In the middle of Nowhere Avenue. 

Sect: Hmm… I’m not sure who that is.

Officer: She’s the one with the golden retriever.

Sect: Oh! You’re talking about Maggie, that’s Mollie’s dog. I’ll ring her room.

They talked for a minute and Mollie realized that she had just pushed the door closed and then later put the dogs out the other door and forgot to firmly close and lock the front door. One of the dogs had evidently jumped on the door opening it. Mollie was able to run home, make a quick check through the house – the officer stayed while she checked she and was back at her school in  exactly six minutes. She said she was grateful that the police were so observant and she was most grateful that he didn’t go up to the open door and look in. She says that there was no doubt he would have assumed someone had gone in and ransacked the place! Unfortunately, she keeps house just like her mother.

As a mother I’m most grateful that the police notice such things and that he went to the trouble to track her down and got the situation corrected. Living in Mayberry isn’t so bad.

We had a small craft show in our town this weekend and I had a booth with my book marks and also a few of my Cassie paperbacks. I think I gained some real author credentials. When I would mention to folks my age and older that I wrote books, they would ask, 

“Can I get them at Barnes and Noble?”

“Umm… no, only on line.”

“But I can order the book on Amazon?”

“Well, no it’s an ebook. You know, for your Kindle.”

The next thing you know I was getting a half smile with an, “Oh, that’s nice.”

When they saw real book, I could tell they were truly impressed and I sold seven! Five to people I knew and two to a total stranger. Now that was a really great feeling.

One last thing – I was interviewed over at Becoming His – Beautifully His. My thanks to Jlynne. I think she did a lovely job. Please go by if you get the chance. Thanks!

TBT - You're not going to be naked at your own wedding?

This post first appeared in 2009. A lot's changed since then. But I still remember and understand the feeling of fear I had then.


Do you ever worry about someone finding out about your spanko side? I know most of us worry at least a little. And I know for some the idea is extremely frightening and we try to hide it.

I know it was scary for me at first. I have changed a lot over the years I’ve been here. In real life I have told one close friend and my sister (Hell, mostly everyone I know on FB knows, because I'm trying to sell books!) Both of them had the same reaction – surprise, amusement, total acceptance and underlying it all a complete lack of understanding of what spanking really means in my life. And that’s fine. I don’t care if they understand all the underlying thought on submission and dominance. They just know I enjoy being spanked and that the ability to open up to Nick and have him accepting my kink has made us a much happier couple.

I’m never planning to share with my kids – at least while they are kids. Of course LJ is twenty-one. I have no reason or plans to tell him but if he found out I believe that for the 30 seconds or less he actually thought about it (that’s about as long as he thinks about anything unless I write it up as a play) he would be amused. Now Mollie on the other hand would probably be mortified, about the spanking and equally about the fact we still have sex at all. (Now, ten years later, both kids know and they reacted about as I'd suspected. But in truth, neither really care.) No one on my side of the family would care and where Nick’s family would probably be embarrassed if they found out I know them well enough to be sure that they would never say a word to us.

If I was found out at work I would certainly have to take the blog private and that would be sad. I don’t think I would lose my job after all these years. And the reason I think I would keep my job is because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS THING WE DO!

I look back in my blog and I can’t find one thing shocking in it. I have always been proud of a post I did that first year saying that we should not have to hide our kink, you can read it here if you are interested. All I’ve ever said is that I believe in consensual adult spanking. That I think it is sexy and that it makes me feel safe and protected. I have been married to the same man for twenty-six years and we have an active sex life that includes spanking. Sorry I can’t see anything wrong with any of this.

So while I know we don’t want to be found out I hope no one is ashamed of TTWD. Letting the spanko side of me out is the best thing I have ever done. It turned a hum-drum marriage into a strong, loving bond. It changed me from dreading sex to really looking forward to the time we can get the house alone. I am a much, much happier person. Being happier make me a better teacher, a better wife and a better mother. It was the catalysis in me losing forty pounds and it’s all tied up in my desire and goal to lose more. I wish our lifestyle could be discussed in the opened. Not to try to talk others into it but to encourage those who know that they have these tendencies to accept themselves and embrace what so many of us know works.

So what would I say if my ‘secret’ was to be discovered and I was confronted with it? Well, I remember an old episode from Star Trek, the Next Generation. In this show a woman from another

planet was getting ready to marry a man from Earth, a rather conservative man. Her grow daughter had her doubts because of their differences. The final straw came when the mother showed her daughter the wedding dress. In total shock the daughter looked at her mother in and asked in an incredulous voice, “Mother! You can’t mean you are not going to be naked at your own wedding!” The actress was so good at delivering that line I found myself shocked that the bride would be wearing clothes.

So if anyone should ever say to me, ‘You don’t mean your husband spanks you!” I’ll look at them with shock and concern and say, “Of course he does! Doesn’t yours?”