I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

What a week!

There have been highs and low.  But mostly it’s been a week of running around and working on the house.  Nick can do anything – he has moved furniture, put up new lights, taken down the front door to smoothly paint both sides, he and his brother cooked at the family picnic on the 4th.  We’ve shopped for a refrigerator, looked at carpet, made decisions with the granite people only to find out they had told us wrong and we had to go back down to redo it.  We loaded our dinning room and 6 chairs in to the back of my van to head to Goodwill and picked up the new one I’ve been wanting. And all of Saturday we spent painting ‘my’ room where I like to sit and write. It’s full of all the stuffed taken from the kitchen and so much of the day was spent moving things from one place to another and climbing over what was left in order to complete the paint job.

You know Nick and I don’t have a Dom/Sub relationship.  Nick has made it clear by word and deed that he does not want one (tiny sigh.)  So we are equal in our partnership.  But how is this supposed to work when you simply have different things you want?  I think we’ve done a pretty good job with all the decisions we’ve made with the remodeling.  But when you have two equal partners and they each want something different, what do you do?  I know Nick didn’t really want a new dinning room set, but I’ve wanted one for years.  I wanted his okay, I finally got a shrug of acquiesce.  I guess that was close enough.  We differed slightly over which refrigerator to get – no big deal.  The one he preferred was what we finally decided on and I’m fine with that.  He’s welcomed to the final decision on the carpet, both the ones we looked at are fine with me.  But there’s one other decision we have to make and I don’t know how it’s going to turn out.  We both want the same thing, but I’m 99% sure that isn’t going to happen.  Since what we really want isn’t an option anymore, what to do? He wants one thing and I want the opposite. Now who decides?

Wish I could report that there has been spanking during this stressful week, sadly not.  Spanking is not Nick’s default setting when he’s overworked and stressed himself and I’m not about to bother him about it right now.  Hopefully we’re in the home stretch and our home will finally be put back together.  Just in time for me to go back to school.  Big sigh…


  1. It sounds like a lot of progress has been made in your kitchen. As you know my husband and I have an equal partnership as well. There are some things he is in charge of and others I take care of but for the most part we work together as a team. But there is still this innate desire, this need for me to be submissive at least in the bedroom. I want to be spanked, to be loved, and to have the freedom to lose all control and be in his. And while he wants to make me happy it is just not in his make-up to be dominant. We are doing better in finding some time to be intimate with each other and when we are he tries to accomodate me by spanking me, but many of the times this may involve just one or two smacks with his hand and even when it is more and I feel my needs are met it never feels enough. I need more - I need it in flirtation, in love-making and to relieve stress. And I need it more than just once a month. And yet when the conversations in my own head begin I feel as though I am complaining, being greedy, or being ungrateful in an otherwise wonderful marriage with a guy I trust and respect. What to do? I have no idea. I have no answers. Only empathy and a listening ear of a friend. I do hope that the opportunity for some fun and playful spanking happens for you amidst the chaos of kitchen remodeling...long before the start of the next school year. Thinking of you and sending hugs, Terps

  2. PK,
    at least the end is in sight.
    Hopefully when life is back to more or less normal, a little stingy loving!!!
    Love and warm hugs,

  3. PK: It was good of you to share that even though you have a loving husband, you don't always get all the spankings you'd like so other subs like Terps know they are not alone.

    Terps made a good point. There are no answers. Good luck in coping.

    And enjoy the kitchen when it is finished.


  4. We attended a marriage seminar one time and they talked about sometimes it will not always be 50/50 in a relationship with an important decision. Such as if one partner wants to move and the other does not. Someone is going to have to bend. So, no easy answers about your question about the decision. Just that anyone who is married knows about this!
    It is amazing all you are both doing. Deep breath, smile, & finish this project well! Hugs

  5. I can’t imagine a Dom/Sub relationship really working in any other way than what you and Nick just did. The wife is traditionally the one to decorate the home, it’s her place to live, the place where she feeds and protect her children, the place where she wants her husband to feel at home and her primary workspace. It’s what she does, it’s her traditional function in the marriage. So the wife will traditionally be the one to make the decisions about decorating and furnishing. Take that away and the wife turns into a (sadly underpaid) interchangeable housekeeper. So with the new dining room set, just as I did a year ago, Nick essentially just asks himself if he can live with your choice. The “shrug of acquiesce” is exactly what to expect from a Dom, he does not engage in a discussion or tries to change your opinion, he decides to let you decide and in that way maximizes the level of happiness in the marriage. I know that I can be happy in a house decorated by my wife with a million pretty but useless little things, while I am sure she would be very unhappy in a house furnished by me (imagine a vast empty space with a lot of computers and a couch). That knowledge makes decisions easy. Now the kitchen, that’s different. It’s Nick’s workspace as it is mine in my house. I’m not surprised Nick won the discussion over the refrigerator. Your Nick is a lot more dominant than you think. So how about that last decision? Nick will decide who is to decide. He already knows what you will decide if he lets you. So, although he may let you decide, it’s actually his decision.
    Oh well, hurry up with these decisions, the house will be finished earlier.
    Sorry for the long comment, I just thought it touched the essence of being Dom and Sub in a stable marriage.

  6. Wow, a great post and great comments from Terps and Bas. As you know I so relate to your post and Bas'.

    Nick is a wonder and you are so lucky to have him. Glad the kitchen is almost done. It will be wonderful and you will be so happy because almost everything in the house will be bright and sparkly.

    Enjoy the day and the week.

  7. Sigh, you are a very patient and understanding woman, I hope Nick appreciates it :)

    When in doubt, go with this phrase for guidance, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

    Not a phrase a sub should embrace, but you aren't a sub, and I still claim newbie status, lol.

  8. Anonymous1:53 PM

    Wow, you guys are moving right along!
    I always say that if something is really important to one person in a relationship the other usually bends. That person doing the bending or giving in may change from time to time based on the issue or need. When you love someone certain things are easy to acquiesce on.

  9. Oh I have no experience in the realm of husbands, kitchen-remodelling or anything like that. But I can send you HUGS!

    BTW I linked you in THIS POST.


  10. Oh Terps,
    We have so very, very much in common! The need/desire to be dominated in the bedroom, always wanting more and feeling like our men are so fantastic in everything else that we shouldn’t want more – but we do. I like you commenting, you know I’ve always wanted you to blog. There are some newer bloggers you would really like. I hope you will be out her more.

    I’m hoping you’re right. This sure have been a full summer.

    For sure there is no ‘one size fits all’ solutions. I guess the only real answer is to keep trying.

    Our areas of expertise used to be more clearly defined. As the kids got older and Nick and I were together me made more decisions together. Especially after I came out and he was out of work for a while. We can usually come to a decision that we can both live with.

    Don’t ever worry about a long comment! I love them (although it makes me encourage the commenter to think of blogging – hint, hint). But seriously I like the way you explained things. It does make sense. That last decision hasn’t been made – or if it has I don’t know what it is yet. Once it’s decided, I’ll talk about it.

    Terps and Bass are helping me think this though. Nick is the best in the world, I really do know that. It house is almost done. Not every single room, but most!

    That phrase isn’t wrong! I’ve never ranted and raved at Nick. At the kids some, but never Nick. But at the same time he knows the house really is happier when I’m happy.

    It’s true, in a real marriage both people are willing to bend at different times. It was a big deal for Nick to let me get this table, and I really appreciate the fact that he did. When all is finished there will be pictures.

    Both of these are experiences you’ll love when the time comes – until then we’ll bare them for you! Thank you so much for the mention. I’ll have a post soon.

  11. Nick is a love PK and you wont change him. No answers.
    Once you've finished the re-vamp and everything back in place there's always the weekends to look forward to:)