I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, March 29, 2021

I did get spanked, but I was embarrassed to tell you

Now you know me, I certainly wasn’t embarrassed about the fact I got spanked, but I was truly hesitant to discuss it here. And of course, if not here, where? It’s just that after so many years blogging I’ve repeated myself ad nauseam. I’d write about wanting spanking in my
life, needing it, longing for it. Then I’d write about getting a little spanking in my life, then about not getting enough. And finally  vowing to never agree to a spanking again only to turn around to say we’re trying again. I started to picture readers pointing and laughing.

 

I know I’m supposed to write for myself and not worry about what readers think. I do sometimes, but not always. Let’s just say I was beginning to roll my eyes in both disgust and amusement. So I haven’t talked much about spanking in a long time. And definitely not about me getting spanked.

 

But Nick and I did talk – face to face with real words and everything and that was a good start. We’ve since done some emailing and talking. He made it clear that he thought I deserved a good spanking for just stopping everything without talking to him at all. No discussion, no nothing. Just, ‘I’m not doing that anymore.’

 

So one afternoon I was told what time to be in the bedroom and what to be wearing – basically the blindfold. Nick then made it clear how he had felt about my abrupt ‘withdrawal of consent.’ It was much better that the few play spankings I had during this past year. They just hurt. I had plenty of thinking time before this one and I could take much more. Strange how that works for me. Also Nick is never harsh. He never wants to go too far. And for the most part I appreciate that. Although pushing the limits can have its value too.


He asked some interesting questions during the spanking. He wanted to know if I ever daydreamed about things that wouldn’t necessarily be good for me, did I muse of those spankings that were really hard, that went on too long, or were done with implements that I hated. And I told him yes, I often did. He asked if I ever daydreamed about the cane and I told him no. He agreed that it was more for punishment rather than fancies.

 

Then he asked me if I every fantasied about being spanked to tears. I told him honestly that I hadn’t thought of that since the early days. I don’t think it’s possible. He could injury me which he would never do. He could spank me to rage, but I don’t think actual tears are possible unless I was extremely emotional beforehand and if I were that emotional a light spanking would do it. I think it’s impossible for me to let go that much. It would be nice to experience it, but I just don’t know how.

 

So it happened. And the sex afterwards was great. And I have every hope that it will continue.

18 comments:

  1. ***Trumpets are sounding from our state to yours**** Holy smokes, good for you, girl! I understand the hesitancy and the embarrassment, but I don't think any of us were or are laughing at you. We're all cheering for you!

    You know those ups and downs of twwd happen for everybody and to a different degree within one relationship, can you imagine the variation among all of us of how screwed up our ttwd has been or even currently is? We cannot judge one another.

    I am impressed with Nick's questions... holy smokes again. Love that you got scolded for just quitting with no discussion! That part makes me grin a little because you are stubborn. Did you know this? Laughing.

    I'm so happy for you guys and can't wait to tell Storm. Woo! Hoo! Love, Windy

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    1. Stubborn? Me? You must be thinking of someone else! LOL!

      I guess I was really thinking of people that read and never commented. I don't know them well and sometimes I do wonder what they think.

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  2. Hi PK, woohoo, fantastic news! No need to feel embarrassed, I certainly don't think any of us are pointing or laughing. Ttwd certainly is a rollercoaster and I don't know how many stops and starts for long periods we have had. It seems to be an ever evolving thing too.

    Interesting questions from Nick. Good on him and good on both of you for communicating through this. Especially face to face as I know you find emailing easier. so happy for you!

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I do know we all have ups and downs, but not everyone is so public about it. But I do know opening up here helps me. There is another question he asked that I've remembered and it was an important one. I feel another post coming on.

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  3. OH my, no pointing and laughing. If anything, we're waiting with bated breath and hoping beyond hope that you get what you're craving for. And when something like this happens you can bet your ass we're all cheering for you!

    Cane - a strong whoosh is definitely a punishing stroke, but we like playing with light taps... it's very therapeutic (for me anyway). Ask BIKSS. He took a while to come to terms with my love for the cane. Of course a solid thwack once in a while does give me a jolt of pure submission too, especially when I'm in blissful contentment enjoying the tappety taps.

    As for the tears - the ONE time i cried from a spanking I was so tensed before that I just needed the pain (light pain, as you said) to release the dam. I don't think it's something we try for, or want to see happen like on an agenda, but if it suits the mood, I'm sure it'll happen. And so far, it only happened the once (in 9 years!).

    i'm so happy you got to talking / emailing and you managed MORE in-spank communication too. That always feels like a very authentic way to have a conversation for us... when there's no time / space in your head to put up walls and be overly cautious / defensive etc. Whatever I'm thinking just comes straight out. One cannot concentrate on butt-pain and word-manipulation at the same time, imo.

    (sorry for the long comment. )

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    1. I love long comment! I've got tons and tons to say about the cane as it does come to mind more lately. We have only a small light one, a gift from the lovely Ronnie many years ago.

      You are right about the in-spanking communication, but some questions he asked over time are so convoluted in my head that I honestly can't get words out. I wonder if he could spank the answers out of me or if they are just not there.

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  4. No laughing, just cheering. So good that you have talked together. TTWD is sure a rollercoaster.

    You've never fantasized about the cane LOL. I know you don't like the cane.
    I don't think I could be spanked to tears, can't let go enough, though I think if I had done something really bad and P spanked me with a lecture, the words might do it.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. A rollercoaster for sure! There is one possible good things about the cane. That's what I'll post about soon. But even if I see a possible positive from it, there will still be only a hate/hate relationship between me and the cane.

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  5. PK,

    I swear we are a lot alike. I want so badly, but the Sheriff is hesitant. Of course, in the last few weeks things are in a big state of flux. Lots of conversation, lots of him stepping in...so maybe we are moving there?

    But know something, you write what for me at least have been through. Do it, don't do it, ad nauseum. And if there are 2 of us like that, then there are a lot more in the same boat.

    I never laugh at what you write (unless it is a funny thing). You put your heart out for others to read. That takes courage and strength. Way more than I have, so stop rolling your eyes at yourself. You have value to us. Never think we are laughing at your journey.

    Hugs
    Boo

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    1. Thank you Boo, I appreciate you and all you've said here. I'm sure there is a lot of stopping and starting here. Maybe it's hard to see past our own nose to see that so many have the same worries.

      Maybe there is something in the atmosphere right now, maybe it's spring but something is stirring the guys minds and I hope it keeps up.

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  6. Hello,

    Well I'm new to blogging and so new to your blog (thank you for stopping by on mine) so therefore not knowing your history as many others may do I can't pass comment on your withdrawing consent, it wouldn't be right of me.

    But your reply to a comment on here I could identify with

    "I guess I was really thinking of people that read and never commented. I don't know them well and sometimes I do wonder what they think."

    That is something I'm struggling with atm, although absolutely when I write it's primarily for myself, and I'm really enjoying reading others blogs and commenting, I'm wary of saying the wrong thing that could be taken the wrong way, which unfortunately can happen with the written word and yes also that I don't 'fit'.

    Anyway, from what I have read on this post, it seems your happy with the outcome and that can only be a good thing.

    Claire

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    1. Thanks for coming by Claire. I've been blogging a long time. Of course we write for ourselves, but it's impossible to not care what others think. I think mostly you'll fine kind accepting people here. Just remember EVERYONE was the new kid at one time. Just jump in and enjoy.

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  7. I can understand your hesitancy for sharing in this case ( I've said for years we are the poster children for Disfuncional Dd over on my blog). There is a different type of vulnerability in sharing good things as well- is it going to last? Am I going to look like a fool next month if this goes the way it has in the past? Am I jinxing us? Maybe keeping this between us will keep it safe (or you know, maybe none of those things- I just came to those when a friend asked me long ago why I didn't share the good stuff with him)

    As for being judged well you can see that your readers love to share in your good perhaps even more so because you shared your not so good. And it gives many hope- but don't think they are blinded, it's okay to let people have hope.

    I can talk to crying during a spanking- but it is never because of physical pain I can assure you. It isn't always even about my emotional state prior. In fact often it takes me by surprise. The 'easiest' way for me to let go, and trust me when I say I didn't think I was a person who could let go either, is when B talks to me and somehow strikes a cord. What that cord is changes (unfortunately) but sometimes it's how he loves me, or how he forgets how fragile I am when it comes to worrying about others or how I don't have to be strong. Mostly it happens during a reset not a punishment because of the style of spanking and the atmosphere surrounding it. Anyway, all this to say, that don't be too quick to rule it out, even 12 years in, because we all have experienced things we didn't think we would this might not be so different.

    willie

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    1. Yes, your first paragraph is right on the money. I haven't ruled out crying from a spanking, but it would be a huge shock to me. Funny, because I cry easily at commercials and a few things I read on FB. But some emotions I just hold too tightly.

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  8. It is so hard to express the words exactly as we feel...so glad that you both shared and ended with a delightful evening. Glad you shared. Makes me think about what it is I truly hope for in my relationship .
    :-) Hugs

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    1. I know you have a great relationship. But your kids are at the age to make this kind of relationship hard. I bet you'll be even closer after you have an empty nest.

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  9. Deena9:32 AM

    This made me smile - and I would never ever laugh at you for your experience or your feelings. Ever.

    This is probably the longest we've ever stuck with ttwd and I think it is because we have finally gotten past trying to understand it. We have found it brings us closer and oddly it seems to alleviate my general feelings of anxiety at times. I do wish there were no societal stigmas and we could talk about it openly and I wish there were educational groups but (insert "shrug" here).

    Best to you both!

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    1. If only we were into Tai chi, or Atkins or massage therapy - we could find a group to lunch with and discuss it all. But no, we're still closeted. I'm afraid it will be that way for a long time. But at least we have the blogs.

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