I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, November 07, 2010

Remember my vanilla friend...

I wanted to share a little more information about my vanilla friend, after I posted about her hurting my feelings. This was my friend who read the spanko book I’m hoping to do something with at some time in the future (gee, doesn’t that sound like a definite maybe). I was so upset with her after her call, so hurt. She and I can sometimes go long periods without seeing one another but we happened to be thrown together several times soon after that. One was a field trip through the school. She’s a retired teacher and she joined us. We had several hours on the bus to talk.

I wasn’t about to bring anything up about the book, I didn’t want to discuss it with her again at all. But she made a few comments about TTWD. She was teasing me about going on a cruise I’m thinking of going on someday. She said “Take me! I’ll even beat you; I have a hairbrush, belt, bath brush, baseball bat… Let me come.”

I knew she was just razzing me and I didn’t mind that but it did bring up the hurt about the book. She could tell I went quiet. I finally said “I don’t think we can talk about this.” She seemed a little surprised. There are very few things we don’t talk about. I finally said, “You did do me one favor I know now never to let a vanilla read my work.”

After a few minutes she said “I think you’re right. Most people won’t understand. I don’t but you know I don’t care. I love you and I don’t care what you and Nick do.” It’s like many of you pointed out. She wasn’t knocking me, she just didn’t understand and wanted to be sure I was okay.

She was subbing this past week at my school, for my partner actually. So we spent even more time together. I got word early last Thursday morning that my aunt had passed away. We were leaving after school Friday to go to the funeral. When she got to school Friday morning she handed me a canvas bag. In the bag were two bags of chips, a jar of salsa, several candy bars and Little Debbie Cakes. She had included three bottles of my favorite soft drink and even had two clothespins clipped to the bag for closing the chips. She said, “I knew you wouldn’t have time to shop for snack for you guys.” You have to love a friend that cares for you that much.

So this was just to tell you my friend and I are okay but also to still reiterate my advice – NEVER discuss your love of spanking or any writing about it with a vanilla! No matter how much they love you they will never understand.


My aunt who passed away was 97, she died peacefully in her sleep and we buried her on a beautiful, sunny fall day. I guess you can’t ask more from life than that. As for me personally I’m feeling a little better these days. Grace’s advice ‘fake it ‘till you make it’ is just going to have to work.


  1. I'm glad things are a little better with your friend. I do agree with your advice though. It's just not worth the risk.

    And I'm so sorry about your aunt. I know she had a long, long life, but it still hurts to let go. Praying for you!


  2. I'm glad you reached and understanding with your friend; and an understanding with yourself about vanillas misunderstanding.

    Condolences on your aunt.

  3. Hi PK
    I am so glad things are better with you and your friend,I also agree with you advice,
    Sorry to hear about your aunts passing.my prayers for you and your family
    Hugs lil sam

  4. PK, that is a lesson I learned a while back.
    Sorry to hear about your Aunt, I hope that her life was a good as it was long.
    Love and warm hugs,

  5. PK - I'm sorry to hear that your aunt passed away.

    It's good that you and your vanilla friend talked, but I hope none of the kids overheard, since you were on a school outing. That would be a real "outing"!


  6. PK.....Sorry to hear about your aunt..a death is always a loss. I am taking your advice to heart about not sharing with my vanilla friends...sometimes you just wish you could share ....
    hugs abby

  7. PK: Sorry to hear about your aunt.
    Even though she lived a long life, it is still a loss.

    And that is good advice about not telling vanilla friends, but isn't it a shame that we can't come out of the closet and share our lifestyle and be accepted.


  8. I'm so glad you and your vanilla friend have talked and things are better.

    Hope the funeral went OK.


  9. Sorry for your loss PK, and thanks for the advice. I have a few vanilla friends that know I write, but not the other part of my life. That I will keep to myself.

  10. Glad you are feeling better...sorry about the Aunt!

    I'm glad to know she's such a good friend and recognized that this was just something she wasn't going to be able to relate too with you.


  11. Thanks Tracy,
    I'm glad it's better with my friend too.

    It's hard to have to hide something that is so important to you from your closest friends but sometimes it's a must.

    Thanks for your thoughts.

    Lil Sam,
    It's a sad understanding but a necessary one.

    Thanks Paul,
    She did have a good life married 63 years to a wonderful man.

    LOL! No way we were overheard. No one in the two bus seats behind us and every kid on the bus had their ear buds in and connected to their ipod or some game boy. Trust me!

    I don't have much good advice but this is good.

    I never thought I would be living in the closet about anything but it looks like I'll spend the rest of my life there.

    I glad our friendship is still there. The service was very nice.

    Isn't it sad to be so proud of what you write and yet you can't share it with those you care about.

    It is a good friend who really doesn't understand at all and loves you anyway.

  12. I am sorry to hear about your aunt, it is always sad to see a loved one pass.

    I am happy you and your friend were able to get back together and reconcile. Old friends are special and so sad to lose. Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree and leave it at that.

  13. Sorry for your loss.

    Thank-you for the advice. I take it to heart but I do so wish I could have a friend I could tell anything to and still be loved and accepted for me.

    As for "fake it til you make it" I am a firm believer in positive thinking...probably one of the many reasons why I am in hiding at the moment...life is good but my relationship seems to be on hold for other parts of life like parenting and work and I fear any comments would sound negative or complaining...anyways I am here now... :-)

    glad you and your friend are ok -sorry that your feelings were hurt.

  14. I just need to comment on my own comment and say that when I said that I do not want to sound negative or complain I am in no way saying that sharing feelings is in any way negative or even that complaining isn't ok because I think venting and sharing is very important...in part it is just my own little fear and probably my way of protecting my own feelings because if you don't put yourself out there you can't get hurt...and I sooooo respect you for putting yourself out there and sharing with all of us your heart felt emotions. I just am really sensitive and not always clear with words and just wanted to make sure I made sense...Thank-you.

  15. Terps,
    No need to worry about being understood here. I know it's hard to always make sure you are understood with the written word only.

    You're right my venting and thinking here helps me a lot.