I think this weekend made me realize that if I ever do retire, and get the chance to write, I’m going to have to have two homes. They need to be at least an hour or two apart. I visited my sister for a little Christmas shopping Saturday. I really enjoyed our visit but I also loved the time I spent on the drive there and back. Driving alone in the car is my best mind blogging time.
In the car I can think so clearly! I can write fiction, Cassie talks to me, and I have so many ideas I want to share with Nick. By the time I get home I know exactly what I want to write or how I want to explain myself to Nick. This time I spent most of the time writing a ‘fiction’ story that I guess I need to write just for him. It’s my own fantasy view of what I wish he would do right now to help me with the weight problem before it gets totally and completely out of hand.
But often when I get home and to my keyboard I lose my nerve for what I want to tell Nick. I mean we’ve kinda let the whole spanking thing go except for fun and games. Do I really want to stir things up again? I don’t know. Letting go of it it’s relaxing in a way. There is no pressure on Nick this way – no trying to figure out any discipline. And no pressure on me or my ‘more tender than normal behind’ either! Part of me knows I do want it; I always have. But part of me says let it go because I won’t be driving myself (and Nick) crazy with it.
Now I have to decide, should I write the ‘story’? Do I have the guts to throw it out there again? I guess my two biggest fears are: 1. I’ll ask for what I need and Nick just won’t want to do it, or 2. I’ll ask for what I need and Nick will want to do it. And I’m not sure which of these fears causes me the most concern. Maybe I’ll just take the cowards way out and do nothing.