Don't let your guard down.

A long time ago I told you I was working on a ‘project’. I’m still working on it but it took a pretty big hit last week. Something happened that really hurt my feelings but at the same time taught me a valuable lesson. My project is a book. I’m trying to write a spanking fiction book. I don’t expect it to be some big hit but at the same time I think it’s pretty good. I’ve talked to someone out here that may help me get it published but I needed it edited. For anyone that writes you know that once you go over something so often you go right over those pesky little mistakes. But spanking fiction is not something you can just ask anyone to read. Thankfully, I had someone – or so I thought.

In the vanilla world I shared my spanko side with two people, my sister and my closest friend in real life. When I told them they seem a little surprised and highly amused. They each teased a little and I knew neither of them really understood what it was all about. They thought it was just a little slap and tickle foreplay. That was fine. I knew it wasn’t important that they really know the details and feeling behind TTWD.

My friend was a former English teacher and when I mentioned the book she was excited about it and offered to help. She had read a few of my stories so I didn’t foresee any real problem. She certainly knew the content before she got her hands on it. She had it a long time but did some good work on editing. She brought it to me at work so we didn’t discuss it at all but later that evening she called and just went off on me.

“If this is autobiographical I’m going to kill Nick!” was how she began. Then she went on and on about the life style. Well, I think you can all imagine what she had to say. I’m sure we’ve all heard it before. How we’re crazy, our men are bullies, we’re sick to take it, it’s nothing but abuse…

She totally ignored the fact that the book is fiction. She ignored the fact that I was the one who ask for this in our marriage. And she ignored the fact that she knew me both before and after I came out and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I know that part of what she was saying was in a half kidding manner but I really felt attacked and hurt by all she had said. It would be like one of LJ’s best friend calling him up to gay bash. It hurt.

This all happened a couple of weeks ago and I’ve calmed down. I’ve talked with her several times but the book and TTWD has not come up. And it won’t come up again. I didn’t blast her but I have written her a letter – I don’t plan to give it to her unless she pushes it. If the subject comes up again I’ll tell her in no uncertain terms that we will not be discussing it again – ever!

I guess all and all she has done me a favor. I have become so comfortable out here, I feel so accepted and supported by everyone in blogland that I had begun to let my guard down. I had begun to feel that everyone who cared for me would understand. I guess I found out that wasn’t true. We still have to be careful. Our lifestyle is still taboo and totally misunderstood by others. Sad but true. I’m not letting it stop me though. I’m still going ahead with the book idea. Not going to let the vanilla’s stop me, but I’ll be careful.