Happy Anniversary to me!! I began blogging 4 years ago today. What an incredible experience. I had spent about 2 months reading blogs and commenting around until if felt I really knew some people and I just couldn’t stand it any longer I had to jump right in. You can find that first post here. So starting a blog, best decision I ever made in my life.
My closest friends in the world I have made right here. Things have happened that I never in my life would have believed would happen. Eva and Adam coming here so we could meet in person, me driving 500 miles solo to stay with Eva after her bypass surgery (despite my MIL’s very real fears for me to go off to see ‘those internet’ people!), Nick and I flying across the country to CA to meet and vacation with Grace and Bossman, CeeCi and Mr. Smith as well as Eva and Adam – a truly mind blowing experience! Eva and I and the guys getting to meet Mthc and David and visit in their home and there are so many other wonderful people I have had the privilege of becoming friends with through email and phone calls. My life is much richer for starting the blog.
The best thing about the blog was what it did for my marriage. Nick and I always got along. Our marriage has always been smooth sailing – so smooth we often didn’t realize the other person was there. I had huge walls around me and my feelings. Sex was something I tried to avoid and all the things that I knew I would like sexually and that would turn me on – dominance, spanking, anal play, sexual toys; I kept these thoughts as my deepest and darkest secrets. Why? I have no idea! But I sure did it.
Finding the blogs and starting my own site was a totally freeing experience. Other people thought about spanking? Other people did it and liked it? Other people liked to be touched ‘there’ and there was a phrase that named it as being ‘anal erotic’? There were toys for such activities? Women could use vibrators with their husbands and not as some dirty little secret? Who the hell knew??
So at the age of 49 it wasn’t like some gradual realization and changes, it was like flipping a switch! I went from ‘don’t touch me and if we must have sex it’s going to be the man on top woman on bottom get it over with quick’ kind to ‘Nick I’m your sex slave! Let’s try anything and everything you have ever dreamed of - all I ask is that you spank my ass first and feel free to handcuff me to the bed!!’ It’s a wonder the poor man didn’t get whiplash.
There is still learning going on. My walls are still there and I often run and hide behind them but I venture out more and more and stay out for longer periods. I still have the need/desire for more dominance and discipline at times. But we talk about it and we are working to find a balance. But now Nick and I are trying, talking, growing, learning, and exploring together. Can’t ask for much more than that.
My thanks to all the blogger who came before me for having the courage to blogging about their lives and interests and feelings. You were there when I came exploring and finding all of you has meant the world to me. I also have a big thank you to all my readers and especially those who comment and email. You all help me feel I’m not just talking to myself. By encouraging, asking questions and giving advice you have helped me keep these wonderful changes Nick and I have in our marriage alive and well. And I really hope that this blog will be here for the next person who feels they are the only one with ‘strange’ desires and feelings. I hope other will be able to read and know just how many other feel the same way and that they will find the courage to open up to themselves and the one they love.
So how do I really feel about blogging?
I think that about sums it up!