Do you worry about being 'outed'?

Being outed was one of my biggest terrors when I began blogging. I was a teacher for pity's sake. I had young kids at home. There was Nick's family to think about. So I fully understand the fear and I'm very careful when someone contacts to say nothing about them.

But I do like being out - I'm retired, the kids are grown and gone and know what I write. And not to be hateful, but I could give a crap about what Nick's family thinks. It's relaxing to be out. My sister was the first one I told because she saw the 'change.' She saw how amazingly happy I was and wanted to know what was going on. This is what I wrote back in 2007.

I wanted to tell you all about outing myself to my sister. It wasn’t something I was really planning to do and it came about gradually. She is an excellent writer. She writes fan fiction on the internet and has for years. She’s good, and has won many awards out here. She also has her own group of internet friends that she gets together with twice every year.

So I would talk about my internet friends some. I eventually used the word blog, and talked about writing stories. She wanted to read some but I declined telling her that she was the writer and not me. While that was true I just didn’t plan on sharing the fact that Nick spanked me and that I loved it.

But the more I thought about it, the more I just didn’t care. I was a grown up and spanking is a wonderful thing in our lives. I am not ready to take out an ad in our local paper but I am not embarrassed about revealing something that has had such a positive effect on my life, at least not to my sister.

So the next time she pestered me I explained to her that I would tell her and share some stories but that I did not want to talk about what she will be learning about me in front of others.

I sent her several stories from different authors. It didn't take a genius to realize what my secret was. She asked how long I had felt this way and I told her since I could remember but that I had only shared with Nick after twenty-nine years of marriage.

Her response to the first stories was cute. First she did ask if I was only into receiving or did I spank too. I told her I was definitely the one who got spanked, I am not a spanker. She ended the email with --

“May I have another?”

So I sent her two more. This was what she had to say about them.

I really enjoyed the first story. It was fleshed out more than the others and I liked that. Also this one seems like he was a nice guy and she was curious as opposed to punished. The other one bothered me and I read it again to find out why. It's that he feels like he can punish her like a child and she takes it, even thinks she deserves it. You know I'm a feminist from way back - even arguing with the preacher about it when I was twelve, so that rankles a bit. The writing is good, it just trips my trigger.

That's when I was able to tell her a lot more. I sent this as an email to her.

Ahhh... now you are getting to the very core of it. We (spankos) only believe in 100% consensual adult spanking! There are many reasons, but releasing control is a big one. So many of us hold down a full time job, often we’re in charge at work. We are raising kids and dealing with that. Many of us are taking care of aging parents. We know we can handle everything. But we’re so tired of juggling all these things. Now we just want a soft place to land. We want to give up having to be in charge of everything. We like the idea of giving up some of this control to the men we love and trust. There are times we just want to  relax and be taken care of, sometimes even to the point of being told what to do. Most of us did not get to this level of comfort with releasing control until our 40's or later.

Here’s how one of my friends put it -  

If someone says “you really shouldn't....” or “I wish you wouldn’t…” to a spanko – it’s like saying - I care, but you're old enough to take care of yourself. It's not my problem.

When they say “No!....” well to a spanko - that really says he loves me enough to put his foot down and follow through - hold me accountable - to insure I do what I need to do take care of myself.” It's like they truly have your back (or hmm... bottom.)

This is called D/d Domestic discipline. It’s interesting  to try and explain this to someone who's vanilla (that’s you, I told my sister). We often write on the blogs trying to better understand ourselves, but we're usually preaching to the choir.

TTWD (this things we do) runs the gamut. I know folks out here who live a slave/master lifestyle complete with collar and everything. While that's not our style, they seem very happy and so I am happy for them. Many out here are into spanking just for the erotic fun of it. That is where Nick is, I wouldn’t mind more discipline – we only go there about the diet. But some of my friends can count on a spanking for a variety of things. Being general bitchy is one common reason, for this reason (I told my sister) I don’t think you would want your honey to try it. 

It's a lifestyle that we enjoy very much. Most spankos I talk with have had these longing since pre-puberty. Every one of my friends has willingly given this gift of submission, in some degree or another, to her husband or significant other. 

And I know you've aware of the change in me – not just the weight loss - but in how happy I am? Nick and I are closer than I ever imagined we could be. And I never expected to be so happy. 

 

Well that was what I told her, and in telling her I discovered something. She saw it as no big deal. I am not suggesting anyone out themselves I am just saying that if you are overheard or leave a paddle on the couch and it is discovered by a friend. Laugh it off, they'll get a giggle out of it. Even after I gave this explanation to my sister she has no clue. She thinks it just a little something we do as foreplay occasionally. No one other than a fellow spanko is going to understand the depth of what spanking means to us and if they're already a spanko, there’s no problem.