I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I'm so confused

There is something wrong with me.  I keep waiting to get over it, but it’s been going on a long time.  Some things are still normal.  I still think about spanking a lot.  I still want Nick to spank me, often. Spanking has always been a turn on for me. In the past spanking was the easiest way for me to get in the mood. But now… now… spanking hurts!! Yes, yes, I know what you’re going to say.

I feel like such a wimp!  I think Nick finds it amusing.  We decided to take full use of our empty next last Friday night.  Mollie will be home for about a month soon, so it was time to take advantage.  He first invited me for a shower – now that was fun.  Then on to the bedroom, a little spanking and geeze it hurt!  I was encouraging him to use his hand rather than an implement.  He did, but will his wicked sense of humor he was still spanking hard and teasing me about my squirming and owww…ing.  “I thought you used to say I hit like a girl?” he reminded me.  Damn, he has a long memory that was six years ago.

Nick had been thinking ahead and he had gotten me a surprise – ginger!  Figging is something we’ve tried a time or two and I like it.  Wimping might me taking over the spanking these days, but Badass is around for some wild hot sex.  It’s really not a bad arrangement.  But I still wish I knew what was going on with the spanking.  Why do I sometimes want it so hard that I think I worry Nick and then a month or so later even a minor spanking hurts like hell?  Someone explain all this to me, I’m confused.


  1. oh honey, i kjnow EXACTLY how you are feeling...im exactly the same. Ive become such a wimp but i want it so bad and i want it hard but I cant cope with it. I can only (for me) put it down to having a really hard spanking once or twice and now I KNOW what it feels like...I remember..and yes it hurts. I dont know, maybe someone else has some light they can shed on this.,..ill be reading the comments closely to see.
    What is figging like? Im often tempted to suggest it. Do you have to peel the ginger first?

  2. ok i have no idea. but i feel for you. hope it goes back to normal soon!

  3. Maybe there is not enough "building up" of a spanking for you. Try asking for the spanking to start slowly and all over until you pink up and then commence with the really hard spanks. You may need a bit more dialogue between the two of you at the start, along the lines of what a naughty girl you are and how you deserve this spanking etc. That might get your head in the right place before the hard stuff starts. You do need hard spankings but only when you are warmed up.

  4. Yes, pain builds up. Your body remembers how it felt the last time. Call it a Pain-Memory.
    But that memory will go away and when Nick keeps up the good work, it will be replaced by Steel-Butt, the memory that instruct the body not to feel the pain.
    You chose which memory is the best for you!

  5. First of all: we have different needs on different days, and our psychological needs may differ from our physical ones.
    At the moment you really want spankings, but they hurt. How about changing the but into an and. So you want a spanking and it hurts. Yes, it hurts more than you want right now, so a bit of a build-up would be nice. So? Spankings hurt, they're supposed to.
    And when the spanking is over, the hurt subsides, and you're in that wonderful after-spank place, where you feel loved, secure and well spanked.
    That is't not the way it was, is nothing to worry about. We all have our waves, our cycles, and one day soon the spanking itself will be enjoyable again.
    I promise you: it'll be alright.

    Hugs, Julia

  6. It is probably a combination of things. Being female hormones play a part, if spankings are not regular, for me, I have to build up a tolerance. A nice long hand warm up helps that tolerance. We are complicated beings...part of what makes us so interesting....and frustrating...LOL
    hugs abby

  7. PK,
    I suggest a good long warm up, that usually helps, try it and see.
    Love and warm hugs,

  8. I am listening to the answers as well. I think the warm-up will be the key.

  9. It might be easier if you were restrained in some simple way - hands/feet tied for example.

    Perhaps you have forgotten that the pain is something you need - or want at least?

  10. I have found that sometimes it just depends on what's going on in my life. There are times when I would say Bucko hits like a girl, and others where it's more like a hammer. Sometimes it depends on stress level and that kind of thing. My new thing is going for a longer spanking rather than a harder one. Good luck!

  11. Good comments all. I think all of it applies on any given day. When I get spanked I want to know it, some days it's like I have "buns of steel" and other days I'd feel a feather and it would hurt. Who knows, we are complex beings.

    Of course, the memory Bas mentions might be tht dreaded cane. Destroy it.

    Happy day.

  12. Anonymous10:49 AM

    I agree with starting with a good warm up...
    Of course, I have the same problem... some days it's no big deal and other days I'm squirming right off the bat!

  13. Can you get yourself in a mindset that you want to please him so you like what he gives you? Not sure if that will work or not but just a thought. Let us know how you are dealing with this going forward.


  14. Anonymous2:15 PM

    Will always hurt more after a bath or shower.

  15. I read all your comments hoping to find the answer to your question, being that I would love the answer too. A lot of it, I think is in my mindset. It seems the erotic spanking actually stimulates the nerves but it doesn't seem to hurt as bad. Maybe he is hitting too hard in the beginning and you are not in the mindframe. Maybe the mood isn't set. Don't worry, you are normal as I am. Oops, sorry that may not be a good thing. Lol

  16. Anonymous8:14 PM

    I'm in complete agreement, PK - spanking hurts. I like the soft erotic stuff, but the real thing bloody well hurts.

  17. I think I've noticed that it's related to hormone cycle? I definitely sometimes can't possibly get enough and others it hurts with the first whack.

  18. Kiwi,
    Wish I understood it better. Yep, peel the ginger and shape it like a plug. Don’t use lube. Some love it, some hate it. I like it.

    Thanks, I hope it does too.

    I do think I need more warm up – I like it over clothes for a while, but Nick says he likes to see what he’s doing. I think I do better at self talk in my head if I have enough time.

    I know it has lots to do with getting my mind in the right place.

    “So you want a spanking and it hurts.” That might be a better way to think of it. I wonder if cycle is still a problem for me.

    I wish it were a little more regular. I think that would help.

    That sure has my vote.

    I think you are probably right.

    I don’t move out of position or put my hands back. It’s strange, I want it, but sometimes it hurts so much worse.

    When I’m mad at Nick, or depressed I know I can take more spanking than when I’m happy. Wonder why.

    It it shows up much more you can be sure I will!

    I guess that there are a lot of variables, but I’d like to be able to identify them easier.

    It’s a good thought – not exactly sure what will please him though.

    That’s true and that could account for this time, but it’s been true without the shower.

    I’d be delighted to be as normal to you! I do love to know about a ‘date’ ahead of time. I like time to get in the mind set.

    I don’t get ‘the real thing’ or lets say extremely rarely. I wonder if that would be way different.

    I’m passed menopause (and loving that) so I really don’t know if my cycle would still be there somewhat or not.

  19. As with all things when it comes to women, it's complicated. Lol! I've found that there are SO many things that seem to change how I feel and my tolerance. Hormones, time of the month, my current mood, the list goes on and on. It sure can be frustrating sometimes!

  20. There is definitely a connection to a woman's cycle. Usually a week before having your menstrual cycle your pain tolerance is lower. I imagine men have their own cycles as well. And of course there are all the other factors that come into play as well - mind set, how long it has been since the last spanking, warm-up, emotions...and then there is the fact that spankings just do hurt from time to time... :-) Hugs