I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, June 19, 2011

Ups and downs

I was busy at the end of last week. Mollie and I took off for her college for orientation. I believe the place she chose is the most beautiful campus I’ve ever seen. The weather was the best we could have ask for too, but to tell you the truth all I heard was ‘talk to your student about avoiding alcohol and drugs.’ As far as I’m concerned if you’ve waited to have that conversation until they are headed off to college, you’re nearly 18 years too late! However, Mollie and I had a great time and I came home exhausted Friday afternoon.

Not long after we got home I tried to have a conversation with Nick about my diet-exercise-healthy weight thing. It’s didn’t go so well. I mentioned that I owed several months at the gym and if I decided to continue there it was going to cost. I added that I really didn’t want to go. I was really hoping for some direction - who am I trying to kid – I was looking for an order. Either ‘you’re going back’ or ‘if you’re not going to go you have to do this and this’ and so on. All I got was ‘you probably should’ and then he said something about ‘You’ll have to make a plan’ and that was all. I felt depressed and lonely.

I wrote a post. I was angry, disappointed, hurt and confused. I didn’t want to post it but I wanted to write it. I still wanted someone to read it and give me a little sympathy. I sent it to Rogue and she gave both sympathy and some dastardly advice on how to get spanked. LOL both were highly appreciated!

I went to bed feeling depressed but waking up was better. Nick woke me before 7:30. He said if we went early we could go around our walking park a few times before it got hot. I was still feeling a little hurt and keeping my eyes closed I said “You told me I was on my own and to make my own plan.”

Nick said “That’s not what I said, I said you needed to make a plan and this morning your plan is to go walking.” He then started swatting my butt with a wooden incense holder he found on the dresser. That thing stung more than you would think it would. Anyway we went walking. We still didn’t talk much about where we were and what I should be doing, but it was a step in the right direction.

Later I got an email with some suggestion of things we could do later today. One suggestion was a ‘talk’ about my progress, or lack of. We’ll see what happens.


  1. PK. an incense holder, now that is creative thinking. LOL!
    Love and warm hugs.

  2. I think it's wonderful that Nick took charge and started your day off right - in both ways!

    Keep up the walking.


  3. PK: Let's hope this is just the start of him taking charge. Good luck.


  4. That is a good start... I have a similar struggle with Craig sometimes. I want him to "boss" me around more and hold me accountable, and he sometimes isn't sure exactly what I want or need.

    I think communicating is the key.. but its hard when you feel disappointed. Maybe he saw that and will make so much of an effort you'll be wishing he'd lay off you! Hey... a girl can dream right?

    Good luck!

  5. Your day started off well, good for Nick.

    I hope the talk about your progress goes the way you want it to.


  6. Well it is a step (ok a few steps LOL) in the right direction. Hang in there, you could do sweating with the oldies at home LOL...Richard Simmons, his head band and those short shorts ROFL. Ok Ok I totally understand. I have about 1000 pounds I need to loose myself. Yeah I know its not that much but it feels like it and looks like it and I just can't seem to get kick started.

    I know communication is the key...but when communication is not a strong point in one's relationship it is hard not to feel like you are talking to a brick wall. The longer we are to together to more I feel like I am married to my father-in-law. You had to run that man through a old fashioned ringer washer to get information out of him and hubby is getting more and more like him EVERY day.

    Keep writing you give me hope.

  7. i know only too well its hard to talk about this - but talking works. AND it gets easier the more you do it. Im slowly getting that - the more i talk the easier it is. Good luck PK. I know how horrible it is to feel down and lonely like that. But he took charge the next day - and thats good :)

  8. Paul,
    That was a really good implement. I hope he tried that again.

    I really liked that too! He did a great job.

    Fingers crossed!

    I know how important communication is but when you feel you are saying the same thing over and over you start to worry that he just doesn't want to hear it. It makes me insecure sometimes.

    We walked again this morning - among other things!

    Girl we are in the same boat! I would do better if that magic pill could get me to a good weight and then I'd work really hard to stay there!

    The only way I can really communicate with Nick is through email or the blog. And I know he doesn't always read the blog. Keep trying.

    I know we share this same problem. One step forward and two back sometimes but that one step forward always gives me hope.

  9. PK, I'm glad I could help. However, think of the exercise you would have gotten if you had taken my dastardly advice! Not to mention the running thereafter... :)

    Glad things are better!