I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, June 16, 2011

The one thing I wanted to avoid

I wanted to tell you a little more of what Nick and I discussed. I know there will never be real discipline in our relationship and I think I’m mostly come to terms with that. Nick doesn’t want it in a big way and I have to respect his wishes. To make me happy he will from time to time mention something he would really like me to do, and I do try, at least for a while. But as I’ve said if there are no consequences for not following through I tend to let even these things slide.

He did mention the other night, as he was spanking, that he wanted me to work on some things. Sounded good to me, I figured he wanted the towels folded and put away in a timelier manner. Maybe he wanted me to be better at getting my clothes hung up and not thrown at the foot of the bed. Maybe a little more house work in general. Maybe he wanted me in bed earlier or my car to stay cleaner. All these are things I would like to work on, but I have little in the way of self-motivation to get them done.

Nope, he didn’t mention any of these. He honed in on the one thing I just want to completely avoid. He wants me to begin working again to reach a healthy weight. YUCK! I mean if you have a magic pill I could take to get it done then hey, I’m all for it. It’s not like I’m unwilling, I’ll do anything I can to get healthier except

• Exercise
• Give up junk food
• Go to bed earlier
• Get out of my recliner and off the computer

I think you can see that I’m not being unreasonable. I mean, I’m a grown-up. Can’t grown-ups do whatever they want to do? Wasn’t that the point of growing up in the first place??

What I want to do is:

• Sleep late
• Blog
• Read
• Write fiction
• Eat what I like
• Be spanked whenever I’m in the mood (he will need to read my mind, please)
• And in general, be waited on hand and foot

What’s wrong with that?

Sigh… I know, I know. The world doesn’t work that way (although I know I’m closer to this lifestyle than many.) I don’t think Nick is worried about the way I look. I’m no raving beauty but I’m not too hideous to go out in public. I don’t think having me reach fashion model weight is something he is trying to get me to work toward. What he does want is a healthy wife. One who could come off the blood pressure medication, one whose knees and ankles don’t hurt, one who has more energy, one who isn’t in danger of diabetes, and one who will be around for a long time so that we can enjoy these empty nest years.

I know I have to decide to get off my sorry ass and do something to make this healthy lifestyle and weight loss a reality. It’s not like I’m saying "Well he won’t spank me when I don’t do these thing, so I just won’t." I’m really not that stupid. But I admit some outside (maybe that should be ‘backside’) motivation wouldn’t hurt. When he is engaged in being the ‘enforce’ the weight loss thing becomes a mind game for me. I can say to myself ‘If I don’t do _____, the Nick is going to wear me out’. That may or may not be true, but it’s something to keep my mind engaged instead of just the drudgery of exercise and dieting. I know a few hard swats anytime during the week, I mean 5 to 10 hard swats, as he ask me what I accomplished that day would be helpful. It would be like 'There, I got your attention. Show some progress or there will be more swats than you want in your future!"

I guess we’ll see what happens. I did get an interesting email from Nick the other day. You’ll remember I’m not the fastest at getting clean clothes put away. The email was short and to the point.

You have clothes and a brush on the bed, you choose

Would he have followed through? Don’t know, but I did manage to get my clothes put away!


  1. PK, it's not only Nick who wants you around for a long while.
    So get your sorry ass off the chair and work at it.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. PK, Jared and I have an unusual agreement concerning exercise. If I meet the goal that he sets, I get the kind of spanking I want.

    However, if I don't meet that goal, HE gets to spank the way he wants. Win/win!

  3. PK: It is only fair that if you want you healthy,he should have to do his part.

    If he would only promise you a spanking any week you didn't lose at last a half pound and stick to it, the pounds would melt off.

    I know it is not his thing, but maybe you can interest him from the health angle standpoint.


  4. Love that email...right to the point! losing weight is the hardest thing I have ever done...and am still trying to do...without the proper motivation I would not have lost what I have.

  5. Everyone certainly need a little motivation when trying to loose weight so have another word with Nick on how you would like him to help.

    Doesn't always have to be the gym,why not go out walking together during the evening and weekend, good to walk, fresh air and spending more time with Nick.


  6. Hi PK.
    I know this may be one of my very first ever comments here -- or maybe it is the first, so I hope you will forgive me for jumping in at this particular point.

    I have mixed feelings about knowing (or claiming to know) anything much about how power exchange works. My life has gotten too topsy turvy lately for me to be so sanguine anymore.

    Still -- it seems clear to me that we all know what Nick wants. He was straightforward with you about this. The remaining question is -- what do you want. It really does take both of you to make this work. In that way, these kinds of relationships are no different than any other.

    Keep talking. You may find that you are closer together on this than you currently believe.

    hugs, swan

  7. I know this is really rich coming from me, the girl who cannot whatsoever talk properly to her hubby about this, but talk to Nick. Tell him you need the follow through, you need motivation, tell him what motivation you need. I like Rogue's idea - very much a win/win.
    Ask him would have followed through with the brush if you had not put away the clothes. If it had been me I would have tested it - but i can be a brat at times.
    Good luck :) i know im on the weight loss treadmill again. ITs hard work, and Im going to ask my hubby for motivation - not quite sure yet what - Id love him to spank me if I have a gain - dont know what he will think about that. Something else to talk about "sigh". LOL. Seriously though, good luck :) keep us posted.

  8. Paul,
    I appreciate your concern. Now if you were just within swatting distance.

    Seems like you have a good way of handling this.

    That’s exactly how we began – a half pound a week or else. He let me decide how to do it. Eating better, or exercise or both but I had to lose ½ pound. Maybe we should go back to that.

    I think that what is the most discouraging is that I lost a great deal of weight and I’ve gained it all back. Soooo depressing!

    I really do hate to go to the gym. I can hardly stand the thought. But I know I do have to do something – swim, wii or I have the new Jane Fonda DVD that I haven’t even watched yet.

    Thank you for commenting! You pop in anytime you like. I do want to return to that healthy weight. But I just haven’t wrapped my mind around the work it’s going to take. I’ll admit I’m tired of talking about the topic and I’m pretty sure Nick is tired of hearing it. I hope he’ll just jump in and help.

    I will talk to him or maybe direct him to this post. I’ve always been much better at writing than talking.

  9. Though I would rather have my bottom "worn out" for not meeting a goal in the workout department, there are some other things I tried that really helped. Lots of weight training boosts your metabolism and the burn of the workout is awesome. Making the reps really count on the weight machines means soreness every week, but it really makes the weight loss process go much faster. Having a workout buddy (other than the hubby) was awesome. Avoid complainers, though. Kills the mood. Then there's the old "drink a glass of water before every meal" trick. It really works. Let me know if you figure out how to cut out junk and blogging. Surely that would require more hard hitting effort.

  10. PK, I want you to know that your post motivated me to workout the last 2 nights! :) Sometimes just talking and reading about it helps. I like your idea of asking Nick to help you. As for exercise, I think it's important to add variety and FUN to your fitness routine too. I'm taking a Zumba class twice a week for the group motivation and upbeat music. Don't forget SEX can be a workout also! Keep it fresh and don't be afraid to try new things. If you like exercise videos, check out collagevideo.com. You can read reviews and watch a preview of each DVD.