I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Since you asked...

Todd and Suzy asked a question that you would think had a fairly simple answer–

How much do you think the spanking element of your diet has helped? Does it actually impact food/gym decisions you make?

When I started to answer I realized that for me the answer was not so simple after all. Strangely enough it made me thing of something our preacher said Sunday. It spoke to the underlying feelings that I think many spanko have. He said the opposite of love is not hate; the opposite of love is indifference. Hate takes caring, it takes energy, and it takes emotion. Indifference is much sadder.

This ‘spanking diet’ has been the constant since I came out to Nick about spanking. Stepping on the scale each Friday I had three huge questions in my mind. 1) Have I gained or lost? 2) If I have gained is Nick going to spank? Or 3) is Nick just going to let it go. And of the three the last one was the one that I worried about the most. Indifference. It scares me, it makes my chest hurt. This is something that Carye and I often discuss. Although we often worry about how bad the spanking might be the worry about the chance he might just blow it off or forget the whole thing is much more painful.

Nick has not done that. On reason I tried so hard at the beginning of the diet was that I didn’t want him to think I was ‘testing’ him, trying to force him to spank if he didn’t want to. I was afraid he would say ‘You are not even trying, let’s just forget the whole thing.’ At first I was more worried about that than the spanking. It has taken about a year to begin to let go of this fear (okay, I’m slow). And yes even now when we go a long period and there is no spanking I still worry.

So spankers I may just be speaking for myself, but I have a feeling I am speaking for a lot more of us – when we finally get up the courage to tell you that we want you to spank we often don’t make it clear to you what we are really saying. That is to us – spanking equals caring. When you spank you show us you care. If it is all in fun and erotic it shows that you listened and cared about what we want. If you spank because of discipline you show you care about us, our safety, our well being, everything. I think that is what we really want, to know that you care.

Well Todd, Suzy I bet you won’t ask me another question! You got the long version. The short version is now that I am more secure that he is not going to ignore a gain, now that I am more secure in the knowledge that he really cares, now that I got that damn hairbrush – the answer is yes, knowing he is going to spank my butt with that brush is one reason I go to the gym when I don’t really want to go and I will eat a Hershey’s kiss instead of a huge candy bar. The other way spanking effects the diet is that Nick’s willingness to spank shows me he cares for me; I work hard to loss every week to show that I care for him.


  1. Anonymous3:03 AM


    That was beautifully said and you have hit the nail on the head! You have found words for what I've been feeling. Thank you!

    Warm Hugs, Sally

  2. I like what you said "spanking equals caring". I must remember this.

    I guess I should go on a diet and start walking some. It does make for more energy and I know Mthc would like more spankings.

    *hugs and grins*

  3. Anonymous9:25 AM

    Wow, you really made sense of that!!! Great post!!

    The Twin

  4. Beautiful post, very eloquently and succinctly put! And congrats on the greatest year ever, BTW... may this only be the beginning of a great many more!

    Love you,

  5. Very well said! Thanks for putting it into words for us!

  6. PK, yes you put that very well. Of course spanking equals caring.
    When Mel was young and like the young thought she was immortal she was punished for taking thoughtless risks, when I finally managed to impress on her that she wasn't just risking herself, she was risking US. Then she realised truly that I was spanking her because I loved her. I can't imagine ever not loving her, if I had stopped loving, I could neither have played or punished.
    Your Minister is wise, indifference is indeed the killer, the boundary between love and hate is very thin, both are fiery emotions, but indifference is cold and deadly.
    Warm hugs,

  7. You couldn't have said it any better than that!

    Congrats on your diet and on your communication with Nick! Both are very hard at times but the rewards are worth it!


  8. Anonymous4:22 PM

    Very eloquently expressed. Thank you.

  9. Well said PK. Well said!


  10. Absolutely !!! You are speaking my thoughts ALL TOGETHER!!!! Amen and Halelulah!!! Spanking = Caring, love, security!


  11. Sally,
    I felt this so strongly I knew others much feel the same way.

    If that will do it I will get Nick walking.

    I do have my moments!

    Thanks Tig,
    This year is looking good so far!

    We do think alike.

    Everything I have learned about your marriage radiates love and concern. Your and Mel's marriage is a shinning example to us all!

    Sometimes the communication makes me sweat more than the exercise!

    Selfspanker, Mthc, Theresa
    Thanks everyone! It must seem complicated to the spanker but it is so obvious to us!!

  12. Carye!
    I knew you would agree. We have talked about this often!

  13. Anonymous1:13 PM

    So true that being told... I'm no longer interested in doing these kind of spankings... would hurt far-far worse than any spanking ever could. And certainly there is that risk if the spanker feels they are being manipulated into spanking. When it comes to something important, like health... a spanker would be right in pulling the plug in such a circumstance too.

    Of course, there is also the risk that the spanker will simply decide they don't care enough to actually follow through on the agreement. The spanker does have responsibilities. They have to pay attention to the weekly result, and then must consistently follow through with the agreed upon consequence (or reward). They must do so too, even when they're perhaps not 'in the mood.'

    Never thought about how the concern of that happening could be a motivator... probably because in our relationship, Todd is the hardwired spanker. But, it makes total sense that you'd have that concern.

    It's good though... even though it took a year! ... that you're moving past that concern. Nick has seen the amazing results and he's done an amazing job as a motivator. You both know this works now, and it's great that you can depend on each other to stick with it.

    ~Todd & Suzy

  14. a very insightful and true post.
    Thanks for sharing!