Yeah, I know, I know!

Sunday was truly interesting.  I never mark, but I do have few cane stripes as well as a few bruises.  Marks are not something Nick tries for.  In fact early on, when I did bruise, I often hid them from him fearing he would stop.  But I don’t worry about that now.  So when I mentioned today that I did have a few places he was surprised and immediately took my pants down in the kitchen to see.  He checked them out thoroughly.  I grinned back at him and told him that they were perfect – they didn’t really hurt, but at the same time I could feel it when I sat.  He just shook his head and laughed at me.

The term ‘take your medicine’ comes to mind.  As a child I hated taking yucky tasting medicine, but I sure did like feeling better after the yucky part was over.  I really didn’t want a real spanking Sunday, I tried to tease Nick into a more fun, sexy spanking.  But as I told you, he wasn’t having any of it. I did not like the spanking, I did not like the implement choice, and I despise the cane, but the results - I feel better.

Nick said something Sunday that echoed a line in Annie story ‘Another Chance’.  In the story Bill wrote some ruled, the last one being, “You are 57 years old; you KNOW what the rules are.”  To me Nick said, as he began spanking, “I don’t really have to say a lot right now, do I?”  He had gone over what he wanted me to do the week before, and I had listened, I just hadn’t done it.  So basically he was saying, ‘You know what the rules are.’  Yeah, I guess I do. (BTW, I’m not 57, but it’s not far off.)

I know Nick won’t micromanage me and I don’t want him to.  He want’s me in bed by eleven and I know that would be good for me.   I don’t think he’ll care if I’m crawling in bed at 11:10, but he wouldn’t be happy with 2:00 AM.  He want me healthy and happy and around for a while.  Getting the weight off is what I have to do.  Not to look better (though I will) but to avoid diabetes and more joint problems.

While I’m not officially joining the ‘Get off your butt’ challenge; I will be trying to do just that.  If I joined and didn’t follow through I’d get very down on myself, which would do me no good. But I will be cheering my friends on!

Notes from Tubby

Just a note to let folks know the Florida Dom has posted another Chapter in his Training Lisa series. Click on it to read.



The first day at work went very well – I stayed calm and focused and didn't attack anyone. So one work day down 180 student days to go.

You might have noticed yesterday that I didn’t include a diet update. I’m being 100% honest when I say I actually forgot it. I thought about it at about 3 this morning. I guess that there is a good reason for forgetting the diet update. It seems I’ve forgotten the diet.

I haven’t been more discouraged about weight since I started seriously changing my lifestyle to try to get healthier about 3 years ago. I lost slowly but steadily for 2 years. Then I spent over a year maintaining and finally began losing again. But I’ve lost my way somehow. I was at my lowest weight on April 24. I have gained 10 pounds since then and I just feel lost.

When I first asked Nick to help me with the weight I was so excited about everything – I had never been spanked, I had never been so open and close to Nick. The future was full of unknowns. How would spanking evolve in our relationship, would it only be erotic? Would there be discipline? Would he hold me to a lifestyle that would yield results?

This isn’t a complaint against Nick. Because right now I don’t know what would work. We don’t do DD. And I don’t think the type of spanking Nick is comfortable giving would really do it. I mean maybe if we had the privacy to deal with issues on weigh in day. But that rarely happens. There might be an implement or two that could make an impression on my mind as well as my butt. But I’m not sure whether I want to go there.

I just want to eat and eat and I don’t want to go to the gym. Even when I was going some these last few weeks didn’t seem to do me any good. Ugggggggg! I hate this!

This is just not a good time for all this. Nick is busy with his new job and for another 10 days or so I will really be swamped until school settles down to a regular routine. How do we get past this and how can I get back on track, when I really just don’t care about it?

Since you asked...

Todd and Suzy asked a question that you would think had a fairly simple answer–

How much do you think the spanking element of your diet has helped? Does it actually impact food/gym decisions you make?

When I started to answer I realized that for me the answer was not so simple after all. Strangely enough it made me thing of something our preacher said Sunday. It spoke to the underlying feelings that I think many spanko have. He said the opposite of love is not hate; the opposite of love is indifference. Hate takes caring, it takes energy, and it takes emotion. Indifference is much sadder.

This ‘spanking diet’ has been the constant since I came out to Nick about spanking. Stepping on the scale each Friday I had three huge questions in my mind. 1) Have I gained or lost? 2) If I have gained is Nick going to spank? Or 3) is Nick just going to let it go. And of the three the last one was the one that I worried about the most. Indifference. It scares me, it makes my chest hurt. This is something that Carye and I often discuss. Although we often worry about how bad the spanking might be the worry about the chance he might just blow it off or forget the whole thing is much more painful.

Nick has not done that. On reason I tried so hard at the beginning of the diet was that I didn’t want him to think I was ‘testing’ him, trying to force him to spank if he didn’t want to. I was afraid he would say ‘You are not even trying, let’s just forget the whole thing.’ At first I was more worried about that than the spanking. It has taken about a year to begin to let go of this fear (okay, I’m slow). And yes even now when we go a long period and there is no spanking I still worry.

So spankers I may just be speaking for myself, but I have a feeling I am speaking for a lot more of us – when we finally get up the courage to tell you that we want you to spank we often don’t make it clear to you what we are really saying. That is to us – spanking equals caring. When you spank you show us you care. If it is all in fun and erotic it shows that you listened and cared about what we want. If you spank because of discipline you show you care about us, our safety, our well being, everything. I think that is what we really want, to know that you care.

Well Todd, Suzy I bet you won’t ask me another question! You got the long version. The short version is now that I am more secure that he is not going to ignore a gain, now that I am more secure in the knowledge that he really cares, now that I got that damn hairbrush – the answer is yes, knowing he is going to spank my butt with that brush is one reason I go to the gym when I don’t really want to go and I will eat a Hershey’s kiss instead of a huge candy bar. The other way spanking effects the diet is that Nick’s willingness to spank shows me he cares for me; I work hard to loss every week to show that I care for him.