Mother's Day

I had a wonderful mother’s day! For one thing I got to spend all day with both of my children! That doesn’t happen too very often. I got lots of nice Mother’s Day gifts flowers for the outside (Nick even did the planting for me). I got a card from Mollie. She has also made me three flower vases in her pottery class, they are painted and fired and I love them! She also gave me an even more special gift – an IOU! This is for anything I want her to do, no arguing, no putting off, she will just do it. She is good about following through on gifts like this and they are very special to me.

LJ’s gift was also very special. If you have a computer savvy teenager this is a gift you should ask for! He made me a mixed CD with 20 songs. He chose these songs because they are all songs that mean a great deal to him. He also gave me a booklet he made explaining each song and why the song was so important to him including pictures and event that tie the song to different periods of his life. I am looking forward to listening to all of these!

I have more time in school that Eva, 20 days for the students and 24 more for me. I can to it! The prize is great – summer!!! I am getting my dancing shoes on in preparation! I love my blogging and I will be here as often as possible but and the end of year crunch increases in intensity I may be spotty! I’m here! And soon I will be on way too much and I just can’t wait!!!

Feeling better

I had forgotten how much I worried about LJ when he is home. The good new, Theresa, is that I hardly ever worried about him when he was away at school. Crazy isn’t it! When he is here I am always listening for him to come home, worrying if he is late, wishing he would call. Somehow when he is totally away from home I feel that God is always watching over him and protecting him. When he is here I feel God needs my help in accomplishing this task!

There is also the selfish side of this. We know Mollie’s schedule and when she is likely to be gone for a few hours. But LJ? He is rarely home but you never know when he might pop in. So I do share Eva’s dilemma about adult children at home. He does have enough sense not to walk into our bedroom when the door is shut but these days who’s to say we are going to be in the bedroom with the door closed? We may be feeling adventurous! Actually I feel we should make it a goal to make love or at the very least spank in every room of the house. I mean if we did it in my mother’s living room – truly no where should be off limits! And of course we have the new pool to christen this summer - after it gets warmer.

As Eva said in her post, summer cannot get here fast enough to suit me. Last summer was the most wonderful summer, the most wonderful time of my life. It was my first summer of freedom since 1975. How old do you think that makes me feel! I worked or went to college every summer until 1988 when LJ was born. Now the next dozen or so summers were lots of fun I got to spend them at home with my kids, it was wonderful but very kid oriented (as it should have been then). Then my parents began to need more help and I was glad to be there for them.

But suddenly last summer, after both my parents had passed away I realized that my kids mostly had there own agenda and I wasn’t particularly needed. I guess some mothers might have been hurt – I was thrilled. They were having fun and I had just discovered blogs. Maybe it was mom’s turn to have a little fun and freedom! Mom and dad were due a turn to get to know each other and boy did we take advantage of it! But in a strange way it contributed to my rough school year, I didn’t realize it at the time but I think I really resented having to give up that magical summer and return to school and maybe I stayed a little mad all year. I think I was always worried that everything was going to go away. It has taken a while to accept and believe that what Nick and I have now is real. But I do believe it, and I now know as long we want it we can keep it!

PK tonight

Writers block here! That could be the whole post but I find myself continuing. Menopause has been rearing its ugly head tonight. It’s either that or Nick has the heat on instead of the AC and it must be turned to about 100 degrees!

I am very irritable and I am fighting the urge to snap at anyone that comes near me. I have to go for blood work in the morning. I think they are just checking my sugar but they might be checking cholesterol and stuff too. I hate having to take tests that I can’t study for. Of course having to weigh in in the morning does not have me in any better mood. I think I better go to bed before anything else makes me mad! At least the weekend is coming – thank goodness!

My Son

No spanking or sex today folks. But if you have been around long and consider yourself a friend, please stick around I want to share some things that are very important to me.


Have I mentioned that I have two children? Oh, I have? These two children are my heart and soul. For me parenthood was the only dream I ever had that exceeded my expectations. For any gripes and complains I will ever have about them they are truly prefect in my eyes.

I want to talk about LJ today. I wish I could tell you his name because I really love it. When this child was born, before even while I was pregnant, he captured my heart in such a way that I knew I would never have full ownership of it again. His first smile, his first step, his first words turned me in to putty and I am afraid I’ll never get over it. I thank God that he is truly a good person that he simple always chose to do the right thing because he could have probably gotten away with anything!

He has been gone this year – his freshman year at college has passed and I survived. Until the changes in me this year my surviving his first year away was truly in doubt in my mind. We went to move most of his things back last Friday. I hadn’t seen him since Easter and it is really only when I get back with him that I realize how very much I have missed him. Let me tell you this boy is well on his way to his degree in BS. Now I don’t mean Bachelors of Science I mean true BS!! He is so funny, he is so interesting to talk to, and he is just so much fun to be around!!

Why am I writing today? I want to tell you that my son is in love. What mother really wants to hear that? That some other person, some stranger has your son’s heart. Someone else is as important, more important, than you in his life. Well yes, eventually that is what you want to hear. That is what is supposed to happen. I am grateful that he has chosen a person with integrity, maturity, honesty, talent and a sense of humor – all of the traits one should look for in a person to love.

But there is one other thing I want all my friends to know. LJ is not in love with a lovely young girl. He is in love with a fine young man. LJ shared the fact that he was gay with me a few days after his 14th birthday. I have had a lot of time to become used to the idea. Actually it took very little time. I have always been one to accept what is, is. We talked enough for me to believe that he knew what he was talking about. I was sad at first. There was a bit of mourning for what I had lost, a future daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law for Mollie, and probably grandchildren from my son. But my sadness did not last long.

It didn’t take long to realize that nothing had changed. My son was who he was and always had been. All that had changed was that he trusted me with an important aspect of his life that many parents are not trusted with. He shared with me that he had know he was ‘different’ since he was four that at nine he knew what it was called and that he had spent most of his time between nine and fourteen praying that it wasn’t true. Shortly before coming out to me he had been in church praying ‘to change’ when he felt he received a message, a peace in which he felt totally accepted by God as the person God had created. He has been comfortable with himself ever since.

How does Nick feel about all this? He and I never talked about it until this past fall. As you might imagine this is not the path he would have chosen for his son. But he also accepts the fact that we do not chose our children’s paths. Nick and LJ are comfortable with each other and Collin, LJ partner is welcomed in our home any time. LJ is living in the open all of his friends know from high school, Governs School and college know and totally accept him. He is well like and very popular with men and women alike. He is also out to my family but not Nick’s completely. For one thing he has no desire to burden his grandparents with the news. They would not understand and there is no reason to upset them. Do the other on that side of the family know? Probably, but it is not acknowledged and that’s okay too.

My son is happy. He is healthy. He is pursuing the career of his dreams. And he is in a relationship that has lasted three years. LJ and Collin have hopes and dreams for the future; they may come true they may not. I guess that’s true for any of us. I wanted to share all of this because my son is so important to me. Maybe other parents are struggling with this issue. I would talk with them if they wanted to. I love my son, he is perfect just the way he is. I would not change one thing about him.

Meme from Carye

Most of us know Carye from her comments and the wonderful interview over at Tiggr’s place. This is the meme going around and Carye’s answers…

Question number 1: What are three of the stupidest things you've done in your life.
1) Owned a cat or several cats (indoor) with a severe allergy to cats!
2) Did dueling tequila shots with a navy friend during college (he outweighed me by at least 100 lbs!)
3) Didn't exercise for a number of years in a row.

Question number 2: At the current moment, who has the most influence on your life?
first - kids & husband, second - mom, third -- some close friends!

Question number 3: If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick five people to dine with, who would you pick?
My Grandpa, My grandmother, Clyde my son, my dad, my mosses,lichens, and liverwarts instructor.

Question number 4: If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?
(1) That my children will grow up happy, healthy, independent, strong, and live happily married to one person forever.
(2) That my husband could find a job he loved in an area he loved that would work well for the family and that we could afford.
(3) That we would have the money for me not to work, to own some land for my husband to "play" with, and enough to send 4 kids through as many years of college as they chose.

Question number 5: Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.
I'm with Eva... what city? It is a small wonderful town. I wouldn't change a thing, and there isn't anything I'd ask them to avoid.
Question number 6: Name one event that has changed your life.
Having my first son be born with big problems, have a heart transplant at 4 weeks, and die at 12 weeks..

Question number 7: Is not a question. It's a command. Tag five other people.
I think all of them have already been tagged!

Carye

Happy Birthday Grace!

It’s Grace’s birthday!!!!

One of my best blogger buddies is getting older!! I hope your birthday is wonderful. You are very special to me and I wanted you to know it!

G

Gorgeous, gracious, grinning

R

Ritzy, rocking, radical, resourceful

A

Accepting, accountable (to Bossman), adorable

C

Crafty, creative, controlling (her word not mine)

E

Exciting, encouraging, elegant

So a happy 39 birthday to Grace!

I wasn’t going to put up a picture until I found this one of Bossman and then I couldn’t resist!

Wait… what! She is only 39!! Are you KIDDING ME?? I thought this blogging business was only for adult. How did this kid get on here?? I hope Bossman spanks her butt for being so young. I take back all the nice things I said about her; maybe I’ll put it back up next year when she becomes an actual adult. Grumble…. little kid…… grumble, grumble… only 39… grumble… how dare she…. grumble, grumble…. (walking off to sulk and feel old.)

Learning

I wanted to give you a few details about my Thursday afternoon. It’s been a pretty good week. My cold kept me down at first but was back at the gym by Thursday. I came home tired but feeling pretty good. I was about to settle down with the computer when Nick mentioned that I hadn’t put away my laundry the night before even though he had remember me. I had still forgotten about it the night before but wanting to be the obedient wife I put down the computer to take care of it. Evidently that wasn’t good enough; he said I should have done it the night before without needing a reminder.

Once again I found myself standing by the laundry basket with Nick pulling my pants down. He started spanking with his hand and it wasn’t just love taps! He then took off my panties and told me to stretch out on the bed. He pulled out the toy box and retrieved the tawse. Now that thing can create a sting with very little effort and Nick was putting some effort into it. Then he asked

“So you say that there are really some implements that you don’t like?”

I answered, “Well yes, but I am not sure I am ready to share that information yet!”

He said “That’s what I thought, you have ever posted it.” He was still going to town with the tawse during this conversation. He went on “Maybe I should just keep this up until you tell me!”

Okay it seemed time to spill my secrets! I told him I didn’t like the hairbrush (Cassie has scared me!) and I don’t think I would like the handle part of the crop. Nick understood my choices. “He said I guess a good wooden hairbrush doesn’t have much give and the crop handle can leave a few good stripes when I need it to.” I still wasn’t sure it was the time I wanted to share this information but he was being most persuasive!

We did end up with some fine love making to finish off the afternoon. I got all my laundry put away afterwards and I put away the next batch too. I’m learning, honest I am, and the lessons are so much fun!!

Short and Sweet

Taking a lesson from Eva.

I’ve got lots to say.

I had a wonderful afternoon!

I got a spanking and other fun stuff.

I have no time to write.

Going for my boy at college when school is out tomorrow.

Mollie has a rotten cold, maybe strep, have to get her to the doctor tomorrow too.

School is down to the final sprint and it’s going to be a bitch.

I feel guilty when I don’t leave comments everywhere I read.

I do read everyone on my blogroll every day.

My writing time today went into my assignment for Nick.

I knew you would all understand that that is the most important thing right now.

Have to weigh tomorrow morning. My cold kept me from the gym early this week so I am a bit worried.

I should be in bed, so I’m outta here!

Celebration

One of my best blogger buddies is getting older!!


Great job!


You will soon catch up with me!


I am thrilled to know that you have a well paddled bottom for your special day!


(Didn't know I had a picture of Will and your cake did you?)

Happy Birthday
Theresa!!

Eva's Meme

Question number 1: What are three of the stupidest things you've done in your life.

If I had gone into teaching at 22 when many people do I would be able to retire in 2 years. But instead I have 9 to go!

I should have started doing something about my weigh when I was 10 pounds over weight, or 20 or 30 or 40 or 50 or…

I should have come out to Nick 25 year ago. If it would have made the improvement it has now we would have been closer all these years. But really everything is in timing. If I had come out then would we have this wonderful special newness to our marriage that I love now?

Question number 2: At the current moment, who has the most influence on your life?

I would have to say Mollie, a teenager that can’t drive. She has babysitting jobs to get to, shopping she ‘has’ to do, friends to visit. When Nick and I can be alone is dictated by her schedule.

Question number 3: If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick five people to dine with, who would you pick?

I want separate dinners. I want to dine with Jesus and be just the two of us so that we could just talk and I could ask all my questions.

I want to sit and eat with my parents both of them just one more time. We were very close and I miss them so much. I want to tell them about my kids.

My mother’s father who I never met and Edgar Cayce (if you don’t know who that is google him).

Question number 4: If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?

I want to take a year off teaching and do anything I want to do. Not sure what all that is but I want some time!

I want LJ to be able to make a career in acting. He doesn’t have to be super rich just a steady working actor with a good body of work.

I want Mollie to love teaching and to have a house full of healthy happy kids!

Question number 5: Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.

I am not sure visitors would care but I wish our town had a nice movie theater and a good book store. We have neither.

If I can get Eva and Adam down here I probably will not take them to Tattoo Hugh or the Red Pig.

Question number 6: Name one event that has changed your life.

Blogging, it has to be blogging. Everything has changed but that was the catalysts. My close relationship with Nick, my new look (weight loss and different hair), new friends, new habits, new life!!!!

Question number 7: Is not a question. It's a command. Tag five other people.

Who to tag? How about Cassie, Tiggr and Maggie here on line and if they are willing Carye and Debbie. If you two will do it email it to me and I will put it up for you.

SNAFU

Well, well I had an interesting Friday! I wrote my assignment and emailed it to Nick late last night so that he could read it after I went to work this morning. I was comfortable with what I said and so I was feeling pretty good. At work Eva and I emailed back for forth a bit as usually but then I saw I had a reply from Nick. I felt like my heart did skip a beat and I quickly opened it. Do you all know how much I love Nick; he came through for me just like I knew he would. I didn’t second guess anything I had told him. He was very receptive and indicated we could talk about some of the things I had in mind. He also threw in a suggestion that I not leave my dirty socks on the living room floor as I occasionally do.

I was feeling very good about my first assignment and response so I asked Eva if she would like to see what I had written. I mean, it’s not like we keep a lot of secrets from each other. She said of course she wanted to read it if I didn’t think Nick would mind. I told her no I didn’t think he would mind but he wouldn’t really know anyway. Okay here is where you need to pay attention, I wish I had been. I was going to bring up the email where I had been working on my assignment but instead I had the one up including Nick reply, which I had never intended to send her. But I didn’t realize that was up and off it went. We are usually back and forth every little bit all day and when she hadn’t responded in about 20 minutes I asked her “You just not like what I wrote or are you actually working?” She came back and said she had replied some time ago and for me to check my other address. I did, and told her no, nothing.

Red Alert!

The next time I checked I had an email with the subject ‘Red Alert, Red Alert’ as Eva realized the she had sent her reply not to me but to Nick by mistake. Bless her heart she was extremely worried and upset wondering if either Nick or I was going to be mad. I wasn’t particularly worried. I mean it’s not like Nick is going to go into shock that I had shared some of my writing with Eva. I told her not to worry. She asked me if I was going to tell Nick exactly want happened and I told her I would if he asked me.

Okay jump ahead to when I got home. I was feeling much better so I decided to go to the gym after all. When I got home I was taking off my socks but had them in my hand and I said “Look, I am taking these to the dirty clothes”. He said “Yes that’s where they go. And could you please tell me why Eva is emailing me about this?” Oops! Why did a picture of Lucy and Ethel pop in my mind as I realized I had some ‘splaining to do’! I explained everything and he said “You sticking with that story?” I wanted to say ‘No, give me a minute and I’ll come up with something better!’ But I knew he wasn’t mad.

He followed me to the bedroom where clean laundry waiting to be folded. Somehow I knew when I mentioned DD there would be laundry in my future. While I was folding Nick came up behind me and pulled my pants down and started smacking me with the crop (Eva’s favorite of course, this was half her fault!). I started to say something but he said “keep folding!” So I am trying to fold clothes and put them away with Nick after me with the crop!

When the bed was finally cleared off Nick had me lay down and began taken off the rest of my clothes. I was still hot from the gym so he sent me for a quick cool shower. It felt great and you guys are right, those pops sting more when your butt is wet. Nick didn’t keep me completely nude, he handed me the blindfold! He kept me hot with the crop not only my butt, but on those tinder inner thighs and lightly between my legs which is such a turn on. Although I couldn’t see I reached our and found what I wanted and took him in my mouth and he gave up on the crop to return the favor.

This was turning into a wonderful afternoon when he turned me back over and got out one of the butt plugs, the one that vibrates. Wonderful sensations were flooding through me. In a bit he changed and used the anal beads we have and then when I knew I couldn’t wait any longer he took me from behind and it was incredible! That was an afternoon to remember! As we lay there with the cool breeze playing through the window we were coming back to ourselves. I was feeling completely satisfied as I looked over and smiled at Nick. He looked back at me and said “Well I certainly hope you learned your lesson!”

Discipline and talking

I hate to get off topic but I want to talk about spanking. Just kidding folks but lets face it, not many of us are getting upended and paddled to our hearts content these days. Maybe summer will heat things up! Here’s hoping.

Anyway even if there is not a lot of spanking going on, or maybe because of it, I am still doing a lot of thinking. DD is never far from my mind. I have done my assignment this week and written about my feeling and thoughts to Nick.

About the only thing we do that is at all like DD is on the issue of weight loss. And those spankings have not always been of a deterrent nature. Mostly they are a mixture of discipline and erotic. I have ask Nick to think of other small ways we might incorporate DD into the relationship that we would both be comfortable with. But I know he has not, and is not, completely comfortable with discipline spankings.

So I have been having long talks with Nick about this and the way I picture it happening. Alright, okay, its true Nick wasn’t actually here when we had these conversations. But now I am letting him in now on what we both said.

Me: “Nick in order to keep me focused on this weight loss program. And to make sure I stick with the other things you/we have decided I need to work on, you have to be willing to spank me when I don’t live up to our agreement or if I really bug you.”

Nick: “Let me get this straight. If you gain weight, don’t do as I ask you to, or do something really designed to annoy me I am supposed to spank you. So by that theory if I really bug you what do I get - a blow job?”

Have I mentioned that Nick is a really smartass when he talks in my head?? Okay, okay I agree gaining weight or breaking rules and being disciplined with a good spanking followed by hot monkey sex may not be the behavior modification one would normally use. So the spanking does have to be a bit different. And maybe the sexual reward does not always follow immediately after. But good reconection sex sometime soon would always be welcomed. If we find an implement that I don’t really like… (that noise you just heard was Nick snorting, yes honey there are some that I really don’t like!)

Anyway this is the bottom line. What I want (I am communicating here) is for you to hold me accountable to what ever we decide on. Not too many things to start with but please, please if we decided to try a few please be consistent! When you hold me to what we agree to I feel loved. I feel protected. I feel like you truly care. So a short hard spanking is all that is needed to make my heart and mind soar. I hope we will talk more about this. If we want to implement it, how we want to, well whatever I just want to talk. Fancy that!

Feeling lousy

I feel like I am getting my first cold in over a year. I do not want it. I usually do my writing between 9:00 and midnight. But tonight I am going to bed to try to fight this thing. It is difficult to teach percents to 3 classes of 12 year olds who really don’t want to learn percents. It is especially difficult when it hurts to talk and you have a slight fever. So why don’t I just stay home if I’m sick? If you think teaching while sick is a bummer try getting ready for a sub when you left a mess on my desk and I can’t think of good sub plans. I’ll be back!

A little backwards

You know Eva and have gotten to know each other well. We talk a lot (three times by phone today but that is a bit unusual). In an email last week I mentioned that she probably knew me better than anyone since… Then I realized I couldn’t come up with anyone ever who has known me any better. I told her we were so close because of our backward friendship. What is a backward friendship you might ask?? It is what we all have here.

This is what I mean – think of some of your friends in real life. The ones you see socially, at work or at church, the ones you are close to. I bet some of these folks you have know for years, yet do you really know then. Tell me which ones can squirt when they orgasm? Which of them are anal erotic? Do any of them have 50 butt plugs in a box in the closet (remember those were not mine, Theresa brought her over!) Which of your friends enjoy the occasional golden enema??

Come on now you know these people! Which of your real life friends would rather not give a BJ and which ones can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose? Which of these friends always shave the kitty and did any of the couples you know shave each other on their honeymoon? Come on now, do you know which of them wears grannies and which wear thongs?

Do your close friends in real life like to get their ass spanked?? If they do what are there reasons? Would some get there butt warmed for calling it their ass? Maybe for not cleaning the bathroom or taking out the trash. Possibly for keeping too much stuff in their new closet. Could it be for gaining weight or maybe not keeping the kitty shaved? Maybe it’s for coming without permission. Or maybe they get their butt’s blistered because they love it and it makes them hot or maybe just for the hell of it!!!

If they are into spanking where all have they been spanked?? In the middle of the road in front of their house, under a tree? Maybe over a rock wall or a washing machine, in a car, in the shower, in a casino, in the woods, holding on to a step ladder, on a beach, in the mountains?

What are their favorite implements? Maybe a hairbrush, a crop, a flogger, a backscratcher, a cane, bungee or a tawse? Or maybe they are new to all this and are just trying to get their SO to understand. Well come on, you know these people!! You see them all the time. So do you know the answer?? No? Gee, I could give you most the answers for my friends here!!

Backwards! Think about what we know about each other here and yet do we ask these question on blog – do you have children? How many? What are their names? What is your husband’s name? What does he do for a living? Where do you work? Where do you live?

Please, now you’re getting a little personal!!

Talking

Friday night was an extreme experience for me. I have not been doing well lately. I have been sad, depressed, worried, pretty much completely unsettled. Okay let’s address the hormone issue first before all is dismissed because of menopause. The feelings I have been having are the same doubts and fears that have plagued me on and off thought out our marriage and through this past year. But now instead of being able to suppress and hide all my feeling as is normal for me, they sometimes overwhelmed me. Maybe that is that because of the hormones or because I have been so happy this last year I can see the potential for long term happiness and I fear it’s loss. Doesn’t really matter.

Nick and I have been alone several afternoon this past week but very little connection. Friday night Mollie had an over night party at a friends so we were on our own. I was looking forward to the evening but as we were out eating Nick triggered an additionally flood of these negative feeling – what did he do? He did not read my mind and I ended up with my feelings hurt. Did he know I was upset? Of course not, that would have involved me talking to him. So I just got quiet and nursed my hurt feeling and worries and doubts.

Back home I emailed Eva who has listened to me whine on and off about things for a long time. I must say that for an extremely intelligent woman, her advice seemed to be in a rut! It’s always the same “Talk to Nick!” Geeze! Can’t she come up with something new!? I told her about my evening and how it was making me feel and the following was what she sent me, my thought are in red …

Honestly it's okay to talk to him....Maybe but I don't know how to begin After all these years of you hiding feelings from him, put yourself in his shoes... Everything has always been fine in his eyes because you've lied to him over and over and over by telling him so... by letting on that you're fine.... why don't you try backing up and tell him that there have been times Times!! I have never done anything else ...when you've hidden your feelings from him but you've reached a point where you really need his strength and you just want him to listen..... it's worth a shot, yes? I can't breathe when I think of doing this face to face.

How had he hurt your feelings? Too stupid to go into. I'll tell you sometime. Only a spanko would understand. And Nick isn't one. did you tell him you wanted to talk? Of course not Did he tell you he didn't want to hear it? He told me a long, long time ago that he didn't If he didn't want to hear it would he bother reading blogs? maybe I don't know... Practice breathing and thinking simultaneously... it would be a good first step. That I can do it’s the talking part added in that is so difficult!

I had no real plan to take her advice but by the time I went to bed I really had no choice. I was so upset Nick couldn’t help but noticing. I took a deep breath and tried talking. I thought it would be easier once I got started. Let me tell you it was like dragging an anchor over gravel! When I started I still didn’t really think Nick would want to hear any of it. I have never given the man enough credit.

I really don’t know what I said and I mean that – I don’t know. But I did talk between crying. I told him I was upset because I didn’t feel I could talk to him. I didn’t always feel like he wanted me to. He assured me he did and that he was no good at reading my mind.

He is still uncertain was about really truly what I want. I told him I still dreamed of a dd relationship in some form but that I knew he would never be comfortable with it. He says that it is not out of the question at some point but that we will have to work up to it. He says if he takes the step to really tell me want to do he run the risk of total rejection of my saying “Bug off, I am not in the mood to play” This was a concern of his, not being able to see in my head. If we start off slowly and talk about what we each feel comfortable with I can assure him that will never happen!!

He says it is difficult to live one way for 20 years and then for everything to change at once. He loves the changes as much as I do but for a long time neither of us felt it would last. We had been the other way so very long. I started to apologize because I was the one who shut him out for so many years and that was the only time he seemed to not want to hear what I wanted to say. He stopped me and said "That’s in the past." He said “You were mostly wrapped up in being a mother and you did a great job. But now is what we are going to concentrate on!”

I feel like all I think about is spanking and blogging I know I seem to always have it on my mind while often I don’t think Nick is interested any more. I wish I thought he was more into it. I told him I still worried that it didn’t do anything for him but that he only did it to indulge me. I told Nick that I was really worrying that one day I would say something and he would just say “Enough already! You have a one track mind! I am tired of hearing it!” Nick kind of laughed. He asked “Have I ever given you any reason to think that?? I love the changes and I know blogging help keep all this going for us”.

We did talk a lot and I have no doubt that many parts of the conversation will come back to me in little sound bites but two things he said came through loud and clear. He said he was happy just being in the same vicinity as me these days and the sentence I remember above everything else

“I don’t want you to retreat”.

To me it said that he didn’t want me to withdraw as I had earlier in our marriage. Sometimes I have felt that as long as our sex life was much improved he didn’t really care too much about all the feelings and emotions. Okay I’m sorry I told you I didn’t give him enough credit.

Then the second thing he told me was really out of the blue. He gave me an assignment. Until he tells me differently I am to write a report on how I am feeling each Thursday, what I am thinking, worries – desires, whatever. Really?? He said we could talk anytime but each Thursday is a must. He really wants to know this stuff?? This could lead to … communication!

I know many of you have probably gone on to some light reading by now and that a shame because the good part was just coming up. I was feeling so much better we were actually having a conversation all curled up in bed together. He said I didn’t seem to be in the same mood as I had been a half hour earlier and that he thought I could definitely use some spanking after all that talking. He had me roll over and he got his belt which is one of my favorites. When he finished he lay back down on the bed with me and it was obvious that spanking me does indeed ‘do something’ for him. I felt he disserved the best BJ in the world and I sure gave it my best effort! I felt wonderful. I have felt wonderful all day today.

I know this post was long and probably a bit disjointed but it is the best I could recreate this very important evening at this time. I wanted a record for myself and I wanted Nick to know what I heard. I look forward to talking to him and trying to share what we are both feeling. If may seem late in the marriage to be starting this but better late that never!

And Eva, about this morning – I didn’t mind you saying ‘I told you so’ one bit!

Memories

Of course I lifted this from Eva and Theresa. I like the idea. I hope to hear from of my friends to see what things might come to their minds but I am also hope to hear from some of my silent readers if you are out there. Sometimes I flip back through he blog and think to myself – did I say that? So if anything has stuck in your memory please let me know.

Memories

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

letter writing campaign

I think we all now agree that Eva is a fantastic writer. She wants to write for us and we want to read her stuff. So why doesn’t it happen more? Let me tell you why.

Eva’s fair state has decided in its educational wisdom that all its teachers need their master’s degree. I really know Eva; she teaches as well as she writes! She doesn’t want her masters, she doesn’t need her masters. I can almost promise that nothing she will learn from this program will improve her teaching as much as leaving her alone to try, explore and experiment with different ideas on her own in her classroom. But let me share with you the crap they are forcing her to write about twice a week! Feel free to skim if you find yourself nodding off.

Application: Engaging Learning Experience

Reflect on the suggestions offered by your colleagues for designing an engaging learning experience based on the power standard you identified. With these thoughts in mind, conceptualize a learning experience that utilizes real-world applications of the knowledge and skills embedded in your power standard, engages all students, and promotes enduring learning.

Then, using the "Learning Experiences Worksheet," Figure 5-C provided below, as a graphic organizer, develop a scenario that provides a context for the targeted knowledge and skills. Include several tasks that would help students meet the standard. Finally, think of one or more complementary standards that can also be addressed in your scenario. Note: Do not submit Figure 5-C.

Click here for Figure 5-C, "Learning Experiences Worksheet"

Describe your learning experience as follows:

Identify the power standard on which it is based.

· Indicate the knowledge and/or skills targeted in the standard.

· Describe the scenario/context.

· List at least three tasks that will help students meet the standard and specify the knowledge and/or skills targeted with each task.

Can you believe this garbage?!! I have taught, pretty darn well, for 18 years and I have no idea what the hell that just said!! But of course I am sure we all agree that writing a paper on this will make Eva a much better teacher!!

So what can we do? I am writing her instructors. They just don’t know the potential they are wasting here. So here is my letter

To Whom It May Concern:

Are you a bunch of FRIGGIN idiots?

This woman is a world renowned spanko/sex blogger!! And you want to read her response to the crap YOU sent. Please let me give you some samples of what she can do:

At the end of the two hours we were both spent like never before. I had been spanked, teased, tormented, fucked and loved. I wanted to just stay on my knees at his feet doing only what he commanded me to do. I was not able to think for myself any longer. I didn’t want to think for myself. I was his and only able to think what he thought for me.

How about this:

I know you'll do what's best for me. It doesn't matter which toys you pick. I want you to spank me until there's just no way I won't feel it over the next couple days. Go ahead. Leave my bottom marked and scorched. I will love you for it. I will thank you for it.

And when you're done spanking me, I will stay right there completely exposed for your use, pleasure, enjoyment, fulfillment. And when you are done I will drift off to sleep in your arms

And on a lighter note, how about:

Seriously though, how many people tell their friends "yes, I've been spanked over a washing machine? In the basement? During the winter? Buck naked?" WHAT IDIOT TELLS HER FRIENDS THAT?

Or this:

"Excuse us Mr. and Miss Adult Store Clerks but do you have a back room where he can spank my ass?"

Or maybe this:

Picture it. Two people entering a hotel carrying a small suitcase, a clear bag full of pillows, a small toiletry bag … and…. A crop.

Here is my suggestion now that you know about her true identity. If it is critical that Eva summit a paper twice a week let her write for you and her blogging audience at the same time. You already know she is more than capable of BSing her way through your papers. Wouldn’t you really rather read a hot spanko story she has written just for you? Take your choice, you can be the beautiful naughty submissive who has just been caught being a bad girl by her strong, dom who will deal out the punishment he deems fit. Or maybe you want to be the dom who catches your bad girl in the act, taking her across your strong lap you …

Come on you know you want this!!

Sincerely,

Your student's twin, PK

Come on folk help me out here. Maybe if we all write the instructors they will stop wasting Eva’s talents and she could go back to blogging as she should. Please send your letters to:

stupidasscrapthatevehastowrite.com

Let's talk ...or not.

I had a very nice email from Theresa tonight that said basically ‘So post already!” She knew I had had my lap top with me on vacation but with Mollie over my shoulder every time I touched it no actual blogging was going on. I do know why I blog, I just like contact. I post so you will talk to me and this is the kind of talking I can handle. When I don’t get something up every few day I miss you guys. I miss the comments. Good, bad or indifferent I just like the contact. But as for this post, sorry Theresa you asked for it.

I needed to write Friday night. Friday evening and Saturday morning were a bit rough. I was torn all to pieces Friday night. It is not unusual for me to mind blog as I am going to sleep. In fact it’s been the norm for over 40 years. But Friday night it was so disjointed and fragmented. Thoughts, ideas, concerns, worries, depression, chaos… all zipping around my mind like the little ball in a pinball machine. A line from an old Simon and Garfunkel song kept running through my mind

I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why…

So I was a real mess. I am not good at being a mess. It’s not normal for me and I have absolute no idea how to handle it or deal with it. I was teary, my chest hurt. But of course no one but me knew about it. Not Nick, not Mollie and strange enough these days not Eva either. Why not? Part of that is easy to answer; it was none of Mollie’s business. And Nick, you want to know why I didn’t tell Nick? There is a short answer and a long one. The short answer is ‘I don’t know’. The longer answer is a post that I have worked on occasionally for the past few months. Who know I may even post it one day.

As for Eva, bless her heart, if she has lived next door she might have gotten the whirlwind of confusion and emotional instability tossed at her, I don’t know. But I do know I couldn’t type it all.

I am mostly back to normal now. But it does hit in occasionally waves which in small amounts I can suppress quite nicely. I know I know… I am sure it is all hormonal. What else could it be when you're 50. Let’s just leave it at that.

Hope you had fun!

Now it seems that there were a lot of people at my house this week. CeeCi did a great job on the decorations. Really you all are welcomed and I wasn’t worried about you cleaning up after the party so much as I hope Eva cleaned up before she asked you all over!! I just wished she had gotten to the closet!

I do however think a few things need to be cleared up. Was this or was it not a toga party. I would like those who took pictures to post them. Especially if you have a shot of Grace or Cassie in togas!

Theresa “Oh my gravy” Eva will accuse you of being Southern! And by the way, would you know anything about the 50 butt plugs David found in the closet. They are not mine and you are the only one I know with a collection that size!! Fess up please!!

My apologies to Tig for accusing her of breaking the bed. I read more closely that it was Grace trying to get away from David and the yellow peril!! David, no wonder Mthc encourages so you to go to so many parties. She keeps hoping you will lose that thing somewhere!!

Bonnie I was glad you stopped by! Eva’s pup did a pretty good job maybe she will change his name to Hoover! I appreciate Snow and Debbie and Carye bring food. I hope you guys keep coming back party or not!! Or email sometimes! And Storynattie, you might have been here before and just didn’t recognized CeeCi’s changes. You come back too!

Now about the movie you found. It was just the one behind the TV, right? Thank goodness! The leather outfits and the leisure suits all belong to the production company. Cassie is real closed mouthed about Cassie’s Chastised Productions. But in answer to Paul’s question I know she would like to claim him for her stable!! Whatever that might mean! And Paul I am beginning to wonder, do you come to these parties to spank all the ladies that line up and beg or just for the cheesecake?

Well I hope everyone enjoyed themselves!!! Please come back when I am here. I do love the company. I have decided to leave the decorations up a bit longer. As Eva says they do start to grow on you!!