I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Discipline and talking

I hate to get off topic but I want to talk about spanking. Just kidding folks but lets face it, not many of us are getting upended and paddled to our hearts content these days. Maybe summer will heat things up! Here’s hoping.

Anyway even if there is not a lot of spanking going on, or maybe because of it, I am still doing a lot of thinking. DD is never far from my mind. I have done my assignment this week and written about my feeling and thoughts to Nick.

About the only thing we do that is at all like DD is on the issue of weight loss. And those spankings have not always been of a deterrent nature. Mostly they are a mixture of discipline and erotic. I have ask Nick to think of other small ways we might incorporate DD into the relationship that we would both be comfortable with. But I know he has not, and is not, completely comfortable with discipline spankings.

So I have been having long talks with Nick about this and the way I picture it happening. Alright, okay, its true Nick wasn’t actually here when we had these conversations. But now I am letting him in now on what we both said.

Me: “Nick in order to keep me focused on this weight loss program. And to make sure I stick with the other things you/we have decided I need to work on, you have to be willing to spank me when I don’t live up to our agreement or if I really bug you.”

Nick: “Let me get this straight. If you gain weight, don’t do as I ask you to, or do something really designed to annoy me I am supposed to spank you. So by that theory if I really bug you what do I get - a blow job?”

Have I mentioned that Nick is a really smartass when he talks in my head?? Okay, okay I agree gaining weight or breaking rules and being disciplined with a good spanking followed by hot monkey sex may not be the behavior modification one would normally use. So the spanking does have to be a bit different. And maybe the sexual reward does not always follow immediately after. But good reconection sex sometime soon would always be welcomed. If we find an implement that I don’t really like… (that noise you just heard was Nick snorting, yes honey there are some that I really don’t like!)

Anyway this is the bottom line. What I want (I am communicating here) is for you to hold me accountable to what ever we decide on. Not too many things to start with but please, please if we decided to try a few please be consistent! When you hold me to what we agree to I feel loved. I feel protected. I feel like you truly care. So a short hard spanking is all that is needed to make my heart and mind soar. I hope we will talk more about this. If we want to implement it, how we want to, well whatever I just want to talk. Fancy that!


  1. Anonymous6:06 AM

    Twin~ Hmmm...I dunno. To quote our good friend Cassie... be careful what you wish for. I can remember wanting exactly what you are describing. I finally gave up because it's just not Adam's style. But having fun is!! So we've gone that route and it works. And I'm honestly happy. You two will work it all out so that you're both happy. Your taking awesome steps to get there. Communicating is a wonderful thing.


  2. Like Eva Hmmmm. I don't like the DD with MthcI know hard to believe with my stories I wrie on another blog

    I'm really into spanking play but if that is what she wanted I would try it for her.


  3. So did you write this "mind" conversation in your assignment this week? What were Nick's thoughts? Details, details...


  4. I wish you luck with it all, and even if it is never perfect. I am sure you will get close, just keep the communication open.
    Besides, that which we 'want' in our heads is never what we truly get. Because lets face it, people (notice I didn't just say men lol) aren't mind readers. And our preconcieved ideas will only set us up for dissapointment, so it is much better to go with the flow.
    Explain what you want, then submit and allow him to handle it. In his own way, in his own time!
    Depending on whether your want a DD relationship. If it is just spanking play your going for. Then make it a sexual adventure for him, place a hairbrush in his hand and bend over naked lol.

    Em x

  5. I think I'll copy this and send it to Bossman!

    Seeing as how he doesn't read my mind.


  6. Anonymous4:31 PM

    You are doing great communicating your needs! We've dealt with the same exact issues you have, and have found that for us... a ~short~, but hard spanking... fits the bill.

    It's not a large production. Suzy steps on the scale, and gets her weight. If she's over... we pretty much walk straight over to the bed... and get it taken care of spot on. Ten really hard ones with the wood paddle (her least favorite). It takes perhaps one or two minutes... then there is some soothing time, with soft words and hugs. Takes 10 to 30 minutes... and it REALLY helps with her motivation for the next 168 hours.

    Now, Suzy isn't a hard-wired spanko. So, she really likes no part of a hard spanking. She likes the softer and more playful spankings. So, we don't have the issues Nick talks about. Not directly, at least... should be noted that Suzy, no matter what she says about it... is *always* soaking wet after a spanking, no matter how hard it was.

    But, we get what Nick is saying. A hard-wired spanko can sit around day dreaming about a DD spanking... in much the same way Nick might daydream about a blowjob.

    The difference is, though... when Nick is very close to actually getting a blowjob, his excitement grows and dominates his emotions. Yeah, it's happening... I'm so happy!!

    For a spanko, it's a lot different when their wish is on the verge of coming true. Instead of YEAH... it's more like, now hold on here... how hard of a spanking are we talking here? How many? Let's not get too crazy here!

    The emotions are very mixed. Sure, there is sexual excitement there... but it's mixed with a lot of other stuff. One of those things is disappointment too... and this is especially true if you've just stepped off the scale, and failed to meet you expectations.

    This is ESPECIALLY true for Suzy... because we have that entire reward element mixed in there too.

    Nick is the boss, applesauce... and he's a great guy, so he'll always do what he thinks is right. Our gentle and respectful advice to him is... give this a try...

    If Elis losses, give her a good girl spanking. A thatta girl kind of butt warming that you KNOW she loves.

    If she gains, no matter the reason... give her 10 of your best... spanks you know will hurt, and that she wont like. Let her know you're disappointed, and that she can... and better... improve in the coming week. Hug and comfort her.

    As for the sex thing... shrug... sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. When we, because that's what I decide... Suzy always wishes a good girl spanking had preceded it.

    It'll be great motivation, and a big help for the week though.

    ~Todd (and uzy)

  7. PK, you've had so much advice I won't add any more.
    I just hope that you can talk Nick into trying the D D just a little, it worked for us.
    Warm hugs,

  8. I can't help but admit that I'm curious why he hasn't tried it yet. Have you asked him to? If you've asked him to, is he afraid he'll hurt you? If he's afraid he'll hurt you, have you two experimented with how hard you can tolerate it? Does he just need more experience with taking you to your limit? Or past that? Or does he just disagree with the whole punishment spanking concept? Curious minds want to know! LOL but only if you want to tell...


  9. Honey,
    I don't really know any other lifestyle. At times I have felt the was too much but I know I could not have live a successful life any other way. While I doubt either of you would be pleased with the life we like I believe you will find the one that is just right for the two of you!


  10. Eva,
    I am not absessed with it like I used to be but that little tickle of the desire, the wanting it is n
    ever really going to go away.

    Sometimes I think this is what the whole spanking lifestyle is about trying some things outside of our comfort zone because we trust one another.

    Before I say anymore about what Nick had to say you had better real my next post. LOL I don't want to get myself in trouble!!

    I have always wanted some aspects of DD and I mean always!! But over the last year as we have explored this lifestyle I have relaxed a great deal about all this. I do not mind telling Nick what I want and then leaving it up to him. If we can try it great, if he doesn't really want to I am okay with that too. I am very happy with what we have.

    Our guys are almost perfect. If they COULD just read our minds -only when we want them to of course!!

    Todd and Suzy,
    Thank-you this is a wonderful comment. You explained how I am feeling very well! And you explained the basic essence of hard-wired spankos. I hope when Nick reads this he will understand even more!

    What ever you and Mel had everyone out here envys it! Nick and I grow more comfortable with each other every day. I think maybe it will happen, we shall see!

    You and Tom are perfect for each other and Nick and I are perfect for each other. And we are all luck for it!

  11. Reesa,
    I somehow missed you when I was answering comments. Discipline is just not in his general make up. Not the kids not me. But he does seem willing to try. I do think he is over the worry about hurting me. He knows I don't mind when he spanks hard.