If you're curious, you can help me

I guess you all know this is my online diary. Occasionally it’s exciting, most of the time it’s, at best, ordinary. It’s where I come with great excitement when Nick spanks me for one reason or another. It’s where I come to complain that Nick doesn’t spank enough. I’ve talked here about spanking, marriage, kids, retirement, sex, friendships, spanking implements, butt plugs, sex toys, writing, desires… I could go on and on. I past my eleventh-year blog anniversary back in the summer. I’ve put up more than 2,100 posts and I’ve had over a million hits.

This isn’t, however, where I do my ‘advertising’ for the books. When I put up about my books here or the two or three other writers whose books I’ve told you about, I don’t think that’s advertising. Talking about it here is simply telling my friends about them. Even if you are not one of the friends I’ve met in person, the community here feels like friends. Whether you comment anonymously or even if you never comment at all, you are taking time out of your day to read here. I think that makes us friends.

I do have a ‘professional’ site, PK Corey’s Reading Room. Now that site feels much more like a business. Sadly, I’m not very business minded. I only post there twice a week. On Saturday’s I usually post a snippet from one of my books for the blog hop, Saturday Spankings. I’ll soon be posting snippets from the newest book, but right now I’m in the earlier ones. Then on Tuesdays I post for the Never-Ending Blog Tour, hosting another author and other’s host me.

I’d like to try something new there and this is where you all could help. On Wednesdays, I’d like to put up questions to my characters. I’ve already emailed some friends asking for questions, but now I’m asking everyone. All my characters are opened for questions – Cassie, Tom, Sue, Steve, Annie, Andy, Allie, Ryan, Lily and Drew as well as, Cal, Jenny and any other characters that have appeared in any of the books. Is there anything you would like to ask any of them? I’ll be hosting this over at the Reading Room and I’d love to have you come by.

If you do think of any questions you can leave them in comments or you can email them to me a elisspeaks@yahoo.com  I have other ideas, but I just don’t know what all might work. I’ve thought of having a Pinterest page for Cassie. I am going to try to use twitter and Instagram more, I have accounts but haven’t really used them. If I get the hang of it, I’ll let you know.

My life is wonderfully busy at the moment. I’m reading a real, hold in my hand, book, listening to another on my phone, reading one on my kindle, and beta reading one for a friend on the computer. I’m writing for two blogs, finishing the edits on this last book and heavy into the third Cal and Jenny book. And I’m loving every minute of it. I hope you’ll help with questions and I hope you’ll come by the Reading Room on Wednesdays. I can use all the support over there I can get.

We're all in this together

This is a hard post to write. My friends are hurting and I can’t do anything to stop that. I feel frustrated, angry and sad at different times. Mthc and David are two of the nicest people I know. I have talked to them or at least Mthc daily for the past 2 years probably – and when I say daily I mean dozens of times a day. One sentence at a time, sometimes one word, but she, Eva and I have kept each other sane in this manor. It works for us.

Mthc and David, while special to me, are very ordinary folks. We met on the blogs because of their love of spanking. They were both avid commenters with great insight. They were active in our little community even thought they didn’t have a blog of their own.

But months ago they got hit hard. David had a stroke. It’s left him unable to work. He is home but he is still having serious medical issues. David was the one who worked outside the home. When he couldn’t work any more – well, like a lot of us they had been living pay check to pay check. Now there is no pay check. They bought a house several years ago when things were stable for them but when prices were high. We all know how much home values have changed. They are losing the house and will have to find somewhere else later this month.

They have an older son who is not well and needs to live at home. They have a younger son who needs stability to complete high school. To say Mthc has her hands full is a gross understatement. Like many folks that are having financial problems for the first time all this is complete foreign to them. They have always, in the past, been the neighbor others went to for help. They haven’t been the ones needing it and it’s all confusing just knowing where to turn.

I know many are praying for Mthc and David and while I know that they appreciate it I know that they have to be wondering if God is listening and if he cares. It’s easy to say ‘Of course He’s listening, and of course He cares’ but when you don’t know where you can live and how you can keep your family together these are just words.

So I guess right now I’m feeling frustrated. I want to help my friends but I’m not able to fix thing for them. I have great belief in the power of prayer but I’m starting to realize that prayer needs to come with actions. If I look out in the afternoon and see my neighbor’s house on fire I’m not going to say to myself “Well bless their hearts. I’m going to be sure to pray for them tonight when I go to bed.” No, when I see that I am going to be praying frantically as I call 911 and run over to beat on the door and try to get everyone out! Prayer and action need to go together.

I guess I am just asking everyone to look around them and try to be the answer to someone’s prayer. Maybe you have access to a house or apartment you could let someone use for a few months while they got back on their feet. Most of us can’t do that much but could you fill up someone gas tank? Provide a Wal- mart card for food or other necessities? Pick up a bucket of chicken for a family? Offer to baby sit for someone while they go on a job interview? Maybe just offer to baby sit because you know the mom is stressed and overwhelmed. There are sooooo many things we could do. If you don’t know anyone who needs help ask at your church, your child’s school, ask your friends. There are people that need help folks – they need it now and you might be the one God has designated to help them. Maybe they will be the ones who will be answering your prayers sometime in the future. We just never know.

So how does this help my friends, Mthc and David? I don’t know. But I know that in the past they have been the answer to the prayers of other, I know that they will be again in the future. I am just hoping that the answer to their prayers is barreling toward them right at this moment. And who knows it may be someone who is reading here.

You need to know this...

What a mess we have had in blogland these last few day. I have never wanted hard feelings out here and I hope everyone is calming down. But there is one more secret that needs to come out and it’s my secret so it is my place to tell it. Several people found out back in November and with great integrity they chose to discuss it with me privately and let me handle things the way I felt best. To these people I give my thanks. I chose at this time to explain what I did and why. Here is my story…

I have blogged about something I did as a child. Around the age of 9 or 10 I began creating another family in my mind. I can’t begin to describe how detailed this family was. They lived in my mind as true and real as anyone I know. These people have been with me a long time. And I spent countless hours creating them and their world. I knew their story since birth. I knew their likes and dislikes, how they looked, dressed, thought. Just as an author would create characters a book, they each sprang from my head. But also as authors have explained the characters soon began to take over and create their own stories. And you must remember they have had over forty uninterrupted years in which to do this. One character was my particular favorite. She lived and breathed in my mind – she was everything, everything I wanted to be. I spent my life with these people.

When I found blogs in real life I knew zero about them. I found Bonnie and through her others. I read and read I couldn’t believe what I had found women like myself who understood my desire. I really didn’t know if it was all true or just stuff made up. I knew people used fake names and changed details about themselves and that that was the norm but mostly I was just dying to be a part of it. I was hungry to talk to people whether they were real or not. I knew everything was anonymous.

I wanted to be a part but I had nothing. I couldn’t join in the conversation. I had no stories, I had never been spanked, and I was never planning to tell my husband about my desire. So I was out in the cold looking in. But then it came to me, I didn’t have any stories but she did. She had a life time of stories. It was all anonymous, what could possible be the harm? Wasn’t most of this all make believe anyway? Or so I thought. I gave her permission and my life long friend – Cassie – lived and breathed.

I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea, no hint of an idea of what I was starting. I had no idea friendships, real friendships could come from just writing stories on the internet. I knew I was deceiving people but I never believed that I was, or could, ever hurt anyone with what I was doing. I was writing about a fun loving, interesting women on the internet – how could that hurt anyone?

Soon I learned more about the internet – I learned there were real people out here. And through them I got the courage to come out to my husband and then I was stuck. I wanted to talk and be the real me. So I created New Beginning and Elis/PK and that has been about who I really am.

But I loved Cassie. I may have created her but I love her. I enjoyed being her so much – I had wanted to be her all my life. ALL my life. And I couldn’t stop. I was as addicted to being Cassie as a cocaine addict is to their drug. Every time I tried to stop I was drawn back, I couldn’t quit. I rationalized it. I knew I was deceiving friends – lying to them. But I made it alright in my mind by being sure Cassie was kind and supportive to everyone. I thought – wrongly – that if she was a true supportive friend to all who commented or wrote then it would be okay. It wasn’t okay. It was dead wrong and I can promise you that I feel like the piece of shit I truly am. But one thing I will tell you everything I ever had Cassie say about or to any of her friends was true. If Cassie ever told you she was praying for you – you were prayed for.

Once I decided to let her live I went all the way. In my mind she was totally separate from me. I found out how true that was when Tiggr stopped blogging and disappeared. When I first read that she was leaving blogging my first reaction was ‘Okay, whatever.’ But as Cassie came into my mind I started crying. As Cassie I was devastated at her loss. I think that was the first time I scared myself – was I one person or two? The emotions of my two selves were so different I was frightened.

So I kept up the deception. I talk to my friends as PK and as Cassie. Yes I even talked to my friends about Cassie. I told no one. No one. Not ever the people I loved the most – CeeCi, Grace, Mthc and David and even Eva, the best friend I have ever had in my life. Nick did not know either – my husband who I have finally gotten so close to. But a secret is only a secret if you tell no one. I told no one, and I just let Cassie be as real out here as she was in my head. She had friends who never spoke to PK and she answered all her emails. In each one I tried, through her, to make everyone that ever wrote her feel better. I could say things as Cassie that PK couldn’t say. I am sorry I am rambling I just want you to understand what can’t be understood.

The truth – I have lied to many people, I did not intend to hurt anyone but I have hurt many. I know I will lose friends. What will happen now – I don’t know. I took Cassie private and only allowed a very few in that asked to read the archives.

So often I was just going to get rid of Cassie. Some how, some way but I kept convincing myself that that would hurt people too. This was never meant as deceit, it never started that way and as either person I only tried to be a friend. Maybe no one cares that much about a little spanking blog but some might. I'm just so very sorry.

So now you all know just why I have been so sympathetic to Paul. When I say I understand what he did and why he did it and what he is going through now – I mean it. What will happen to this blog? I don’t really know. I care about everyone who has ever read my words whether as PK or Cassie. I am sorry for the deception.

I knew that putting up the last post and coming to Paul's defense would probably bring all this out. But Paul was worth it. He was worth every bit of it.

For those who have been so supportive since you found out months ago - Grace and Bossman, CeeCi and Mr. Smith, Mthc and David, Paul, Eva and Adam, and of course Nick - your love, loyalty and support mean more to me that I can ever, ever tell you. I love you all.

PK

No warning needed

I need no warning about anyone on the internet. I didn’t come here looking for absolute truth. If I were looking for the absolute truth I couldn’t be on the internet dealing with fake names and people who I know are intentionally hiding there identity. I came here to write and to read the words of others.

The people I ‘know’ here did not come to fulfill my needs – they came here to fulfill their own. That is why we are all here. To fulfill our own needs. I wasn’t looking for a guide, a dom, a priest, or perfect person. I was looking for people who would discuss spanking and spanking relationships with me. I found that. And whether people told me the absolute truth or only what they wanted to be the truth doesn’t bother me one bit. I have been helped by every comment I have received or read anywhere else. No lie detector was needed to test the love and caring behind the words.

I am so very sorry that someone was hurt by a friend. But that should be one hundred percent between the person that was hurt and their friend to work out. By it being discussed other places has only brought hurt on those who truly only meant to help. Maybe they went about it wrong. Maybe they made serious mistake. Perhaps things got out of hand but I will never believe that there was any malice behind any of this.

Before we say how awful it is that some one was less that truthful on the internet – wow, what a concept – maybe should take the time to make a list of the times we have hurt a friend or a loved one, the times we screwed up big time, the times a small untruth that we thought would hurt no one backfired and ended up hurting us and others. Those of you out there that are perfect and have never hurt any one won’t have to make a list. But many of us are going to have to go get a second sheet of paper.

Look for the good in people, there is plenty. And when you see their bad try to forgive them for it and hope and pray that they won’t see our short coming and point them out to everyone else.

A little backwards

You know Eva and have gotten to know each other well. We talk a lot (three times by phone today but that is a bit unusual). In an email last week I mentioned that she probably knew me better than anyone since… Then I realized I couldn’t come up with anyone ever who has known me any better. I told her we were so close because of our backward friendship. What is a backward friendship you might ask?? It is what we all have here.

This is what I mean – think of some of your friends in real life. The ones you see socially, at work or at church, the ones you are close to. I bet some of these folks you have know for years, yet do you really know then. Tell me which ones can squirt when they orgasm? Which of them are anal erotic? Do any of them have 50 butt plugs in a box in the closet (remember those were not mine, Theresa brought her over!) Which of your friends enjoy the occasional golden enema??

Come on now you know these people! Which of your real life friends would rather not give a BJ and which ones can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose? Which of these friends always shave the kitty and did any of the couples you know shave each other on their honeymoon? Come on now, do you know which of them wears grannies and which wear thongs?

Do your close friends in real life like to get their ass spanked?? If they do what are there reasons? Would some get there butt warmed for calling it their ass? Maybe for not cleaning the bathroom or taking out the trash. Possibly for keeping too much stuff in their new closet. Could it be for gaining weight or maybe not keeping the kitty shaved? Maybe it’s for coming without permission. Or maybe they get their butt’s blistered because they love it and it makes them hot or maybe just for the hell of it!!!

If they are into spanking where all have they been spanked?? In the middle of the road in front of their house, under a tree? Maybe over a rock wall or a washing machine, in a car, in the shower, in a casino, in the woods, holding on to a step ladder, on a beach, in the mountains?

What are their favorite implements? Maybe a hairbrush, a crop, a flogger, a backscratcher, a cane, bungee or a tawse? Or maybe they are new to all this and are just trying to get their SO to understand. Well come on, you know these people!! You see them all the time. So do you know the answer?? No? Gee, I could give you most the answers for my friends here!!

Backwards! Think about what we know about each other here and yet do we ask these question on blog – do you have children? How many? What are their names? What is your husband’s name? What does he do for a living? Where do you work? Where do you live?

Please, now you’re getting a little personal!!