I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Fellows, I'm talking to you

I am fortunate to have many friends that email me. Many of these friends don’t have blogs and are in various stages of introducing spanking into their relationship, some successfully and others not so much. I know from experience that often vanillas just don’t understand and boy do I know that it is hard to explain it to someone you love. It took me over 23 years to even get up the nerve to try. It’s been almost 2 wonderful years now but I still struggle to get him to understand at time.

So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us.

Dear guys,
After years of knowing that she has this need, your wife/girlfriend/lover finally told you she wants to be spanked. I am guessing that at best you were surprised especially if you have been together 20 years or more. You may think it’s a passing whim. You may think it is just a random fantasy that has run through her mind; something best left as a fantasy not something she would like in real life. Plus you love this woman and you have no desire to hurt her.

Then listen to me (because your girl may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again)!! This is NOT something that just came up! She has had probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES!!!!!

Yes, she understands that this sounds strange to you. No, she does not understand why she is this way. Please stop trying to figure out why and just DO IT!!!! If you do I can almost promise you that your sex life will reach heights that you never imagined! Ours did!! I went from being fairly cold toward sex to someone will to try anything my husband or I can dream up!!!

It’s okay to start slow. I know you are not sure what she wants. You may even be embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she was to ask). Start with your hand, a small paddle ball paddle or maybe a paint stirrer. From my experience and those of many of my friends, she will much more likely be wanting ‘longer’ and ‘harder’ spanking rather than asking you to be more gentle. Remember anyone from vanilla to hard core can always enjoy a romantic, erotic spanking. This may be all she wants.


If your wife/lover tells you she wants discipline that’s different. Discipline – that is a trickier subject. You will need to do more talking if this is something she wants. If the need for discipline in her life is ‘her thing’ it’s always going to be there whether you indulge it or not. If you are willing to try this, again – go slow. Pick a few things to work on together. I got my husband hooked by asking him to help me make the changes and choices to become healthier and lose weight.

It was rocky at first. I would mess up and he didn’t want to spank. He wanted to let it go or make excuses for me. I hated that and it hurt my feelings. I didn’t feel cared for or protected and I guess that is what we are looking for.

Although I know he did not mean to send this message this is the one I heard –

“Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. You are on your own because I find all this confusing and you are just not worth the effort.”

Fellows, I like I said, I know this is not the message you are trying to send to the woman you love. But to the spanko mind this is what comes through.
When my husband did start getting it and a couple of times spanked me hard with the hairbrush for over indulging and slacking off on my exercise, I got a whole other message.

“You are my wife. I love you, I love you way too much to allow you to run wild and put your health in jeopardy. I care enough about you to put some boundaries and guidelines around you to keep you safe. And yes I will wear you out if necessary to show you just how serious I am about my love for you.”

Nothing in my life has made me feel more loved, cherished, cared for or happy than for him to show his love for me in this way.

Alright fellows – I’m talking to you! If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please!! She is serious! This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it.
Email if you have questions, I may not have any answers for you but I would still like to hear what you are wondering about. elisspeaks@yahoo.com


  1. Anonymous12:23 AM

    Thank you so much for your letter. This is what I want to say but haven't been able to put into a way for him to understand. I just sent this to him. Even if he still doesn't get it, at least he trying to hear it. Diana

  2. Whoa! Where the heck were you 10 years ago when I needed THIS???

    Fantastic! I couldn't have said it any better. You said everything just perfect!


  3. Anonymous1:29 AM

    Bet a lot of women will be printing this post out. Great job!

    Todd & Suzy

  4. PK, what a great letter, you saund as if you have been doing this all your life.
    Nick should be proud of you, you rock.
    Love and warm hugs,

  5. Pk, Thank's for doing this.

    Guys are you listening to this! If you really love her then try it do it for her. You might even enjoy it. It may lead to the best sex you have ever had.

    *hugs and grins*

  6. words well expressed...now if I could just get my husband to read it...someday maybe...

  7. Anonymous8:31 AM

    its a slow process but worth it,its taken 8 months to get him to finally give me a real spanking, bruises and all...and now threats of more for hiding something of his....:} I have found dropping hints helps but let him come to you.


  8. Anonymous8:33 AM

    oh and definately have him read Fantasy Fridays... Thas was what really turned the page for us....


  9. Very well put PK. Great job! Women all over are thanking you, no doubt.

  10. Anonymous9:03 AM


    As always, awesome post! I don't know anyone who could say it better. You are an inspiration to many!!

  11. Anonymous10:10 AM

    PK, a wonderful post! I'm sure of this...you probably have given many women out there inspiration to just copy and send this letter to their partners!! You said it all!

  12. PK
    What a perfect letter! Thanks for posting this, maybe I'll bring the subject up again ... in the future! :)


  13. You are such a wise and wonderful woman, PK. I'm going to bookmark this post just in case I need it at some point in the future.


  14. .......PERFECT....!!

  15. Yeah I'm with Grace where were you years ago when I needed this letter! Oh well all's well that ends well. I got mine with no letter required.

    I hope your efforts help someone get the spanking they so richly deserve!


  16. PK,
    Well said! As always, you put into words just what I am thinking.
    Take Care!

  17. Thanks for coming by folks. It's just that my life has changed so much for the better I want everyone who wants spanking in their life to be able to have the courage to ask for it and I really what the guy to understand.

    Everyone notice what C said, that Fantasy Friday has helped them along their journey. Now that makes me (and should make everyone who has contributed) feel great!! Hope that makes everyone wnat to send in a stoy!

  18. Anonymous8:43 AM

    should i spank my kids and how many times a day???

  19. Anon,
    In answer to your question about your kids - I assume you are asking my opinion. NO YOU SHOULD NOT SPANK YOUR KIDS. Parental discipline involves leadership by example, talking to your children about values, listening to them and getting to know and trust them, loving them and helping to guide them through their young lives to become capable adults.

    When it comes to spanking, my blog is only about CONSENTUAL ADULT spanking. I am talking about adults who lovingly and trustingly give control to a spouse or significant other because of a desire to be submissive to that partner. I hope this makes sense to you.


  20. Anonymous12:27 PM

    Hi PK
    Thanks for the link today, I think I will definately use it.
    Take Care,
    P.S. am i close with Travel as a reward?