I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Wandering thoughts

This may be a long ramble. If you don’t have time come back later or just skip today. None of this is earth shattering but it has been rolling around in my head so I’m putting writing. I do a lot of thinking as poor Nick knows. Some time he is horrified, amused, pleased or bewildered depending on what I am thinking.

I have been fantasying about spanking for at least 40 years. Most of my fantasies were about a true DD relationship. I think that is why I became so infatuated with Cassie and Tom. I see in there relationship so much of what I fantasized about – a man who adores his wife and regularly spanks her for both fun and for discipline. I still love reading every word she writes but I am at a point in my life where I also realize that that kind of life would probably drive me absolute nut!

As much as that still speaks to my long held fantasy and I get thrill chills whenever I read a good a discipline story, it is just never going to be Nick and me. And that’s okay. I spent a long time when we first began wondering when Nick was gone to start with discipline, punishing when necessary, making me tow the line. But I am finally realizing that that is not going to happen.

The main reason for this is that I don’t do anything to be punished for. Now as the laughter dies I will explain myself. I am positive that I bug Nick daily but honestly nothing big. I have never screamed or yelled at him, told him to F off or generally turned into a bitch. When I get mad or hurt I turn inward and get quiet. We agree on most things – the kids, money, you know – the big things. And the little stuff, well that is the way he sees it, little stuff. If the bathroom needs cleaning then he would be more likely to clean it himself than spank me for not doing it.

It annoys him when I don’t put away my laundry or let my car pile up with junk – trash or things I should bring in and put away. I tend to leave my socks where ever I take them off, I stay up too late, I don’t always take my vitamins, I forget my phone at home and call him to bring it to me, I lose my keys – stop me anytime now. All these things, and probably many more, bug Nick but things like this are just not big deals to him. Sometimes they may come up during a spanking but he is not one to consistently say “You are going to get spanked for this or that”.

I am good with this now. I like the way our lives are going. Before we lived this way if he did fuss about some of my faults I felt angry and defensive. Now I just grin at him and ask “Well what are you going to do about it?” If nothing else I usually get a pretty good threat out of it! And I love the idea of a good threat. This is what I told Nick in my last assignment.

Actually my brain works quite well with threats – well not threats exactly. Like with the weight thing. It would help me if you occasionally emailed me. Nothing is hotter for me than you being in charge! If you emailed “I’m going to spank you because you blew off the gym and snacked too much.” or if you emailed and said “I am not going to spank you because I think you have been working hard and I didn’t see this as a significant gain.” It wouldn’t matter which way you went because I would feel like I can relax and know you decided. This would keep me from wondering ‘is he just going to blow it off… has he forgotten…is he waiting until we have some more time...’ That kind of wondering makes me question everything. By letting me know you thought about it and you are deciding how it is going to be handled – I’m fine!

You know this would work for other things too. You and I both know I am not likely to do anything so bad or drastic that you are going to ‘punish’ me. I don’t think I do a lot to make you mad. I know I do annoy you with a few of my bad habits. But if they do start to bug you, you can send me an email saying what you are going to do about it. Granted you have a 50-50 chance here. Yes, I often like ‘what’s coming to me’ but also after I am spanked for something specific, I am more likely to do better – for a while anyway. This does put a burden on to follow through on what you say you are going to do, but maybe you could think about it? This might work for both of us.

As much as I love spanking anytime I get in the right head space quicker if I feel that there is a ‘reason’ for the spanking even if it is not a terribly serious one.

Anyway all this rambling is really to say that I am enjoying our adventure very much. I am happy with where we are and I am looking forward to continuing our journey and seeing where it takes us. You never know he might decide to make a few rule and hold my feet (or butt) to the fire. I am opened to new ideas and turns and twists. I am really enjoying our life!


  1. Anonymous4:31 AM

    PK, this is a great post and thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is easy to get an ideal in your head that may not fit where you and your partner are, either as part of your life or as a couple.

    It really is about finding out what works best for you both and being comfortable with that.

    You and Nick sound wonderful together and you will be an inspiration to others just as others are for you.

    Hugs for you both.

  2. Keep those wandering thoughts flowing. My thought is you and Nick's relationship has helped alot of people out here in cyber land.

    *hugs and grins*

  3. I'm the type that would probably fall more into Nick's camp. I love giving erotic spankings, but for the purposes of correcting behavior? If I ever got married, I'd rather marry an adult. Someone that is capable of being responsible for her actions.

    On the other hand, I am good with "threats for no good reason." "You were giggling at my beard? Someone's going over my knee tonight!"

    It's good that you introspect like this to see what your motivations are, and it gives you and Nick time to tune up how your own relationship continues to grow.


  4. PK, loved your rambling post.
    I'm glad that you aren't worried about not living up to someone else's idea of what a D D marriage.
    It is is a very good thing as each couple is unique.
    Mel enjoyed good girls a lot, so I made up silly reasons that made us both laugh and added to the pleasure.
    By next year perhaps your rambling with be through a different landscape, we all grow.
    Love and warm hugs,

  5. Thanks for your post, PK. I think you're doing great, finding your way with the new lifestyle. You and Nick have a great relationship and I think as you go along, since you've managed to figure out all the "big things", your "new" needs will work themselves out. I think you've got a great future that will conform more to what you want in the DD/Spanky department.

    Good luck, honey.


  6. I think I'm in the same boat. I doubt I'll ever get spanked for anything serious, as there isn't much serious going on. Not to mention, it just doesn't bug him.

    I believe some relationships just can't be put in a box. I think we try too hard to make it something that it's not. Sometimes we just need to be happy with what we have.

    I can tell you are happy, and I KNOW I am!


  7. Ramble all you want...we will all be here too listen. And "oh" byt the way....you are bad! You need a spanking!


  8. What a terrific post PK. I am also discovering many aspects to spanking. The new man in my life does not enjoy giving punishment or discipline spankings. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful spanker and wow does he make my bottom happy.

    I never thought I could get used to the idea of no discipline but I am getting very comfortable with it. First of all he is still caring and protective. He knows that anything he asks or tells me to do that I agree to I will do.

    I think all of us in this lifestyle find out quickly there is not just one way to live. And given the fact that we are human and have differences compromises are extremely important. It can't be just one way.

    Thanks so much for sharing all that you do.
    Purple Angel

  9. Anonymous10:21 PM

    PK, every couple is unique and I think the key is figuring out what works for you. We all have our rhythms and patterns. From your email to Nick it seems you really communicate, which is what is most important I think. How wonderful to be enjoying the journey! Sara

  10. PK,
    I am happy you and Nick are finding the best fit for you. Tom and I do have a wonderful marriage but it has not always been smooth. We have to search to find us too. Being open to what is right for each other is the key.

  11. Mina,
    Sometimes I understand myself better when I write and often I realize things about myself as I am writing them.

    Nick and I are happy with each other. I guess it doesn't get any better than that.

    That is a nice thing to say. Bonnie helped us to really change our lives and increase our happiness 100%. I would love to think I could someday pass the favor on to other.

    I do think you and Nick are similar. He has said much the same thing. I like the idea that we are still changing, evolving and discovering what works for us.

    I am learning every day. My fantasy spankings were heavy and serious. I just couldn't or didn't picture anything else. I am beginning to realize reality can be better that fantasy.

    Thanks for coming by. We have changed so much since I first came out I look forward to seeing other changes.

    Yep the more I relax and don't try to push him into things that make him uncomfortable the better things get.

    Thanks, rambling I am good at.

    I am always interested in the diversity I find out here. From strictly fun and erotic to strict slave master. And I can honestly say to everyone I read - if you are happy, I am happy for you!

    We are communicating much better than we used to thanks to him insisting on a weekly assignment. I can be anywhere from serious to silly. I like that he wants to hear from me.

    It is hard to see you and Tom as anything but complete. But I realize it has taken a life time together to reach this point. I think you two are so lucky.

  12. As always thank-you so much for sharing your life and thoughts with us. I think in reality I love the idea of spankings for pleasure. Like you I can't think of anything other than little things to give my husband reason to discipline me, but in fantasy I certainly love envisioning discipline scenes...and I LOVE when my husband threatens me with a spanking for silly little things even though I know they are just words... :-) You and Nick sound like you have a wonderful growing relationship and I couldn't be anything but happy for you. Take care, Terpsichore :-)

  13. My husband is much like Nick in that he is not so much into the punishment thing, but he has gotten on board with the diet thing. The differece with us is that I am very mouthy and sassy. My spankings aren't cause and effect, smart mouthed, swatted bottom. But when I am being spanked there is always a more intense part of the session where the smart alec remarks are "discussed". I have had a couple of warnings and warning looks which are very sexy! I also pushed him a couple of times and go quite a tail warming!

    All in all I am getting a little less 'tempermental."