We'd been married over twenty-five years when I came out to Nick. By then we were parents of teenagers, had two busy careers, in addition to driving endlessly as chauffeur for our youngest. Shortly before I came out I realized that we never touched anymore. Of course in bed he would sometimes reach out if he wanted to make love, but I often resented that. It seemed to be the only time he touched me. When I came out to him, that changed and I did love it. Maybe this is something we should all remember as we begin our new year.
I hope Nick knows how much I love the little changes I see. And sometimes the big ones. He touches me! It is unbelievably wonderful. I don’t care if he's giving me a hug, patting my bottom or rubbing my leg. It doesn't seem to matter if we're home or out among people, he touches me. He'd be shocked, just as I am, to know what a difference it makes in how I'm feeling if he takes my hand for just a moment or just quickly touches my face. I love it!
There have been other changes. In the past when we had sex I never wanted my breast touched. I didn’t like it; it hurt and bothered me to have them touched. Now I love it, but what has changed? We woke up for a little early fun before all the family showed up for Sunday lunch. If the kids are home the only time for a bit of spanking is very early morning when a cannon wouldn’t wake them. It doesn’t have the wild abandonment that comes from being alone but it’s pretty darn good. Of course any kind of spanking can get my juices flowing, but when he pinched my nipples and sucked on them I just flowed. It was fantastic! The same is true for anal play; I used to want to avoid this. But now I am willing to explore. Not anal sex, but playing and touching is suddenly something I desire, not avoid.
But I am serious about the question. What exactly created the change? Can this much change come about just from reading blogs, from coming out to my husband, from accepting who I really am? Is it my husband’s willingness to spank and explore the lifestyle? Is it the encouragement and acceptance of other bloggers that creates a safe environment that I want to be a part of? I guess its combinations of all the above. But if that's the case why aren’t we being studied by sex therapist worldwide? Let’s find a way to bottle this stuff folks, we’ll make a fortune!
Gosh PK, so true. Touch is so vitally important. Maybe Nick felt empowered to show his love when you came out to him!
ReplyDeleteWhen our kids are young and we may be so very busy it’s hard to make time for fantasy or even explore, and lazily love each other. I think discovering spanking and other kinks does liberate our thoughts practices and desires!
Maybe it really is just opening up to one another - making ourselves vulnerable is what really causes the closeness.
DeleteSo true...touch is so important for connection, for feeling loved and giving love, for thriving... We are currently in a place where all the little kisses and hand holding is appreciated as not much else is happening here and I need that touch and I hope someday the other touches will return, too. I know sharing my desire with my husband opened up a whole new world of communication and intimacy and I am forever grateful for that and hope for its return, maybe not in the same way but in new exciting and welcomed ways. :-) And, congratulations on your new book! :-) Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Terps, I'm looking forward to the book coming out.
DeleteYes, it's the little touches that are the most important to me.
Relationships go through waves - think of dating and the early part of marriage, then the busy working and kid years - we just get busy. And if we're very lucky, like when we come out and open ourselves back up to our fellows, we just might get that dating feeling back.
ReplyDeleteLove this PK, this made me smile:) I agree, touch is so important for connection and to feel loved. Ttwd is like a re-discovery of each other :)
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
It really is. And so many of us found it somewhere around middle age that it was a special reconnection.
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