I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, December 23, 2020

He's Trying

I used to email Nick a lot in the beginning. Sometimes I still do. It is interesting for me to go back and see how things began for us. 

I took my own advice and emailed Nick to thank him for great sex the other morning and to tell him some other things I would like from him. One of the things I told him was that it would be wonderful if he would flip the covers down and give me a good pop on the butt before he leaves for work some morning. So this morning I’m half asleep he flips the covers back and gives me a pat that wouldn’t have injured a mosquito. I wanted to sit up and say – Put some muscle in it, you hit like a damn girl! (No longer politically correct, but you get my meaning.)

I know I can’t be mad at him when he is really trying. He didn’t ignore me, he did try, but it wasn’t what I wanted! Grace said pretty much what I feel. I want to tell Nick, dominate me, damn it, and do it right now! I’ll tell you exactly what I want you to do! Can you feel my conflicting emotions here?

He hasn’t said anything but I think he is still worried about the bruising from last Friday. It has persisted but it has not been a problem to me in anyway. I’m just worried he will never do anything but pat my butt again.

I know that Nick sees this as a game while I want it to be a way of life. I have just been thinking of how I wanted it for forty years longer than he has and I don’t have forty years to wait for him to catch up. I have to push some. Nick and I never fight, I mean never! I used to think that this was a good thing, but now I just think it shows a lack of passion.

Some of you have talked about bratting your way into a spanking. I could never do that. First, he would think I was insane because it would be so unlike me. Second, if I really did something to make him mad he would just shut down and ignore me until I came to my senses. I mean he would never spank me if he was mad because he would know that that was exactly what I wanted.

I am probably just antsy because I see no time it the immediate future for playing. We have a big yard sale this weekend and a family reunion next Saturday and Sunday, thirty or so people at my house for 2 days. They don’t sleep here but they are here all during the day. I love having this reunion each year but I just want to have some time alone with Nick!



  1. Hi PK, it is interesting looking back at previous posts and re-reading where we were and our thoughts and feelings at the time.

    This is a great post and I think many of us can relate.


    1. We all went through many of the same thoughts and feelings.

  2. It's interesting to see how we felt at junctures throughout our blogging life... thanks for sharing this.

    1. Going back is not a bad things to do.

  3. Every time I come here, it is like you know exactly what is in my head. Thanks for sharing that post. It is helping me with my thoughts.

    1. We all really share most of the major experiences of trying for a spanko lifestyle. I like sharing and I'm glad you came by.

  4. Oh PK, it’s hard when life is busy isn’t it. Sometimes I’m scared to read back into my posts... afraid of seeing changes.
    We always have adults in our house. Playing always needs to be quiet. Ugh so spanking is very short. :(

    1. Playing with adults or especially teenagers around is nearly impossible!

  5. My thoughts:
    1. A yard sale in December? We just shoveled the driveway. LOL
    2. No bratting, but I'd have smacked his butt back a little harder than he gave you, but not hard enough to be obnoxious. And then say, "Like that!" I'm so done with waiting for the husband to figure things out. There is still some of that, but these days, I just freaking tell him right there in the spot. Otherwise, it's too frustrating.
    3. Laughing at you taking your own advice......


    1. Okay, lets take these in order -
      1. These are throw back post from our early days. It originally posted in August, but yes there are plenty of yard sales all during the winter. Every month in the winter has some nice days in the 60's.
      2. I've given up on what I wanted it to be. We still play for the fun of playing, but I've had to release the dream.
      3. Who better to give it?