I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Did someone say something about rules?

There has been a lot of talk out here in blogland about rules lately. Many of us want them; others think they have too many rules already. I tried my best to give Nick power when we first began this. He has no idea how much power I was trying to give him. He didn’t want it. We’d been married over 20 years and he didn’t want to be the boss. He liked our partnership. Hmmm… I couldn’t very well object to that but it didn’t fit in with my lifelong fantasy. As the years have gone by I have to grudgingly admit that he was probably right. I just wouldn’t have worked for us.

I’ve read with interest some of the different rules my friends here have. Most just would not apply to us. Nick and I are never disrespectful to each other. We agree on the kids and how we spend our money. We both work and we share the household chores (with him doing the lions share). There are some rules I would not be comfortable with – limited computer time or a bed time that was not reasonable to me.

I know many of you have talked about having those rules. Most of you have said you don’t like them, but admitted that you sorta understand why you have them. For me I couldn’t accept a hard and fast rule, but at the same time, anytime Nick has said “Put that computer down, you need to …” I put it down. Once when I came home my lap top was gone. I asked him where it was and all I got from him was a grin and a “I’m sure it will turn up.” It did, under a pile of clean laundry that needed folding! LOL! We’ve discussed bed time but don’t have a hard and fast rule about it.

So what does a girl do when she wants some rules to follow but nothing seems that important to Nick? We have had some rules in the past that really helped me. Most related to trying to control my weight – exercising, watching what I ate, not eating in my recliner and getting to bed at a reasonable hour. Others that helped me were time limits on getting clean clothes put away, not letting clothes (clean or dirty) pile up at by the foot of the bed, not living dishes sitting in the living room and other minor housekeeping chores.

The problem with these is that they aren’t really important to Nick. For example, I went a long time not snacking in my recliner. Probably a good idea but eventually I started up again. Nick never said a word about it so apparently it’s not a rule any longer. Same about bedtime, I made it on time most of the time, but when I didn’t, he rarely said anything and certainly never really spanked so I assume that wasn’t important to him either. (Right now I’m staying up late visiting with Mollie many nights but once school starts maybe we’ll talk about it again.) I know that I should just do these things myself instead of waiting for Nick to enforce a ‘rule’ but I’m a spanko for goodness sakes! I feel loved and cared for when I am held to account for a few things.

I’m not worrying about this for the next three weeks (didn’t say I wouldn’t think about it, just not worry). We have the big family reunion coming up coming up and then we’ll be packing Mollie off and then I go back to school. But sometime, sometime maybe we’ll be able to get together and come up with a few things that we both care enough about that Nick will truly enforce them. We’ll see.

We did have a great rule at one time and surprisingly it was Nick’s idea. It was the best rule ever and I think every couple that has any rules should have this one. It didn’t last either but it helped our marriage while we were doing it. We may get it back someday, but only if Nick wants it. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.


  1. PK, rules aren't every bodies cup of tea
    Seems to me that you and Nick don't need them.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. Rules are one of those things that seem like a good idea til....Like you, I feel I need rules, and some have gone by the wayside due to disinterist on Master's part. There are some He is a real stickler for...and I do my best with those.

  3. PK: Once things calm down and you have the empty nest maybe you can sit down and talk about rules to limit your eating that would be healthy for you.


  4. Don't really do or like rules, there not for everyone as you said.

    I think there's going to be some changes once Mollie has left.


  5. Anonymous11:28 AM

    I didn't think I needed rules, either, but I have a few rules that are really commonsense things...like no texting and driving, etc. It's a pain in the butt that I can't just do what I want, but I like it that Daddy cares enough about me to make an issue of it.


  6. some couples like and need rules, others dont. Perhaps Nick really doesn't "need" rules. But you obviously feel the need for them. I think when Mollie has gone off to college you should be able to get some "alone" time with Nick and have a really good heart to heart talk, in the meantime use the time to really look inside your heart and find out what it is you exactly need rules wise and maybe even a reason to explain to NIck. And maybe only one or two will be good.
    Good luck - will look forward to reading about your "old" rule....curious :)
    love and hugs xxx

  7. We don't really have rules either because, like you, we worked all that out already. Could you start a sort of "guilty secrets" spanking where you confess to things you feel you should improve and he spanks you to help you? That could include a lot of things but isn't really a set of rules that he has to remember and enforce. You do the remembering and he does the "enforcing".

    I also think an empty nest will provide some increased privacy and freedom to experiment. Hugs, Meow

  8. Paul,
    I think you may be right. A lot has happened in my head in the last 24 hours.

    There are some things we can work on together. I don’t know what we’ll call them.

    We talked a little tonight. It’s a little step, but it’s a step.

    I think (hope) you might be right.

    It’s always nice to realize that they are watching over us and that they care if we are doing something harmful – to others or ourselves.

    You comment caused me to do some inward thinking today. It’s all in my next post. Thanks.

    You are exactly right on the ‘rules’. That stuff we worked out long ago. But after all this time I think I am finally realizing what I’m looking for. I hope Nick can help me find it.

    Thank you all for your comments. They have really gotten me thinking today.

  9. PK, I wanted rules... until he started talking about the rules HE wanted to institute. Ugh!!! I don't want no stinkin' rules!!