I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, March 10, 2022

If you feel someone is going to out you

There aren’t as many questions as in the old days of blogging and that’s fine. As I said when you’ve been around a long time you’ve answered most of them. But still if you have any ask away. 

Roz said: I would be interested in your suggestions for dealing with being outed. 

Thanks, Roz.  I’m answering the first part of your comment today, I’m still thinking about the second.  I’ve given a lot of thought to the risk of ‘being outed’ over the years. When I first began the thought was terrifying. I mean this was my lifelong deep dark secret. The idea of people – my family, my school, my church, my friends knowing was unimaginable. Several things worked together to reduce and then wipe away these fears.


First was repeating to myself one of my father’s favorite saying. You wouldn’t worry so much about what people think of you if you realized how seldom they do.  Basically saying no one is spending time worrying about my particular kink, they’re too busy thinking about their own. I came to realize the truth in this statement.


Another help was the reaction of the first few people I told. They had the same reaction – surprise, amusement, total acceptance and underlying it all a complete lack of understanding of what spanking really means in my life. They just knew I enjoy being spanked and that the ability to open up to Nick and have him accepting my kink has made us a much happier couple.


And then of course, for me, being able to retire. It was small, but there was a slight chance of me losing my job for writing a spanko/sex blog. I didn’t spend a lot of time worrying about this, but it was a relief to not worry about it at all.


Right now, ask yourself these questions. Do you enjoy being spanked? Has bringing spanking into your relationship helped it? Do you feel closer to the one doing the spanking? Are you doing anything wrong? Are you hurting anyone? Is it anyone else’s business? If you can honestly give three yeses and three nos, then hold your head up high!


If someone is outing you stand tall and proud – even if you’re quaking and embarrassed on the inside, don’t show it. You have chosen something good for your relationship, so again, be proud! Treat that person as if they said that they didn’t like your choice of hair color. If you choose to engage with them at all tell them…


1.    You love it!

2.    It has brought beauty and happiness into your life.

3.    It’s none of their business


I think I would also avoid trying to explain in any way other than to possibly tell them it has spiced up your sex life. Leave it as a slightly kinky sex game in their mind. Some can barely grasp that, there is no need to go into ideas on dominance and submission. They won’t understand.

In looking back over some of my past post I came across one and thought it might be a good way to end this one.

What would I say if my ‘secret’ was to be discovered and I was confronted with it? Well, I remember an old episode from Star Trek, the Next Generation. In this show a woman from another 

planet was getting ready to marry a man from Earth, a rather conservative man. Her grow daughter had her doubts because of their differences. The final straw came when the mother showed her daughter the wedding dress. In total shock the daughter looked at her mother in and asked in an incredulous voice, “Mother! You can’t mean you are not going to be naked at your own wedding!” The actress was so good at delivering that line I found myself shocked that the bride would be wearing clothes.

So if anyone should ever say to me, ‘You don’t mean your husband spanks you!” I’ll look at them with shock and concern and say, “Of course he does! Doesn’t yours?


  1. Hi PK, thank you for answering my question. I absolutely love this.

    Here here, very well said! The advice from your father and the questions to ask yourself that you have laid out are priceless and very good advice.

    Ultimately, we need to remember it works for us and enhances our relationship and it's noone else's business.


    1. Yes! All we need to keep in mind it that it's OUR choice and a good one for us.

  2. Love the advice from your father It's very true.

    Question - If you could go back in time to say when you were in your early 20's - what advice would you give yourself?


    1. My dad was good for a few wise sayings.

      I thank you for another question and I'll be posting an answer soon.

  3. I used to worry about being outed when I was working in the education field - hell we weren't even allowed to have a tattoo in those days..... BUT I fast discovered (just like your father said) no one was really that interested in my life.

    Funny story - I had gone to a play party one weekend and one of my parents was there... I wasn't too worried cause I mean she was there right?? Anyway - turns out that at a community soccer game on the Sunday she was telling all the parents that she had seen me at this party..... turns out no one believed her!! LOL I give off this innocent persona so well no one believed I could ever be involved in 'sex games'.

    1. I'd have to say that mom sounds like a bitch - where did she get off? But I'm so glad your sweet little school teacher persona worked for you!