Does anyone have a solution?

I got an email from Nick Friday, it wasn’t sexy or funny, it was serious and concerned. He’s worried about me and truth be told I’m worried about myself. I guess if I went back and checked I think I would find two main themes on New Beginning – spanking, closely followed by weigh problems. My weigh is going up, not down.

Nick told/ask me to rejoin the gym about a month ago and to go at least twice a week. I have. I’ve gained four pound in the last two weeks. Nick was worried I’d feel ‘picked on’ by his email and that wasn’t the case. I’ve never felt Nick equated my weight to my appearance, my desirability or anything of this nature. But he is worried about diabetes, joint pain and damage, and my high blood pressure. I am too.

I can’t seem to get it together. I wake up thinking, “I’m going to start fresh today. Eat sensibly, work hard at the gym and get to bed at a reasonable time.” Then someone on our hall brings donuts or cake. There’s candy in our boxes for teacher appreciation. By three o’clock I’m hoping for the energy to make it to my car, much less the gym. And sometimes my knees hurt so bad it's hard to make myself hit the gym. Yet I know the only way my knees will feel better is to lose the weight. I always say it will be better in the summer time. But I never seem to make that come true.

The only time I’ve been able to lose weight in the last thirty years was the first two years we began TTWD. I was so excited my secret was finally out, I wanted to change, to improve. I’d ask for Nick’s help and it was so new and exciting to him he jumped right on it. I don't think he believes spanking actually helps anymore. He might be right, I just don't know. He hasn't completely stopped, I mean he’s more than happy to spank me as foreplay, but that’s usually it.

Maybe Nick feels about spanking for this kind of thing the way I feel about the gym. I go three or four time and I don’t see any real difference, because – face it you have to work at it hard and consistently for a period of time for any true difference to be realized. He spanks once or twice doesn’t see any real difference in my attitude or habits and just stops.

Spanking will not cause me to lose weight. Spanking, in itself, will not make me go to the gym and work hard. But being spanked often – whether it’s the endorphins, the physical contact with Nick, the spark in the fantasy side of my brain, or just the knowledge that he is thinking of me and willing to take the time to do this for me, lifts some of this ‘I just don’t care’ attitude. It makes me feel happy and powerful – when we first began, it gave me the strength to turn down Krispy Kreme!

Maybe this is just one more excuse – ‘I could do better in Nick spanked me more often, there for it’s Nick’s fault.’ THIS IS NOT NICK’S FAULT! I know that. I make the decision what to eat and how much to exercise – me, that’s 100 percent on me.

I’d still like Nick to give it a try though, maybe a week or two where he spanked daily or almost. Each time giving me just a tad more than he thinks I can take. He goes to work incredible early, I know he doesn’t have much time, but that would be a great time for me, waking up to a stinging ass, laying there planning out my day with that on my mind.  Mollie’s home for a week, but as bad as it is the damn cane is very quiet.  And if I’m asking him to take three to four extra minutes in the morning and I’m paying with gym time or riding the bike for thirty minutes, isn’t he really getting off easy?

I’m going to keep going to the gym. I’m going to keep riding the bike and I’m going to ask Nick to read this. I’m just hoping for an enthusiasm boost from him, because honestly I don’t know what else to try.