Caution: Thoughts ahead

*I haven't been totally lazy on my vacation, there is a new story at Cassie's.*

I think having our nest full tends to make me horny. I’m not sure it’s just that, obviously with Mollie being home there is little chance for fun and games, but there are other reasons. I mean it’s not like we’re all over each other every minute when she is away. I know lack of privacy does tend to make me think about spanking and sex more, but it’s also that I’ve had time to write and day dream some while being off work. I think that is the biggest key.

I used to go for long spells where sex and the idea of spanking just didn’t do anything for me. Now when it was all in my head, before I came out, these ‘spells’ could last, sadly, for years. Now I’d say it goes in cycles. And I know it is affected by my time writing and day dreaming. Fantasying really feeds my libido. When I go too long without daydreaming I begin to get a ‘who cares, I’m not interested anymore’ attitude. Since we don’t do discipline or even spank regularly I have to use my imagination to keep it all alive. Its funny isn’t it. Some husbands need to come home with candy, flowers, maybe even jewelry to make their wives happy. Nick could stop and pick up a paint stick and I’d melt like butter.

When I spend time fantasying now I’m enjoying darker fantasies, maybe more towards BDSM, but not really. Its fantasies I don’t really share with Nick because I don’t want them all to happen in real life. I no longer worry about him spanking me for not doing laundry or staying up late, that’s not going to happen on a regular basis. I think now I would just like him to give me a long afternoon sometimes (and I could tell him when I need it) where he kinda follows some suggestions I’d be happy to email him. I think I want him to just let my dark fantasies play out in my head. Role play will never be one of Nick’s strong suits or mine either, but I know we could make this work. And I know it would do me a lot of good.

I have a friend who has written two really good Fantasy Fridays – they really pushed all my buttons but then she stopped, right in the middle of a story I might add! I contacted her recently and she say she wants to write more but she says it embarrasses her. She’s a little shut down too and lets out much of what she wants in her stories rather than real life. I know how she feels. So she and I are working together on the next part of the story. Her premise is right up my alley so we’ll see what comes of it. It’s her story to tell; I’m just making suggestions and trying to push her to write. Cross your fingers. I think helping her with this has gotten me fantasying big time. I think Mollie needs to head back to school and I need another week off!