I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, October 09, 2011

This is a spanking blog, not a weight loss blog

So why am I talking about weight loss more than I am spanking? Because I’m losing weight but I’m NOT getting spanked, that’s why! Don’t worry, I’m in a good mood and this is not going to be a whiney post – just a reflective one. Why am I not getting spanked you might ask, well there are two possible reasons:

1. I’m perfect. I never do anything wrong and there is absolute no reason I should ever be spanked.

2. I’m married to a vanilla who despite being told directly, reading my blog and others, seeing the benefits and dozens of other reasons, just doesn’t think about spanking me unless we’re getting ready to have sex.

I’m going with reason two. Bless his heart, spanking is not his default setting and it never will be. Sigh… what’s a desperate spanko married to the perfect man (if you overlook his vanilla status) to do? I know Nick sees things as ‘PK seems to be in a good place. She’s in a mostly happy, upbeat mood. She’s exercising, she’s sticking with the WW program and she’s losing. Everything’s going great.’ I don’t think spanking ever enters his mind, other than as foreplay, when everything is going smoothly.

We’ve discussed maintenance over the years, but Nick has never warmed to the idea and he never really put his heart into it when we’ve tried. When we don’t spank often I get depressed. Now I want to say that this is happening much less often than it used to. I am happier in general now. The time frame between these depressions is becoming longer and they are less severe. That being said, they still occur. They come suddenly and sometimes it takes very little to trigger them, the negative little thought are always in my head. Usually I can push them back, tell them to hush, that they don’t know what they are talking about – but then it only take one little crack for them to swarm in on me, some of their favorite lines.

• He knows you like to be spanked but he doesn’t very often. See, he doesn’t care.

• He’s sick of hearing about spanking. If you mention it one more time he’s going to tell you to go to hell.

• He doesn’t care that you need to be spanked to maintain your mental and emotional health. He only spanks you when he wants sex.

• You should have never taken those walls down. You need them when you feel like this. You’ll be hurt without them. Put them back! Put them back!

I have to say that these nasty little thoughts, and the friends they often invite over, can be a bitch to live with.

I think about this a lot. Wow! Bet that comes as a big shock! I’m really happy to say that I love what we have. Our relationship seems to grow closer as the years go by. I love that he seems happy and enthusiastic to include spanking into our love making. I wish to high heavens that that was all I needed. Nick understands this and he’s comfortable with it. But I need something else.

So let me just spit it out – even though after all this time it embarrasses me to say it – I sometimes need to be punished, dominated, controlled. Why, you ask? How the hell should I know?? That’s why I would really like to see this whole spanking desire thing studied. All I know is it is the stuff of my life long fantasies. I fantasies about the dread, the fear, the embarrassment, the pain, the domination, the loss of control. I fantasies about it all. So how do I get this from the sweetest, most loving, most gentle, most caring man in the world?

I have an idea.

Poor Nick, I feel he has grow to view that particular sentence with great suspicion. Never fear honey, I think it will be something you can live with. When I get it all worked out in my mind I’ll shoot you an email. And folks if it works you know I’ll be talking about it here. Meanwhile, I am still happy and cheerful. I lost 1.4 pounds this past week and I plan to keep losing a little each week. Wish me luck with this and with my new idea.


  1. Yeah on the weight loss, your mean ole thoughts need a good whooping, and Nick should give you a Good Girl Spanking for each ounce lost! :)

    Can't wait to hear what your idea is. R.

  2. PK, well done on the weight loss, but please don't disappear. LOL
    As for the rogue thoughts, our own minds can be difficult.
    Love and warm hugs,

  3. Congratulations on the weight loss, PK.

    Could you ask Nick for a weekly spanking, just because you need it. Set a date and time, and call it maintenance, reconnection, make your wife happy, or whatever title you want? It wouldn't be disciplinary, but at least it would get those endorphins going.


  4. Congrats that you are happy and cheerful and losing weight. A pound a week for a year can make a huge difference.

    And when you're thinking dark thoughts and wonder why you tore down the walls, just think about all the good things that happened because you did. And since you are such a good writer, I think you have provided an inspiration to many women in your situation and helped them to tear down the walls.

    And I can't wait to hear your idea.

    Also not surprised that you feel the need to be punished, controlled and dominated. I think that you are more than a spanko. I think you have strong submissive feelings and would love it if he were to control you more with rules and rituals. But you are mature enough to know that it is what it is and he is perfect in every other way.

    The good thing is your relationship is taking a very positive direction in the empty nest years.


  5. Good for you PK, congratulations on the weight loss. It really is great news.

    Can't wait to hear what your idea is.


  6. Congratulations on the weight loss!

    I understand about the spanking, my husband is on the vanilla side also (he says he is more butter pecan).


  7. PK...I wish I could say that I totally understand all this, but I too don't quite get it and I'd call myself a spank-no! I get way more spankings then I could ever want! That said, I'm beginning to stick my head into the deeper side of submission and the good feelings that go with it. I'll look forward to hearing about your idea...and congrats on the weight loss. That's hard work!

  8. PK, I have come to think that submissiveness and dominance are traits we are born with, for some of us it takes a long time to recoginize and admit that. I think you can teach someone to be a submissive, i am just not sure that person would be happy in the long run. Teaching dominance is another thing, it is so much more than just spanking.

    Kudos to hubby for trying to spank.

    Double kudos to you for the weight loss!

  9. Firstly WAY TO GO on your weight loss, well done you - i sure know how hard it can be....im with you all the way PK.
    Some good ideas from commenters about weekly good girl spankings.
    And as for those horrible thoughts of yours - write them down and get Nick to read them on a weekly basis - and then spank you for having such thoughts....Im sure he would.
    As for that control dominant thing - its just in us. I know exactly how you feel - its just the way we are and its useless asking why we feel like we do, we just do and it would make life so much easier if we could explain why - esepcially to vanilla partners - but we cant. I know i love the feeling, i love that security i feel afterwards. No words can describe.
    I cant wait to hear more about your idea......im on the edge of my seat waiting to see if it works for you :)
    Love and hugs kiwi xxxx

  10. Rogue,
    If I could beat the hell out of my thoughts I would. They are tough little bastards! Don’t worry I did get my reward!

    I can’t ever seem to get my mind to listen to me. I try but I haven’t done so good.

    I’ve tried but we’ve never been too good at it. It’s still kinda hit and miss, pardon the pun.

    Sometimes I think it’s easier to lose at first. I’d be satisfied with half a pound a week.

    I know that there is a submissive side of me. Don’t think it will ever come out for any length of time but it may make rare appearances.

    I was pleased too. Still working on that idea.

    Thanks. That probably true for Nick too. I guess he’s not COMPLETELY vanilla but he does slip back there pretty often.

    I’ve given up really trying to understand. I just go with what is. I know I feel this way and that all there is to it. But I completely understand my friends that are spank-no too. Submission is very interesting. I’m glad you want to explore.

    I too think it’s in born. I was born a spanko. I denied it for 49 years but I knew it was true. I’m glad I shared it with Nick finally. I really think Nick has some definite dominate traits but he was raised in the 70’s went equality was EVERYTHING. It warped him! LOL!

    It’s bad enough what I think sometimes, I don’t think I would want to write them down. I know he would give me more good girls if asked. I’m just not too good at asking. I’m anxious to see how this idea works for us. I’ll let you know.

  11. PK, I have one of those thought recurring: he's sick of hearing it. I don't like that thought. I wish I could help you figure out how to put some serious Dom juice in his vanilla. Congrats on the weight loss!

  12. Thanks Emily,
    He assures me he enjoys the spanking lifestyle too but I can't help but worry.

  13. glad you are doing so well with the weight loss :-)
    as for the spankings I hear you, I understand, and I hope you find the spanking and submissive balance you need in life to feel complete

  14. Nice to see you happy. And many congratulations for your weight loss.

  15. Ooh, those nasty little bitches live in my head too. They are only pretending to be your friends.

    And if you ever find the magical answer to why you are the way you are, please do make a very loud public announcement--A lot of us would love to know why for ourselves too.

  16. lil,
    I think these little voices breed like rabbits. If either of us finds a way to banish them we should share the information.