I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, October 18, 2010

Is it time?

Many of my friends are on antidepressants. It’s hardly unusual these days but I never really considered it before. I felt normal before I came out. No big highs but I was content. I felt everything was pretty much normal. I had a low sex drive but I figured that was just the way I was. Once I came out as a spanko and shared this part of myself with Nick things changed a great deal. Our sex life took off in ways that was unbelievable to both of us. Finding blogs was a large factor in this too. I mean taking something that had been a hidden part of me all my life and suddenly finding others who were just like me! WOW!! I just couldn’t believe it. I had friends who understood and would discuss TTWD with me, a husband willing to step out of his comfort zone and try this strange activity. I couldn’t get the grin off my face.

So what’s wrong with me now? I understand about a honeymoon period and that nothing good stays at its peak forever but these days I just feel down so often. Not really depressed but I just feel like I should be happier. I feel guilty even complaining. I mean what do I have to complain about? I am married to a man I truly love and I know he loves me. We have two bright, happy, healthy kids. We aren’t rolling in dough but as long as we don’t want a new house or new cars every year or a big boat I think we're doing fine. We have steady jobs (although mine is the cause of some of my depression). Despite the occasional ache and pain we are in very good health. I’m grateful but guiltily I want more.

I could go to counseling but I have no idea what I would say, maybe “My libido is gone and my husband isn’t into spanking as much as I would like?” The counselor may think I’m nuts and need long term treatment but we all know that that would be incorrect. And speaking of spanking, I am not complaining about Nick here. I have no interest in right now. No desire. I’m not saying I’d turn it down but it just feels like a non-issue. I feel like nothing much matters any more. And I guess that scares me as much as anything.

I’m scared of antidepressants. In the past when a few of my friends when on them they seemed very different to me. They walked around with pleasant, slightly vacant smiles on their face. But I always had the feeling that if I had hit them in the face with a board that their pleasant expression wouldn’t have changed. I DON’T want that feeling. This was over 15 years ago and I know medicines have improved. Most of the time I don't think all this is serious enough to go on medication but I know I need something. I went through menopause just as I came out and was at my happiest ever. A great way to approach menopause by the way, but really that was 4 years ago. Surely that’s not my problem.

Anyway I am asking for your thoughts. If you’ve had problems like this what did you do? Are antidepressants the way to go?Does anyone have something natural to suggest? Should I shut – up and suck it up? I will probably be going for my physical in November so I suppose I should at least decide what I want to ask the doctor. I’ll take any suggestions you got.


  1. PK, are you sure this isn't seasonal?
    A couple of natural cures might help.
    Serotone 5HIP or St Johns Wort.
    I hope that this helps, it's not something that I suffer with.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. PK: What you describe sounds like a classic case of minor depression, which is a real illness having to do with your serotonin levels being low.

    I would go to webmd.com or other sites on the web and read about it. And definitely mention it to your doctor in November. Anti depressants are much better now than they used to be and may be just the thing you need.

    Good luck and we're all rooting for you.


  3. Anonymous6:55 AM

    They have mild anti depressants now that won't leave you in that zombie state. You deserve to live your life happy and "FEELING HAPPY" not just sucking it up and getting by.

  4. I know there are mild anti depressant and are definitely certainly much better than they used to be.
    Talk with your doc and see if he/she can recommend alternatives than just giving you antis. Maybe try some natural remedies first. Paul mentioned St. Johns Wort and I have heard that it can be good for some people.


  5. Hello PK.
    No pills or treatments! What you need is some exercise and then some spanking, in that order. Get yourself along to a yoga class or somewhere where they do light aerobics.
    Once you get the blood flowing you will feel a whole lot better.
    Do some enjoyable sex - maybe with you both going down on each other. After Nick has seen to you, then you offer to do him. Have him sit with his back supported by pillows. Lie down with your mouth over his penis but your bottom up at the pillow end of the bed. Ask Nick to start spanking you gently and then more heavily with a long handled bathbrush. Tell him not to stop spanking you unitl you have made him come.If your bottom gets sore and you want him to get there quicker then you can resort to a hand job.
    Once you are done, lie on your back and enjoy the feeling of your throbbing bottom on the cool sheets.
    Hey presto - no more depression.
    Lots of love

  6. Anonymous1:42 PM

    Talk to your doctor. There is a written test that your doctor can give you to determine your level of depression, if you are. And then prescribe if necessary the right medication. I have been on antidepressants and they helped a lot and I did not wak around in a zombie state, I was more myself and able to function. Good luck.


  7. Anonymous2:28 PM

    i take a med called
    celexa it is a natural seratonine that our body makes. It helps me just feel on an more even keel. Not zombie, not an antidepressent just a slight help with natural chemicals. Talk to your doctor about it.

  8. Paul,
    If it were the dead of winter I might think that but I love this time of year here! The weather is just cooling off and the leaves are gorgeous. I'm glad you are not having to deal with this foolishness.

    Thanks, I will be talking to my doctor. I know I'm not seriously depressed but I know I want to feel better.

    I do want to learn more about some milder meds. I'm tired of sucking it up.

    I did try St. John's Wort for a while but it didn't seem to have any effect. So I guess I'll do some research.

    I can't say you're wrong but I can't see to get motivated to do much exercise. Not feeling very sexy either. Hopefully soon but not much interest right now.

    I'm glad that there are meds not that don't put you in that zombie state. I think I'd rather be depressed.

    Thanks. I will ask the doctor about it and see what she things.

    Thanks everybody. I think coming here is as good for me as anything.

  9. Anonymous9:09 PM

    It sounds to me like the beginning signs of full blown menopause. Talk to your Dr. some women need HRT to balance themsleves back out.

  10. PK, Only you can make the final decision. Talk with your doctor. I am not on them but many of my family are and I know friends who are. The change is amazing. There is no shame in taking needed meds!

  11. Anonymous11:42 PM

    My sister took anti-depressants on the advice of her shrink when she went to counseling because her long time fiance dumped her. It caused hallucinations. That was four years ago, now. She still thinks she has some kind of psychic damage from it.

    She did continue counseling but found a different therapist and she's really blossomed over the last year or so.

    My oldest brother has taken anti-depressants for years but he has always had a chemical imbalance and definitely needed something, even when he was younger, we could all see something was wrong. He seems to do well on whatever he's taking.

    My other brother has taken every anti-depressant you can think of, he always gets all excited on the newest one and tells everyone it's great and we should all take it. I've tried to tell him that most anti-depressants take weeks to kick in and most likely he's just having a psychosomatic reaction but he never listens.

    Some people need a chemical aid to help them, some do not. Unfortunately it's not an exact science; medical science doesn't even understand how these drugs work, exactly.

    That scares me.

    I'm a huge believer of therapy instead of medicating. Yes, some people, like my oldest brother, have a chemical imbalance but most don't, most just need to learn what's bothering them deep down and how to heal that part of themselves.

    Doctors offer meds because it's cheaper and faster than addressing the core problem.

    So many people I've known went down the antidepressant road and after a brief "high" ended up being just as bad off as they were before they took the antidepressants. Or worse.

    You never know. :(

    Just sharing my own experience with it, such as it is. Good luck!

  12. Anon,
    I really thought menopause was over - I mean it's been over 4 years but it is something I will discuss with my doctor.

    I hope I'll be able to talk to the doctor. I'm scared I'll mention it and within two seconds I'll have a prescription for something and be shoved out the door.

    I know what you are saying is the truth. I see it in school with so many children on attention deficit medication. For some its a God-send, a true blessing for the kid. But there are sooooo many on it for the wrong reason and they should not be on it. I think it's the same with antidepressants. If I need it I am not ashamed to take it but if I don't need it I don't want to start down that path.

    I appreciate you sharing your families experiences.

  13. Only you and your doc will be able to determine if it's right for you. It's not right for everyone, but for some, it's a godsend.

    I haven't had to go that route yet. I'm already taking enough pills everyday, I don't feel like adding to the mix. I also don't like side effects! I tried something back in March and the side effects were worse than the actually depression.


  14. Anonymous8:39 AM

    PK, I don't usually get by, but I had to weigh in here. If you have some low grade depression, there are plenty of other things to try before meds. Exercise (walking) is a natural medicine. Talking to your friends, making dates for sex with your husband, even if you don't feel like it. Treating yourself to other things you enjoy. Try the common sense stuff first.