I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, January 20, 2022

Do you remember Bas?

 

I’m writing a post about what’s become of some old blogging friends who are no longer actively blogging. While I was writing it Bas came to mind. For those of you who never got the chance to get to know him, Bas was a very dear man from Holland who meant a great deal to those of us who had the privilege of reading his blog. As I was looking back to see when he passed away, I came across this post I put up the day after he died back in 2013. I think it’s an important post for all bloggers and their readers to hear again. So I’m reposting it here. I’ll have the ‘Where are they’ post up soon. I heard from Bas' wife, Lisa, on my birthday. She is doing well and now has two grandsons.

 

 

My Friend, Bas

 

Lots of people I’ve met through blogging made an impression on my life.  I think Bas made the biggest.  The second email I received from him affected me more deeply than anything email I’ve ever received.  It made me realize that what we do here can be so much bigger than we ever dreamed.

 

This is how I remember that time. Last summer I put up a post accidently revealing something that made it possible for people to learn who I really was.  While that doesn’t scare me like it used to, I still want to remain anonymous for the most part. When I woke up the morning after posting it, I had the following email:

 

I sure hope you will not be angry with me for finding you. 

I am a many-years lurker on your website New Beginnings.

Since I am from Holland I never really felt that I could comment on your writings. But Elisnewbeginnings has been sort of my home page since for years.

I write you, to strongly advise you to delete your last post about … 

 

You did actually give yourself away.

 

Please remove this post before America wakes up!

 

Love,

Bas

I did as he suggested and wrote him back the following:

 

Bas,

Angry?  Not at all!  Thank you so much for caring enough to warn me.  I have removed the post.  To be honest I woke several times in the night wondering if it had been a good idea.

 

I have several online friends from Holland.  I'd love to hear from you anytime you like.  And thank you for reading me for so long.

 

Hugs,

PK

 

I then got the second email that completely blew me away.

 

 

Dear PK,

 

Please don’t thank me. It’s really me that has to thank you. More than I can possibly tell you. I was actually being very selfish in sending you my email this morning.

 

I was like: “Oh no, if even I can find her then anybody can. She’s a teacher, cannot afford to be outed. She will close down her blog! I was terrified by the idea, your blog is literally a lifesaver for me.”

 

Please don’t worry about being outed to me. I am one of your most faithful (and quiet) fans. A little background to clarify, in 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer. This keeps coming back after each treatment and many times I have heard the prediction that I have only a few months to live. In 2008 my marriage resembled your pre-ttwd marriage. No communication whatsoever.

 

I would not let my last month’s/years slip away like that. Your blog encouraged me to bring ttwd to my wife (of 34 years) and although I still do not believe it, she accepted it and is happy with it. I am convinced that the happiness my wife and I experience right now, keeps me alive and kicking (well ok, spanking), I have not yet explained to the doctors why their predictions are wrong.

 

So there you have your responsibility. I would be devastated if you ever stopped blogging.

 

Love,

Bas

 

I was stunned. I’ve loved blogging since I wrote my first post.  But I always assumed it was just a little passing fun. I’m sure many, including me, sometimes view blogging as little more than an entertaining waste of time.  But look at the results. Bas said the ideas he got from all of us helped him.  I know for a fact that once he made himself known to us, once he began commenting and then once he began blogging and receiving comments, emails, love and friendship he was so very, very happy.  We all helped make both Bas and Lisa happy, can anyone call that a waste of time?

 

This is why I feel so strongly about blogs being opened to the public whenever possible (and I know that it isn’t always possible), but we don’t know who we may be reaching. Bas stayed silent for over four years. I think he would have remained silent and unknown to us forever, until he thought I was in trouble. He knew I needed his help, and that made him speak up.

 

I’ll never forget Bas. I think he would encourage us to keep blogging – keep sending our thoughts, dreams, rants, jokes, troubles, joys, and stories out into the world.  We don’t know who is reading or if something we might say is exactly what they need to hear.

 

I know many of us feel sad now and that is understandable but remember who Bas really was. He once told me that if Lisa didn’t follow his instructions about his funeral he get up, take his coffin and walk out. He did not want gloom and sadness and he certainly would not want it here. It made me think of part of an old poem that sounds like something Bas would say -

 

Remember me with laughter and smiles

 

as I will remember you all.

 

If you can only remember me with tears

 

then don’t remember me at all.

21 comments:

  1. Hi PK, Bas was definitely one of a kind and his passing was a huge loss to us. Those who knew him couldn't possibly forget him. I remember this email exchange.

    We can never truly know how what we share on our blogs may affect others.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's amazing and a little overwhelming to know that there are people who care about what we have to say.

      Delete
  2. Hi PK,

    Yes, I do remember Bas, so thanks forreminding me about him.

    I've also been told that my blog has helped some readers feel comfortable about their desire for spanking.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Over the year I feel we've all said something that someone else needed to hear. I know you have - making others comfortable with who they are is a gift.

      Delete
  3. PK, you can never forget Bas, what a gentlemen. It was ma sad day when we lost him.

    You have helped a lot of people.

    LOve,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He was the best! And yes, we have all helped people.

      Delete
  4. I don't think I ever 'met' Bas - he sounds like a remarkable friend

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right. He was amazing.

      Delete
  5. Bas was the first person who ever commented on my blog. I truly enjoyed our exchanges there and via email.

    He was such a kind soul 💗.

    See by him coming out to you, he came out to many- helping as he went along. Makes me think of the ripples of a pebble thrown in the water.

    willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's exactly what it seems like. I hope the ripples continue.

      Delete
  6. Deena9:35 AM

    So nice that he shared that you made such a meaningful impact on his life. Your writing - this blog and your books - are indeed helpful to many (myself included). What a wonderful connection you had.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He said our connection helped him. I KNOW it helped me. And I guess that's why we're all out here in the first place.

      Delete
  7. I agree with Bas, we make an impact, big or small. We never know for sure what that ripple effect will look like, but it is there I appreciate you and this post. Hugs, my friend.
    --Baker

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Baker. I'm sure some think of blogging as silly. I'm glad some of us know better.

      Delete
  8. Hard to believe it has been that long since he passed. He was a true gentleman and I still remember some of his posts. Actually, before you closed his blog, I saved the ones that touched me the most.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldn't believe it either. I was thinking maybe five years. I wish I'd saved some things. We need to talk.

      Delete
  9. You are truly a beautiful person !
    B :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Bas was the one! He was great.

      Delete
  10. I definitely do remember Bas. Thank you for preserving his memory.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He was special. I'm so glad that we got to know him.

      Delete
  11. Ah BIKSS and I talk about him from time to time. He is definitely in our memories, and we miss him dearly, in that strange online even-tho-we-never-met sorta way.

    This post brought tears to my eyes.

    ReplyDelete