I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, May 25, 2021

What are your thoughts on spanking children?

Were you spanked as a child? Were your parents? What about your kids? So many books and stories have the women say, “You want to spank me, like I was a child?” We talk about spanking a lot out here, but I’m curious about what people think now days, because the idea of spanking children has changed a lot in the past fifty years. 


Spanking was the norm here in the south as I grew up. Country children were ‘whooped’ or ‘switched’ while more sophisticated

parents spanked or paddled their kids. Paddling was allowed in schools – it actually still is, thought only an idiot administrator would use it now. When a teacher was going to paddle a child another teacher needed to be there to witness. The first year I taught I was asked to witness a paddling. The male teacher paddled an 8th grade girl for chewing gum. I was new and green and went to witness because I didn’t know what else to do. I felt then, and still feel, that both of them enjoyed the encounter too much.  But I sure as hell didn’t! I finally got up my courage (a very unusual thing at the time) and told that teacher to never ask me to be a witness again. He didn’t.


I was spanked as a child, rarely, but it happened and I have no doubt I’d done something to deserved it. I grew up with no fear of my parents and I still love them dearly although they passed many years ago. I know my father and his six rowdy brothers were on the receiving end of a belt or a hairbrush more than a few times. And as fine grown men I could see the love and respect they felt for both their parents. So I don’t go along with the assertion that if a child is spanked they will grow up to hate and fear their parents nor do I believe that they will all become serial killers. 


My own children were spanked a time or two, but it was a rarity. I’ve written about this before but when Mollie was almost four she took the baby powder and covered my whole bedroom – we had dark blue carpet at the time. It was a mess! And very hard to clean. I sent her to her room for a time out – about fifteen minutes and explained to her what I was upset about and to leave the baby powder alone! Then I spent hours cleaning and doing laundry. 


The next day she did it again! Let’s just say mommy wasn’t happy. I marched her to her room and told her she was getting a spanking. And she got one – about four swats on a fully-clothed bottom. I doubt she really felt them and I know it didn’t hurt, but that ‘spanking’ impressed upon her how very upset I was with her. When she got up the next morning she came to me and said, "Mommy I been tinking. I don't tink I'm going to powder your room today." I told her I thought that she had made a wise decision and she doesn't seem to hate or resent me today.


I talked to my kids and they listened – something I fear we’re losing as both parent and children spiral further into phone addiction. I did a lot of discipline by watching TV with them. When a kid would do something stupid or dangerous on a show, I’d say something like, “Nana and Granddaddy would have _______ if I’d done that.” Or maybe, “Wow, what would you have done if that was your kid?” And it would start a real discussion without me lecturing or have them feeling like I was fussing at them.


So having said all this, would I recommend using spanking as a discipline tool for children today? While deep in my secret soul I’m not against a stern face and a moderate swat to the behind of a young child doing something they KNOW they shouldn’t do, I would have to say no, I do not recommend spanking children.


The reason? I’ve run across too many parents throughout my life, and especially in my teaching career, who are crazy as hell!  In my head I hear the word spanking in reference to a child and think of those few swats to the butt, but others picture yanking off a belt and beating the child severely. So because of all the crazies in the world, I give a firm ‘no, never!’ to spanking children.

If this were an actual picture of my kids 
it would be Mollie pulling LJ's hair.

But I do have some good ideas on disciplining children. I never gave advice when my kids were young, because I didn’t know if I was right or how they might turn out. But they turned out well and I’m going to post some things I think worked well. I know a good portion of my readers won’t have any use for this so I’ll give you fair warning to skip my next post. A girl has to have something to write about.


  1. Hi PK, this is such a minefield of a topic nowdays. I can only remember being spanked once as a child. My mother would on occasion deliver one slap on the thigh on occasion as a short sharp jolt.

    I don't see any issue with a mild swat or two, particularly to stop a child about to do something dangerous, such as sticking something into a power socket, but nothing more.


    1. It is a minefield for sure. I tend to agree with your second paragraph, but I'd only admit that among sane friends.

  2. I think you're right not to recommend spanking children. Hitting them teaches them that it's okay to use hitting others to get your way. I also agree that many parents are crazy.

    There are a lot better ways to get children to learn to do the right things. One is consistency and proportionality. It's important to have a plan for what kind of penalties to impose for what level of misbehavior. For small children, you can usually pick them up and put them where you want them or physically restrain them.

    I think it's important to give good reasoning for what you tell them to do. That might only be that you need it for now, so that you can handle what you need to do. This teaches them they can work with other people to reach reasonable goals.

    Generally, corporal punishment is appropriate for consenting adults. I say, help children to learn appropriate behavior and tap into their own self-discipline. If necessary, take away a cherished item or give them a time-out. I think that helps build respect for their parent in the child, and that's going to be really handy later on, when the child is fully grown.

    1. I would never recommend it. Although I know many people who were spanked and what I'd call harshly, yet they did grow up to be lovely people who don't hit others.

      I gave my children reasons for rules and for discipline - but I did occasionally fall back on the 'because I said so' and I explain why in my next post.

      I enjoy talking to my daughter these days, she reminds me of things I'd say or punishments I used that she hated, but admits she will probably use them herself - definitely alternates to spanking.

    2. I'd just say that whether the child turns out okay isn't one of my criteria. I think it's seldom appropriate, and I think we set a better example by using other kinds of discipline.

      What did your daughter find was the most effective?

    3. I'm going to post about my most effective discipline method in a few days. I think it would work with most kids if parents would just try.

  3. I remember investigating abuse of a lil guy I was teaching.. called his father in.. who admitted he had been beaten as a child... his attitude was I turned out ok (my brain exploded)
    I asked him if as a child he had felt good about being beaten?? felt safe?? and he honestly said No... but he kept repeating he turned out ok...

    some parents - le sigh.

    1. I feel your frustration and trying to talk to a person like this. But at the same time we probable both know adults who were spanked as children that DID turn out okay and never spank their children.

      But truly I think spanking should be an adult/adult endeavor.

  4. That would be a no from me. I tried it once when my kid was little ...and she smacked me back. lmao I realized that it was confusing and offensive to her ...... I never tried that again. We went the time out and grounding route instead. (I was physically disciplined harshly growing up and I would never do that to a child.) Windy

    1. I can see where she would see that as acceptable, if mommy does it why can't I? I do think those in our generation who felt they were treated harshly or unfairly chose not to do the same to their kids. So maybe we are evolving.

  5. Anonymous8:14 AM

    Hi, I was spanked occasionally as a child. I think a severe telling off would have been better. I like the idea as an adult of a clean sheet after the spanking. It didn't feel like that as a child.It felt like you had to prove you were sorry.
    I smacked my children occasionally. I think there is a lot more information now on better ways to discipline and if I was doing it again now, I would definitely not spank them.
    I remember watching one of these nanny reality tv programmes. The child was throwing tantrums and I thought to myself, maybe this one needs a good spanking! As the programme progressed it became clear that the mother's agitation was winding up the child. She learnt to parent better and the child calmed down. It made a deep impression on me.
    It's funny, even as a child I remember finding reading stories about children getting spanked exciting, but getting spanked myself then was not exciting at all!

    1. I was the same way as a child - love to hear about others getting spanked, even made up stories - but I did NOT like it for myself.

      I remember working with a dog trainer once and I quickly realized he was training me, not the dog. If everyone were trained to be a better parent, we'd never consider spanking our kids.

  6. Grin, I was the trouble maker in my house. Yes I remember being spanked, not as often as I should have been probably but my father didn't think it was right. I did feel the strop and others, and as you said, I turned out fine(?) and generally don't resent my parents. However, never did that with my own kid.


    1. I think that's true with many of us. Once I was in my teaching partner's class when he asked how many of the children were ever spanked. All but two raised their hands - the two most obnoxious, bratty kids in the class. The teacher made no comment but the other kids looked at one another nodding and laughing. I don't believe in spanking children, but I also don't like 'studies' that would have us believe that every child that was ever spanked will grow up warped and damaged.