I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, May 17, 2021

The way I picture submission

I enjoyed reading Morningstar's post on Submission, Is it Nature or Nurture? She ends with these questions:

So tell me - what does submissive mean to you? What does it look like??? What is it you are all working towards ???? 

AND finally 


My experience and Morningstar’s would be on opposite ends of a scale of TTWD/BDSM but it doesn’t mean we can’t understand one another. All I’ve ever really done with submission is fantasize about it. But I’ve fantasized about it for more than fifty years. My fantasy is that of a loving dominant – who puts my needs and well-being above all else and will use spanking as tool to make sure I follow the rules. The rules that were only put there for my safety, not for his pleasure.


All of these thought and feelings were poured into my Cassie books. I know many of you have read some of them and if you haven’t I sure wish you’d try at least one. But Cassie’s ‘submission’ isn’t like the one Morningstar describes. In fact I had an editor tell me, “A real submissive wouldn’t say such things about her dominant.” I had to laugh, I wrote back, “While Tom is dominant, Cassie is no submissive. She does acknowledge him as HOH and has agreed to submit to being spanked, she will still try to get out of it if it’s at all possible. She will argue to get her way and because Tom adores her she often gets it. But when she goes too far he is there protecting her from anything and everything – including herself. She’s fisty and doesn’t like taking orders from anyone, even Tom. But he’s still there, steady as a rock to keep her safe. And through all her fussing – she knows he will always have her back.


That’s what I fantasied about for 50 years. Knowing in the end my dominate man would have the last word.


But that damned reality always seems to creep in. When I got up my courage to come out to Nick and felt comfortable enough with myself to offer my gift of submission to him, he basically said ‘No thanks.’ He wasn’t being rude or hateful it’s just NOT his thing. And he could not perceive the whole concept. He was willing to play with it at first – but only as a silly game. He had no idea the power I was offering (or rather, trying to force on) him.


One tiny example. Work was stressful and way too often I would find myself at the vending machine getting something chocolate to ‘help me through the day.’ When Nick would say, “You know you probably need to try to cut back on the snacking at work.” And when he did I would find myself shrugging about it as I ate my candy bar.


When he would say, “That’s it – no snacking at school.” I never went near the candy machine. Saying to myself, “Nick said no.” It was never a fight or struggle, it was freeing. Nick had said no.


That was over a decade ago – and he probably only said things like that two to three times. I got over wanting/expecting it in real life and just went back to fantasy.


Would it work now?  No, that ship has sailed.

Finally back to Morningstar’s questions: So tell me - what does submissive mean to you? 

It means someone cares enough about me to watch over me and make sure I do want I should. That he watches me and always 'sees' me. Feeling this would make me want to do anything he asked.

What does it look like??? 

It looks like a loving relationship. It would pretty normal to people looking in. But he and I would know.

What is it you are all working towards ???? 

Peace and harmony 95% of the time and the other 5% with him laying down the law, me fussing and complaining and meaningful spanking ensuing. When we first started out and I was able to really try, it lifted an enormous weight off of me, it provided freedom. It made me feel soft and feminine and sexy. It was a lovely feeling.

AND finally 


To give me a sense of belonging, of peace, of happiness and of being loved and cared for.


  1. These are great questions from Morningstar and I love your answers PK, especially to 'why'. I love your reply to the editor also,perfect:)


    1. Maybe I'm talking about dominance more than submission, but you need one for the other.

  2. I liked reading your answers. GOod post.

  3. I can relate specifically to the feeling more feminine thing as a result of submission (and spanking). Windy

    1. Oh it's so true. But you can't make it happen, it has to come from them.

  4. Good post. I love your answers.


  5. Anonymous5:52 PM

    I felt quite an ache inside reading that. I had just started to experience it when life got in the way.
    I think my desires are quite similar to yours and we are a similar age. I know exactly what you mean about the difference between a suggestion and a command!Submission makes me feel at home and settled in myself, though it's taken a long time for me to accept that part of myself.

    1. Alice, I'm so glad you came by and commented. It sounds like you understand very well. If you'd ever like to talk, email me at elisspeaks@yahoo.com

  6. Yes PK, that is it totally!


    1. It feels good when others understand. I wish you were able to blog more.