So what is a spanking and when is it necessary (part 4)

*Snow update

We live in the south, for goodness sake! Each year we get our two or three snows of three to five inches and we’re happy with it. Often the next day will be in the 50’s so in the past I’d enjoy a snow day from school and then it was gone. Not this weekend. We got over a foot of snow! We haven’t had that much since Mollie was five months old – that’s twenty-six  years ago!

Nick, of course, felt he had to shovel the drive way right away. I heard all the stories of men dropping dead from heart attack so I kept a close eye on him. I needn’t have worried. He finished the drive and still had plenty of energy left over for a fun afternoon. I think the man is younger than he claims!  

I just wanted everyone to know we’re still having fun as I keep posting about my deep TTWD thoughts. Here’s the next post.

I’m on a roll now. Here’s parts one, two and three. It’s helping me and I figure if you’re bored you might not have come back today so I’m trudging on.

I know a problem for Nick and I’m sure many other men is knowing when to spank. Although we try to tell them what we expect and what we would like over all, I know many are still hesitant at times. Nick says he needs cues and I don’t like to give them.

I’ve been having a halfhearted contest with my sister on weight loss. I say halfhearted because when I’m winning I’m very enthusiastic and when the scales are more in her favor I tend to lose interest. I had shared the contest part with Nick.

This is what he wrote to me:

The last time we had much conversation we agreed to focus on health and weigh loss. I didn’t think either wanted me to be looking for picky things to nag about just for an excuse.  I asked for your help.  I told you that cues to know when you thought some spanking action was called for would be helpful.  You, as I understood it, would be in communication with your sister and compare your results and keep me posted.  I felt like a short update such as “She lost one pound this week and I gained .2 pounds,” would give me the cue that I needed.  You seemed ready with the meager spank count (and I am assuming you didn’t count card games or Utah, Arizona, etc) but can you recall how many times you gave me this info in which you were due consequences?

Sadly I couldn’t argue with much that he said – not that I didn’t want to. I could have said, "Well, why didn't you spank me for not giving you the information?" I guess while trying to ignore the truth in his email I tried to answer a minor point – that is, ‘what is a spanking?’

This is my attempt to tell him what I think: 

Card games are fun and there is spanking involved, but no – that’s not ‘a spanking.’ It’s a fun game. What occurred on our vacation, in my mind, was a loving, enjoyed, and appreciated gesture of affection. A little ‘drive-by’ spanking that  comes as a fun surprise and I hope they’ll continue – but it’s not ‘a spanking.’

‘A Spanking’ needs some thought behind it to be effective. On your part and on mine. When it happens fast and unexpectedly it can be fun but not really effective. I haven’t even had time to think – then it’s over.

But back to his email points I told him:

You’re right about me not stepping up to do my part – I really haven’t. I’ve been hesitant about all this since before I tried to pull out back in March. I’m having huge fights between my head and my heart. 

My heart will always want the lifestyle. But my head tells my heart – get the hell over it! For the first six to eight years we tried this I went all with my heart. But for the last four years or so the head took over and that’s all I’ve heard. 

The part of me who wanted to try submission is nearly warn away. I probably wouldn’t have been that good at it anyway. But it did work at times – something else I bet you never believed. When you would say, “You can’t snack at school.” Or “No snacks after 9:00 PM” – I didn’t. It was that simple, it wasn’t a negotiation, it was a command. And no, it didn’t last without reinforcement but for me it felt easy, there was no debating in my head – you’d said no. Case closed. Would that work now? Probably not. That left with the wide-eyed optimism.

I know I could/should have given you cues. I know that I can ask for a spanking anytime – both for cause, I could tell on myself, or for stress relief or whatever. But for me asking for a spanking will always be the same as kissing a brother. What’s the point?

It’s like telling your husband over and over that you feel so special, so loved when he sends you flowers. That you get all mushy inside at this particular token of affection and that you eagerly look forward to the next delivery. But if he rarely sends flowers unless you text and say, ‘order flowers for me.’  Well, you can see it lose some of it charm. 

For the past few post I’ve gone over some of our problems in communication – from not communicating at all to not fulling understanding what the other  person is saying regarding their needs or wants. I’ve been able to see from many of your comments that Nick and I are not alone. But as I said when I began, things are better. The final post in this saga, Wednesday, I'll give you a current update.