You’re going to have to go way back in my post to find one
about spanking. It stinks, but I made an effort about a year ago to stop
pestering Nick about TTWD. There were a
few stray swats and Nick’s always been willing to spank a little when he wanted
sex, but other wise he seemed content that I wasn’t on his back about it.
I’ve been okay, I when back to ‘what I know’ that is living
in my head. We get alone well, no fussing or fighting or hard feelings.
Sometimes I get down – but not too much. But for whatever reason I sent him an
email this weekend pointing out one inconsistency that had been bothering me. Nearly a year ago we talked about things we
needed from one another. He wanted me to initiate sex more and I wanted him to
spank more. He made a ‘rule’ that on the first weekend of each month I was in
charge of planning a sex-capade, wild or simple – it didn’t matter as long as I
planned it. Baring the time we were injured I’ve done it. Not always elaborate,
but always fun. He, on the other hand didn’t do any more spanking.
I pointed this out to him in the email and a few other
things and asked him to give it all some thought. He emailed back saying we
might talk about it sometime. That was okay, there were other things in the
email that needed immediate attention so his answer was appropriate, but now
I’m wondering – do I bring it up again or wait on him? I could use his help,
but I won’t beg. We often talk about building walls, personally I seen the
necessity of walls. You can’t just leave yourself completely vulnerable if the
person you want to help you just can’t do it. You need protection. I’m not sure
exactly what I want to happen, but I’m keeping an open mind and I have my
fingers crossed.
I'm invited to talk to Patty Devlin today, it should be up about 4 AM, EST.
Good on you for sending the email and giving Nick an insight into your feelings. I really hope he does initiate a conversation, but if not, I think you should definitely bring it up.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Roz,
DeleteI'd be glad to continue the conversation, I know what I want to say, but I need to know he wants to hear it.
You asked for advice and mine would be 'just wait a little while to see if the seeds (reminders) you have sown, germinate'. If they don't, then there is no harm in 'prodding' again, and keeping on prodding until you get a knee-jerk reaction. Just be aware that sometimes (see my new post) things do not go strictly according to plan, and Nick could be planning his own little scenario!
ReplyDeleteI understand exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes I think that husbands like ours are quite happy tramping along in their little wagon ruts. They don't realise we have scrambled out and are skipping alongside wondering why they don't want to join us.
Hugs
Ami
You've described it perfectly. I'll give him time. I don't see it happening the way yours did. My worse 'behavior' is pulling away. I don't act mad or unreasonable or ill tempered at all - I just feel hurt and pull away.
DeleteBring it up again but not in a nagging way. Frame it in the sense that you still love him regardless but this is something you need and crave from him and that you hope he will give it to you. And then see what he says. But communicate. Holding things in never solves anything. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteAnd Ami did a good job of summing up the situation. You are skipping alongside him and trying to figure out how to get him to join you.
FD
You're right. And it's really okay if he doesn't want to join me in my skipping. But if he doesn't want this at all I need to know it because I have to get my mind in the right place.
DeleteI've been living in my head and vicariously through my stories for quite a while myself. But then, I did that for years so WTF.
ReplyDeleteGood luck girl.
I know our situations are very much alike Sunny. We love them and they love us, but they just don't understand what we need or how much we want it sometimes.
DeleteI'm glad that you sent that email as well, PK! :) I hope that Nick does stop and talk with you about it. Even more, I hope that he takes the action that you want him to take.
ReplyDeleteI like what Ami said about waiting to see if the seeds germinate. I hope that they do, and I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!! :) Many hugs,
<3 Katie
Thanks Katie,
DeleteThe only action I really want him to take it to give me an opportunity to talk/write him and have him ask questions and listen.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks DF, I appreciate it.
DeletePK,
ReplyDeleteAmi expressed my thoughts exactly.
Wait a little while. I am always amazed that Jack has indeed listened to me and acts on what I have said, but on his timeline not mine. Keep us posted.
Meredith
Meredith,
DeleteI'm giving him plenty of time. Mostly because I honestly don't know what I want him to do. I really don't.
PK,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ami - don't say anything just yet, wait a little while.
Keeping fingers crossed.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
I won't push it now Ronnie. We have a busy hectic weekend coming up anyway.
DeleteGive him my phone number and I will straighten him out and explain in no uncertain terms what he needs to be doing. He loves you very much, obviously.
ReplyDeleteOh Blondie - tell me first! Does there come a time when I need to give up and leave the poor man alone. If it's just not right for him I can't push him any more. But if I give up completely that would kill a little part of me.
DeleteHey PK...since you just sent him the email over the weekend, I would give him a few days to see if he steps up...if he doesn't, then initiating a conversation with what his position is wouldn't be a bad idea. If that doesn't work, give him Blondie's number...I am sure she can give him some excellent advice. You can always tell him to come read your blog and see what your friends have to say. ;) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
Cat I think the fact that he doesn't read the blog always hurts my feelings a little. I can promise you if HE wrote a blog discussing his feeling about our relationship and ways to bring us closer - I'd read it every day. Why doesn't he take 5 minutes every few day to know what I'm feeling and thinking?
DeleteI know how you feel. Whenever I get frustrated with my guy sometimes I read him bits and pieces....then I let it go...sometimes I get frustrated and don't let it go...Who knows? However I think I would let what you said ferment a bit. You made some great points about your follow through.
ReplyDeleteI think that reading the blog may be too hard for him. Maybe he feels like he is failing you. Sometimes guys stop doing when they feel they are wrong somehow. We feel like its right there in black and white....
I wish he would read. He doesn't have to comment, but he's welcomed to. I don't bash him on the blog or anywhere else. Thats one thing I really like out here. No one is husband bashing - we may be a bit frustrated at times - but over all the blogs are positive.
DeleteI have my fingers crossed for you! Feeling like a nag really sucks, and I think many of us have felt similarly to you. Keep gently bringing it up, never accuse, and I reeeally hope you get what you want soon! My husband also likes me to initiate sex.
ReplyDeleteHey Autumn, I really wish I were more of a sex kitten, but the truth is when there is little to no spanking I lose my sex drive. It's a vicious cycle.
DeleteI understand...
ReplyDeleteHugs
Thanks Terps.
DeleteHi PK, oh I hope that the email does the trick, fingers crossed for you
ReplyDeletelove Jan,xx
I hope it does - I just don't know.
DeleteTo Blondie's: "If I give up completely that will kill a little part of me." I think that's true. Keeping it in is so destructive in so many ways. Maybe by now you can see a natural ebb and flow to this. And sometimes you have to spark the fire again. I know you know that....
ReplyDeleteRosie Dee