My weekend and talking to myself

I hope you'll go by Sunny's place today, she is sharing some Cassie over at Aimless Rambling.

I had a really nice weekend – this place is so pretty. The rooms are large and decorated in a nice ‘little old lady’ motif, as Mollie told me. I don’t care, it suits me well for a writing weekend. Here are a few pictures.

I did get a lot of writing done, although I don’t stay up as late as I used to when I’d go up there – old age, it happens. In addition to reading and writing I did some thinking while I was up there.  I have to get a handle on my health. My health isn’t bad, really it isn’t. There are some minor problems, but if I don’t make some changes – and I despise change – things could go south quickly.

Nick is more than willing to help. He even gave me a little sample Thursday afternoon and I appreciate it more than he knows. The fact that he’s willing is wonderful, but nothing can change the fact that I have to do the work and make the bloody changes. Every now and then I get that determination from somewhere that causes me to know I can do this. So far, this has not happened this time. So I’m just going to have to grab hold of myself and soldier on, on my own until it, hopefully, make an appearance.

I like making lists and I’m going to do it here because I’ll be able to find it and even add to it if I like.  And while you are more than welcomed to read on, I can’t imagine it will be very entertaining for you.

Problems and potential problems

Diabetes is a real and frightening concern

My joints, especially my knees always hurt

I have high blood pressure

I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes, they are tight and I don’t want to buy larger

I don’t feel attractive or sexy

No energy

Roadblocks

I like to eat, graze

I like all the wrong foods

I don’t like vegetables – unless you count starches (how can I change this at my age?)

I don’t like cooking or cleaning afterwards – easier to grab fast food

I don’t like to exercise

Getting ‘started’ is hard and results come slowly

My feet blister if I walk more than two days in a row (skin condition I was born with)

I’m lazy

All I ‘want’ to do is sit in my chair, read, talk to my blogging friends and make up stories

Keeping a food journal has never worked for me – I end up not keeping it and lying to myself, which make me feel even more like a loser.

Rewards do not work for me, unless they come from me. Strangely Nick offering me a reward backfires and actually ends up making me mad. I truly get royally pissed – example, if he would offer a new outfit if I keep up my exercise and keep a food journal, my mind says, “If you want to give me an outfit do it, if you don’t, keep the damn thing – I’m not dancing on my hind legs like a trained poodle for a ‘treat’.”  But on the other hand if he says he’s going to bust my ass if I don’t exercise at least four times a week, then I’ll probably do it. Not to avoid the spanking, but because it makes me feel watched over and cared for and I want to do it. Bless my heart, I could keep a shrink busy, couldn’t I?

Possible solutions

Join Weight Watchers

Ride my stationary bike

Go to bed earlier

Do the Wii

Get books I can listen to as I exercise

Try the new gym in town (don’t have to sign a contract)

Get yoga for beginners DVD

Stop eating at all between meals

Write down a promise to myself and to Nick to do one specific thing for at least a week

All I can say is that these list are honest. I don’t know if posting them will help me any, but it can’t hurt. Capturing this list in a blog post keeps them from running around and tumbling over one another in my head. We’ll see what happens.