Do I lead off the conversations with my gay son or the fact
that I write kinky spanking books? Just
wondering.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
So what should I lead with?
In the church I’ve attended all my life our tradition is to
change ministers ever four to six year. We recently got a new minister, and for
the first time it’s a lady. Her kids are
close to the same age as mine. I invited her over to the house later today to
get to know her better. But now that she
coming I have a big questions and I’m hoping you all can provide me an answer.
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Hahaha! I guess it depends on the denomination. I'm Episcopalian, and I'd say you could lead with either one after a nice shared bottle of wine!
ReplyDeleteWe're Methodist. We'll share a glass of wine with you, but we probably won't bring it out. We're more into casseroles.
DeleteOh yes...the potlucks and the casseroles and the committee meetings...I figured you were Methodist, because I grew up in the Methodist church and we changed ministers every few years as well. We mostly had female ministers.
DeleteThis is our very first lady. She just left a short time ago and I can't wait to post about our meeting.
DeleteIf hearing about your gay son and his husband would be a problem for your minister, I'd say find a new church. If you tell your friends and other people in real life about your kinky books, then tell her that too.
ReplyDeleteYou're right - I know I'll talk about all my kids, LJ, Mollie and Collin.
DeleteYou will be surprised at the acceptance. We need to talk, PK
ReplyDeleteMeredith
I really do expect her to be fine with LJ, not sure if the writing will come up. I love talking with you.
DeleteLOL PK...think I'd lead off with your family...if she has a problem with your gay son, don't bother with telling her anything else but how to find the door. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure everything will be fine. ;)
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
Cat, you're exactly right. If she acted funny about LJ I doubt we ever have anything else we'd need to discuss.
Deletea church that is selective is not a church but a club. Jesus took everyone. as for telling your minister, get to know her first, a few sermons, then you'll know.
ReplyDeleteDF, She has seemed opened in the two sermons I've heard. I have heard she is in the midst of divorce. That might make her more opened to people with different things in their lives.
DeletePK, I think DF has a good suggestion and agree with everyone else too. If she has a problem with your son ...
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Roz, We're all in agreement on that one.
DeletePK,
ReplyDeleteAgree with DF. Ask about her and take it from there.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
She does have two kids so I think we can talk about them first.
DeleteHi Pk, I reckon you should see what she tells you first, she might have more salacious gossip than you!!
ReplyDeletelove Jan,
Jan, now that would be interesting!
DeletePK,
ReplyDeleteI trust your good sense, do what you think best.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
Paul, sometimes you have more confidence in my common sense than I do.
DeleteTough call..... How about this...start with the gay son...then the writing....then back up and mention that your gay son is married.... And then maybe show off your writings...
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good working plan.
DeleteAh....I would not hide anything....but don't think i would lead off with those two topics first. I do agree.....neither should be a problem...
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Abby it's just that I'm so comfortable talking out here I sometimes forget others could be shocked.
DeleteI wouldn't hide things, but I would give her a chance to relax and share who she is....Then all bets are off as she gets to know you!
ReplyDeleteMinelle, I will - she gets to talk first.
DeleteHi PK, :) I am with the others- get to know her a bit and then move forward with whatever you like, as it comes up. I think that because we are so open here in the land, perhaps we get used to putting it all out there.
ReplyDeleteIf she has any trouble with acceptance of either, then she should not be in a position of leadership in any church. And then yeah- "Don't let the door kick you in the arse on the way out" comes to mind.. (Funny plaque that Rob and I found this summer.) Enjoy your visit! Many hugs,
<3 Katie
Katie, love the plaque! Really not worried about LJ and I can hold off on the books for a while.
DeleteTake it easy, PK, this is the first visit. You don`t need start with something. Let the conversation flow and she will surely ask about the kids, so you tell her about your Amazing son and his lovely man..
ReplyDeleteSave writing for later .. maybe when she tells you that she is active in the city's BDSM club .. lol ..
LOL! Mona, if she tell me that I'll buy her all the Cassie books!
DeleteThat depends, do you want to shock, or awe. lol
ReplyDeleteJust be yourself and I am sure everything will follow as it's meant to be.
Good point, I really don't want to shock and awe, but I'm also tired of hiding so much that matters to me.
DeleteLol hmmm maybe wait a bit to throw her the curve balls.. then tell her about your kinky stories and say o and my son is gay.. lol
ReplyDeleteThat would be a couple of curves. Maybe she has a few curves too.
DeleteWell, PK, I suppose it depends. (Are you teasing here, and have no intention of discussing either, or are you truly considering this and really want to get a consensus?)
ReplyDeleteShe is your minister now, and part of her responsibility is to minister in your life. Do you want or need ministering right now as a result of something related to either of these areas? If not, I wouldn't bother sharing.
Do others in your congregation know about either or both? If so, I think I would want her to hear it first from me, in my own words, from my heart - not colored by the opinions (good, bad or neutral) of others.
Hey! Why aren't you deliberating whether to tell her Nick spanks you? ;-)
Enjoy your visit! Hugs!
Irishey, I may be teasing a little, but the thoughts and ideas of all my friends here do help me. All my friends, work and church know that LJ is married and that I'm proud of him. Many know I write - not always in detail.
DeleteSince Nick only using spanking as a sex game, I think I'll keep that one to myself!
LOLOLOL, I think those topics might fall into the category of TMI on your first meeting if you are planning on intentionally mentioning them to see how she responds. I have a friend who used to introduce herself with, "Hi, I'm Cindy. I'm a lesbian." It was a conversation killer. Thankfully, we have managed to break her of the habit and have her reveal it in more subtle ways, like talking about her wife.
ReplyDeleteI have found in religious circles it is much easier if you just reveal things naturally. For example if you talked about your son and what a great guy he is married to, when you are talking about your children in general, rather than than leading with "Hi, Minister, nice to meet you. I have a gay son." That demands a direct response and leaves her no way to gracefully handle it.
So, my advice, for what it's worth. Is let her learn things about you and your family naturally the same way anyone would learn about you and your family. Don't put her on the spot.
I think that's pretty much what I plan to do. Honestly we've just going to talk and visits. I don't want to make her uncomfortable. But I will talk about my kids and ask about hers. I'm very proud of mine and I'm sure she is of hers.
DeletePK,
ReplyDeleteI sense you are being tongue in cheek. However, many people do use scriptures to try to control the private and consensual behaviour of others over which they should have absolutely no concern. I hope your new minister is not one of those.
In deciding what to tell people when discussing others, I try to follow the example of a good friend. Many years ago, I travelled to work with a highly respected academic. Before I left, I had a long conversation with a mutual friend about what sort of man he was. When I arrived I was shocked to discover that this man was severely disabled and disfigured and yet my friend had not mentioned it. Later I came to realise that that was the most respectful thing my friend could possibly have done. It was not remotely relevant to the character of the man.
In your case, would you consider discussing the sexuality of your son as a discrete topic if he were heterosexual. If not, then you I think you have your answer. :-)
N
I am being a little tongue in cheek. I don't plan on trying to make anyone, me or here uncomfortable. I will talk about my daughter's plan to teach and I'll talk about my son and his husband like I talk to all my friends.
DeleteYour friend was wise in the way she described the man you were going to work with.
What Irishey said except: I'd not want to be an active part of a church if the minister / priest isn't accepting of my children's gender / partner choices. So, whether she brings it up or not, I'd find a way to sound her out. IMHO.
ReplyDeleteI found out quite a bit about her feelings. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.
Delete