I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, September 19, 2011

One more time, with FEELING!

New post at Cassie's Space yesterday.

I don’t really know if I should be posting or emailing Nick. I guess most of what I post out here is really for Nick. I mean if you’re a woman who wants/needs to be spanked you probably already understand what I trying to say. When you think of it like that I guess blogging is a little like preaching to the choir. In my case it’s Nick’s interpretation of what I’m saying that is the most interesting to me. That’s what matters the most. Followed in a close second to all my friends who comment to assure me they do know what I’m talking about and that I’m not crazy.

I feel like I’m at a real crossroads health wise. At my physical last week my doctor told me that if things remain the same it’s a matter of when, not if, I develop diabetes. Why this doesn’t scare me into doing something I have no idea. I mean I know I wouldn’t be a good diabetes patient. I’d cheat, it’s that simple. I know what that hideous disease will do to me if left unchecked. I want to live a long life with my husband and I want to bounce grandchildren on my knees. But I’m not losing the weight. I am on blood pressure medication now and cholesterol medication is in my future. My knees hurt. I lack energy. And let’s not even talk about what I see in the mirror. I’m not happy with myself this way.

So let’s see what doesn’t work to get me to lose weight.

• Knowing the medical consequences that are coming

• Not liking how I look

• Weight watchers meeting (I’ve tried but the leaders are just too perky for me)

• Expecting will power to control the amount of junk I eat

• Knowing I should exercise and having a membership to a gym (I do realize that paying the membership alone won’t really help)

Well, let me think if there is anything that can help me lose weight.

• When I first came out to Nick and we decided I should be losing at least ½ a pound a week – no excuses, or I would get a hard spanking. When this TTWD was brand new and we were both excited at how much it was changing our lives and our feelings for one another. When I realized other friends out here were struggling with similar problems with weight. When all these things kicked in I lost 40 pounds in two years.

Hmmmm… I guess that make all my current weight problems all Nick’s fault. Right?


My weight problems are 100 % my fault. I eat wrong, I don’t exercise. The responsibility is mine. I know the facts and I am the one making the decisions. But with all that I still really, really want Nick’s help because I know that is the only things that has worked for me.

He has stepped up lately and I really do appreciate it. But dog-gone-it he is too nice! He is such a kind, good hearted man he will let me talk my way out of nearly any consequences. He needs to realize that once I gave my consent to be spanked (and for me/us that is a lifelong consent) it is now my responsibility to try to talk him out of any spanking he decides to give!! I mean that’s the way it’s DONE! And it’s his responsibility to ignore me and spanking anyway. What can possible be confusing about that?

Sigh, he doesn’t like to make rules – I crave them, for me it makes things soooo much easier. His one rule “No shacking in you chair” is clear and simple and I haven’t broken it once since he made it, even this weekend while he’s been gone. Now the ‘no playing bouncing balls until I’ve exercised or done a half hour of house work’ I’ve not done so well (of course he only made that one for a week, so…). Anyway, I broke that one a time or two and he knows it but so far has let me talk my way out of any consequences for doing so.

Quite plainly here is what I need –

• I need Nick to learn to be a bad ass sometimes. Like ‘If you do (or don’t do) A then B IS going to happen.

• I want us to work together to establish reasonable goals and guidelines.

• I need Nick to wear me out if I don’t stick to the plan. (I didn’t lose any this week and he came through for me and spanked me before he left on his trip. It stung for sure but I know I need more – I know my behind is going to have to really feel it before my mind decided to take this all seriously.)

• Whether this happens once a month, once a week, twice a week, daily or twice a day – whatever, it needs to be kept completely separate from any fun spanking and love making. Somehow hearing ‘you better exercise next week or else’ followed by a wonderful spanking and a mind blowing orgasm is just not a deterrent!

I’m almost 55 if I don’t get a handle on this soon I don’t know if it will ever happen. I want to be healthy, not skinny. And I want the good feeling I had when I was losing a little each week and the feeling of Nick having my back (or backside, whatever).

There it is Nick, I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give – call it deterrent, punishment, consequences, discipline, motivation or reminders it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to call it anything, you can just say “go get the…” and taken it from there (but can we negotiate something besides the cane? Please?)

I’ll let you guys know how things go.


  1. PK, I've been a diabetic for twenty-five years, it's not pleasant!
    Listen to your doctor, daily blood sugar tests and insulin injections are not fun.
    My mother was diabetic and I was malnourished as a baby, so for me it was almost inevitable, so for you it isn't.
    So, get your act together, you really don't want to walk that route.
    I'll be rooting for you. if that helps.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. Anonymous8:36 AM

    Good luck...as to exercise motivation find a friend to go to the gym or walk with, get a puppy to take on ling walks, a neighbors lost a ton of weight after they got their dog, also if you can afford it hire a personal trainer....the charge you if you don't show up, yell at you if you cancel same help motivate you I've found it very helpful in getting my ass to the gym . Also suggest a nutritionist, good luck, I know its difficulty

  3. I can so relate to todays post. I hated the WW meetings but the program works. Been following and have lost 26 lbs to date. Along with Fantasy Friday, I do my weekly weigh in and sugar check. Sugar is now under 110. Have many pounds to go - but we both can do it. The image in the mirror is looking better.

  4. Hi PK...I do understand your struggle with weight loss...and if a strong spanking is what helps you reach your goal of good health then I hope you get the support you need...I hope your husband is reading this right now... Terps

  5. I'm in the same boat - just started BP meds and looking at cholesterol meds in the future plus diabetes if I'm not careful. I'm very good following my diet but just can't lose weight, so spanking for weight loss isn't a real motivator for me. I hope you two can work something out. Getting older SUCKS!

  6. Your doctor has spoken so you need to start doing something right away PK. If spankings help sit down with Nick and explain and ask him for real support.


  7. PK: Just want to wish you the best. Have you tried writing down everytime you eat something so you can a handle of what and how much you are eating. I know it's a pain in the neck to do that but maybe it would give you more motivation. It sounds like it is getting serious so I just want to emphasis all your cyber friends are rooting for you and care about you. Good luck.



  8. Struggling with weight loss is certainly not fun, but your doctor has warned you, and I think it's important to take that seriously. Sometimes people get in that mindset and think "Oh, it won't happen to me", but that isn't a good way to operate. You get one body to carry you through - treat it right! :) Try talking to Nick and really emphasizing what you need. I know you can do it!!!

  9. I think rules are nice...I crave them sometimes too just because I want that authority. I think though, when it comes to weight, maybe guys don't want to really "touch" that area in case the woman could possibly think that he is dissapointed WITH her weight...you know. Weight is touchy.

  10. hey PK I so understand how you feel and i think its a good idea to go to Nick and ask for his serious help.
    I wish I could do the same but i am so afraid my hubby will just turn around and say im a grown up, i know what i need to do so just do it. That to me is a scary thing to face if i go to him to ask him to give me a serious spanking if i dont do my exercise. I so wish he would - coz i know i would get up and do it.
    Let me know how you get on. :) be thinking about you.
    Oh and as for WW - have you tried their At Home programme - no perky leaders ;)

  11. "What would you do w/out me" is a silly little game that Jared and I play when one of us helps the other. Recently, I asked him that question and he became very serious, "I don't even want to think about it, Rogue."

    We owe them our best, PK. If you need his help, talk to him. Because when the day comes that Nick's goal is to spank you to real honest-to-goodness tears to get your attention, not only will you both feel the power shift, but you will find it much easier to take care of yourself than face those consequences again. Good luck, my friend! HUGS!!!!

  12. Paul,
    I know, I know. You’re right. Somehow I heard the doctor this time. I really want to change. I’m really going to try.

    I’ve thought of a personal trainer on occasion but I just don’t know. Don’t want another dog and so far I don’t have anyone in mind that could be a gym or walking buddy. I’m usually a loner at the gym – I do a lot of mind blogging. But I may take some of your suggestions because what I’m doing isn’t working.

    Do you do WW on line? I have thought about that. I went to WW long ago twice; both times I lost 13 pounds and got pregnant! LOL! I don’t think that will be a problem this time. Glad you threw Fantasy Friday in there as a weekly – there are lots of ways to make us feel better!

    I think it would but knowing me I’d find some other excuse. I’m pretty sure Nick read the post. I know he is one to mull things over in his mind before he says or does anything.

    Have to agree with you completely on the getting older thing. That’s rough if you’re following a good diet and still not losing. One of my problems is that I don’t like healthy foods. I want to like them but I don’t. I’ve had my best success just by limiting the amount I eat and exercising. But I tend to fall off the wagon easily.

    Yeah, Nick and I are going to have to do some talking. I’ll email you.

    Thanks FD!
    I’ve never really tried writing it down. I mean I’d begin but if I age something I knew I shouldn’t I’d get annoyed with myself and just give up on the idea.

    I’ve probably been on the ‘it won’t happen to me’ thoughts most of my life. But I have to get real. I’m going to talk to Nick. Or hopefully he’ll talk to me.

    You understand the craving then. And you’re exactly right that weight can be a touchy subject but for us, thank goodness, it isn’t. I know he loves me fat or thin and we are on the same page. We both are looking for healthy, not thin.

    I have a fear of the same think. It’s not that he wouldn’t be right about me being a grown up but it would still depress me. I’m thinking about the at home program.

    I honestly don’t ever see that happening but regardless I know I have to begin doing something for my health. I want Nick and I to have a long and happy life together. I honestly used to think Nick would do just as well with or without me. I knew the kids needed me but Nick is so self sufficient. While all that is still true I know now that he really does need me in his life and that he loves me. I just hope we can work together to solve this problem.

  13. To me, Nick seems like the kind of guy who would do anything for you. So, have him read this. And, why negotiate away the cane? IMHO you might as well fear and loathe the "motivating" implement.

    You can have self control! You can do this! Tell him what you need. Maybe you should write down exactly what will happen and have him promise to follow through.

  14. No, I don't do it on line. I just follow the point system - got all the books and counter when I attended. It works well because I can still eat the foods I enjoy eating-just moderately. We can do an email weigh in if you want to try it. Have some kind of incentive for us - obviously not food. Good luck

  15. PK, you can also do ww online too...another way to avoid the perky leaders and there are chat forums and all sorts of things....have a look at the website and see what you think.
    WW does work. It works for me when i put my mind to it. Good luck :)

  16. Stormy,
    He read the post and he is willing to help - and no, he wouldn't take the cane off the table completely. LOL! He said we'd have to see what worked.

    You mean the winner doesn't get donuts? What a gip! That might be an idea. I had the books at one time but I have no idea where. I could join on line for a while to see if I could do it.

    I could join on line for a while to see if I could do it. I mean I do know the program work if I will.

  17. I love Weight Watchers online. Remember Yoda's line, "Do or do not. There is no try." It works if you do it. And it's less than $20/month.

    Also, trick I used to get myself to exercise regularly 25 years ago, giving myself a star on a calendar every day I did, with a nonfood reward for every 3 stars (usually a small thing I would've bought anyway, but it worked). Now I love it so much, no reward needed, but I love the extra WW points I get for exercising.

    Enjoy your blog. I am about your same age, and also have a husband who is just too nice! I want to be spanked sometimes for misbehaving, he won't, says I like it too much.

  18. Jane,
    Wait Watchers on line - I think that's the way I'm gonna need to go. And now you have to go and remind me about Yoda and all! LOL!

    I wonderful how many women complain about their husbands being too nice. I love that he's nice - except when it really annoys me!

    Hope you'll come back.