I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Friday, December 19, 2008

My Late Aunt Jay

There is a great Fantasy Friday up this week. Go back here if you haven't read it yet. You can still vote if you like. I will put up the reveal late tonight.

This is just a mild rant, nothing major, but the season just has me thinking about family in general. I have a large extended family. I have 25 aunts and uncles, at least 20 I was very close to. I never distinguished between my parent siblings and the people they married. They were all my aunts and uncles since the time I was born. I also have 29 first cousins. I am close to most of them too. In this whole crowd there is only one person that really annoys me. And that brings me to my Late Aunt Jay (LAJ). No she hasn’t passed away – she is just always late.

People who make a habit of being late really bug me. It is such a blatant form of passive aggressive behavior. The chronic late arriver is plainly saying “My life and what I want to do is so much more important that anything you might have planned in your dull little life. We will be doing things on my schedule.”

Now my LAJ isn’t just a little late for family gatherings, dinners, etc. She is hours late. Sadly when I was growing up the gracious people of my parents generation insisted we wait on them and dinners, growing cold and congealed, were held until they arrived.

When I was about 18 my LAJ and her hubby invited the family over for brunch on Christmas. What time is brunch? Ten maybe, eleven? Maybe even as late as noon?? We got our first bite of food for the entire day at 5:00 PM! This repeated itself the next year (we were smarter and brought our own snacks that year). After that my sister and I refused to go and my parents agreed to give it up too.

I remember telling mom back than that one of my goals as an adult was to have a family gathering – invite my LAJ and hubby to lunch at 1:00 and eat at 1:00!

Year have passed and went we got married Nick and I began hosting the family reunions. We have hosted it 23 of the past 24 years. That first year my LAJ asked if she could bring anything (she rarely does now). I told her that would be nice, lunch would be a 1:00 and she could bring a desert. One o’clock neared and I put out the food and gathered everyone to eat. My mother said “Oh but you can’t eat before Jay and hubby get here.” I gave mom a grin and said “Watch me!” I would have served that meal on time if we had had to eat it raw! Shortly before 3 pm they showed up. She seemed slightly surprised that we had eaten but I told her to go on in and get a plate – there was plenty left, cold and congealed. It was perfect I was ready for more desert by then. LOL! She has improved over the years, usually only about a half hour late but the best part is now it’s her problem – the rest of us just go ahead with our time schedule and don’t give them much thought.

So that is my rant for the day, anyone can be late sometime – things happen – but if it is a way of life that's always going to bug me.


  1. Oh, I get this completely. DH has cousins nearby -- who we rarely get together with. They will tell us to come for dinner at 7pm and we eat at 10. Or they tell us they'll be over by 7 and they don't arrive 'til after 9. And this is not always a weekend night, but often when we have work/school they next day. And then they wonder why we don't visit with/invite them over more often.
    Good on you for keeping things on schedule :)

  2. PK I totally get how you feel.
    Being raised an army brat you are taught from an early age that lateness will not be tolerated! So says me dad. Even now I'm rarly late for things but one of my pet hates is lateness. Chruch services starting late, people walking in an hour late, my brother late for dinner, my friends late to meet me etc... uggg why can't people respect that when they are late they mess up other peoples schedules?
    hugs, Jay

  3. Anonymous8:11 AM

    I can so relate to this. My sister, who I love dearly, is always late. Now I either ask her to come early and help me with something - or lie to her about what time we are eating. BTW I am totally jealous that you are already starting vacation - we still have two days of school before we are off!


  4. Anonymous8:42 AM

    Good on you for getting on with it and not waiting. As you said, once in a while that happens to all of us but to do it regularly is just plane rude and shows lack of interest or planning or both.

    Happy holidays.


  5. Good for you, that is the best way to handle it.


  6. I hear you on this one, PK. My BIL is constantly late and thinks its funny. We know longer wait, we start without him and his wife and just hope that they grace us with their presence at some point! I consider the behavior rude and always have hope that they will change but apparently the world revolves around them! hehe

    Hey, I see you are going to Eva's for the New Year. That's fabulous. We're still trying to figure out what the heck we are doing for Christmas since no one is going to be around. The rude couple probably has plans that don't include us!

    Let it snow, let it snow.....We're on our second storm of the weekend. We should have 2 feet by the time Monday morning rolls around. Thousands still without power in our state from the ice storm on the 12th. I'm trying not to be bah humbuggy!

    Thank you for allowing my rant!


    Debbie :)

  7. PK, I agree, I find persistent lateness the hight of bad manners, it's inconsiderate and very rude, I won't put up with it.
    Love and warm hugs,

  8. Anonymous3:05 PM

    Boy do I hear you on this one!!! I hate it when people are late!!!! So this means you won't be late coming here, right? Maybe just to be on the safe side you should come EARLY... How's Monday look for you? Just to be safe. I'm just sayin'.

  9. Anonymous3:06 PM

    Hi PK:
    Well I think I am going to be a little "unpopular" today. I tend to be a bit late, not hours mind you but sometimes 10 - 20 minutes late. My husband does not enjoy this. (I dont think I will be showing him this particular post, FFs yes this one NO!) His Mother was a stickler for being on time, one year I was having them over for a BBQ in our yard. Luckily I had all the food prepared and the meat ready to go on the grill. Well I was out visitng an ill friend when the phone rang at my friends house she said "Its for you". My husband told me to get home quickly. When I got home they were already eating without me, and my MIL was TICKED! I tried to explain but she was busy eating. So I do try to be on time, and I am better but not great.
    thanks for listening to me rant
    Andrades Girl

  10. We don't like late either..we're always early..

  11. Robin,
    You get it exactly! Jay and hubby used to go to another aunts house and stay until midnight. This couple usually went to bed at 10. How do you deal with folks like that??

    I know for some folk it is a way of life. But I'm with you!

    I am thrilled to be out! I hope your two days goes fast. At least you are dealing with a sister you love. I am really not too wild about Jay.

    That is the only time I make sure everything is on schedule - when they are coming!

    LOL it does feel good.

    Drop by and rant anytime. By BIL has a little of this in him but at least he seem to be trying and is not always late.

    I am really excited about our trip. Eva has told me I might need a coat. Surely not! How about sending some of that snow south?? No ice please, but a little snow would be nice.

    You said it! No one should have to put up with it.

    Early huh?? Can we stay late too?

    LOL I see beads in your future on this one! And you have to be careful of those husbands once they start reading. I have found that Nick read far and wide these days. I'm just saying...

    I'm with you girl!

  12. It sounds like you handled the situation well. :-)

  13. Anonymous4:43 AM

    OK People,

    I admit it, I am the late one.

    But primarily for family functions, not for anything associated with work.

    And yes, there is a reason, mostly because I have not decided to go until the very end, like ten minutes after it starts. I do not want to experience any of the emotional ups and downs that come from being in a room with 40 relatives.

    My cousins can pray that we all put aside our petty differences as frequently as they would like -- I still find myself supressing the urge to knife someone by the time dinner is over.

    Everyone does not feel welcome at family events and they force themselves to attend anyway because it is 'family', and you never know who will die before you get together again.

    So please start dinner without me, I am not offended. But please keep your 'cute' and 'cutting' comments to yourself. I do not care that you are offended that I am late. I do not care to hear what you thnk about my clothes, children or career. You do not like me, I do not like you. I am here because we share blood and Mom has called ten times in the last hour.


  14. PK this is too funny. I think we all have a latie in our lifes.

    I once heard Dr Phil talk about the late ones are exactly like you described, self absorbed.

    The late guy stated he didn't mean to be late. Dr Phil corrected him and told him if it wasn't intentional he would screw up every now and then and arrive on time!