*Morningstar emailed with the suggestion to clear my history and reboot the computer. I think I’ve done that. I’ve cleared the history and the cache (at least I think I have) and I’ve turned the computer off and back on. But Blogger still won’t let me comment anywhere. I’m very frustrated. If anyone has a suggestion, please help!
I'll try doing what I usually do - cuss a little then wait for it to correct itself. But if you have any suggestion, please email - elisspeaks@yahoo.com
This was first posted sixteen years ago. I think it's one of the best posts I've ever written. It's no longer completely true for me - I really don't care who know my 'secret.' Being retired and older give me a 'screw you if you don't like it' feeling. But I'm aware it's still true for so many of us.
An email from a friend got me all stirred up about this topic so pardon me while I rant but I am just so mad. I want to know where the rest of the world gets off thinking that what we enjoy and the lifestyle we chose makes us some type of sicko that should not be accepted in polite society.
Many people enjoy massages; often they pay big bucks to have a stranger give them a massage. They talk about how good it felt and how relax they felt afterwards. If their friends, family and colleagues have any thoughts on the matter most would think, “Yeah, a massage would be great.”
I hate massages! Often people I barely know come up behind me and start rubbing my shoulders. It hurts likes hell! I want to scream at them. If I say anything about not wanting them digging their digits into the muscles near my neck I get a strange look and something like, “You don’t like that? There must be something wrong with you. You are way too tense.”
I see people at the gym lifting weights so heavy they look as though they are going to tear a muscle. Runners and cyclist are taught to run or ride through the pain for the benefits on the other side. Huge men are paid bazillion dollars to slam into one another to get a ball moved down a field. All of these people are engaging in activities, by their own choice, that both hurt like hell and are activities that some others would never ever want to do. Yet they are considered normal. People will let them talk about what they enjoy doing and it’s even acceptable to encourage other to at least give it a try.
I enjoy being spanked. I love the sting, I love the afterglow, I love the achy soreness the next day, I love the feeling of release, I love the emotional closeness I feel with my husband, I love everything about it. Spanking is good for my physical, mental and emotional well being. I am not even encouraging others to try it. I am just saying it is a wonderful thing in my life.
So how come I would be the one to possible lose my job if my superiors were to discover that I blog about it. At best I could expect to be ridiculed, thought of as unnatural or perhaps perverted. It’s not fair. I am just as normal as those who like massages, lift weight, run or play football. But no, our desire is strictly taboo. I want to stand up and yell “I’m mad and I’m not going to take it anymore” instead I have to sit here and type “I’m mad and there is not a damn, friggin thing I can do about it!”
And if you don’t mind if I rant on, another topic we are discussing on our blog is about our sex life. This would also make our friends and family gasp in horror and heap embarrassment on us. Why? If I was reading blogs to improve my cardiovascular system that would be fine, if my boss or family found out they would be proud of me. I could ask all the question I wanted to and gathering all the information I could. But if I want to learn about my sexuality, if I want to learn more about this part of my body and how it works and ways to improve or enhanced the quality of an orgasm – oh my, heaven forbid! And speaking of heaven, God created our bodies and included in the female special added features strictly for pleasure having nothing to do with reproduction. So evidently He intended for us to enjoy this part of our lives. There is nothing wrong with researching how our bodies are supposed to work.
We are talking about sex and spankings on our blogs. I am not standing on the street corner yelling these things at folks that do not want to hear it. If you do not want to hear my opinions on these topics you wouldn’t have read this far. I know that none of us are embarrassed in the least by what we read or write yet we are all afraid of others finding out, because others won’t understand. I want my blog to remain a secret. Not only would I have to live with the embarrassment if it were discovered but my family would also. But if anyone I know does find my blog and tries to make me feel guilty or threats to tell others I am going to print off this post, shove it in their face and tell them to kiss my ass!
My friends, I thank you for allowing me a place for my rant. I knew I would be safe here.
Nick is having cataract surgery this week. I assumed this was a good idea until I sat and thought about it for a minute, and now I think it’s going to mess things up. The way I thought of it was that as I continued to age… the wrinkles, the sagging bod and all that goes with it was supposed to coincide with a gradual loss of perfect vision for Nick.
But now? He’s going to see perfectly while I continue to wrinkle and sag. Where is the fairness in this? Don’t tell me Nick is aging at the same rate I am. Nick never ages. The few wrinkles he has just makes his face more interesting.
What if this is his before and after view…
Let me tell you a little of Bullet’s situation. He wandered into our family about eight to ten years ago. He was a nice little stray and FIL let him stay. The little valley where my in-laws lived it a pretty place. There are other houses within sight of their house, but too far away to shout a greeting. Their church is across one field beside their house, the cemetery across the field in the back.
Bullet is an outside dog – won’t come in even if we try to entice him. If you sit on the porch he’ll come sit on your lap and let you pet him. But he only stays there for a bit and then he’s off again. He has a nice doghouse on the back porch, deep with straw very warm. They house is on a dirt road with little traffic and across this dirt road is a bubbling creek.
Bullet owns this valley. We think he eats at several of the houses, because, while he loves a treat, he pays little attention to his food when we feed him. He heads to the church every Sunday morning where most of those in the congregation bring him a treat. He's always so happy to see the family come on Sunday, running to greet us each separately. But just greeting us then running off again. He’s just a happy little dog.
But what now?
I’m not happy about the few homes that have been mentioned. One of Nick’s sisters would like to have him. But she’s an accountant and during tax season she’s gone from 7:00AM until 9:PM and while she has a fenced yard, it’s about the size of a postage stamp. I don’t want him there. One of the ladies who helped FIL would give Bullet a home, but she lives on a busy road. That doesn’t seem safe. Bullet has never been tied or fenced in any way. None of the five kids really has a good place for him.
My choice is, leave him right there in his valley. Let him stay there and play in the creek and chase rabbits and visit the church and the cemetery and make the rounds of all the places that feed him. I know for a fact there will be someone from the family up there at least twice every week. SIL play the piano for the church on Sunday and has choir practice on Wednesdays. I know she would be more than willing to feed him on those days. I’d be happy to go up and feed him once or twice a week. I don’t anticipate this home place being sold right away and I feel there will be people in and out frequently.
With the family still around to check on him several times a week and everyone in the valley knowing they could call any of us if they think he needs anything, am I crazy to vote to leave him right where he is? I really feel that Bullet would be happier there than anywhere else.
I enjoyed this visit with LJ. We had a few days together and we got to just sit and talk for a lot of that time. One story he told me definitely got my attention. It’s not all settled but if it turns out as he things it will, he has truly found a unicorn.
They came home about two months ago to a notice on their apartment door saying the building was zoned as a factory and not for anything else. When he first said that my heart sank because I know how much they love this new place. They’ve been there less than a year.
Thankfully NYC has extremely good tenant’s rights laws. The owner has to go to court and get the building put under the ‘Loft Law.’ I certainly don’t understand it all but basically no one in the building has to pay any rent until this is done. And once it’s done, the rent will go back to what it was five years ago and it will become a rent control building.
That’s the unicorn, the mystical, magical, almost unbelievable animal – a rent-controlled apartment in NYC with the rent rolled back to what it was in 2017. Plus not paying any rent until the owner brings the building under compliance. And who knows how slow the courts could be moving.
They weren’t required to pay rent for February, but the people in the eight units talked it over and they all paid February’s rent. They don’t dislike the owner, and everyone is putting their own rent away to show that they have it. But with the extraordinarily high rents there, if they can save even one month it would be wonderful. I'll let you know how it all turns out.
Sigh…We had the funeral Wednesday and I now feel very peaceful. FIL will be missed for a long time, but the worst is over. It was the sorrow and dread of knowing they were losing him over these past two weeks that was the worst. Now it’s happened and there is no more dread. At least that was the way I felt when I lost my parents.
Wednesday was a beautiful day. It was in the high forties, but it was sunny and no wind. The graveside service they decided on was perfect. FIL was an outdoorsman and the sitting there on the edge of the woods seemed way better than in a church. Nearly all the family was there and a few close friends too. But for me this was the best thing about the outdoor funeral.
FIL’s dog was able to attend. He greeted everyone with a tail wag and a smile. Twice during the service he jumped into Nick’s lap as he used to do with my FIL. For me the overall feeling of the was one of quiet celebration for this fine man. And little Bullet being there just made everyone feel better.
LJ was able to come home for the service. I was so happy to see him. He was a pallbearer along with his cousins and two of the great grandsons. Nick and I laughed as LJ pointed out that the pallbearers were evenly split – three gay, three straight. Not bad in that small conservative community.
After the funeral the family all went back to FIL’s house, just down the hill from the cemetery. Their church and brought in a spread for the family and it was good being with everyone. LJ hadn’t seen some of his cousins in nearly ten years. And he’s not going back to NY until Saturday so I have some quiet days to visit with him.
I’m sure that there is a kind of sad happiness for my FIL’s kids. They know that they had a great dad and they had him way longer than most people get to have their dad. I hope that they feel good about the way they came to care for him as he got older. Everyone helped and they truly did a good job.
Nick's dad passed away yesterday morning. Sadly, we all knew it was coming, but regardless of how old someone is it's hard to lose your dad. I know Nick and all the kids are sad, but there are there for each other. Those in the family that did contract Covid have had moderate symptoms and they are coming off quarantine today. I appreciate the prayers and support we've felt from blogland. Thank you all.
Nick’s dad is still hanging in there, but he’s now under hospice care. Everyone knows he a tough old bird. He's in the covid ward at the hospital right now and his kids have still been going up and taking turn sitting with him. He doesn’t seem to know that they're there, but they know they're there.
Nick was visiting there two days ago when he called me to tell me he'd had another kidney stone attack. When it rains… He’s fine now and thinks he might have passed a small stone. I’m wondering. No kidney stones throughout his life until four months ago, then he has a painful attack and after our eleven hours wait in the ER, they do a scan and saw nothing. They said it was most likely a stone based on his symptoms and a little blood in his urine. But NOTHING on the scan. Now another one formed within that four months? That just seems strange to me.
I haven’t been to see my FIL. I really don’t want to go to the hospital and visit in the covid ward. But the other daughters-in-law have gone. Nick doesn't want me to go and that decided it, but I don’t want the others to think I don’t care. I have offered to pick up groceries, medicine or fast food for those home with covid and deliver it to their doors. I feel I can pray for FIL as well right here in my house as I can at the hospital.
Not the most cheerful of updates. I’m grateful that at the moment both Nick and I are symptom free and praying we stay that way.
