Everyone keeps saying they want to get back to normal. But it’s not going to happen. Not completely. Things will get better, we get people back to work, we’ll go shopping… but it’s not going to be like it was before for a long time. And I’m guessing it’s not going to feel the same for years. Or until we accept the ‘normal’ it becomes.
I’m posting here but I’m talking to myself. I seem to be in a hurry up and wait situation – one of my least favorite feelings. I’m finding myself in a holding pattern. I’m waiting to exercise until things are normal again. I’m waiting to clean out closets and drawers until I feel normal again. I haven’t even been writing until it ‘right’ again. And I think I’m sinking further and further into my recliner never to move again – unless you count wandering to the kitchen for snacks.
For me it’s not like I want to go anywhere. I’m exactly where I want to be. It’s the wanting to feel normal that has me stuck. I want to feel that everything will go back the way it was on January 1st and I want it to happen completely by tomorrow. I’m not holding my breath.
I’ve decide to do better. I like making lists of what I want to get done. I’ve always loved lists, and I do make them daily since I retired. Sometime I stick to the list other times, not so much. But I do like to put certain things on there every day. Here’s my list for today.
I love including thing I really enjoy doing – breakfast, comment/emailing and working on the book are three of my favorites and they are always on there.
The most important thing on this list to me is ‘work on book.’ It’s past time for me to get started on it. I’ve been making notes and jotting down ideas for months now and I know that I’ll feel more normal writing about my friends. I guess things are really bad when I feel more ‘real’ in Cassie’s world than I do my own. But maybe it’s not so strange when I think about it. In Cassie’s world I have totally and complete control of everything. That makes me feel good and I can’t say that about the real world at the moment.
I hope you are finding ways to feel normal and in control in your world.
Hi PK,I can totally relate to this. I too feel stuck, as though I'm in limbo, I am currently off work due to being at risk despite working for an essential service.
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting to see when I can return to work and some other activities. We move down from the current highest level of restrictions to a slightly lower level of restrictions from next Tuesday. This will allow a lot of business to return to work restaurants/takeaways to open for delivery or contactless pick up only.
I do wonder what life post covid will be like. I think a number of things may change going forward (such as travel for example) and we will lose a number of businesses.
Hugs
Roz
Things will change and I'm not fond of change. But I'm guess we'll have no choice. I hope it's soon safe for you to go back to work if that's what you want.
Deletethe one totally normal thing i look forward to is my daily walks at night. it really does a lot to keep me sane.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have that. I have to drive somewhere to do some real walking and sometimes I just don't want to leave the house.
DeleteI am with you 1000%. I think about what is to come and I cannot imagine what the "new normal" will actually look like. On the other hand, I have hope that once there is a vaccine it will be easier to take a breath.
ReplyDeleteOn the positive side, I am home with my special needs adult daughter and we are trying to walk every day. It helps. I am also trying to do one useful thing at home (cook a healthy dinner, clean something, etc) and trying to connect with at least one person via phone call, facetime, Zoom etc (though texting is nice as well, I find actually seeing somebody is more calming).
While I am keeping our spirits up and sure hope we will start to be able to relax the restrictions at some point I am willing to do what is needed until the curve flattens and the risk is lower. Be safe and be well.
OH! And personally, I am thrilled to hear you are writing ;)
It sounds like you're doing all you can to keep your spirits up as well as others. But we're all still in a swirl of unknown and it's not a pleasant feeling.
DeleteI have one new book finished and I'm starting number two. I'm glad to know it makes you happy.
Hope you're well. I am working full time from home at the moment so that's 40 odd hours of the week taken care of. I work in software development so it can all be done from here.
ReplyDeleteI am going slightly mad though. Which is a flippant way of saying that I am genuinely concerned about my mental health. I have depression, anxiety and am a recovering alcoholic. Supports that helped keep me sane - my boyfriend and AA in particular - have gone. Or rather are only available in a watered-down online version.
There's a thin line between 'counting my blessings' and 'berating myself for daring to be unhappy when other people have it much worse'. And my creativity has gone kaput.
Sorry, that was just a big ol' moan, wasn't it?
I think we're all due a few big ol' moans! Yes many have it worse than some of us, but we all dealing with a world that it so turned upside down we're in a constant state of confusion. Not the easiest of times and you have a few extra problems thrown in there. Hang on to your watered-down version of help as much as you can. I don't know if I'm being creative, but it seems I can go into my other world and just let them talk awhile.
DeleteNormal is a figment of the imagination and doesn't actually exist.
ReplyDeleteBoo
I think you may be right. Normal is an individual thing. Many don't think we spankos are normal, but of course they're wrong!
DeleteOh PK,
Deletethank you. I needed that.
Hug
Boo
Things will never be like it was before.
ReplyDeleteI can't seem to settle and put my mind to anything at the moment. I haven't picked up my Kindle for a couple of weeks. I'm not reading around blogland like I used to. I do housework but I don't ant to. Thankfully I can go out walking to get some exercise and we have a garden. I feel for those who live in blocks of flats and have children,
Love,
Ronnie
xx
You're right. I think about those with kids in small spaces too. That would be rough. I've very lucky that I can step out of reality and lose myself in a book - either reading one or writing one. Please don't go away. This little corner of blogland is normal for you and we need that touch of normal right now.
DeleteI have been thinking the same thing. The no normal will not be the same and that sucks. Life is too short to live in fear. I am not one of those people that wants things to open prematurely but I do miss human contact.
ReplyDeleteI'm like you. I do want to see people, I want to hug my children and go to church and out to eat... but I'm willing to wait until it save for me and them. but, sigh, it's going to be different.
DeletePK,
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I both work but it is getting boring being at home. My wife, with more time on her hands, seems to have cleaned closets and cabinets and mended clothing that was in a small pile. It got so boring she dedicated herself something she's calling her new hobby; shaving my head. I'm mostly bald and periodically shave it, but have very dark hair remaining and Lynn thinks it makes me look old. She's right, especially when it gets longer. So every two or three days she catches me after I've showered and shaves me. It really is funny and I'm enjoying the attention because she does a meticulous job, but of course I'd really prefer hair like wedding photos show. No such luck. Otherwise, its getting old being stuck inside.
Be safe,
JL
I don't shave Nick's head, but I do give him a buzz cut about every two weeks. But this is a lovely hobby for your wife to have. Hmm... what other areas might she decide to shave?
DeletePK,
DeleteThanks for answering. I'm hoping my wife considers shaving some other areas :-) Interesting that you buzz cut Nick's head but many wives do cut hair, especially now. It has been an interesting sort of bonding experience for us, and my wife says it will be her pastime while she makes sure combs and brushes don't need to be stocking stuffers in my sock lol. She just feels no hair is better then some that gets straggly and unruly.
JL