I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, March 18, 2020

TTWD drifting ... TTWD recovered, maybe

All went well yesterday. There were no blockages and I was home by 11:00. I'm sore but that's about the worst of it. I have a great excuse not to exercise. But in long run that might not be so good. Read on...

Nick and I are trying to bring TTWD back to life in our home. You can check back on last weeks posts to see what we said so far. Nick and I continued our conversation. It was time to get down to details.

Here's what Nick had to say:

First, I want to hang on to anything that provides or promotes mutual closeness and excitement.  The problem is I don’t best know how to accomplish this objective. Perhaps we can explore possibilities.

On issues of importance, there is health, ranking right up there. I feel that any healthy weight loss would be desirable, and should result from proper diet and activity. With that in mind, I feel that any month without a weight loss will provoke a consequence. This takes minor weekly fluctuations and weak excuses out of the picture.  Not extremely demanding and should not put your butt in jeopardy.

Another possibility would require a lot of responsibility and honesty on your part.  It would require you to establish your own reasonable standards for your activity, and importantly to evaluate and report on those weekly achievements. For example, in an end of week email you would state “due to a busy week I was unable to meet my weekly activity goals” or “for some reason I just could not get motivated to exercise this week”.  These reports would then trigger a response from me.  We can discuss whether a weekly check-in should be mandatory or as needed, again this places a lot of responsibility on you.

Although no specific rules should need to be written, I feel you should be accountable for a general level of competence for household appearance. If there are four pair of shoes and socks in the living room, if the kitchen sink hasn’t been cleaned for a couple of days, if the main bath doesn’t get cleaned, then a quick reminder might be justified.

Spankings will sometimes be pre-announced and sometimes spontaneous. They may sometimes seem to be unwarranted. While consequences and follow-up sex would not always go hand in hand be forewarned that paddling your butt tends to turn me on.

Obviously the above represents an experiment. It of course would require some further defining and refinement. It will probably require some open-mindedness and patience.  You game?

Was I game? I remember passing notes in elementary school, like:

Do you like me, circle one: 
     yes  no  maybe

In truth I wanted to circle all three. But here is my answer to him:

I like what you’ve said here. It all seems reasonable and I agree. 

Sadly I view the, ‘be honest’ as harder than the weight loss.  I'm very used to being quiet, withholding you might say, more than out and out lying. I've always worried that telling on myself was a way to try to push you to do something. I don't know.  It's always seemed easier to stay quiet or let you assume something that isn't quite true. But I promise to work on this. I know it's a bad habit, but it's quite ingrained. It may take practice.

Thanks for bringing all this up. I think we deserve to give it another shot.

He responded with one last text:

Since you recorded ____ as your weight for last week in Feb. you will need to beat that for last post in March to stay out of trouble.
Good luck.

(Look, I’ve shared about my life, the fact that my husband spanks me, I’ve discussed our sex life out here and hundreds of other personal things. I am NOT going to share with you my exact weight – we have to draw the line somewhere!)


  1. Hi PK, I'm so glad the procedure went well and that there were no blockages. That is fantastic news!

    I just love how you and Nick are communicating and working together on a way forward with ttwd. You do know that, in itself is ttwd in action :)

    Wishing you the best going forward. I so hope you two find your groove.


    1. I like that we are talking too. Everything is so strange these days any communication is good.

  2. Oh PK! That last paragragh made me laugh!! that was the line you won't cross???

    I am glad you passed the cath. Sore is ok, no blockages is AWESOME!!!

    I am glad to see that you and Nick are trying again. It will be amazing, I am sure.


    1. It will be. I like having something to concentrate on right now. But the test has call a halt to any spanking for the moment.

  3. Very happy to read the medical test went well and there are not blockages!

    Sounds like you two have a plan! You know, ever since I read your Cassie books I send my husband a weekly email. It is sometimes easier than actually...talking...gasp.

    And I won't share my weight either - even with my husband ;)

    1. It's way easier for me to email than talk. I guess as long as we're communicating it's good. Nick knows my weight, but no one else.

  4. Laughing at your weight comment and everyone's responses to it! So happy your procedure went really well with good news.

    If you don't want to tell on yourself, feel free to tell me, and I will do as you once threatened to do to me.... email my husband and remind him of why I need to be spanked! GEEZE Laughing..... Glad you guys are trying to revive your ttwd again! Yay! Hugs, Windy

    1. Physically it's on hold for a moment, but I'm convinced things will be normal again.

  5. We have and do use discipline as incentive for health goals (including weight loss)! I would strongly discourage you to tie consequences to any specific weight goal!

    You can’t directly control your weight. Being punished for not losing weight is a fast track to eroding your confidence, because it’s too far removed from what you CAN control... your behavior.

    We (ideally... doesn’t always happen) discuss goals weekly, but have reoccurring goals that we just need to check in on to be sure they’re still working. Some of the goals that have helped me with weight loss:

    Tracking my food in weight watchers. We don’t have it set up that I get punished for going beyond my “points” because just being required to track it makes a huge difference, but I think being held to points (or some other independent tracking) could potentially be done safely.

    Tracked on specific exercise goals.

    Tracked on eating certain healthy foods (aka at least x servings of vegetables).

    Tracked on not eating certain things (such as no added sugar).

    The problem with having consequences linked to weight loss is you’re not actually tracking the behavior, so you’re going to have times where you feel like you’re doing really well, but you’ll still FAIL, and that’s incredibly counterproductive. If you focus on tracking/enforcing behavior, when the weight doesn’t drop you can adjust your goals gradually to get to where you need to be.

    Obviously what does and doesn’t work for people is different for every individual, but I think punishment directly based on weight loss is quite dangerous, and won’t help as much as you expect it to!

    1. Oh! And also part of evaluating whether specific goals are working is looking at WHY they’re not working. So if you’re worried about your ability to stay honest about it... if the reason the goals are not working is that you’re maybe “stretching” whether you’re actually meeting them... that would be something to address, with consequences and/or adjustment of goals to something more easily monitored. But you both also need to be honest and realistic about whether the goals are achievable for you. Make incremental changes and be patient about your progress!

      Ok, I’ll stop with the unsolicited advice now. 😅

    2. I agree with you. I would caution anyone against it. But, I know Nick. He said weight loss, but it's really all the things you mentioned that he's looking for. But I DO need to lose weight and expecting some weight loss over a months time is reasonable. But he'll always listen and discuss any reasons I might have. And I'll take any advice I can get, solicited or unsolicited!

  6. So glad you got a clean bill of health :) the soreness will pass and it has to be a good kind of soreness knowing you're ok

    I wish you luck with the renewal of your TTWD

    1. Yes the soreness will pass. But I need to know why I flunked the stress test and why my heart races at times. So I'm still wearing the monitor. But I feel better knowing there there is not blockage.

  7. Anonymous6:36 PM

    Glad all is well. Heart health is so important. A friend is fine now but wishes he had treated his heart and body better. Perhaps you may be experiencing a different kind of soreness in the days and weeks to come.

    1. I'm feeling the same way - wishing I would have been more mindful of my health when I was younger - but it's not too late to start now. As for the being sore, I'm hoping!

  8. Anonymous1:09 AM

    PK I love your blog and yes I agree a woman has to draw the line somewhere lol, good luck girl.

    1. So glad you stopped by! LOL, it's true isn't it? There are just some things that it's not proper to share.