I'm interested, worried, happy, scared, excited ...

Something has happened to Nick. Did the spanking fairy come and whisper in his ear while I was gone? Or is it that he’s enjoying our empty next again now that we know it’s only for a short time? I don’t know and I don’t really care, I’m just enjoying myself.

I think there has been a little spanking at least every other day since I came home. Friday – still a traditional spanking day here though we don’t always observe it, he came into the living room with a paddle and invited me to join him. There was a long-standing issue to discuss and he discussed it fully – including eventually, the damn cane (thanks Ronnie, she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm). But it’s something I want to correct too so I can’t complain too much.

Saturday morning we went on a fourth of July picnic in the mountains with his family and Mollie joined us for that. But later that afternoon, back home our fireworks were in the bedroom. A while back Nick had ask me to come up with something for first weekend, something that led me a little out of my comfort zone. I know it’s supposed to be good to get out of your comfort zone, but I don’t like to – it’s called a comfort zone for a reason! I know I’ve asked him to step outside his comfort zone though and he’s done so well I was willing to try and I did. Nick told me I did a great job and he was well pleased with my efforts.

Sunday morning as I put my computer down to get ready to go Nick stopped me and said two things had been left in the living room that had gotten his attention, although he wasn’t sure other would see how they went together. He pointed to the laundry (clean) that had been sitting there for about a day and a half (after he’d washed, dried it and put his clothes away) the other item was a hairbrush Mollie had left on the couch. In Nick’s mind they went together perfectly. And when we left for church I had a sore butt.

I've really toyed with the idea of giving up on TTWD. Sometimes I drive myself crazy with it and I know I've driven Nick nuts. But just when I get ready to throw in the towel,  Nick has a sudden resurgent interest in it.  I had been working on and essay of sorts to send him. Maybe I’ll regret it, who knows. Be careful what you wish for is an oft-heard cry out here. I’m reminded of a favorite quote from ‘Friends’ – Can opened, worms everywhere…  

But like all true spankos we can’t stop our basic desire, whether it’s fulfilled or not, it’s always going to be there and we keep trying.  Here’s the essay I sent Nick:

A woman comes out to her husband that she want to be submissive – she wants a strong loving man to take control – certainly in the bedroom and yes, in other places in her life. She wants rules, consequences, but mostly, his attention – which could be spanking or other forms of discipline that they decide on.

But being in charge all the time – being the boss, keeping his wife in line seems too much like being a parent to the wife and he doesn’t really want that roll. Fun spankings and such are fine to keep the spark in their sex life, but bossing her around, checking behind her… not his thing.

Two people that love one another but they want different thing – what to do, what to do.

Compromise!

She realized that being a full time submissive isn’t really her thing after all.  She doesn’t want to ask permission to go places or buy things. She’s going to say anything she damn well pleases and do what she likes. But having total freedom also seems like no one cares Sooo… she needs the one she loves to pick one or two things he honestly cares about and be willing to demand submission on these – to stick to his guns about a few rules, to be willing to used discipline in various forms when this rules are broken, even if they are broken over and over or seem to be forgotten or disregarded by his love. (This will probably happen, because she doesn’t really think he cares enough to stick with it and she is basically lazy. But she is desperately wondering how much he cares.)

Just some things to help the man decide what things matter to him.

Things that are good

- She is good natured, no hateful rants, petty arguments, cussing and fussing at the man

- She doesn’t over spend

- She has a good work ethic when it comes to her profession

- She is willing to experiment in bed

- She’s a damn good writer

Things that are not so good

-       She is at best a lukewarm housekeeper

-       She is lazy

-       She leaves a pile of clothes at the foot of the bed

-       She leaves clean laundry sitting around for days

-       She stays up too late

I’m sure the man could add to this list indefinitely, but I’ll stop there.

Things that are dangerous to her or to the relationship

-       She won’t get serious about her health. Won’t exercise. Continues to eat unhealthily. Not losing any weight, putting herself in danger of serious health complication.

-       When she’s upset with the man she won’t tell him, instead she practices ‘distancing’. She just gets angry and goes silent, broods until she gets over it leaving the man to wonder what the hell is going on.

So maybe somewhere in this perfect woman the man could fine one or two thing he feels he could take seriously enough to create firm rules or guidelines. This could be done for a specific time a few weeks to a few months so that neither are locked into something they don’t want, don’t enjoy or isn’t working.

It could be something serious or one of the lesser things that just bugs him. Work out a plan of action and the consequences, or he can leave them open at his discretion.  This plan needs to be something easy for the man, he does enough around the house, put the burden of keeping up on the woman and if possible make it verifiable. Ex: You should have three or more dots on the Fitbit by the time he gets home, and then ask to see the dots around that time. Not enough dots, consequence. Leave a note telling her one or two things to have done by the time the man is home, not done, consequence.

Spanking always a good consequence since it can fit the ‘crime’ light or heavy, long or short … but if there is another person living with you not always possible.  So there may need to be other consequences that you can agree on.

Silent alternate suggestions for when people are around:

-       Butt plugs are extremely useful. Whether you place the plug yourself or order the woman to do it, you have her attention and massive feelings of submission. The man can then spank her or if privacy is an issue, she could be ordered to sit, clean, ride the stationary bike or whatever he likes - while she may feel slight discomfort there is no real pain.

-       Have her write an essay. Of course if the woman enjoys writing you could make this very specific, such as “Explain this or that in 250 words or less.”

-       A dab of hot cream.

-       (When you have privacy but you’d like an alt suggestion to spanking) have the woman, nude or bottomless as she goes about some things you’re asked her to attend to around the house so that you are free to touch, pop or whatever without having to deal with clothing.

-       Earlier than normal bedtime

-      Not allowed to play with vibrator when she’s alone (yes this happens sometimes).

Rules do help her – she is having a hard time doing some simple things that she should. You could try some (one or two) simple rules for a few days or a few weeks to see if they’ll work.

Feel free to ask for clarification.

She says she loves you very much.

His response was very receptive and we’ll see what happens. We’re going to the mountains tomorrow for a quick over night trip to a lovely spot, I’ll try to get some picture to share. Meanwhile cross your fingers for us.