I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

On a scale of 1 to 10...

I know the divorce rate in America is high. Some marriage are horrible and some are heavenly but I’m guessing that most are somewhere in the middle. So I’m saying the average marriage is about a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. I say spanko marriages would tend to rate higher from what I read here. So let’s put our marriages at a firm 7 to 8. That’s where I would say ours is, between 7 and 8.

I guess what I wonder about is this – with our marriage this good, with us both content and happy, do I push for a 9 or 10 at times or just leave poor Nick alone. I brought up spanking, both erotic and for discipline reasons four years ago. We’ve had our up’s and down’s with it. Lately spankings have hurt more and I’ve shared that with him. But that doesn’t mean I want them to stop. Around here if I am not actively pushing spanking (and sometimes when I am) it pretty much dries up.

Sometimes when Nick and I have lazy, private afternoons we love to spend it in bed together. Usually there is some good spanking and some fine loving. So fine we are both exhausted. At our age we can’t do this every afternoon – not and work for a living too! Sometimes I feel like Nick hesitates to spank if he doesn’t feel we both have the energy and inclination for such an afternoon. But I’d be delighted with a fun spanking and nothing else, or a fun spanking and a quickie, or if there is something he wants me to do that he feels I’ve been neglecting and he wants to get my attention. I guess I have to say I just love this type of attention.

Nick has been working hard these days and I know he’s tired. Also, as I said we’re both happy, and what good husband wants to rock the boat on that? But I miss our spanking relationship. I miss the teasing about it. I miss the secret looks that sometime pass between us when some vanilla mentions something we can misconstrue. I miss the grins and chuckles when we run across a nice prevertable. I guess when you’re a spanko, part of the ensuing closeness comes from acknowledging this ‘secret’ you two alone share, at least when you’re out in the real world.

When we are not very active in this way I can let myself get depressed as I have in the past or I can concentrate on other things. I have a rich and active fantasy life (I spent 40 years being a spanko in my head only) so I have that and I enjoy writing fantasies. I guess I’m a little jealous of some of the other bloggers these days. When I started blogging I fell in with a group of women spanko married to vanilla and we discussed ways to get them to spank more. Now I read so many good blogs where the men are doing a lot of the writing. The men are the ones bringing discipline into the marriage. And not only discipline but they also look for ‘fun’ reasons to spank because they enjoy the closeness this brings to the relationship.

I hate to keep pestering Nick. So I try to hush about it and let my fantasy life suffice but then I feel like I’m shuttling Nick out and I don’t mean to do that either. I guess it’s a balancing act. Nick has to be confused. I tell him I want spanking, then I tell him it hurts now, I like talking and emailing about this kind of relationship but when he doesn’t talk about it or email or text then I stop too. I think it’s starting to confuse me these days!

There are a few things I know for sure – we have a great marriage. We love each other and we care for each other and we each want the other person to be happy. To me that is the definition of a wonderful marriage. I love having a marriage that reaches a level 8 on the scale most of the time. And I still have hopes of hitting that 9 or 10 every once in a while. I know we have the potential!


  1. This appears to be an "Element X" like irreconcilable difference in your relationship. I don't know how it can be solved (we have our own) but one thing is for sure, you need to constructively vent about it to Nick every now and then. If you don't you'll sulk, shut him out, become resentful and sarcastic - and then bust up in anger.

    I know it's not ideal but every now and then you might have to settle for asking Nick to "do that to me one more time" (Captain and Tenille 3.16) every now and then.

    What I love about your expression here is that you realize you have a great marriage - a marriage that the majority of people would probably love to have. Hold on to that thought. That's your strong foundation.

  2. PK: Thanks for sharing your insights. It's wonderful that your marriage is an eight, but I can understand you would like to get to nine on occasion. Good luck on the two of you getting on the same page and getting there.


  3. PK, lets say I hope that you get where you are aiming.
    I honestly cannot advise.
    Love and warm hugs,

  4. PK..May 2011 get you to a 9..and an occasional 10! I must add, 8's are pretty darn good these days, striving for more is always good.

  5. B'Man,
    I think you're right about this being our 'Element X' although I hadn't thought of it that way before. It was this very thing that changed our marriage completely - for the better, and in ways I could have never imagined. That's why I just can't leave it alone. But honestly I do know how lucky I am!

    Sometimes we do hit the same page at the same time and when we do it's heaven!

    That's okay. Knowing you're here and that you care says it all.

    I hope that does happen. We'll be empty nesters soon that might be a catalyst.