I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Do you want to be spanked?

Do you remember what kind of blog this is? When it started out it was a spanko-sex blog. I like talking about spanking as well as many other things. I plan to keep on with a variety of topics but I know that there is always a chance of new readers out here that want to read about spanking. I know that some of you are reading out here to try to understand why you want to be spanked. You may also be looking to find out if your desire is normal (it really is). You might be wondering how to bring up this topic to the one you love. What will you say? Will he understand? How can you make him understand how important this is to you with our him just thinking you have gone off the deep end? As for me – been there, done that, wrote a post about it!!

I’ve been looking back and finding some the posts I did on these topics in the past – yes this is a re post. Actually this was posted one year ago today. I have found several posts that I am going to re post, probably on Wednesdays. So if you have started reading in the past year you might not have seen some of these. I hope you find them interesting.


I am fortunate to have many friends that email me. Many of these friends don’t have blogs and are in various stages of introducing spanking into their relationship, some successfully and others not so much. I know from experience that often vanillas just don’t understand and boy do I know that it is hard to explain it to someone you love. It took me over 23 years to even get up the nerve to try. It’s been almost 2 wonderful years now but I still struggle to get him to understand at time.

So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us.

Dear guys,

After years of knowing that she has this need, your wife/girlfriend/lover finally told you she wants to be spanked. I am guessing that at best you were surprised especially if you have been together 20 years or more. You may think it’s a passing whim. You may think it is just a random fantasy that has run through her mind; something best left as a fantasy not something she would like in real life. Plus you love this woman and you have no desire to hurt her.

Then listen to me (because your wife/girlfriend may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again)!! This is NOT something that just came up! She has probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES!!!!!

Yes, she understands that this sounds strange to you. No, she does not understand why she is this way. Please stop trying to figure out why and just DO IT!!!! If you do I can almost promise you that your sex life will reach heights that you never imagined! Ours did!! I went from being fairly cold toward sex to someone will to try anything my husband or I can dream up!!!

It’s okay to start slow. I know you are not sure what she wants. You may even be embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she was to ask). Start with your hand, a small paddle ball paddle or maybe a paint stirrer. From my experience and those of many of my friends, she will much more likely be wanting ‘longer’ and ‘harder’ spanking rather than asking you to be more gentle. Remember anyone from vanilla to hard core can always enjoy a romantic, erotic spanking. This may be all she wants.


But if your wife/lover tells you she wants discipline that’s different. Discipline – that is a trickier subject. You will need to do more talking if this is something she wants. If the need for discipline in her life is ‘her thing’ it’s always going to be there whether you indulge it or not. If you are willing to try this, again – go slow. Pick a few things to work on together. I got my husband hooked by asking him to help me make the changes and choices to become healthier and lose weight.

It was rocky at first. I would mess up and he didn’t want to spank. He wanted to let it go or make excuses for me. I hated that and it hurt my feelings. I didn’t feel cared for or protected and I guess that is what we are looking for.

Although I know he did not mean to send this message this is the one I heard –

“Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. But you are on your own because I find all this confusing and you are just not worth the effort.”

Fellows, I like I said, I know this is not the message you are trying to send to the woman you love. But to the spanko mind this is what comes through. When my husband did start getting it and a couple of times spanked me hard with the hairbrush for over indulging and slacking off on my exercise, I got a whole other message.

“You are my wife. I love you, I love you way too much to allow you to disregard our agreement on the best way for you to improve your health and put yourself in jeopardy. I care enough about you to put some boundaries and guidelines around you to keep you safe. And yes I will wear you out if necessary to show you just how serious I am about my love for you.”

Nothing in my life has made me feel more loved, cherished, cared for or happy than for him to show his love for me in this way.

Alright fellows – I’m talking to you! If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please!! She is serious! This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it.

Email if you have questions, I may not have any answers for you but I would still like to hear what you are wondering about. elisspeaks@yahoo.com


  1. Anonymous4:58 PM

    Hi PK:
    What a great idea! Wednesday reposting day. I have only been reading your blog since December or late November, so these posts will be brand new for me.
    These are great articles especially for couples that are just beginning in this journey together.
    Take care

  2. Hey AG,
    I appreciate you coming by. I hope this helped someone. I know coming out is scary at best. I want women to know that they can find friendship and support out here.

  3. I thought you expressed that really well. Let's print it out and rain it out of aeroplanes!

  4. Kate,
    LOL! That hadn't occured to me but it is a good idea. I wonder how many women would just hand it to their guy if they did get their hands on it?

  5. Anonymous2:38 AM

    Hi PK,
    I've read this post, and really interested in the idea of "the messages". But the problem is how can I get my hubby know what I'm thinking without say it to his face or directly email him.
    It will me much more easy if I just can show him the posts and the guide I've read, to let them say for me. But he DOESN'T KNOW English !!! And you know how embarrased when you have to tell him like "I want you to discipline me, I need you to spank me, I need you to spank me harder 'till I cry, I want you to be strict with me..." And even when I say that, it's not effective like when he know it from another person not me !

  6. Lovmyhubby,
    You understand the hardest part of a spanking relationship. Talking to one another. I know hard it is - why do you think it took me 23 YEARS?? But if you want it you will have to talk to him and then talk to him again. What language does he speak? I would consintrate on fun or erotic spankings first. Get him comfortable with spanking and how much you enjoy it. Thank him for it any time he does it. Try talking to him after a fun spanking, in bed, in the dark and ask for a little discipline. Keep telling him how important it is to you. Baby steps. You are welcomed to email me any time elisspeaks@yahoo.com

  7. Anonymous12:39 PM

    Hi There

    I need some help and/or advice PLEASE!

    I have just read your post (I am very new to DD (I think that is the correct term), but I am male and I am the spanko, so your post sort of applies??

    I have been "into" spanking for many years (I "lurked" on many sites) although only got to try it with a real person twice, once was a previous g/friend years ago. I thought it was great - she was sort of OK with it!

    Now I am living with a wonderful woman (I am 43, she 41 - I have never been married, she has - no kids around) that I really want to introduce to spanking - fun stuff and DD I hope. Both punishment and fun spanking make me feel like a totally different and great person - I trust you will understand!!

    I am at the point in my life where I feel that if we do not go that route NOW that I am wasting my life, and must find someone else who is into DD etc, as (VERY) hard as that is going to be!

    The question thus is where do I start and HOW do I do it? Incidentally I have spanked my current live-in g/friend OTK for "punishment/fun" before, 2 years ago. She was ok with it, but I thought it was GREAT............ its never come up again!

    Please advise - I would be VERY appreciative!


  8. Greg,
    I was very interested in your comment. You are in a situation that I'm sure is difficult. It was hard enough to ask for a spanking and I was the one who was going to feel it. Wanting to spank someone - convincing them could be tricky. I have two stories you might enjoy reading. I wrote them about a man talking his girlfriend into this.


    and the second part of the story


    You are welcomed to email me at elisspeaks@yahoo.com if you would like to talk. I wish you the best of luck.